tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3531388716800924752024-02-20T07:24:58.397-08:00Single and Blogging ItThis blog is dedicated to those of you who are single, no matter what the reason. Think of this as your safe zone for sharing frustrations or, even better, your good news!
I am a single gal in my thirties, just trying to navigate through the world as a singleton looking for coupledom.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger143125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-33894615592064420742015-03-09T06:32:00.001-07:002015-03-09T06:32:11.498-07:00What a dud!OK, so since my post on Wednesday, JW texted me at 9:30 that night - asking if I was "having a fun warm week." <br />
<br /><br />
Seriously? How does one respond to that? We still haven't spoken on the phone or set anything up. I sent a short, generic reply and then he texted something about show choir stuff for his daughter. Cut to Friday morning, when he texted, "Already Friday :)." Again, seriously? I just replied "TGIF." <br />
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After a couple more texts, I finally sent this. "I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel very comfortable texting someone I haven't met in person. I'd be open to meeting sometime, if you would like." He replied, "Yea. I felt similar, but truly have no clue on this type of thing. Thanks for saying something. :) That makes perfect sense to me too." OK. So I replied, "Glad we're on the same page :-)." <br />
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And since then? NOTHING. That was Friday morning... So. Annoying.<br />
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I'm not made of stone...so I get that all of this is awkward and difficult. But did he seriously not know that we would eventually have to SPEAK on the PHONE to set something up? Was his plan to just text me and never meet? Because that is also stupid. <br />
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At this point, I don't think this guy can recover. I even texted the friend who arranged it and she was annoyed that he was solely texting. And my close friends have agreed that this has been handled poorly, from the way it was set up, to how he handled it. <br />
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I'm certainly not expecting a call/text from him at this point, but if he DID call, I'm not sure I would go out with him. <br />
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I'm not completely down and out, but this IS frustrating and seems to happen a lot. Makes it very hard to be open to setups. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-72734179369247078222015-03-04T09:59:00.001-08:002015-03-04T09:59:53.884-08:00Update on latest maybe set-up...Well, there's really no update...but I can tell you what little has happened. <br />
<br /><br />
So, the guy, we'll call him JW texted me Friday night...saying we know some friend in common. Now, I'm fine with an initial text, but <a href="http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/02/potential-set-up-alert.html" target="_blank">much like this set-up that went nowhere</a>, ONLY texting doesn't really do much for me. Especially when we haven't MET yet.<br />
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We texted back and forth, which was fine. Figured out we're the same age, from neighboring home towns, and he has a degree in Finance. All good. I already knew he had a daughter, and he mentioned he was going to her show choir competition the next day. <br />
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He texted me later Saturday night, "How's your night going? Doing anything exciting tonight?" Now, I'm sorry, but I have zero interest in sharing any of that info with him. Not because I'm fiercely private, but because I have nothing invested in him. We've never MET. I don't even know what he looks like. And we've also never SPOKEN. So, I'm just not excited about texting with a stranger. I did respond and we texted for a bit. My answers got shorter, because I honestly don't like texting with someone who I'm being set up with. All of the things we were texting about WOULD HAVE BEEN good to talk about on a first date. <br />
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The last thing he mentioned was his daughter's name, and that he has her most of the time. I had already told him it was cool he was at her show choir competition earlier. So my response to his last text was just, "Cool." <br />
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And it's been *crickets* ever since. I'm not sure what (if anything) is going on...if he thinks I'm weirded out that he has a daughter. If he just isn't interested, for whatever reason. Or if he wants ME to initiate and send him a text. ALL of these are reasons that text isn't good for two strangers who haven't met yet. There's no way to read it and know for sure what the tone is. <br />
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Also, I'm not planning to send him a text this week. Because, again, I'm not invested in this person. If we'd been on a few good dates and then I was getting texts? Um, I'd be excited and texting him back and initiating texts. But that is not the case. <br />
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This brings me back to the setter uppers. What a FAIL. I'm annoyed. I'm irritated that I keep saying yes to things and getting this type of crap. <br />
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At this point, I'm not sure if I should follow up with one of the setter uppers or just let it lie. We will see. <br />
<br /><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-81532712330278218732015-02-23T09:25:00.001-08:002015-02-23T09:25:12.335-08:00Another potential blind date...Well, here we are in February and I might have another set-up...2 for 2 months! My friend texted me a few weeks ago about a guy she ran into (friend of her friend's husband's). Anyway, she realized he was single and sent me a text asking if I was interested. Mind you...this was prior to checking with the friend to see if this guy was even <em>open</em> to being set up. <br />
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He's a few years younger than me, a single dad of an 11 year old girl, and a "stand up guy." And the mother is not in the picture at all. That is the extent of what I was told and what she actually knows about him. Now, I've said before, that my preference would be to meet someone without kids and have our own family. I love kids, but don't love the drama that can come with ex-spouses and stepkids...and I say that having had two stepmothers, both horrible. <br />
<br /><br />
Anyway, I told my friend I would think about it - huge step out of my comfort zone - but I was definitely giving it thought. In the mean time, I asked her if she could find out a BIT more about him...just so he and I would both know the set-up was in good faith - as in, the people setting us up sensed some common interests/traits OTHER than that we are both in our 30s and single. <br />
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Because, really...that is just not enough. I've gone on pretty much any and every set up thrown my way...and I think I've earned the right (especially after last month's fail) to ask WHY the person/people think we would be a potentially good match. Heck, even dating websites' main purpose is to find common interests among people and connect them. <br />
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When my friend texted me the other night, she said she'd met with her friend and "we decided the two of you should just go out." Um, what? Was I not clear? So I confirmed with her that the guy IS open to being set up. She then went on to say that she was wrong about the mom...and that she DOES have the daughter every other weekend. Which, is pretty much the opposite of what she originally told me. I realize she wasn't sure...but still. And then I just asked, "Any reason why she/you think we would hit it off, other than we're single? Not trying to be annoying, but that happens to me a lot." <br />
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Her response? "OMG, just go out with him!" Um, ok. I don't think I was out of line. I went on to tell her that it's tough to do this over and over and I'd rather have a bit of comfort (for the guy, too) to know that there's a REASON we're being put together. Doesn't mean it will work out...but it does mean that there's more of a chance. Her response? "I believe that, but you aren't going to find your husband by avoiding these things. You could end up as friends and you would just have another circle of friends. It's a win-win."<br />
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OK, that really irritated me. First of all, I don't AVOID these things. As I've said before, I go on practically every set-up presented to me. And have done that for over a decade. So, I think that statement is very unfair. And I'm very social/out in the community, so I'm certainly not sitting at home and avoiding life. Secondly, to be honest, I'm not looking for new friends or a new circle of friends. I've been very fortunate to have several circles of truly fabulous friends. And while it's always nice to make new friends, I'm really not looking to go on a date that could result in friendship/a new circle of friends. And do you know how many times that scenario has happened in all my years of dating? Zero. <br />
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So, I went to bed that night feeling irritated and like I wasn't even heard. At all. And then started wondering if I was just crazy and if I was the one out of line. Well, I talked to my two closest friends about it yesterday - both of whom would call me out in a minute, if they thought I was in the wrong - and they were both as irritated/frustrated as I was. One was so angry she wanted to call this friend and give her a piece of her mind. <br /><br />I told this friend that yes, she could pass my number along to her friend, who will pass it along to this guy. We shall see if it results in actual contact/date/anything. And neither of us know what the other looks like, even. In this day and age, you typically know that up front. So this could be truly very blind. <br />
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Due to the lack of information or checking about compatibility, I will go on the date (if it happens), but will not put up with this friend telling me I didn't give it a shot or wondering why we didn't hit it off. I'm going into it with a "whatevs" attitude. I will put my best foot forward (as always) on the date, but am not going to worry about it. <br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-10087502734441758542015-01-26T13:09:00.000-08:002015-01-26T13:09:05.011-08:00Date #2 - there won't be a date #3...Well, after a lot of hemming and hawing (internally), I did go on date #2. I'm not going to lie...I had pretty much already decided there was no potential there, but wanted to keep my word. <br />
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I met him there and he gave me an awkward hug. It was weird. Now, I'll totally admit that if he was a hot guy I was super interested in...I wouldn't be complaining, I'd be super excited that he initiated a hug. But...that was not the case.<br />
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Once again...there was conversation, but nothing interesting or in common, so it just felt awkward. Also, he told me what dish he liked at this restaurant and asked what type of Italian I like. I told him I was probably going to order the chicken parmesan. To which he replied..."Ooh, that sounds pretty good, I might get that." He thought about it, for a while, then decided he'd stick with his pasta sampler. Well, the waitress comes over to take our order and I order the chicken parmesan. Then he says, "You know what? I'm getting that...yeah, that sounds good. I'll get the same thing." <br />
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Now, lest you think I'm the biggest and pickiest jerk on the planet...hear me out. On date #1, he asked what I liked...I told him...and he ordered the exact same thing. On date #2, he does the same? I don't care if people order the same thing as me...but this struck me as odd, like he's not an individual or something.<br />
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Our food arrives (it was delish) and it looks like I'm scarfing mine down...while he is taking FOREVER. Same goes for his salad prior to the meal. I assure you that I was eating at a very normal pace. He then says, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a really slow eater. And I just can't eat very big meals. I eat like a bird. But I'm working on it." Um, what? Huh? WHO says any of that? Especially if you're a guy? I thought it was weird and I honestly didn't know what to say to that. <br />
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He ended up boxing up half of his meal to take home...while I nearly finished mine. LOL. Oh well.<br />
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He had asked what I was doing after dinner, and I mentioned some stuff I needed to get done at home. When I asked him the same...he literally thought about it, for a while, and couldn't come up with anything. <br />
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As we wrapped things up, I thanked him for dinner. He then said, "If ya want to get together again, let me know." So, I decided that was my out...and that maybe he was feeling the same thing - that there was no common interests/connection.<br />
<br /><br />
Cut to Saturday morning...when he texted me, saying he doesn't date much and he should have invited me out after dinner. Ugh. Nice, but ugh. So, I replied telling him that it was totally fine he didn't invite me (I wouldn't have gone), and that he was a nice guy, but I didn't think we had anything in common. He replied that he thought the same thing. <br />
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So, that's that. <br /><br />On the positive side, it wasn't a nightmare experience and it at least got me back in the game (kind of). On the negative side, it was another failed blind date experience, which is frustrating. <br />
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And while I appreciate my friend's attempt at a set-up, his FB message to me made it seem like this guy and I had a lot in common and would totally hit it off. I'm telling you...it would be obvious to anyone that this guy and I would NOT hit it off/have anything in common. And this friend knows me very well. <br />
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So, I can only assume that he and his girlfriend (mid 20s) were hanging out with the guy at some point and thought, "He's so great...and he's single...do we know someone to set him up with?" And, of course, I'm the only woman in her late 30s that they know. <br /><br />People - just because two very nice, fun people are both single does NOT mean they are a potential match for a date or otherwise. If this guy and I had gone out again, it would have been painful for both of us, I'm sure. <br />
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Anyway...onward and upward. Right? Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-35290671871738253682015-01-22T13:54:00.001-08:002015-01-22T13:54:21.163-08:00Reporting on the date...Well...it wasn't a nightmare, but I also don't think it was a match. A little frustrating, but I'm taking it well. <br />
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So, I meet the guy for lunch. Now, based on his FB pic, I didn't think I was going to find him super attractive. And I didn't. He's my height or shorter and sort of on the thin/small side. *sigh* Not his fault...but also not what I'm attracted to.<br />
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We get in line to order and he asks what I'm going to order. And asks how hungry I am (I was ordering soup and salad). And then asks if I like to eat a big breakfast. Let's just say...that was fairly odd small talk. Awkward. <br />
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Overall, the date was fine. Nothing horrible. Nothing amazing. Nothing that made me think there was real potential there. <br />
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Here's something I find a bit odd. He's divorced (no kids) and probably in his mid 40s...and he lives in a one bedroom apartment. Is that weird? I'm not looking for a rich guy to whisk me away...but I am looking for a guy who is somewhat established and a one bedroom apartment seems like a flag to me. But maybe it's not? Weigh in...please! <br />
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I talked it over with a couple friends and one of my good friends had really surveilled this guy's FB page. Apparently, he's a huge fan of the band Widespread Panic. And I guess he follows them, travels to a lot of their shows...has pics of the band as his cover page, etc. She said that it's well known that MOST fans of this band do drugs...specifically pot and acid. Now, it IS possible this guy doesn't do those things...but based on what she knows, she said she'd be surprised if he DIDN'T. <br />
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So...that is weird (if it's true). <br />
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The thing is... I'm not physically attracted to him and not sure I ever could be. And that is because there was nothing about him or his personality that made me think there was potential. While our conversation was fine...I honestly can't think of anything we have in common, other than we both attend church. And that's true of a lot of people. <br />
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That said...when he asked about going out again, I told him I would. And then he'd texted afterward and mentioned that again, and I said that would be fine. Well...he asked me out for tomorrow night...today. <br />
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I'm 99% sure I'm not interested, but I also think it'd be jerky of me to say NO to a date, when I've twice said I would go. So, I'm going. I'm going to meet him at the restaurant. He offered to pick me up, but I'd like the security of knowing I have my own way out.<br />
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If something happens and I realize there's something there...then hey, it's a good thing I went on a 2nd date. If I feel the same at the end of the date as I did on date 1, then I'm going to let him down kindly and just say I don't think we have a connection/stuff in common. <br />
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So, that's that.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-36149627653055264942015-01-12T08:26:00.001-08:002015-01-12T08:26:47.255-08:00New Year...new date?OK, I know. I haven't posted in a long time, 3+ months. Not sure if you've missed me or not, but I'll give you an update anyway. ;-)<br /><br />I'm still LOVING my house. Seriously. I can't get over how much I love having the extra space. So happy with it. And I now have my very own home gym, which is fantastic. I can work out whenever I want and no longer have to go to the gym.<br /><br />Um, my ex-friend who cheated on her husband and then they eventually divorced...and she (I think) dated a few others in there...started dating someone else and they got engaged over Christmas. Let's just say I wasn't happy to read that on Facebook. I mean, are you <em>kidding</em> me? How is that possible? It made me feel like crap, but I came out of it pretty quickly. And while this isn't a nice thing to say, I don't have high hopes that her second marriage will go well. <br />
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Christmas with family was fine...no major drama. Once again, my family assumes I have no life and can come home whenever is convenient for them. Seriously. So, that was annoying. And I spent probably $35 per kid (5 kids) and each couple spent $25 on me. I feel appreciated. :-) Oh well, overall it was fine. <br />
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Now, to the point of this post. <br />
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A friend of mine has recently asked me about a potential set-up. He knows me pretty well and thinks me and this guy would hit it off. So, when he messaged me on FB, I was curious about it. I also hadn't talked to him in a while, so I was just surprised to hear from him at all. <br />
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I decided, rather than reply YES right away, to take a few days to think about it. I trust this friend and he knows the nightmare set-ups I've been on, so I know he wouldn't suggest this unless he truly thought there was potential. <br />
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Here's why I wanted to take a few days to think it over. First of all, I almost always agree to set-ups right away, just because it's hard to meet people any other way. So, I wanted to NOT do that this time. My other concern is that, things are going really well for me right now. I'm in a really good place...not necessarily OK with being single...but doing well overall. So, this potential set-up could be a continuation of that good...OR could be a let down, which would be a setback. I wanted time to think about that and whether or not I'd be willing to take that risk. <br />
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I talked it over with a few friends, prayed about it a little...and decided to go for it. So, I've given my friend the green light and he is going to pass my number along to the guy. <a href="http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/02/potential-set-up-alert.html" target="_blank">I also warned my friend about the last potential set-up, where a friend passed my number to the guy...and he never pulled the trigger, other than texting.</a> And...<a href="http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/03/ughwhy.html" target="_blank">http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/03/ughwhy.html</a>. <br /><br />I just wanted him to know that I would prefer that doesn't happen again. <br />
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So, I'm trying to be open. And calm. And we'll see if this guy contacts me and sets something up. I will keep you posted! <br /><br />Wish me luck! <br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-65489398885706806592014-10-08T09:19:00.000-07:002014-10-08T09:19:11.340-07:00Hello...long time no blog! Hello readers...if you're still out there! <br /><br />I realize I've not blogged for a few months, but there's not real reason other than there's been nothing to blog about. <br /><br />Life, other than being single, is actually pretty good. I ran another marathon last month. While it was slow and frustrating, I did manage to finish. Work has been crazy busy and is just now starting to slow down, which is fine with me...heading into the last quarter. And a friend and I are planning a mini vaca before the end of the year. <br /><br />No dates. No progress in that department. I think I'm still on eHarmony, which has been a total waste of time. I'm planning to cancel soon. I swear, I could randomly go on there once every 4 days and the SAME guys, all living an average of 400 miles away from me, are on my "match" list. Stupid. I have zero plans to start communicating with someone, for the first time, with a goal of potentially dating, who lives THAT FRICKING FAR AWAY. Ridiculous. <br />
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Match won't STOP sending me email notifications about how "he winked at you!," "he emailed you!," "he made you a favorite!" Um, really? OK. So, Match, you want me to pay you some money so I can view all these potential awesome matches, right? Um, wrong. I have not been suckered in by this yet. Ya know why? I remember when I first tried Match and did the basic part, prior to having to pay, and it told me I had "sooo many" matches. So, of course, I paid, hoping that THIS would be the time something might work. And it was all crazy, scary, unattractive (sorry, but I didn't find them attractive) guys. Waste of money.<br />
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Again, I go back to how much I abhor online dating. It sucks. Yes, people meet that way, get married, and live happy lives with each other. I do believe that. However, I maintain that it is NOT for me. It's just so awkward. And there's no way to validate anything about that person. At least if a friend sets you up, you can trust that they're not setting you up with a crazy person. I'm sure I've said this before. <br />
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Anyway, still frustrated (no surprise, there) that I'm still single, despite my very social life and seemingly being a normal person. <br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-60522993541330760432014-07-25T06:22:00.001-07:002014-07-25T06:22:58.786-07:00I don't get it...OK, let's start with a positive. I moved into my new home and I absolutely LOVE it! I'm excited to get fully unpacked/organized/settled. And I'm also excited for all the fun projects I have planned. So far, so good! <br />
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Now, on to the point of my post. I've noticed, via Facebook, that several people I know - who have recently divorced - are ALREADY with someone. What the frick? Seeing that makes me feel like total crap. <br /><br />* Friend who cheated while married - got pregnant by the guy she cheated with, divorced her husband, and is now MARRIED to the father of the baby.<br />
* Friend who cheated while married - have seen pics of her on FB with her fella, doing all sorts of fun things.<br />
* The above friend's ex husband - have seen pics of him with his new girlfriend, and pics of his trip to visit her.<br />
* Friend whose husband went a little crazy - they divorced, but I'm not so sure she didn't also cheat during all of that. Either way, she's already dating a guy and I see pics of them all over FB.<br />
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WHAT am I doing wrong? Seriously. These people have already moved on and are dating/married to others? And I've been trying for decades with little to no success? <br /><br />For lack of a more mature way to put it, "IT'S NOT FAIR!" <br />
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Anyway, I'm trying to focus on all the excitement of my new house, but this does have me a bit down. I have no clue why I can't find someone, but these people, who made some really poor choices, can find multiple people! <br />
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And yes, I know that sounds holier than thou and very judgmental. I'm not saying that if you cheat, you should never find happiness again. I'm simply saying that it seems a bit unfair that after making that type of choice, you get "rewarded" with a significant other right away. <br />
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Meanwhile, I'm over here (not perfect) trying to make good decisions...and I get nothing. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-460291407548537582014-07-08T12:02:00.000-07:002014-07-08T12:02:33.516-07:00Family...ugh.OK, I didn't realize it had been so long since I last posted! I'm sure you've been starved for content! HA! <br /><br />Well, let's get this out of the way first - NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING new in my dating life. Single. Still.<br />
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But...there <em>has</em> been some excitement over the last few months. I was approached by a buyer wanting to buy my house. Now, I've been thinking about selling/moving, but was probably going to wait another year or two on that. Anyway, my type of house is hard to sell and this scenario rarely happens, so I considered it. Soon after that, I had an offer. And then it was sold. So, I was furiously house hunting and trying to find a place and make an offer...which was both stressful and exciting. <br />
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I decided early on in this process that I wouldn't tell my family about it. My reason was that they almost never come to visit me, but I'm always the one going home for stuff of theirs, to visit, see the kids, etc. And it's an expectation of my mom's that I will always make time for her when I come home...even though I have friends I'd like to see and other stuff I'd like to do. It never occurs to them to come here and do something nice for me or just stop for a visit. So, I guess I didn't think people that never visit me need to know I'm moving...at least not until Thanksgiving, when I host. <br />
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So, I told a few close friends and kept mum about it on Facebook. Every single friend I told reacted the same way.<br />
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<ul>
<li>"OMG, that is SO exciting!"</li>
<li>"I'm so happy for you!"</li>
<li>"Can't wait to shop for stuff with you!"</li>
<li>"What can I do to help? Do you need help with the move?"</li>
</ul>
Nothing but pure excitement for me. And as I've said before, I'm really fortunate, because I have an amazing group of friends surrounding and supporting me. <br />
<br />
So, I decided to just tell my family when I was home a few weekends ago. My nieces/nephews were super excited. They asked to see pictures and when they'd get to sleep over. My sister-in-law asked a few questions and said she didn't know I was looking. My brother, who was in the room while we talked about it, said NOTHING. Not, "Oh, that's cool - good for you." Nothing. My mom asked to see pics and asked details about it, but was clearly upset that I hadn't informed her until just then. And, we haven't spoken since the night I told her (email or phone). I promise you she is pouting and expecting me to do/say something. I won't be doing that. <br />
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The next <span style="font-family: inherit;">morning, my sister-in-law and I chatted for a bit, but she still never really asked to see my house or anything about it. And my</span> brother still said nothing. I thanked them for letting me stay over, but they didn't thank ME for watching their kids the night before. *sigh*<br /><br />Keep in mind that neither my brother/SIL or mom offered any help. My mom actually asked if I was getting some friends together to help me move. <br />
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Cut to the other day. I get an email from my SIL. See below:<br /><br /><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Have you started packing up? What is your move
in date? I can't believe none of us knew anything about your move until last
weekend. We didn't even know you were thinking about moving. It's not fair! We
have been wanting to move for quite awhile and it's not working for us. Just
can't find the perfect house:( Oh well, some day. Now do you have to get a lawn
mower, rakes and shovels? Oh the joys of owning a house:)</span></em></span><br />
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<div>
What the hell does someone say to that? How do you respond to that? Still no congratulations, offer to help move, or asking to even just see the house. Just complaints about how unfair it is that I've found something when they haven't. I showed it to a few friends and they were all dumbfounded. Couldn't believe it. And she's the one person I'm close to in the family. Ugh. <br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">So, I replied today, just saying, "</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yeah, I'm really excited about the move and
having my own place!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moving on the xxth!" She replied, "Ok thanks." Um, ok?</span> </span> So, she's clearly annoyed, but I just don't care anymore. <br /><br />And she's maybe the 6th person out of everyone I've told to make some variation of this statement. "Welcome to lawn maintenance!" Um, ok. It is NOT the end of the world. I'm pretty sure I can handle a lawn, since, ya know, I've been handling every other detail of my life for a very long time...with not much help. So, I think I've got it. How about how exciting it will be for me to live in my OWN space with no one above/below/across from me for the first time in nearly my whole life? I think that is worth whatever work the lawn may be. </div>
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</div>
<div>
Anyway, ultimately, this is super exciting news and I have a great crew of friends coming to help me move, which is great! So, I'm trying not to let my family get me down...but they're doing exactly what I thought they'd do - making it about them, rather than being excited for me.</div>
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</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-84969155913783980642014-05-20T05:33:00.000-07:002014-05-20T05:33:14.730-07:00Blog Anniversary - 4 Years!Well, yesterday was the 4th anniversary of this blog. I honestly can't believe I've been writing this for 4 years! <br /><br />On the one hand, it's been a very positive thing for me. I can't tell you how therapeutic it's been to vent my feelings and stories in a safe and anonymous place. And, to then get feedback and support from my readers? That's even better. Because, while I don't wish single-ness on anyone who doesn't wish to be single, it <em>does</em> feel better to know that others are in the same boat and can relate to what I'm going through. In my life, there aren't many who can relate to this. Seriously. So, this blog has been a great place for me to connect with like minded people. Thank you! <br />
<br />
On the other, more negative, hand...it's a little sad that it's 4 years later and my situation hasn't changed or improved. Again, I know many of you can relate to this. Unfortunately. I so wish my situation would change, but not sure how or why it hasn't. I've been open to pretty much any set-up. I've been social. I've gone back to online dating. And still...nothing. Bummer.<br /><br />Anyway, the main reason for this post is to thank you, my readers, for your support and advice! And for reading my blog at all! I have no clue how many people read my blog. But, when I started this blog, I honestly thought no one would ever see it or read it! It was more of a diary for myself; a place to vent. And several of you have either offered advice, support, or thoughts on what I post. Thanks for reading! <br /><br />I'd say, "here's to 4 more years," but let's hope that none of you are reading this in 4 years and that I'm not writing it...because we'll all be paired up with great guys!!! Right? <br /><br />Thanks again for reading! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-48625952890547690832014-05-12T08:16:00.000-07:002014-05-12T08:16:27.849-07:00Mother's Day for singles...A good friend of mine posted <a href="http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3120" target="_blank">"An open letter to pastors (A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day)"</a><br />on FB yesterday, and I so agree with it. My friend is an adoptive mother of two and I sincerely appreciated reading this. <br />
<br />
You may have read it before, but thought I'd share it here. Obviously, I most relate to this one - <br /><em><strong><span style="color: red;">To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be.</span></strong></em><br />
<em></em><br />
Like the author of the post, I hadn't thought about Mother's Day that way either, even though I've always wanted to be a mother. But, looking back, I have felt alienated at church, when they speak about families more than the singles. Or only acknoweldge familes, which makes singles feel forgotten. <br />
<br />
So, I was telling my mom about this yesterday. Instead of having a bit of compassion, she said, "So, where does it stop? Do we just stop honoring anyone, out of fear it might upset someone else?"<br />
<br />
OK. This is kind of hilarious, coming from my mom, someone who is SUPER SENSITIVE about everything. Everything. <br />
<br />
I'm not saying she has to agree with it, but maybe she could TRY and see it through her daughter's eyes? <br />
<br />
Anyway, I think it's a great post and worth the read. I'm all about honoring mothers, but I also think there are several people out there who aren't traditional mothers, but still mother plenty. They may mother their friends, by counseling them through different situations. They may mother their nieces and nephews by being a good role model and a trusted adult they can turn to and talk to about anything. They may mother their parents by assisting them in various situations.<br /><br />After all, is there an "Aunt's Day" or an "Uncle's Day?" I'm certainly not saying I need to be celebrated, but since no one in my family does anything for me for my birthday (not even coming to visit/go to dinner), no one really shows appreciation for the time/money I spend on my nieces and nephews, and no one does much for me at Christmas - I guess I think maybe there SHOULD be a special day for aunts and uncles? :-) Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-76222840092418390912014-05-12T08:02:00.000-07:002014-05-12T08:16:42.295-07:00Apparently, I'm just not focusing enough...So, I went home for Mother's Day yesterday, to treat my mom to breakfast. It was fine. She's the mom who says she doesn't want you to make the drive, but would be secretly ticked off if you decided not to come...so I went. <br />
<br />
Anyway, we had a decent conversation, but it eventually veered toward the "I'm single" territory. Ugh. Anyway, I made an offhand comment about the fact that I'm probably not getting married. Ya know...because it just doesn't seem like that's going to happen, based on the past 30 some odd years. <br />
<br />
So she says, "Why do you say that? People get married all the time. Why do you think you're not going to get married?" Um. Gee, Mom...because it hasn't happened yet? I mean, in all seriousness, of <em>course</em> I still hope to meet someone and get married. But, I also don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that it won't happen. Ya know, based on my life thus far. <br />
<br />
And then the conversation delved a bit deeper about how she just wants me to be happy. And I get that. But I went ahead and told her that her and my brother's comments at Christmas (about how even though other people didn't have to work as hard to meet someone...I do and if I don't online date, what are my other options?) were pretty hurtful and frustrating to hear. And how NONE of them have one clue what it's like to be a single adult outside of college or your early 20s. <br />
<br />
She then went into how my brother just cares about me and would feel terrible if he hurt my feelings. Um, #1 - NO, he wouldn't. And #2, I suspect he spends next to zero time worrying about me or whether I'm getting married or whatever. Same goes for my other brother.<br />
<br />
And THEN she starts talking about my focus. And how I've always been such a focused person. And how she hasn't really seen me be FOCUSED on meeting someone/dating. She just hasn't seen that focus. <br />
<br />
First of all, my mom doesn't even live in the same city as me. Second of all, we're not nearly as close as we used to be, so she has NO IDEA of some of the bad set-ups, weird situations, online dating mishaps I've been on/had. Third of all, she was married/had kids in her very early 20s and had zero desire to remarry after divorce. So, again, she has NO IDEA what this is like. Not to mention, dating now is much different than in her day. <br />
<br />
So, I really don't appreciate hearing about how I'm not putting in enough focus/effort to meet someone. And I, in a nice way, said that to her. Basically, I explained that she has no idea how difficult it is and how I've been open to pretty much every situation, and they haven't worked out. And that it's unfair to say that I'm not focusing enough. <br />
<br />
I think she heard me, but I also think she still thinks she's right.<br />
<br />
Her Dr. Phil quote from Christmas was about Oprah's weight issues and how Oprah isn't the same as the other people who can eat whatever they want and not gain. And she thought it pertained to my situation. <br />
<br />
Well, my rebuttal to that is this. Your weight IS WITHIN YOUR CONTROL. You can eat less, eat healthier, and exercise more. And voila, you lose weight and get to your healthy size. <br />
<br />
Me meeting the guy I'm going to marry is not necessarily in my control. I can go on EVERY SINGLE set-up via friends or online dating and be the most social person in the world - and give it my best to be attracted/interested in them. If they aren't "the one," they aren't "the one." I can't control that. I can't control whether it's going to work out between us. Unless we actually hit it off and have a future...and I do something stupid to mess it up.<br />
<br />
I realize everything she said comes from a loving place, and that she just wants me to have what I want and be happy. I get it. But I also think we could think before we speak and maybe consider how many awkward/tough situations I've gone through on this dating journey. And maybe be a bit more sensitive to that and not blame it on my lack of focus. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-73039497715333571382014-04-29T13:24:00.002-07:002014-04-29T13:24:49.085-07:00Online dating. You are still stupid. Well, I ditched my Match subscription once it expired, as I encountered old guys, inappropriate guys, weird guys, or no guys. Waste. Of. Money. <br />
<br />
So, I was reading <a href="http://myguidetobadinternetdating.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">my fellow blogger's post</a> yesterday, which nudged me to renew with eHarmony - which I haven't been on in YEARS. Like, I can't remember when I was last on that site. (And I absolutely hated it when I was on it.) But, at $28.65 for 3 months, I thought, "Hey, I'm going to give it a try. Because, you know what they say. Ya NEVER know." <br />
<br />Well, folks. Ya DO know. Ya DO. <br />
<br />
I got everything updated, including new pics, age range, other profile updates, etc. And then I clicked on "find matches." Now, I had the distance set to 120 miles from my zip code, which I thought was pretty fair. Do you know how many matches came up? <br /><br />None.<br />
<br />
Zero.<br />
<br />
Nada.<br />
<br />
When I changed the distance to 300+ miles, <em>that's</em> when matches pulled up. Um, who the FRICK is going to drive 300 miles to meet a total stranger? Not this girl. And no, that does NOT mean I don't want a relationship bad enough. It means, the only time I drive 300+ miles is to see someone I really care about (friends/family) and know well or for a special event. <br />
<br />
Let's say I <em>did</em> travel 300 miles to meet Mr. Wonderful. I ask you - how the frick would that relationship be able to develop? I don't get it. Maybe I'm being too rigid, but I just don't think that's very realistic.<br /><br />I mean, my profile isn't <em>that</em> specific, as to what I am looking for. Not to the point that there are literally no matches within 50 miles of me. I mean, seriously. <br /><br />Also, most of the guys I've clicked on are 5'9" or shorter. Ugh.<br />
<br />
So, I'll stay with it for the 3 months, but I honestly feel beat up. I keep being encouraged to pursue online dating or give it another try. And now, with a very fragile heart, I'm doing it - and getting nowhere. Very discouraging. And there are no set-ups on the horizon, either. Double ugh. <br /><br />Being single - living the dream! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-8163655606467773182014-04-14T09:08:00.000-07:002014-04-14T09:08:34.663-07:00So. Awkward. Well, you may or may not remember my ranty <a href="http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2013/11/you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me.html" target="_blank">post</a> back in November 2013. That friend and I have not spoken much since before that post. <br /><br />Quick summary: She emailed me around that same time, telling me she was pregnant, apologizing for not being a good friend, had made some bad choices...really wants me to still be her friend...blah, blah, blah.<br /><br />Now, I did respond, in a pretty decent way. I mean, one option was to not respond at all. Another was to respond in a completely jerky way. And I chose option #3, responding with honesty, but not letting her off the hook, either. <br /><br />I basically told her that I hoped she was doing ok and happy. I told her that I was disappointed in her, because while she was complaining about her husband/marriage to me (a lot), I was very supportive and a good friend. All the while, she was making really bad choices and being dishonest (or lies of omission) with me. And that that was pretty hurtful, considering another friend had just done that to me, and she <em>knew</em> about that situation and how hurt I was. I told her that I was really struggling right now and that her pregnancy/marriage news only made it worse (even though that's not her fault), but that I know she knows exactly how that feels. And I asked her for time and space. <br /><br />To her credit, she did reply. So, that was good. And then time passed...and she sent me a birthday email and card. I have not reached out to her because, in all honesty, I don't have the wherewithal to deal with that right now. I just don't. I don't have the capacity to be her friend and support her right now. And I think that's ok. When I <em>was</em> there for her, she was dishonest and only came clean with me when she knew I was going to find out. It's a bit unfair to ask for my friendship now. <br />
<br />
Fast forward to this past weekend. The part time job where we met was taking us out to eat. She no longer works there, but her new husband is affiliated with our company. I had NO IDEA she would be at this dinner until maybe 30 minutes before. And yes, that sent me into a panic spiral. Ugh. Really wanted to get out of it.<br /><br />Anyway, I go. I figure, maybe she'll be at another end of the table and it won't be that bad. And, I wasn't planning to make a scene...so if I needed to say hi to her, I would. <br /><br />I missed when she got there, but at one point, I did try to wave to her, just to make things not too awkward. Not sure if she saw that or not. <br /><br />I got up to use the restroom (for real had to go...wasn't avoiding her). On my way back, as I'm nearing our table, my manager grabs my hand and says, "Come here..." And I was like, "What's happening?" I look over and another manager has grabbed, let's call her "SM," and is bringing her toward me. He then proceeds to put his arms aroaund each of us - IN FRONT OF OUR TABLE - and tell us, "You two didn't know this was going to happen tonight, but we did. I love you two too much to not say something. Life is too short. You two are too good of friends to let something come between you. I'm out of it after this, but you two are going to hug and move on from here." There was a bunch of other stuff, too, but that is the basic idea of what was said. <br />
<br />
Yep, that happened.<br />
<br />
I was SO stunned and angry, that I didn't know what to do or say. Of course, SM was crying, as she always is. I was too angry to cry. So, it ended with us in a forced (and awkward) hug. Then my manager stayed there making awkward chit chat with us, because it was a super awkward situation. While the table of co-workers couldn't hear the discussion, it was obvious what was going on and super embarrassing. Thank goodness our food came, which forced us back to the table - where I had no further discussion with SM. As I sat down the manager's wife and another assistant manager said, "Everything ok?" Um, no. it's not. I said, "Well, that was really uncomfortable." Their response? "It's all ok, it's fine." Um, again, no. It's not. <br />
<br />
Once I sat down, I had some tears and it was so frustrating to be sitting with a group of 15 people with tears rolling down my cheeks. <br />
<br />
I barely touched my food or said anything after that. Got out of there as quickly as I could.<br />
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Still trying to figure out what their expectation is, now? Do they think I'm going to text her and set up a time to get together? Because I'm not. Do they think I'm going to call her and apologize (for what, I'm not sure)? Because I'm not. <br />
<div>
</div>
<div>
I'm still livid about the whole thing today and debating whether I'll send the managers a note about the various ways their "intervention" was inappropriate. </div>
<div>
</div>
<ol>
<li>This girl no longer works for our company. So, there is no professional communication between us.</li>
<li>I have not told co-workers about our falling out. So, there is nothing to make other employees uncomfortable about our situation.</li>
<li>It should not have been done in public, in a restaurant, in front of fellow employees. If it was absolutely necessary, they should have scheduled it with both of us and done it at the office, in private. But again, this was personal, not professional. </li>
<li>They have NO IDEA what went on between SM and me. None. It's not their place to tell me to be ok with her and move on. </li>
<li>They have NO IDEA what I'm personally going through right now and how SM plays into that.</li>
<li>She and I know the issue(s) between us and it is our decision whether we remain friends or not.</li>
<li>Life IS too short, but it's also too short for me to stay friends with people who are NOT good friends to me. </li>
<li>We are ladies in our 30s; I'm pretty sure WE can figure out whether or not to be friends. </li>
</ol>
<br />
Anyway, that happened and it's become near impossible for me to not think about it and want to scream! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-32163996016728109942014-03-14T17:39:00.001-07:002014-03-14T17:39:17.919-07:00Ugh...WHY? Well, I told you about a <a href="http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/02/potential-set-up-alert.html" target="_blank">potential set up coming up</a>. I don't have <i>much</i> of an update, but here goes...<br />
<br />
So, there was a bit more texting after that post, but not much. And then nothing. One of the setter uppers talked to him and he said, "She hasn't texted since Wednesday..." The woman said, "Um, if a girl isn't texting you, she's expecting you to call!" I don't even know this lady, but she is correct. Even after her telling him that, he hasn't called. <br />
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Like I said, I'm fine if we do or don't go out. However, I'd like to have that decision made sooner, rather than later. <br />
<br />
I was told he was "not short." And, based on the picture I saw, I guess I pictured him as a pretty good sized guy. <br />
<br />
So, he and I haven't texted since late February. Cut to tonight. I was at an event and talking to someone, when he comes up to me and says, "Are you X? I'm WV." OMG. I was totally caught off guard. It's great that he came up and introduced himself, but I was a bit unprepared for running into him so randomly. <br />
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He is short. Shorter than me. Significantly shorter. Ugh. I <i>did</i> have heels on, but they weren't <i>that</i> high...and he'd <i>still</i> be shorter than me if I'd worn flats. So disappointing. <br />
<br />
I realize there is MUCH more to a person than their height. I also realize that some men maybe don't want to date <i>me</i>, because of my height. And I'm fine with that. I get it. But this is a very hard thing for me to let go of/ignore. It's part of what attracts me to a guy. And I hate being taller or towering over him. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I texted my friend who is involved with the setup and she said that the other setter upper is very short. So, yeah, this guy probably <i>does</i> seem tall to her. Wish I'd known this before. My answer about the setup may have been different. I know that sounds bad, but that's just how I feel. <br />
<br />
I didn't stick around to talk to him afterward, because he was working the event (I think) and I hadn't planned to stay too long. <br />
<br />
So, I have no clue what will happen now. I'm trying to keep an open mind and be open to still going on a date with him, if that's what happens. But really, my tiny scrap of hope for this setup is somewhat gone. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-16493273014467718982014-03-05T13:29:00.001-08:002014-03-05T13:29:10.589-08:00Excellent read!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCAYPoqifZA_GYE3EMr0_ChWlAVGLLBcXIY_DKMlXQ8Q-slgjKGaAjZlkhCjfNeHKNy1h2fgF6atNez-egPiXGimb6vbxX6jmhxbFjKQd9GjkdPgsuujY9mwLaCbClgwVjXoqKkYbS1_E/s1600/book.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCAYPoqifZA_GYE3EMr0_ChWlAVGLLBcXIY_DKMlXQ8Q-slgjKGaAjZlkhCjfNeHKNy1h2fgF6atNez-egPiXGimb6vbxX6jmhxbFjKQd9GjkdPgsuujY9mwLaCbClgwVjXoqKkYbS1_E/s1600/book.PNG" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
I stumbled onto this book on Amazon a few weeks ago. It's a quick read and I found it to be very therapeutic. I highly recommend! <br />
<br />
<a href="http://saraeckel.com/" target="_blank">Sara Eckel also has a website, which is also pretty great.</a> <br /><br />In this time of complete frustration with my single-ness, this book gave me a boost. It doesn't promise to give you tools on HOW to find your mate, but it completely calls out every single stupid thing anyone has ever said to you about your being single. <br /><br />And that, my friends, is total validation. I've always known other people are hearing the same stupid comments I am, but since I have next to zero single friends, it's easy for me to feel like I'm the ONLY one hearing this stuff. <br />
<br />
Thank you, Sara, for giving me a much needed boost and validating all the frustration I'm feeling. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-47930408421854198172014-02-22T17:21:00.000-08:002014-02-22T17:21:11.248-08:00Potential set-up ALERT!As always, you, my dear readers, are the first and only people to get this news. A friend of mine was talking to a friend of hers, about how she has a single friend, looking... And then her friend said, "I have a friend who is also looking, but doesn't want to do the bar scene." So, my friend asked if I was open to a blind date/set-up. I took a few nights to sleep on it, and decided to give it a whirl. We'll call this potential date "WV." <br />
<br />
We did all the pre set-up things... Saw each other's pics...know each other's ages, through our friends. And then I gave the go ahead to pass my number along to him. <br /><br />So...I expected to be getting a call at some point. Anyway, he ended up texting me, explaining that he's a bit shy and hoped texting was ok. Now, I'm fine with that. I get it. I certainly didn't want to call him first. But, I think there's a limit to how much texting I am willing to do with someone I haven't even met face to face yet. <br />
Since the first text, there's been a lot of communication via text. And no phone call. We've talked about what churches we go to, what we do for a living, what we studied in college... <br /><br />I guess, I'm thinking these would all be good topics on an actual date. In person. By the time we go out, I'm not sure what we'll talk about. Usually, you keep it light on a first date...and we've covered a lot of that via text. Add to that that he's shy, and I'm thinking there could be a lot of awkward pauses. <br />
<br />
The other issue I have with all of this texting is that I don't want to be texting with someone all day long, that <b>I DON'T EVEN KNOW</b>. It'd be different if we'd had one date already, and I thought there was some potential there. The texting would be kind of fun, then. But, at this point, neither of us know if we find the other attractive in person, if there's any chemistry, etc. So, it's kind of a waste of both of our time, I think. <br />
<br />
And, a lot of this texting has been during the day, when I'm working. And it's non-stop. Kind of annoying. I'm tempted to say, "Are you even working right now? Because, I am." (I know, that would be rude.) <br />
<br />
With texting, unless you know the person, you don't really know their sense of humor/personality well enough to get some of their meaning. So, at one point, I hadn't responded to something. He later texts, "Didn't like my comment, huh?" Um, no...I just didn't have a response for that, so I didn't text anything. I hate the "Do you think he got the joke? Do you think he's mad at what I said? Do you think he fell asleep and that's why he's not texting back?" stuff. It's annoying. <br />
<br />
Also, and this is just me being snotty, he ends nearly every text with "LOL." Even when "LOL" has nothing to do with what he's saying. For example, "Must have fallen asleep. LOL." Or, "Well, good morning! LOL." Um, no.<br />
<br />
We haven't texted since Friday morning, so I'm not sure if that means anything or not. I'm fine if we do or don't end up going on a date, but I'd rather know sooner than later. <br />
<br />
And yes, I'm aware that I complain about not having date opportunities and now I have one and I'm irritated with him. HA! But, hopefully some of you have been in this situation and can relate. It just feels weird to spend time texting someone you've never met in person. A little is fine...but I feel it's been too much, already. <br />
<br />
Feel free to yell at me in the comments! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-38636235910200274162014-02-17T08:27:00.000-08:002014-02-17T08:27:29.264-08:00Shocker...So, there was an event this weekend (not a dating thing, but something where I suppose one could meet singles). I was on the fence about going, mostly because I was in no mood. Add to that that I worked all day...and I was nearly 100% no go. A friend convinced me to go. And in the back of my mind, I thought, "Ya never know who you might meet at this thing. Maybe there'll be some single guys there..." Uh huh. <br />
<br />
I came from work, but I will say, I looked fine (phew). We got there and it was a pretty small crowd that was filtering in. And, wouldn't ya know it? It was mostly couples in their late 40s-50s and some youngish families. I'm not sure I saw one other single person...or at least, not one in my age range. <br />
<br />
So, yet again, I sort of forced myself "out there," and it was pointless. I'm not saying that any time I go out, there should be potential guys, but come on. How many times do I have to drag myself out and be disappointed by the lack of available fellas?<br />
<br />
Grrr... Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-63346430104938439552014-02-17T08:22:00.000-08:002014-02-17T08:27:54.783-08:00How do some of these people find mates?I was out with a friend and her husband this weekend. We had a bit of a drive, so there was some good conversation on the way home. We were talking about this mutual acquaintance and how frustrating/annoying she can be. <br />
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She's a runner, a pretty good one. But, I don't only know that from local races we've run. I know that because she constantly brags about herself. Like, all the time. "I could have won that race, but I wasn't feeling well." "I won, but didn't run as fast as I wanted to. I could have gone faster." "I won that race and they didn't even give out awards. Can you believe that?" She is so fricking competitive. <br />
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OMG. Yes. We get it. You are incredible. Amazing, really. <br />
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How do I know she says these things? Well, I don't really socialize with her, at all. But, I have gone running with her in a group and one-on-one before. And, when you run with her, you don't talk. You pretty much just run and listen to her go on and on and on and on and on and on about how great of an athlete she is...or that her kids are the best at this and that. So, the run can feel incredibly long. And painful. <br />
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I've distanced myself from her and rarely see her that much, or run with her. She probably hasn't caught on and would never guess my reasoning. <br />
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Anyway, she's married, with kids. And honestly, she has to be one of the most insecure people I know. Anyone who brags about themselves that much, has some insecurity issues. Big ones. <br />
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So, let's start with my question in the title of this post. How does someone who is incredibly insecure find a mate? How is their insecurity attractive? How does that draw someone in? And, she masks her insecurity with bragging about herself. How does THAT draw someone in? Either way, I honestly don't understand how she (or others like her) is married. At all. And, from what I heard, her husband can be a prick, but still. I don't get it.<br />
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And the thing I've always heard about myself? "You can be intimidating." "You're confident, which can be intimidating." "Your height can be intimidating." (FYI, I'm not an amazon, but I'm tall) "You have your sh*t together, which can be intimidating." "You're so independent, which can be intimidating." <br />
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OMG. So, I'm being penalized for having my sh*t together? Are you effing kidding me? I'm a broken record, but I DON'T GET IT. <br />
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I'm so sorry that I come off as confident, not arrogant. I'm sorry that I'm tall and can't really change that. I'm so sorry that I am successful at my job and haven't made a train wreck out of my life. I'm so sorry that I'm independent. <br />
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Are we to believe that if we have low self esteem and feel the need to build ourselves up in front of others, that we'll look attractive to others? I don't buy it. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-25729350055905421292014-02-17T08:06:00.001-08:002014-02-17T08:28:03.780-08:00What is the "something" they're giving off/putting out there?Have any of my single readers heard this? You ask the question, "How have they met someone already?" Or, "How, while they were married/in a relationship, did they meet someone?" Or, "How have they gone from relationship to relationship, without much single time in between?" <br />
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For me, the almost universal answer has always been some variation of, "Well, they are obviously putting something out there that attracts that." And it's never said to me in a way that indicates that's what I should be doing. It's almost always said in a negative way, like those people are giving off something they shouldn't be. And that what they're doing isn't healthy. <br />
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Now, I totally agree with that. Because, of the people I know who've recently cheated and found a relationship during/after divorce, almost instantly...I'd say they all are unhealthy. <br />
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But here's my question. WHAT is it they're giving off? I mean, how am I not, to some degree, also giving that off? I don't get it. It really perplexes me. To be clear, I technically don't <em>want</em> to be giving that "something" off, but I'd like to know what that looks like, I guess.<br />
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And that brings me back to this question. Why the frick are they being rewarded with a relationship when they are unhealthy and <em>should</em> be working on themselves? I don't get. I don't claim to be completely emotionally healthy, none of us are. But, I've been told by multiple people that I'm a very well adjusted, emotionally healthy person (especially considering the life experiences I've been through). So, here I am, a fairly healthy (and normal) woman, WANTING to find a mate, but can't. And here these other people are, NOT healthy and pretty messed up, and they've all found mates/new mates. And...they are seemingly happy. <br />
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I don't get it. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-88465115006869642602014-02-12T11:50:00.000-08:002014-02-12T11:50:24.508-08:00What is the financial benefit to being single? Well, it's that time of year. Time to do taxes. <br />
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Typically, I get a small refund from both Federal and State. And my accountant has always told me that's how it should be, that I'm doing it right. Yet everyone I know seems to get a gigantic refund. And yes, they're all married. Some with kids. Some without. What am I doing wrong? <br />
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This year, I'm <em>so</em> lucky. I get to PAY IN to Federal, for the first time EVER! Oh, the joy. I'm getting a small refund back from State. So, I'm basically breaking even. And I realize it could be worse. I could be paying a crapload in and not break even at all. <br />
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But still. HOW does everyone I know get a big refund? What the frick? And I don't know enough about taxes, etc...but I have to think that being married has <em>something</em> to do with it. And obviously, kids are deductions, so I know for sure they have something to do with it. <br />
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Now, I don't see kids as deductions. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that you <em>can</em> claim them as dependents/deductions. And yes, I realize kids are expensive. I'm aware. <br />
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Here I am, a pretty hard worker, working 3 jobs...and I <em>don't</em> get a giant refund? Ugh. <br /><br />With the mood I'm in, this just makes me more angry. It's like I'm being penalized by the country/state for being single and childless. This seems unfair.<br />
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I already support myself on one income, while many of my married friends have TWO incomes to pay the SAME bills I do. And then additional costs for kids, yes.<br />
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Married people <em>love</em> to make comments to single people about their disposable income. "Oh, you can afford to do that. You're single." No, I can't, actually. I'm paying all of my bills on this <em>one</em> income. And it's probably less than half of what you and your spouse bring in each year. I don't have a spouse to discuss/plan finances with. I'm just winging it. Cry me a river, married people. I don't think you're rich. But I <em>do</em> think you have some financial advantages that I wish I had. <br />
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Along those lines, let's talk about coupons. I'm not a crazy couponer. In fact, I rarely use them, unless I have one that came in the mail. BUT, have you ever noticed that most coupons are "buy one get two free?" Or something like that? Yeah. Cuz if I buy one 8 pack of toilet paper, I'm definitely gonna need two more of those. Um, NO. And really, those type of coupons are for food a lot of the time. Food expires. So, I can't eat that many of whatever the coupon is for...and therefore I don't get the "deal." Or pizza coupons..."buy 2 for x amount" or "buy 1 for x (much larger) amount." <br />
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So, you can see why I don't use a lot of coupons.<br /><br />Alright, I think two bitter posts in one day is enough. Right? ;-)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-82124400328939270422014-02-12T07:47:00.000-08:002014-02-12T07:47:32.552-08:00Does anyone "get" what this feels like?Any of my single readers ever feel like that? Like you're the only one in your situation, surrounded by couples with kids? <br /><br />I've felt that way for a while. Only now, I've sort of reached a very low point in my "I hate being single/childless" struggle. And when you feel like that and no one around you is in remotely the same place...it makes you feel even more alone. Ugh. <br /><br />Don't get me wrong, my friends are amazing. Honestly. When friends were handed out...I was given the best ones there are. Seriously. At any stage in my life, I've met wonderful friends who have been a great support system for me. (There are always a couple of duds, unfortunately. But ultimately, I've always felt pretty lucky to have the friends I do.)<br />
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BUT...<br />
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About 99% of my friends are married. With kids. And have been. For a very long time. Ya know who's still single? Oh yeah. Me.<br />
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None of my friends <em>ever</em> make me feel like me being single is weird. Or that the clock is ticking for me to have kids. But...when you're surrounded by people who are in a completely opposite situation as you, it makes you feel excluded. Or, at least, it makes <em>me</em> feel excluded. <br /><br />I can't tell you how tired I am of being the 3rd wheel. Or the 5th wheel. Or the 7th wheel. <br />
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And my friends invite me to stuff because they enjoy my company and know we'll have fun. But it's still frustrating to always be the "single" in the group.<br />
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Anyway, I think people who aren't in my situation often don't know what to say or do. Which makes sense. And I think they honestly believe what they're saying. But it's never anything I want to hear.<br /><br />"Maybe you're a blessing to all these other kids in your life..."<br />"You are enough."<br />"God has amazing plans for you."<br />
"It won't always be like this."<br />
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Those are a few examples. And honestly, I can't say that I wouldn't say those things to a friend if the situation were reversed. So, I get it. <br />
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But let's be honest, none of those statements make you feel better. I'm thrilled that I have so many wonderful kids in my life. Seriously. They are fantastic and I love them all. But they aren't enough to make me be OK with the fact that I don't have any of my own and may never get to. And, I'm sure that I am, indeed, enough. But, I'm not satisfied with that. And if they were single, would they feel the same way? I'm a believing Christian (with currently wavering faith) and I've always thought God had great plans for me. And I held onto that for a very long time. But there comes a point where you think, "Does He?" And, the same is true for "It won't always be like this." No one <em>knows</em> that...but it's something to say (I understand). I've always hoped that it wouldn't always be like this. And yet, it is. Ugh. <br />
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And while my friends are a fantastic support system (only a few close friends know how low I feel right now), it's not enough. Feeling like this and then coming home to an empty house? Well, that does nothing to boost the spirits. And no, my family knows nothing, other than I'm sure they know I'd like to be married/have kids. My mom would freak out. She worries about everything. So, I can't talk to her about this stuff. And my siblings probably wouldn't give a crap, if I'm being honest. <br />
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Anyway, those are my random, rambling thoughts for today. I know...a real pick-me-up! <br /><br />Thank goodness for my single readers who DO "get" what this feels like, to varying degrees, I'm sure! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-72619647398952286612014-02-06T08:00:00.002-08:002014-02-06T08:00:33.404-08:00PDA. It's gross. So, I went to a Super Bowl party for work. Now, I don't care about the Super Bowl. At all. And, I really hate going anywhere on a Sunday night. But...<br /><br />The party itself was fine, even though people were allowed to bring spouses/significant others, so there were a lot of couples. I realize the world isn't "out to get me" whenever I'm at a couples party, but still. It sucks to feel like the loser who STILL doesn't have a significant other...even if no one else is thinking that. <br /><br />Most of the couples were fine, but there was one couple whose PDA was just too fricking much. I mean, seriously. At one point, I almost started counting the different things were doing...but quickly realized I might not be able to count that high. <br />
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<div>
Let me list the PDA I witnessed:</div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>Grabbing/patting each other's butts</li>
<li>Kissing on the lips</li>
<li>Kissing on the cheek</li>
<li>Sitting in folding chairs next to one another and the girl puts her legs over the guy's </li>
<li>Arms around each other</li>
<li>Nuzzling</li>
<li>Close talking</li>
<li>Giggling flirtatiously</li>
<li>Touching</li>
</ul>
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I'd like to tell you that I noticed all of this because I'm a bitter, single, old lady. But I can't tell you that. All I can tell you is that behavior would bother me no matter what.<br /><br />Now, I'm fine with general PDA. Ya know, the guy maybe gives his gal a quick peck on the cheek or whatever. Or they both put their arms around each other at some point. Obviously, that is normal. And I'd do that with my significant other (if I had one) at a party. <br /><br />But, when it's as excessive as the list I wrote above, and constant, I think it's just over the top. Couples that do this, in my opinion, are trying to prove something. I'm not sure <em>what</em>...but they want us to know they are deliriously happy and a COUPLE. I guess, I think, that if you're truly happy/secure in your relationship, you don't need to do all of that, IN PUBLIC. In your private time? GO FOR IT. <br /><br />And before you say, "Oh, but they've only been dating a couple months...," don't. This couple has now been dating for at least a year and living together for a bit, too. So, it's no longer a new thing.<br /><br />Anyway, that was super annoying to witness and not easy to get away from. I've asked my married friends about it and they all reacted the same way I did...so at least I know I'm not crazy. Right? Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-72236183743970965462014-02-06T07:36:00.003-08:002014-02-06T07:36:48.930-08:00Another year older...Well, I recently celebrated my birthday. And honestly, it wasn't too great. The thought of being ANOTHER year older, and nowhere near marriage/kids, is kind of depressing. <br /><br />I would love to cowgirl up and get a positive attitude and say "THIS is my year! THIS is the year it's all going to happen for me!" But, ya see, I've <em>done</em> that. Numerous times. Like, a lot. So...<br />
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It's very difficult to keep a positive attitude when you don't see any change or positive result. I can honestly say that I had a very positive "can do" attitude in 2012 and for parts of 2013. I was easy breezy about going out with friends to the bar (which I'm not normally a fan of) and pretty much went on any social invitation that came my way (date or not). And I wasn't TRYING to meet someone. I was merely open to being social and whatever that may or may not bring.<br />
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You know what it brought? Nothing. Not <em>one</em> chance encounter with someone while I was out. Not <em>one</em> date that came out of someone knowing someone that might be good for me. Not <em>one</em> exciting date opportunity. Nothing. <br /><br />Now, I'm not saying that gives me permission to be negative 24/7...but one could see why it would be hard to stay positive and hopeful. <br /><br />And the other difficult thing, is that everyone else's lives are seemingly moving forward. Whether it's celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary, another pregnancy, building and moving into a brand new home, going on a couples' trip... <br /><br />NONE of those things are going on in my life. Now, my life isn't completely boring. I obviously went on some amazing trips last year. But, I <em>do</em> believe those trips would have been <em>more</em> fun if I'd had a mate with me. I feel like it's somewhat boring: living in the same house, same job(s), same hobbies... I never feel like I have something cool to report. And I know that my married friends may not look at their stuff the same way I do, but that doesn't change how it feels to be the odd one out.<br /><br />Even the friends in my life who CHEATED WHILE MARRIED are dating people. I mean, are you kidding me? Seriously? I don't get <em>that</em> at all. <br /><br />So, I'm going to do my best to <em>try</em> and get a little positivity going. I can't make any guarantees, but I will <em>try</em>. <br /><br />Here's to 2014 being my year???<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353138871680092475.post-64876258943480589752014-02-06T07:17:00.000-08:002014-02-06T07:17:14.165-08:00People READ this blog? Woot!<br />Well, this is pretty cool. <br /><br />Ya know, you write these blog entries and you sometimes wonder if <em>anyone</em> actually reads them or follows it at all. Now, lucky for me, I've "met" many of you through your supportive and helpful comments to my posts. So, I always knew there were a <em>few</em> of you reading. <br /><br />But yesterday, I found out that DatingAdvice.com has named me as one of the year's "10 Best Dating Guide Blogs." Cool! <br /><br />The rankings were published yesterday and they'll be promoting it on-site and through other social media. If you want to see my write-up and the other blogs in the top 10, check out this link: <a href="http://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/10-best-dating-guide-blogs">http://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/10-best-dating-guide-blogs</a>.<br />
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Not a bad way to start the new year. I guess I better step up my game and make sure I'm posting often. <br /><br />I <em>will</em> say, I don't know how good my dating advice is on this site, but I do my best to represent the trials and tribulations of a girl living the single life, navigating all the crap we have to go through to find our "prince." <br /><br />Thanks to all of YOU for reading and being supportive! And thanks to DatingAdvice.com, too! <br />
<br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4