Single and Blogging It

The grass is always greener...

2012-02-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

It's so easy for me to get caught up in all the things I think are going wrong in my life. And then I start looking at everyone around me, who seemingly have the things I don't, and assume life is a bowl of cherries for them.

I had a little "aha" moment last weekend. I was talking with a friend (she & her hubby have a pretty good life going, and it would be easy to assume all is fab). Anyway, we were talking about her husband and she was saying he wasn't thrilled with his job or where he was at in life (happy with her, but not his career & social life). Anyway, I look at him and think, "You're making great money, you have a solid job, you love your wife...life is grand." But HE'S in the situation and still not fully happy.

While I wasn't happy to hear that he's feeling that way, I will say it gave me some much needed perspective. Just because I'm not married and don't have children (two things I really want) doesn't mean there aren't some pretty good things happening in my life.

We all have areas of our lives that aren't going the way we hoped or planned. It doesn't matter who has what, everyone's got their thing that bums them out. It's not like I didn't know this...but this was a good reminder.

Now, don't worry, I haven't turned into Sally Sunshine. But, I'm doing my best to enter 2012 with positivity and a better outlook. Last year was a such a mess, and this year can only get better!

New Year, New Hope?

2012-02-08T13:34:00.000-08:00

I'm behind on posts...and actually feel like I've got about 4-5 posts I could do, if I had time! Anyway, I'll get to those soon.

Today's post is all about positivity. I just celebrated a birthday last weekend. And, while last year's birthday (being so close to my dad's passing) was pretty much sucky, this year was fab. I wasn't really dreading it, even though I do get a bit down when a year passes with no change in my single status...

I slept in, awoke to wonderful posts on my FB page, and a text from family telling me to enjoy my massage appointment they'd made for me at a local spa. Very nice. Not to mention the countless lunches/dinners/cards & gifts throughout the days surrounding my bday.

I went out the night of my birthday and again the next night - had a blast both times! Anyway, it was a few days filled with fun, laughing, and good friends.

So far, 2012 is off to a great start! I'm making some positive financial changes, angling to make changes in my job, and training for another marathon (even ran a 20 miler over the weekend).

Now, I know I need to figure something out as far as dating goes, but I haven't got any bright ideas on that yet. I am sick of blind dates, don't particularly like online, and most everyone I know is married. So...I'm letting that marinate for now.

I feel very blessed to have the best friends on the planet and to have had a wonderful bday. It gives me hope that this could be a really great year.

Eating as a single...

2012-01-24T09:37:00.000-08:00

I'm curious, fellow single bloggers...what do you eat?

Do you actually cook meals? Do you eat fast food? Do you heat up microwaveable meals? Do you order pizza?

One of my biggest pet peeves about being single is meals. I'm not a cook (but I do love to bake), so I never really know what to make that doesn't make me feel like I'm 12 years old. For a long while, I'd make those Weight Watchers meals for lunch or dinner, then have some fruit or something. But those got old...and I'm not sure I could eat another one anytime soon.

Breakfast and lunch aren't that hard for me, but dinner is tricky. There are so many recipes I see on Pinterest that I'd like to try. All of them serve 6-8 people! Ugh! And yes, I'm aware I can divide out the recipe, but that is so annoying. Are there any recipes/books devoted to the single person?

Also, you buy the ingredients for this recipe that serves 6 people...you make 1/6 of it for yourself...and now you have all these ingredients and you don't know when/if you'll ever make it again! So now it's an expense/waste.

Sometimes it's just easier to order a pizza and chow down. Thank goodness I'm a runner!

Anyway, just wondering if this bothers any of you and if you have good suggestions?

Am I at that age YET?

2012-01-23T13:15:00.000-08:00

Recently, a friend called me to discuss a potential set-up. The guy was a good friend of hers and she wanted to scope out the potential. He's in his 40s (I have no issue with that - I'm trying to expand horizons), divorced, sounds nice, amicable divorce, etc.

Then she hits me with this. He's got FOUR kids. FOUR. All young.

As I spit out my drink...I regrouped.

Now, I have no problem with this guy having had kids already. I get it. He was married, they started a family...then the marriage failed. So, I'm not saying he's damaged goods. I've already accepted that the guy I (hopefully) meet and marry will likely have already been married once. That's just the odds.

But, do I have to accept that I'm going to be a stepmother? I'm still in my low 30s (ish) and I guess I thought I still had the option to meet/marry someone who hasn't yet had kids?

My friend (who is awesome) and I ended up having a very lengthy discussion about it. She could see where I was coming from, but I think she wanted me to entertain the idea.

I've said this before on this blog, but I'll state it again. I've had stepmothers...and they were both bad (for various reasons). While I know I'd make every effort to be a good stepmother, I don't have the desire to be one. When kids are involved, there is a forever link to the former spouse...and potential drama.

I'm aware my marriage/family will have a drama all it's own, but I'm just not up for additional issues. This is also, by the way, assuming a guy in his 40s with 4 kids wants to have MORE kids. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't (I wouldn't).

My family was broken when I was very young, and is still fairly broken to this day. My dream has always been to have my own family. I'm not claiming my family will be perfect, but it will be a big step up from what I grew up with. And, for me, that starts with having our own family unit (no step-parents/step-kids).

I'm aware this might sound jerky, but that's not my intention. I just think 4 kids is a LOT to walk into. And I'd rather be up front than go out with the guy and lead him on.

So, I choose to believe that I still have a few years before I have to throw in the towel and give up on motherhood (even though it's creeping closer to not happening every day). I choose to believe that there are plenty of single men out there (around my age) who also haven't yet had kids.

Am I crazy to believe that it could still happen?

I'm such a "big girl!"

2012-01-23T05:50:00.000-08:00

Well, here is what transpired with RC.

The more I thought about it, I knew I couldn't return his call and then say, "I wanted to call you back, to let you know I don't want to go out with you." Ugh. So, I figured there wouldn't be any harm in meeting for a casual dinner and see if that changed anything for me.

I returned his call the next night and we made plans to meet for dinner Thursday night. We met at a very casual place, and I figured meeting there would ensure it wasn't TOO date-like. Our conversation was fine, but again, there was just nothing there. It was like talking to an acquaintance or a casual friend. Still, I gave it my best shot.

Anyway, as the evening wound down, I thanked him for dinner. He then said he'd give me another call so we could do it again.

Watch out. This is where I become an adult...hope you can handle it.

I decided to just be up front with him right then and there, in the moment. So, I told him that while I thought he was nice, I just didn't think there was a connection there. And I told him that I didn't want to be dishonest or lead him to think something further was going to happen. He handled it very well, saying he appreciated it and he totally understood.

DONE.

We walked out together and said good night. No real harm done.

It felt SO good to leave the date knowing I wouldn't have to stress about him calling/texting to set another date up. Or to stress about returning the call or the friend who set it up being upset with me.

I've been criticized on this blog before for texting/avoiding discussion about not wanting to go on further dates, so it felt good to do the "right" thing.

So, while the date isn't going to go anywhere, I think it was a good jumping off point for 2012. I've started the year handling that situation in a positive and mature way, which is good!

Yay me!

First set-up of 2012

2012-01-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

OK, I need some advice from my blogger friends who are experienced daters!

So, the other day, a married couple I'm friends with told me they had someone in mind for me. They gave a quick description and I indicated we could do a group/casual thing, just to meet. We all met at the local bowling alley, my friends, their 2 boys, me, and the guy. We'll call him RC.

RC and I arrived first and we chatted while we waited for our friends. He's a perfectly nice guy, but do you know what I mean when I say there was nothing there? It's not like he was a jerk or hideously unattractive, and yet, I just didn't feel a thing. And, the litmus test - could I picture myself kissing him? NO.

So, our friends arrived and we bowled a few games. We all had a good time bowling and it was very casual/laid back, as I had hoped. I had to sneak out early, to make it to another gathering.

My friend texted me that night, asking what I thought. I replied that RC "seemed like a nice guy," and didn't say anything more.

Fast forward to Monday, when my friend (who works with RC) texts me that it's RC's birthday on Tuesday. Why do I need to know this? I don't have this guy's number, email...anything. I texted back, "Um, ok?" Anyway, my friend wanted me to know that, just in case RC and I spoke on Tuesday. Then he said, "since he did ask for your number this morning."

So I replied that I thought he was nice, but wasn't sure it was a match. Watch out, here's where I messed up - then I said "I guess I could try a one on one." Now, in my defense, I had hoped my friend would ASK me if it's ok to pass along my number.

Cut to last night, when RC phoned me. The first call, he didn't leave a voicemail. The second call, he left a voicemail - wanting to get together for dinner sometime this week.

First question: Should my friend have asked me whether or not he could give this guy my number? Just curious.

Second question: I don't really want to go any further with this guy, but now I feel like I have to do a dinner/date. What are my options? I'm planning to call him back tonight...so don't worry, I'm not going to ignore/not respond. Do I go to dinner with him and then let him know there's no connection? Ugh, how do I get myself in these situations?

Taking advice...GO!

2011 Roundup

2012-01-18T05:58:00.001-08:00

Hello readers (if you're still there?)! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and that 2012 is off to a great start.

Well, Christmas was a struggle for me this year, even though I really tried to make it a good day. It still was what it was and I was fairly weepy. New Year's, however, was a good time - I went to a great party where we all dressed up. It was a fun group of people and a good way to ring in 2012.

2011 was, overall, a bit of a suckfest. My dad passed away in January, my car was keyed, an uninsured driver rear ended me, had some setups that didn't work out, tried out for something I really wanted and it didn't work out, had foot surgery... I could go on.

Now, I realize there are people who had FAR worse 2011s than I did. I'm aware. It was just a tough year overall and I'm glad to put it behind me.

My goal for 2012 is to try and be positive. I want to have a better year, and I can control some of that. I can't control everything, but I can do my best to have a good outlook.

There are several things I'd like to do:

- Refinance my house (thus saving me some money)
- Pay off some debt (nothing too crazy, but I'll be glad to have it done)
- Keep my eyes open for a new job/opportunity (and pursue it if I find it)
- SAVE money. I've been far too lazy in this area, mostly because it only affects me (right now)
if I don't have any savings.
- Have some fun, go on a girls' weekend and do a little shopping (which will directly negate the
"save money" goal)
- And yes, I should probably make some changes in the dating department. I don't yet know
what those will be, but what I've been doing isn't working.

So, I think this is a good start. Change is difficult, but I'm determined that 2012 is going to be a better year!

What are YOU doing in 2012?

Christmas cheer?

2011-12-14T08:35:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, what happened to November? I'm sure I've had random thoughts to blog about, but, alas, I neglected to do it! Well, some of you are probably thankful for that!

I can't think of anything to catch you up on, so I'll just blog about what's on my mind right now.

So, being single at Christmas. It's sucky.

My family usually goes to church together (whomever is in town that year) on Christmas Eve, and then we eat dinner and open presents afterward. I typically don't have any plans on Christmas Day, but have gone to a movie with my mom the last few years.

Well...this year is different. My out of state sibling and family will be coming here to celebrate Christmas, but they're coming after Christmas. So, we'll be celebrating on the 30th. While I'm glad we'll all get to hang out, I'm a bit bummed that that leaves me alone on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. I don't know, it just seems sort of depressing.

I literally have nowhere to go/nothing to do on those days. Ya know why? Because I'm single. I don't have my husband's family to visit or time to spend with my own husband/children for Christmas. It's a crappy reminder.

To make matters worse, my dad passed away on the 25th of January, so Christmas Day will be nearly a year since his passing. Ugh.

I know, I know...I'm being a negative Nelly, but I can't help it. And yes, a few people have invited me to spend Christmas Eve with them. And that is SO kind and SO thoughtful, seriously. And I do appreciate it. But, I just don't think I'd have any more fun at someone else's family Christmas than I would just being home alone. The whole time I'm there, I'll know I'm there because they knew I had nowhere else to be. And it's a reminder that I don't belong in that group.

Does this make any sense?

And Christmas is NOT about gifts, I know this. But lately, as I hear my friends talk about their spending limits with their spouses, I want to scream. One friend's limit is $500 PER spouse? I can't imagine asking for $500 worth of stuff! Am I crazy?

We draw names in my family, so I will be getting something that cost $25, and whatever small items my mom gets me. That's it. Grand total will be nowhere near $500!

Anyway, all of this put together has me a bit down about Christmas this year. And maybe, if I feel like this, it would be better to just stay at home.

I think that's all there is...

2011-11-07T11:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I did shoot "PB" a quick text last Wednesday, just asking if he made it home, etc. He replied, but never initiated anything further.

So, last night, I decided to send him another quick text, about a race I'd done this weekend. He replied fairly quick, but again, that was it.

I don't want to get into, "It's his turn to make a move," blah blah blah...but...

I do feel like I've made some efforts (even though it's just little texts) and maybe he would have to initiate something at this point. Right?

The last thing I want is to be chasing him and driving him nuts.

While I'm glad to have met him, and we did indeed have fun...it's almost a bit of a let down. I mean, I never meet guys like him where I live. NEVER. So, to meet one that I'm attracted to, like, and have fun with...and he doesn't live anywhere near me? Well...it sucks a little bit.

It's like having this carrot dangled in front of you and then having it snatched away...while the person dangling it laughs an evil laugh, "Mwahhahahahaha!!!"

Also, it's not like I thought this guy was the one or whatever. But, he had potential...and I would have enjoyed getting to know him better - to see if things could go anywhere.

Back to square one, I guess...

PS This is exactly why I don't get "excited" anymore about dating. It's much easier for me to keep my cool and take things as they come. Because, when I used to get my hopes up...the letdown was all the more upsetting.

What would you do?

2011-11-02T06:41:00.000-07:00

OK, so my cute date from the weekend - we'll call him "PB," is now back home...which is nearly 1,000 miles from where I live.

We had dinner at my friend's house Monday night, which was good. And then he drove me home and walked me to my door. I honestly felt like neither of us knew what to say. I mean, clearly there is interest on both sides...otherwise, why spend time alone together and go on dates - when you're only in town a few days?

So, he said something about being friends on Facebook and then kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug (he's a great hugger, by the way). I told him it was great to meet him and that I had fun.

Now, I already said I'm fine if what it was is what it was. Really, I am. I mean, it sucks in the sense that I finally met someone who has a lot of the things I look for, and he lives far away. But, I can appreciate it as it is.

But I also get the sense that he was attracted to me...and wonder if he would be interested in something more?

So now I'm just not sure if there is really anything I should do next. I mean, should I text/call him, just to say hi? Or should I wait and see if he makes any contact? Or should I just acknowledge that it was a little fling and be done with it?

THIS is the part of dating that I absolutely abhor. I hate the wondering and uncertainty. If he lived here...or even an hour away, I wouldn't have any of these questions. I'd know that I could text/call him and it wouldn't be weird. I assume we'd have gone out on more dates.

But, he doesn't live here...so I'm in a quandary about what to do. So, I open it up to my readers. Guide me!!!

A new prospect...

2011-10-31T09:01:00.001-07:00

You'll never believe what happened to me this weekend! OK, it's not that exciting...but still.

On Saturday, I ran a local race that a friend of mine won. I had to rush off to another commitment, but she stayed back to socialize. Anyway, she talked up the male winner and somehow invited him (a total stranger) to the Halloween party we were attending that night. (He is from out of state.)

Side note: Love my friend, but think it's totally weird she invited him to someone else's party and she barely knew him. But, I digress...

So, he ended up coming to the party and we chatted/hit it off. Numbers were exchanged...plans were made to get together on Sunday. Well...we had a coffee date...then a run that afternoon, and then dinner/movie last night.

Yes, yes, I know it's a lot in one day. But he's only here a few days and we enjoy each other's company. He's very attractive...let's just start there. Very. And, we have many similar views/interests, and conversation (so far) has flowed pretty easily. I suspect he's younger than me...by 5ish+ years. Not sure if that's an issue or not?

Anyway, so far, so good. Who knows if it's just a casual hanging out thing while he's here, or if it's potentially something else? He referred to last night as our first date...so that tells me he might be thinking in that direction. But whatever, I'm just taking it one bit at a time...no pressure on myself.

On the other hand...the friend who (sort of) arranged this is driving me batty! Constant texts, asking about every detail and if I'm SO excited, and what we're doing, and if I like him, and blah blah blah. She's suffocating me!

I know it comes from a good place, but it just adds pressure to a situation that doesn't need it. And really, we don't know what (if anything) this is...so how about we take it down a notch, shall we?

I'm going to need to tell her to back off a bit, because I don't plan to report my every single thought about him/us to her, or anyone else, for that matter.

On the fun side...while watching the movie, he totally grabbed my hand and it was really sweet. It didn't feel forced or awkward, which is how I have felt in the past with a guy that maybe I wasn't really in to.

So, no matter what, it was an unexpected thing - and if nothing comes from it - I had some fun with him and good conversation!

Rude much?

2011-10-24T05:55:00.000-07:00

So...I had a situation recently that made me wonder if I was the crazy one. After discussing with several friends (married with & without children), I've come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, NOT crazy.

Here is what happened...

A few weeks ago, I got a text from an acquaintance. Now, I like this woman, her husband, and her 2 kids, but I wouldn't call them friends. We socialize maybe twice a year and I never call her just to chat or go do something. And I would never call/ask her for a favor, because I'd feel like I was imposing, since we aren't close friends.

Anyway, she and two of my friends (a married couple) were going to a big game that Saturday. She texted me asking if I could watch her kids for 2 hours in the morning. Now, it's not that I'm not willing to help out, but I was a little shocked that she'd ask that of me...an acquaintance?

I couldn't watch them the whole 2 hours, but offered 45 minutes - assuming she wouldn't take me up on it. Well, she DID take me up on that. So, I agreed to do it. (If a friend told me they could only help for 45 minutes, I 1) wouldn't take them up on it, because why inconvenience them for such a short amount of time, and 2) I'd figure something else out as 45 minutes wouldn't seem worth it.)

Later that night, she called me, and I thought she was just calling to say thank you. Well, she was... But then she said, "Well, we've pieced together child care for most of the day Saturday..." Oh, frick - she's going to ask me for MORE? Seriously?

So, she asked if I was busy at 9:30pm that night...and if I could go pick up her kids, then bring them home, do the bedtime routine, then WAIT for them to get home from the game, which ended up being close to midnight.

Here's the thing - I know that I could, SHOULD, have said no. But, being single and childless, I knew she figured I probably had nothing going on at 9:30 at night. I mean, what excuse could I give?

I agreed to do it, even though I was floored she was asking this of me. It totally messed up my previously "free" day to get things done.

When I got there the next morning, the husband said, "Thanks for doing this...we were trying to think, 'Who wouldn't be watching the game?'" Um, I actually DO watch the games from time to time and if I wasn't watching the game - WHY would I want to cart your kids around instead? Seriously?

Bottom line - If i'm not a good enough friend to consider inviting to the game, then I'm probably not someone you should ask to babysit your kids. And, by the way, isn't that what babysitters are for?

NONE of my actual close friends would ever ask me to do something like this, EVER. They were all floored and annoyed. To me, the whole thing showed a lack of thought, and a lot of selfishness. All they cared about was going to the game.

Side note - the kids know me alright, but not well. They had to ask what my name was when I picked them up that night...yah, we are SO close.

She did give me a gift card, so that was nice. But really, I'd rather have my Saturday back. I can get myself a gift card. It's the principle of the thing.

Lesson learned? First of all, I will never agree to do something like this ever again - unless it's for close friends who are in an emergency family situation. Secondly, I need to learn that I can say no and not give a reason. It wasn't my problem that they didn't have child care...it was theirs. So, I could/should have said I wasn't available, and then not given any reason. I don't owe them an explanation. This is something I'll have to work on, for sure!

As always, I love to get your feedback!

Has this happened to you?

2011-10-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

I headed to the grocery store last night after my workout. I only needed a few random items, so I was hoping it would be a quick, uninterrupted trip.

Do you ever just wish you could go to the store and not run into/see anyone you know? Don't get me wrong, I'm a social gal, but sometimes I just want to get in, and get out.

Lately, I feel like I always see someone I know, and then you have to chit chat (sometimes with someone you don't particularly care for), and then you see someone else. Before you know it, your 10 minute trip has turned into 45 minutes.

As I was walking in last night, I saw a woman who works in my building. We know each other enough to recognize, but not each other's names, jobs, etc. Luckily, she didn't see me...so I continued on into the store.

I quickly grabbed the items on my list and was roaming down an aisle, when I glanced to my right and saw Ben #2 in another aisle. I'm not gonna lie, I panicked a bit. And yes, I realize I was overreacting.

The last time I saw/spoke to Ben #2 was at a race in February, so it's been a while. We are still FB friends, but never comment on each other's stuff.

I will be honest with you all...I spent the rest of my time in the store, dodging and making sure we didn't run into one another. Then I headed toward the registers and saw him going there...so I hid in the candy aisle...where I totally put some mini Reese's PBs in my basket. Grrr!

Do I realize this is lame of me? Of course. Did I want to run into him and have an awkward conversation? No.

Here's the thing...I wouldn't say we were ever "in a relationship." We went on a few dates, my dad passed away during the time we were just getting to know one another, and then things fizzled. I don't regret my decision, as I don't think he and I are a match. However, I wouldn't say he and I are really friends either.

So, if I'd run into him last night...I guess I wasn't sure how the conversation would go? I mean, I felt like it would just be awkward/uncomfortable for both of us.

To be fair to myself, I'm pretty sure I would have avoided anyone I knew last night - I was on a mission to get my things and get home!

So, I checked out...and then saw someone else I knew as I was leaving. Are you kidding me?

Within a 10 minute span of time, I ran into 3 people I knew. Do I need to move?

Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle it? I'll take any advice I can get!

Ewwww...

2011-10-20T06:24:00.000-07:00

So, last night, I'm on the couch, watching TV and relaxing.

Out of nowhere, a spider is on my carpet, quickly moving toward me. He. Was. HUGE.

Don't believe me?

All I could think was, "What the heck am I going to do?" Yes, I've killed numerous bugs & spiders before, but they were much smaller than this guy.

And then the worse thought, "What if I don't catch him...and he's just IN the house now, somewhere, waiting..."

After some very heavy breathing and a few freak-outs, I grabbed an old running shoe and clobbered him. But it wasn't over. I still have to pick him up and get him to the toilet, to be flushed into oblivion.

I grabbed a wad of toilet paper, that can only be described as a full roll of toilet paper, and went back to the scene of the crime.

I grabbed him, tossed him in the toilet, flushed, and proceeded to jump up and down in a freaked out, full on panic.

My new fear is that his family is still residing somewhere/various places in my home. That should keep me up at night for a while.

I realize I shouldn't want a man in my life solely for the purpose of being the bug/spider killer, but I really could have used a guy last night. I've been doing this stuff on my own for a long time now - and I still freak out. I'm never going to be the girl that is all, "Oh, no biggie...let me just grab that and take care of it..." No. I'm going to be the girly girl, freaking out, jumping up and down, clapping my hands in a tizzy. That is me...whether I'm killing the bug or I'm watching my fella (if only!) take care of it for me.

Another potential set-up...

2011-10-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, one of my friends randomly texted me about a potential set-up. She gave me some info about the guy and asked if she could move forward. Because I'm apparently a glutton for punishment, I told her she could set something up, but keep it casual - maybe a group thing.

Cut to 3 weeks later and I'm on the phone with a mutual friend of ours. This friend asks me how my date went. Um, what? Huh?

I realize I can be overly snippy, but here were my immediate thoughts.

1) I'd not heard ANYthing about a date with this person for over 3 weeks.
2) Why would someone else that's not involved with the date, know about it before the person actually going on the date?

Things like this get to me...and it's largely why I abhor being set up. I informed the mutal friend that nothing had been set up and that I hadn't heard anything for a while. To which she says, "Oh, well I'll follow up with her on that."

Um, why would YOU follow up with her? Is this YOUR date? I don't think so. This is actually MY potential date, and I'll follow up with her if I want to. I don't really need you to intervene for me, I'm 34. Again, I know my friend thought she was helping, but I guess I'm just saying it isn't really her place to do so.

So, this friend checks up on the situation and then I get an email from the original setter upper. Apparently someone was out of town and that's why there was a delay in setting up. Anyway, now we are in the "planning" phase, potentially something next week.

When someone offers to set me up, and I agree, I guess I just don't feel it's my job to then hound them and ask about it all the time. I figured my friend had either a) forgotten about the whole thing or b) was in process. I'm not going to go chasing it down - especially when I didn't initiate. That's just me, I guess.

The other thing, our mutal friend has now been invited. A while back, I decided to stop telling people when/if I was being set up. Of course, I tell my blog readers - duh! But, it just got too hard fielding the many phone calls the day after a date and having to explain why I did/didn't like the guy/date. So, I find it's easier to keep it to myself and whomever sets us up and only tell very close friends or whomever I choose. When I went out with Ben #2 last year - there was no way to NOT tell friends, because a ton of them were there the night we met. Ugh.

It was a hard lesson to learn and took me a while, but I've committed to it! And I hadn't told ANYone about this setup. But then my friend tells our mutual friend and voila...people now know. And I'd prefer that friend isn't there, because she tends to tell me how I acted. Like, whether I looked at the guy, talked to the guy, laughed, didn't laugh, etc. I'm not a dream date, but I do know from experience that I'm totally fine on a date - friendly, animated, etc. So, I don't need an audience, thank you. I figured the "group" would be me, the guy, my friend and maybe his friend who thought of the setup? Random people...

So, you may read this and think, "Holy crap, she is highly sensitive!" And I get that. But hopefully you'll see some of my points?

Has anything similar happened to any of you?

Sucktastic...

2011-10-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I've clearly been on an unintentional hiatus from my blog. I apologize, to any who actually read my blog.

It turns out that my bad luck has continued to spiral downward, since my last post.

I went to dinner and a movie with a friend, only to find that someone had keyed my car at some point during that evening. So, I had to pay the $250 deductible to have that little situation fixed.

Then, 2 weeks ago, I was rear ended...by an uninsured driver. Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY? You have GOT to be fricking kidding me! I got out of my car, somewhat startled, and he says, "Um, I'm between insurance right now..." Yah, I'll just BET you are. Police were called, I'm sure this guy is in a spot of trouble, and I have to run the whole thing through my insurance - of course. So, another deductible - $500 - is coming out of MY pocket.

If you are doing the math, that means I will have spent nearly $1,000 on my car this year - for things I had nothing to do with. Things like this drive me batty. I mean, my insurance will sue him to get the money back, but I'm not holding my breath that I'll ever see my $500 again.

Not to mention the minor whiplash I sustained - that's been super fun. I think my favorite part was having a headache for 7 days straight. Good times.

Anyway...things have continued their level of suckiness and I guess I couldn't think of anything to post about.

2011 has been a horrible year, I can barely think of anything good that happened this year. So, I will not be sad to see 2011 go - SOON!

More bad luck and ewwwww...

2011-08-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

Well, just when I thought my luck couldn't get worse, it did.

I went for a run on the local trail yesterday. I had already run on it twice this week, with no issues. I should also note that I've run this trail hundreds of times and not once had an incident.

Cut to yesterday afternoon...

I took off and was enjoying my run. About a mile and a half into my run, I came to an underpass, where I saw a guy hanging out there. My gut instinct told me he was suspicious, but he wasn't doing anything at that time. Heck, even after I passed him, I said (to myself), "I hope he's not a rapist." Then I felt pretty stupid and continued on my way.

I turned around after 3 miles and headed back. By this time, I'd pretty much forgotten about suspicious guy. Well, I rounded a bridge, and was running a straightaway, toward the previously mentioned underpass.

When I got there, the SAME guy was sitting in the same spot, only he was completely exposed on his lower half and he was jacking off (for lack of a better word). He was smiling right at me. I did a double take, as I was completely shocked. Once he knew I saw what he was doing, and after I passed him, he got up.

I thought he got up to chase after me and I was scared out of my mind. I kept looking behind me for the rest of my run, pretty freaked out.

As I was on my way back, I saw several kids on bikes, headed in that guy's direction. Ugh.

I called the non-emergency police when I was done. They immediately dispatched officers to the location and sent a sergeant over to speak with me. Based on my description, they think they know who it is, so that is good.

Needless to say, that pretty much wrecked what was left of my afternoon/evening. I've heard of things like this happening, but never experienced it. It was awful. It was scary. It was disgusting.

It's unfortunate that we live in a world where people do things like this, for no apparent reason.

By the way, the sergeant said that mine was the FIRST report of indecent exposure (in our area) this year! Um, I'm honored? No!!!!!!!!!!!!

Facebook Quandary...

2011-08-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

Like so many, I'm on Facebook. And, while I was reluctant to join at first, I will admit that I like it. Of course, there are parts of it that annoy me, but overall, I like being able to connect with long lost friends.

Here's the thing, though. I like to connect, via Facebook, with people I was once actually friends with. We all know that when you have 500 Facebook friends, you're not REALLY close with all 500 with them. But, you likely once had a connection with them and now you can follow their current life situation.

My biggest pet peeve about Facebook, and I guess certain FB users, is that they'll friend someone they were never really friends with. Am I the only one bothered by this?

Recently, I've been friended by a few people from college. For starters, they were juniors or seniors when I was a freshman. Did I know them? Yes. Were we friends? No. Were we enemies? No. We were just "meh."

So, if I came across these people on FB, my only thought would be, "Oh, yah, I remember her from college." And then I would move on...without friending them. So, it bothers me that they would see my name/profile pop up and think, "Oh yah, I really need to friend her."

Prime example: A girl from college friended me a while back, and I accepted. Yes, my bad for accepting if I really didn't want to be friends with her. Anyway... I was cleaning out my friends one day, and deleted her. I've not given her a second thought. Today, a friend request from her popped up on my FB. Seriously?

I guess, if I somehow figured out that someone deleted/defriended me, I certainly wouldn't friend them again. Would you? And again, I must reiterate that she and I were never friends. Not at all. I couldn't tell you one thing about her, other than her name.

The bonus to FB? An ex-girlfriend of my brother's recently messaged me and it was SO great to hear from her. So, we're now in touch again...which I love. I guess you have to take the bad with the good?

Anyway, do I just go ahead and ignore this girl's friend request? It's probably high time I go through and clean out my friends again. Anyone else deal with these FB situations?

Worst deejay EVER & a few other things...

2011-07-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

So, I attended a wedding reception last weekend. The bride is a casual friend from work...aka, I was shocked to be invited to the reception. Another male friend of hers/mine was going, so at least I wasn't totally going to be alone.

Now, it's safe to say, this girl, her new hubby, and their friends/family were not going to be my type of crowd. And, I'm NOT judging...but it directly correlates to the number of tattoos they all have...compared to the zero I have.

I have friends with tattoos...but this was on a whole new level. It was more of a biker crowd. And again, that is fine. But I tend to not have much in common with that crowd.

People were dressed ridiculously casual for a wedding reception...but I digress.

So, my friend and I sat at a table with two other couples, who work where the bride and I work. I didn't know either couple particularly well, but well enough to chit chat. So, the one couple was newly married and I'd never formally met either of them. Literally, we JUST met that night (this is important in the coming story). We were all friendly enough, just basic chit chat.

All of us ate our meals and then talked about getting some cake. There were 3 flavors - chocolate, champagne, and red velvet. So, the newlyweds decided to try a few flavors and brought them back.

My friend and I did the same thing. I grabbed 2 pieces of red velvet and went back to the table. He grabbed 2 pieces of champagne and brought them back. Now, he grabbed me a giant piece of champagne. I was like, "What the heck? Why such a big piece?" But, whatever.

So, I ate my red velvet - it was delish - and left my champagne cake to sit for a bit. Later on, I was waiting for my friend, and bored, so I was sort of picking at the champagne cake. Please note, I was not MOWING down on it or shoving it in my face.

Mr. Newlywed Stranger Guy Whom I Don't Know & Doesn't Know Me says, "Wow, you must really like cake!" And then he and his wife proceed to laugh. I was more than irritated, but handled it well. I said, "Well, yah, this is good. And I'm a runner, so I can eat things like this." And then it got quiet. I sort of stopped eating my cake, as I was a bit self conscious. He then said, "Oh, sorry..." (Side note: this guy and his wife were not particularly thin/fit people. they weren't fat, but I'm just saying...not fit either)

Uh huh.

Here's the thing. I'm not a Sensitive Sally, I promise. But I think that's a pretty bold comment to make to a complete stranger. If I were sitting next to a 500 pound stranger, who was eating 6 pieces of cake, it still wouldn't occur to me to say something like that. Not to mention, I myself am not a large individual...so do we need to comment on whether or not I like cake?

I guess I just feel like he was a little too comfortable saying that. And most of my friends have agreed. Your thoughts?

I just want to eat my food and not be watched/bothered about it. Furthermore, I don't give a crap what you eat. Go to town! Eat UP, I say!

Anyway, on to the deejay. From the get go, this guy was AWFUL. He really liked to hear himself talk. He went on and on about the night, then gave us the schedule for the evening, then "riffed" a little more, and THEN someone gave a prayer before we lined up to eat.

As we waited for our table to get in line for food...we were subjected to the many moronic things this guy was saying. And you could tell other people were annoyed as well.

So, they start the dancing, with the first dance for the couple. Situation normal.

Then they do the father/daughter dance. No problem.

And then, then, he brings ALL the married couples to the teeny tiny dance floor. I have no problem with this...other than the tiny pathetic group left sitting at random tables. You know, the SINGLE people. GASP!

So, he talks for what seemed like 30 minutes...basically saying they were going to put music on and during the dance, couples married less than 5 years leave the dance floor, then 10, and so on. We've seen this before, right?

Usually it's done within a few minutes, no?

Well, he talked ad nauseum...about God knows what and it lasted forEVER! It took extremely long just to get to the point where you had the 4 couples who'd been married more than 50 years left...and they looked exhausted! He then walked around to each couple...asking when/how they got married. None of the couples had too much to say. It was so painful. But, he kept talking anyway!

FINALLY, that horrific display was over.

Not so fast, my friend. Not so fast.

The famous "chicken dance" was about to start and the bride grabbed me to go on the dance floor. So, I grabbed my friend - that's only fair, right? As I'm approaching the dance floor, I say (under my breath, and sarcastically), "This is so unfair." Well, the deejay heard me and proceeded to repeat what I said...into his MICROPHONE! He then proceeded to harp on me for the next 5 minutes, for no reason, in front of everyone.

I was mortified. The one thing I do NOT want, is attention on me. Especially when I'm not doing anything of note.

At this point, I'm hoping he'll leave me alone. But I don't notice that the bride has, for some reason, told him I'm a chicken dance expert (he'd asked, I guess). So, he announces my name, everyone looks at me, and he continues to say my name and point to me.

Another 5 minutes go by, him talking...blah blah blah.

Finally, we are ready to start the chicken dance. During the dance, he calls out the stuff and then tells people to look at me for direction. Honestly, I wanted to crawl into a hole. Nightmare.

Bottom line, this guy sucked. I've been to a lot of weddings, people. A LOT. Trust me when I say he is the worst deejay I've ever had the displeasure of being around.

Awful.

Body Image - it's all perception

2011-07-07T12:56:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, so I figured I'd ramble to my blog readers about it!

Women are often so hard on themselves, in many areas, but especially their looks, figure, appearance, etc. And I'm no exception.

Growing up, I always felt awkward because I was taller than everyone else (and also weighed more). By the time I was in college (other than a one year weight gain, which I lost), I was pretty comfortable with myself. I still had issues, but wasn't a constant wreck about it. I spent the bulk of my twenties worrying about that 10 pounds, or something about my face, or my figure, etc.

Throughout all of these times, I was active, not overweight, and pretty fit. So, looking back, I want to yell at that girl. I want to say, "You are an idiot! Quit whining about something that doesn't matter!" But, alas, my older self wasn't around to help me out...

By the time I hit 30, I was so much more comfortable with my body, and myself. I mean, seriously. I've often passed that along to my younger friends, letting them know that your 30s can be a great relief, where you just accept your body.

Here are some of the realizations I came to:

* My legs may not be super skinny, but they are strong. They allow me the ability to run long distances, and to run faster.
* My chest might be small, but it enhances my petite upper body. Also, I don't have pesky double D's impeding my running.
* My waist is small, allowing me to wear a small dress size that would NEVER be my actual pant size. EVER. And I never have to do sit-ups!
* My butt is large and in charge, but it also provides strength in my running.
* I'm tall. Get over it. The bonus of my height is that I can gain a few pounds and no one really notices - there's more room for it to hide!

The point is, I figured out how to NOT obsess about my body. And it sort of happened naturally. When I look back and think about the time I wasted worrying about it, it irritates me.

Now, does this mean that I don't still have setbacks? Of course not. Like, right now, I would like to lose maybe 5-10 pounds. I don't NEED to lose them, but I'd LIKE to. And I'd like to lose them from my thigh/butt region, as no other area has put on weight (of course).

Here's the funny thing...I'll be thinking, "ugh, I've got to get with the program...and lose this butt!" Then I'll run into my good friend Lacey, who says, "OMG, you are SO skinny! I can't get over it. Your legs, everything, you are just skinny!"

I always tell her I'd like to have her around at all times. Isn't it funny how her view of me is completely different than mine? Sometimes I see gigantic legs/butt in the mirror, when in reality, they are probably totally normal (and skinny, to my friend). To be clear, they are not skinny, trust me. But, they are likely pretty normal size.

Our minds can distort things to the point that we drive ourselves crazy. I am striving to keep the negative voices out and focus on the positives. I'm healthy, active, and nowhere near obesity.

Here's to all of us loving ourselves and cutting ourselves a break!

Honk honk!

2011-06-07T13:25:00.001-07:00

So, I'm leaving work to go home for lunch today. And, as I'm crossing the street, some guy in his car honks at me and then waves.

I don't know this guy. Never seen him before in my life.

Now, before I rant, let me say that I am aware that I should be flattered and that he just felt like honking...blah, blah, blah.

But...

I just wonder WHAT I'm supposed to do/think when someone honks/hollers/whistles at me (or anyone else, for that matter). What would he have done if I had turned and run toward his car? What would he have done if I flashed him, right there, in the middle of the street? Should I have shouted my phone number to him?

I did none of those things. I just turned when he honked, then continued walking to my car.

I rarely feel flattered when this happens. Mostly, I am annoyed. Because, it NEVER occurs to me to honk at someone, even if the guy was gorgeous and right in front of me. I just don't see the point.

Same reason I get annoyed when cars honk at my friend and I when we're running. We obey the traffic rules and when someone honks, it scares the crap out of us...it doesn't get us all giddy that some idiot thinks we're cute or whatever.

What is the purpose of the honk? I guess I just don't get it... It's not like I got in my car and thought, "Oh boy, I must look super hot today, for that random stranger to honk at me from across the street!!!"

I'm back!!!

2011-06-07T06:08:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I'm sure you've missed me, right? :-)

I got back from my mini vaca last week and then had a crazy busy weekend. So, I'm finally feeling like I'm caught back up on my house, work, life, etc.

Vacation was good. I needed to get away and just relax, read, and hang out. I am vowing that this will be the summer of reading! I have a lot of books I want to read and everything on tv will be repeats anyway. I really hope to get in some massive reading. Any book recommendations are welcome!

As for the funk, I would say I'm still in it. I'm doing my best to "put on a brave face," but the feelings and frustration are still there. It's not like going on vacation makes that go away. I'm home now, back to my life that I'm not so thrilled about. And I still haven't come up with any bright ideas on what to do about that. Again...feedback is welcomed. ;-)

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying the beginnings of summer!

One Year Anniversary (Blog)

2011-05-19T10:25:00.000-07:00

And, I just realized that I started this blog exactly ONE year ago today!

I'll take this post to thank all of my readers (whether there are 2 or 200 of you) for taking the time to stop by. And, even better, taking the time to share your insights, frustrations, and opinions with me. Whether you agree with me or not, I always appreciate the feedback.

This blog has become a safe place for me to vent and meet other like-minded people. It reminds me that I'm actually NOT the only single gal out there (even if it feels like it sometimes)!

Thanks for your support and I hope I continue to post things that are worthy of being read!

Here's to all of us fine, single ladies finding someone worthy of our fabulous-ness!

Melt-down...

2011-05-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

So, a good friend called the other night, but I was running, so I couldn't take the call. Then, I check FB yesterday, to find out she and her family are moving (due to her hubby's job) to Australia!

She called again on my way home from work and we got to chat a bit. I'm so excited for her and her family - what an amazing opportunity. Seriously!

BUT...

There's always a but. You knew there'd be one, didn't you?

I can't lie and say that my heart didn't drop when I read the news. Not because I'm not genuinely thrilled for her. But, at this stage of my life, where I feel like it sucks, it's hard to read about yet another person - moving forward, doing something exciting in their life.

And here I sit...day in and day out, the same old stuff. No progress whatsoever. Ugh.

So, I did my best on the phone, but of course, the tears started coming out of nowhere. I didn't want to ruin her news, so I tried to cover as much as I could. When we were done talking about the particulars of the move, she asked, "So, how are you? What's new?"

Ugh again. "Um, nothing new here. My life still sucks, my stepmom is awful, and nothing in my life has changed - oh yah, and I'm still hopelessly single."

Oh wait, that isn't a good response? OK, I told her nothing was new and I didn't have much to report. But, being the good friend she is, I think she could tell I wasn't totally myself. So, the tears came again and I couldn't hold them in. I told her I felt SO bad because this is HER news and I don't want to be the big bummer stamp on it.

She's so great, too. She's like, "Oh my gosh, that doesn't matter! We're friends and we should talk about this stuff!"

The point is, I feel like I'm so frustrated that it's actually difficult to hear other people's good news. And that is SO not who I am. I'm the girl who's thrilled for people when something great happens and I grieve with them when something bad happens.

And, of course, I want all of my friends/family to have good things in their lives. It's just, I sort of would like to have some of those same good things happen in MY life as well. Is that too much to ask?

Another friend said someone quoted this to him: "When something good happens to someone, you view it as a piece of pie being taken away from YOU. But, God has a huge pie, with endless pieces for everyone."

My reply? "God has endless pieces, but he's just not giving ME any?" Ha, ha.

I just feel left behind in this thing called life. And, again, I'm aware I have it pretty good in comparison to the world.

The worst part? Here I am crying and wanting to curl up in a ball on the couch...but I didn't have time to do that. How pathetic is that? I had to go to one of my extra jobs and was still wiping tears off as I walked in (also sporting some fresh red eyes). My preference would have been to stay home and I'm sure I'd have cried full out.

Theme for this week? BLAH!

Fitness

2011-05-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, it's now been 10 weeks since my minor surgery, which took me out of running/exercise for 4 weeks. I've been back to exercising for about 5 of the last 6 weeks (since I was given the go ahead).

Overall, the transition back into it was fine. Of course, you have to ease back in and you can't expect to be exactly where you were before. I have a lot of races (all distances) on my calendar in the next few months, so I'm trying to get in shape so I feel like I can truly race them.

Last week, I went for broke and ran 10 miles. It felt great, no issues! That was the farthest I'd run since mid-February. I ran 11 this past weekend, also felt great. Then, I ran a 5K on Sunday, just hoping to run an ok race. I ended up setting a PR for myself. What a pleasant surprise!

For the most part, I feel like I'm "back," and can resume whatever I'd have done before. It's a great feeling, as working out is part of my routine. It keeps me sane...and also keeps me from being the gigantic cow I'd otherwise be (with the food I eat).

The point I'm trying to make is this - fitness is such a gift. I'm not always perfect at it, but it really has been a constant in my life, for the bulk of my life. The fact that I took 4 weeks off, which I would never willingly do, and I'm able to step right back into it, is proof. If you are fit or consistent about working out, your body will repay you with a speedy recovery and easy re-entry.

I'm thankful I have a healthy body that CAN work out, specifically RUN (since I do love it, most days). And I'm thankful my body is letting me get back to it.

Purpose

2011-05-12T12:34:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about my purpose in life lately. And I may have mentioned in one of my earlier posts, that if this is my life...well, I'm not satisfied.

Here's an average day for me. I wake up, get ready for work, go to work (a job I don't necessarily love), work out, do one of my many side jobs (that I don't need, but just do them anyway), go home, eat, watch tv, and go to bed. Repeat.

While I realize that is likely a common day for many people, I just think I'm over it. I'm someone who thrives on busy-ness and responsibility. This is likely one of the reasons I have those side jobs/committees.

But, if I really think about the "extras" in my life. I don't have a strong desire to do any of them. I just do them, plain & simple.

What is the alternative? I could not do them...and then I'd have more free time to sit on my butt and think about being single/childless and no closer to fixing that area of my life. So, I keep on keepin' on.

This got me thinking about married people (with/without children). When you're married (I assume) you likely have more of a purpose. You have a responsibility to your spouse - emotionally, financially, your home, your meals, etc. They would notice if you just didn't come home one night. Same is true if you have kids. You can't go unnoticed when you have children. They require your attention - whether it be feeding them, going to their events, tending to their boo boos.

You have purpose. Simple as that. And honestly, that is how I'd like to be spending my free time at this stage of my life. Truly, that is what I'd like to be doing.

Now, I'm certainly not saying that we singles don't have a purpose. That is utterly depressing! I'm saying, for me, I'm to the point where I'm just not sure what my purpose is. If I'm not meant to be married & have kids (which is not everyone's purpose in life), then what is my purpose here? I feel like my life is ho hum and not really going anywhere.

I know, I'm a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, etc., and those are important roles. And I appreciate that. But the truth is, I could leave town for a week, with no notice, and it wouldn't really matter. And that is what gets me.

I'm sure there are some who would say, "You can't get married/have kids just to get attention." But that's not really what I'm saying here. Also, please don't misinterpret what I'm saying as some cry for help that I'm going to harm myself/run away. I'm not. :-)

Anyone else "get" what I'm saying here?

Speed racer...

2011-05-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

My whole life, I've been a fast walker. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying that I walk with a purpose and don't mess around. I've been asked these questions numerous times -

"Are you in a hurry?"
"Are you running late?"
"Are you in a race?"
"Can you slow down? I can't keep up with you!"

Honestly, I usually think people are crazy when they say these things. I don't think I'm walking that fast, and I'm rarely doing it because I'm in a hurry. I'm just walking, people.

But lately, it occurs to me that either I'm incredibly fast or other people are unbelievably slow walkers. Like, painfully slow. Like, I'd like to push you down so I can get by right now, slow. Just kidding, I'd never push someone...I promise.

I'm tall, so, I'll go with the "you have long legs and can go faster" argument, to a point. But seriously, do people really walk/get around this slowly? I can't handle it.

I got off the elevator at work today, behind another person on my floor. The 3 foot walk to her desk took SO long. I was behind her and it was killing me to wait, so I could get past her.

It then occurred to me that maybe people who walk this slow (I'm talking about average, healthy people) do other things slow...like their jobs? Again, I'm no rock star amazing gal, but I do good, efficient work. And I'm always amazed at how lackadaisical others are. What takes me an hour, might take them 6 hours. And we've had the same amount of training.

Everyone's brains work differently, I get that. But I think some people just sort of shuffle through their lives/jobs, with no sense of progressing forward.

It's either that...or I'm incredibly cranky and impatient...and don't want to wait behind these slow walkers!

My new celebrity crush...

2011-05-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

While I usually think certain actors are attractive, I don't usually develop a crush. But, I'll admit it. I've got a crush...on Zachary Levi. You know, the guy who plays "Chuck" on tv? Funny story, I've not seen one episode of that show (but I have heard of it). I did, however, see "Tangled" when I took my niece(s)/nephew(s). If you're not aware, that is an animated film. Zachary voices Flynn Rider (the would-be hero). Incidentally, I thought the movie was adorable.

For some reason, I loved the voice and the character. And then, he sings? If a guy has a good singing voice, I immediately fall in love. I'd marry Josh Groban, sight unseen, if I only heard him sing. I swear.

So, now I've Googled Mr. Levi and I just think he's a cutie pie. He's tall, which is perfect for me. He sings - I love that. He seems adventurous, based on what I've read. And, he's a Christian (if I'm to believe what I read). All in all, I think he's "the one."

OK, OK, I'm totally kidding. I mean, I don't want to sound like a psycho stalker. (which, I'm not, I swear) Although, he is single...

Who are your celebrity crushes?

Alone-ness

2011-05-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

A fellow blogger was inspired by another blogger's post, and wrote this post. Her post reiterated some thoughts I was having before I went to bed last night. Actually, I've had these thoughts thousands of times, but they were really hitting me last night.

One of the worst things people say to a single person is - "You have to be ok with yourself, before you can meet someone and fall in love." (there are many variations on this, but this is the main idea)

Here are my thoughts on that:

1) So, are we to assume that if you married your high school sweetheart, that you were A-ok with yourself in...high school? Really? You knew all there was to know about yourself and were ready to share your life with someone else? Doubtful.

2) What makes you think that I'm NOT ok with myself? I've had periods of my life where I was very insecure about multiple things. But, I'd say I've been pretty ok with myself for several years. Honestly. It's not that I think I'm perfect with no issues, it's that I've learned to accept who I am and not beat myself up for every little thing. I've learned to find the positives in things I used to perceive as horrific flaws.

3) If you've never been single a day in your life...how do you know you'd be ok with yourself, on your own? You don't know...because you've never HAD to stop and figure it out. You just got on the couples roller coaster and haven't gotten off.

4) I have married friends who have admitted they don't like being alone. They know they can barely handle a night at home alone without their spouse. I think that's a problem. Honestly, if you can't be alone for a minute (ie: a night or two), then what the heck is your deal? You can't figure out a way to entertain yourself? You're that dependent on the other person? And, if you're terrified of being alone...shouldn't you have had to go through a period of "being single" to figure out the issues behind that? Why did YOU get to get married? How does that work?

Bottom line: No one is ever 100% ok with themselves when they go into a relationship. We all have flaws and issues, and that's ok. Hopefully, our spouse helps us see those issues and we can work on them together. (This is my assumption...being that I'm not married!)

If I wasn't able to figure out life on my own, as a single...then yah, I think you should have to do that before getting married. But, so many people don't. I have friends who would admit they'd be screwed if they lost their spouse. And I'm the one who's still single? Really?

I'm proud of my independence, in many ways. I never had someone show me how to budget, when I got my first job out of college. I did that myself. I've made big purchases, by myself. I've bought a house, cars, etc. - without the help of a spouse. I've moved into and out of numerous places. I've been to my father's funeral, with no "built in" support system. I've been unemployed (no spousal income) twice...and bounced back, figuring it out on my own.

As much as being single can sadden me, sometimes I do realize how much I'm capable of because I've been single for so long.

Side note: I was at a meeting last night, where everyone in the group is married - except for me. So, the committee leader was discussing who should go to these upcoming dinners and he says, "I thought committee people could pick a night to come...and come with their spouse. Or (looking at me) come on their own." Seriously, to be called out like that (it happens a lot). Wow. Thanks so much. I really appreciate it.

Random Thoughts...

2011-05-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

OK, I've confided in a few close friends about the funk I'm in. Some are good about just listening and agreeing, and others are problem solvers. They immediately have a suggestion for what I could/should do, or what could cheer me up, or something that will fix the situation. While I appreciate ALL of my friends, I could use a little less problem solving.

My pet peeve is when someone offers a solution/advice on something they themselves have never dealt with. Honestly, I can't stand it. I'm a listener. You tell me what you're going through, I listen and offer comfort. Then, I might ask how you're feeling about it and discuss options. Rarely, if I've not been through that experience, will I suggest what to do. You know why? Because I DON'T KNOW what to do...I've never had that particular problem.

In this case, 99.9% of my friends are married with children or about to have children. The same percentage has never been single more than half a day in their lives. So...I don't know that they can really offer sound advice on what I'm feeling/going through. Conversely, I can't offer them a lot of marital/parenting advice. So, I don't.

One of the many things I've loved about single blogger world, is all of you readers. Many of you can relate/identify with how I feel or something I'm dealing with. And THAT, my friends, is a huge relief. You help validate me, in a world (my world) where I'm not validated very often.

Aside from the suggestion for me to adopt/have a baby, there are other suggestions.

Counseling: While I'm not at all against counseling, I don't see it as an option right now (maybe someday). My frustration is that my life isn't where I'd like it to be. Discussing that with a counselor won't really change anything. It's not like I don't have a good job, home, outside activities, etc. One friend said, "The counselor might be able to make you feel better about your situation." Honestly? Um, I don't WANT to feel better about the fact that I'm single and childless. Because if I ever feel better about that, then that means I've decided either to give up on that or that I just don't want those things.

Move away: I've lived in a few major cities in different states (from where I currently live) and I live in a pretty big city right now. I can name two specific times in my life when I took a chance and accepted the new job offer, and moved. The first time, I was harrassed at the new job. And the second time, the job didn't pay what was promised. Both times, I ended up unemployed and looking for work. So, I'm a little gun shy about picking up my life and moving somewhere, where I don't know anyone, the job may not work out, and I may or may not meet "the one." I think that's an awful lot of risk. And, I've done a lot of big things in life on my own. I guess I'm just sort of exhausted. I'm not averse to moving out of my current city. But, doing it alone? And going through all of that again? I just don't know. (I'm aware there are no guarantees in life.)

Here's the thing. If I turned down every blind date or setup and then complained about being single, I could understand someone saying, "You really should take a chance and go on some of those dates." But seriously, I've BEEN on those dates. To the point where I want to cry because the person was so weird/not my type. I've been on the e-date sites as well. I'm not a wallflower either. I'm very outgoing and active in my church and community. Because of this, it's surprising I've not met someone somehow.

So, it's frustrating to think that I have to pick up my life and move (by myself) to some random city/state, in the HOPES of MAYBE meeting someone to date and then someday, maybe, marry. It's especially frustrating to think of that when I know so many who met their mates in high school, college, or through a setup. They get to meet them that way and I have to go through all this work, at 34 years old? At the risk of sounding like a whiny kid - "No fair!"

And really, I'm sure that suggestion (moving) sounds great. But, does anyone think it's THAT simple? Moving is a big deal. Moving when you're single is a HUGE deal. You make all the decisions and arrangements, you do the packing, you do the loading (hopefully with the help of friends), you sell your home, you, you, you, you. I've moved enough to know...it's not that fun.

I also like when married friends suggest I meet other single girls and befriend them. Now, I've sort of done this, via my blog. But, in "real" world, my friends, as I mentioned earlier, are married. Let me just say, I have a crap ton of friends. I mean, a lot. I'm not bragging, I'm just blessed. So, it's not all that appealing that in addition to finding a single man...I need to try to find single women to be friends with...so that we can go trolling for single men and discuss being single.

Married people clearly don't realize the work involved here. Doesn't this all just sound too hard? Or am I just lazy/too tired of the bullcrap?

Bottom line? I'm incredibly appreciative of ALL my friends. Really, I am. But, the lesson I've learned (and that I'd like to impart to all people) is this. If you don't know what to say, don't say ANYTHING. Seriously, it's totally ok to say, "Yeah, it sucks that you have to go through this, and I'm so sorry you're sad." Or, "I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry." I'd prefer either of those over instant solutions to my problem(s).

Baby Talk

2011-05-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

So, I'm obviously still in this funk...which I don't expect to come out of soon.

A few friends have actually suggested/posed this: "Would you consider adopting or having a baby on your own?"

Let me first say - NO. I would not.

Do I think women who do that are incredible? Yes. Do I have respect for them? Yes. Do I want to join their club? No.

Let me list the reasons that this is an avenue I won't be pursuing:

1. The adoption and/or insemination processes are not free. They don't just "give" you a baby. It takes time and is fairly expensive, from what I've heard from friends.
2. Um, I make an ok salary, but it would be highly difficult to raise a child on.
3. Having a kid by myself would only be a further reminder that I do NOT have a husband. I'd be reminded on a daily basis, that I had this kid, because I just couldn't find someone to have one with.
4. I grew up in a single parent home, raised my mom. She did the best she could, but I do NOT want that for my child/children. I want (if at all possible) for my kids to grow up with both parents (hopefully happily married). *I'm not saying women who choose this option to raise a child alone are going to mess up their kids. I'm only saying how I feel about it.
5. While I think it's great that women have this as an option in today's world, it just doesn't appeal to me. I don't want to be "that" woman. There, I've said it.
6. Even though I want to have kids, I'm pretty averse to dating someone who already has children. Weird, I know! The reason is this - I've had two not so great stepmothers. While I know I'd be a good one, I'm just not super pumped about being one. (I realize the chances of me meeting someone without kids, at my age, are decreasing daily.) So, I'd totally understand if I met a guy and he was like, "Wait, you have a kid...on your own? Um, see ya." Point being, I think it could potentially make dating even more difficult.

Those are my immediate thoughts when someone suggests I obtain a child somehow. I'm sure there are those would argue that if I really want to be a mom...I'll do anything. But, the truth is, I don't want to be a mom, that way. I would really like to do it the "old fashioned way" if at all possible.

Anyone else have this dilemma? What are your thoughts?

Why do men love these women?

2011-05-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

So, last night, I caught a new Bravo reality show, "Pregnant In Heels." If you've not heard of it, here's the premise. Rosie Pope is basically a maternity concierge to the uber rich in NYC. She caters to whatever issues they're having, pending Baby's arrival. Many of them are first time moms, though not all.

Last night's episode brought us Mina and another lady, can't remember her name. Anyway, I can't believe either one of them found someone who would date them, let alone marry them or reproduce.

Let's start with Mina - she doesn't work, doesn't clean, doesn't DO anything (thank goodness she has a home office, though). Her hubby is the breadwinner and I'm really not sure what she does with her time. Their dog isn't even housebroken, he pees INSIDE, on a mat. What??? Her baby is due in one week and the nursery isn't close to being finished, and they don't even have a stroller/car seat. By the way, the baby's linens are coming in from London, but are currently stuck in customs. OK...

She says they'll have a part-time nanny and she doesn't plan to change any diapers. Really? Seriously? I have to pinch myself, as I don't believe this is a real human being. Does she also plan to NOT do anything else for her child? What's the point of having a baby? One more thing, she's never held a baby. When Rosie gives her a real baby to hold, she looks incredibly awkward.

Now to the other lady - she does work, but is emphatic about not ever cleaning OR cooking, EVER. She pretty much always gets her way, too. Also, her husband's Jewish and she's Catholic, and they can't agree on how to raise the baby. They had a non-religious wedding, since neither of them are super religious. But apparently, with a baby, they are NOW religious? Anyway, she went so far as to say it wouldn't bother her if her husband didn't attend the baptism. WOW. I don't know where they came out on that, as I turned the channel. Side note: Rosie arrived at this lady's house (without her knowing) and made a huge baby mess in the living room. It was a drill and this lady was failing. She was sweating and so stressed out cleaning up the mess. Um, THAT will become reality soon, lady!

My thoughts on the whole thing? CRAZY TOWN! Here I am, perfectly pumped to have kids and I pretty much know (in general) what I'm doing. I can't believe these women! They were both fairly rude and bratty with their husbands. Is this what men want? A woman who treats them like dirt and uses them for their money? Because, ewwww.

Also, how do you reach adulthood, NEVER having held a baby. Not once? What is that? How do you date someone and never discuss children and the impact of your differing religions on that issue? For example, I'm a strong Christian. So, if I'm on a date with a guy who mentions he's an athiest. Well, there isn't likely going to be a date #2. Sorry. I have nothing against athiests, but if he is one, then that's a clear sign we disagree on a pretty major thing.

Now, don't take any of this to mean that I think the woman should take on the role of "little wife at home, cooking dinner, raising the kids." I'm not saying that. But, I think these women are horrible examples of women. I think men and women can share home responsibilities, for sure. But, to say you aren't going to cook or clean, EVER - is just not realistic. I don't like to cook, and I think most people don't enjoy cleaning, but they DO it. Duh.

Anyway, the whole thing just irritated me. I sit here pining for marriage and kids, while these women clearly don't appreciate what they have. Worse, they think they deserve the lives they have. I'm not sure why...

Things just aren't working out...

2011-04-30T16:42:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel like things just aren't meant to "work out" for you? Like, everyone else's lives will move forward and be relatively happy...but not yours?

I took some vacation time last week and tried out for something. Now, since I'm a little anonymous, I won't go into too much detail. Let's just say I have a talent and I decided to go for it and give this a whirl.

The day before my trip, I got sick. We're talking horrible cold, neverending snot, congestion, I don't ever want to get out of bed, sick. And here I had to still get going on my "vacation."

I made the drive and felt miserable the whole time. As I'm driving, I realize the cold is taking over my voice...which is what I was going to need for this little audition. Right there, I thought, "God hates me." Because, seriously, I can't even remember the last time I was sick or had a cold. Not a clue...which means it was a long time ago.

Now, these types of things are always a long shot, but I will admit that somewhere down deep, I thought I had a shot. I waited in the lines (in the rain/cold) and got in. I auditioned. It didn't work out.

Now, while others would cry right then and there, I honestly don't think I had the energy. I felt so sick and light headed, that I was almost numb. I headed back to where I was staying.

I am now back home, still sick, and in a pretty crappy mood. Is it too much to ask for just ONE thing to go my way? And yes, I realize I'm blessed in many ways (especially on a global level). But, I'm just saying.

I've watched 99% of my friends marry and, now, have families. I've watched them progress in their jobs, go on wonderful vacations, and make exciting plans. They've done all of that while my life seems stagnant. Oh, I've gone on bad date after bad date after bad date...and have nothing to show for it (other than entertaining stories they all love).

I will be 35 next year and that is just not good. I thought my life would be so different and I'm starting to feel like THIS, is it. And THIS, is just not that great, in my opinion. I refuse to be that woman who says, "Well, I just accepted that I was single and all of a sudden life was magical."

Anyway, I'm definitely in a funk and I don't think I'll be popping out of it any time soon.

Phone Etiquette

2011-04-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

OK, I can't remember if I've blogged about this before, but I feel the need to discuss.

Is it just me, or do many married people have horrible phone etiquette? Maybe my old age and many years of single-dom have jaded me, but wow. I'm losing all kinds of patience for how people are on the phone.

For instance, when a married friend calls me. If I'm free at that moment, of course I pick up and chat. The conversation will be going great, no issues. But then, 8 minutes in, this friend's husband (of many years) calls (not for anything urgent/life threatening). She's now got to "cut me short" and take his call. What IS that? Why am I being cut short when she's the one who called me?

The best part? Then the friend calls back, after talking to her husband. (like I'm just sitting around waiting for her call) I'm sorry, but I just think this is plain rude. It's happened with multiple friends, too. I can understand, if we've been on the phone for an hour or whatever, but a few minutes? And I'd also understand if it was a new guy they were dating. But, neither apply to this scenario.

There have been plenty of times when a friend has called me and we've had a good chat. And maybe I'd like to end the call, but don't want to be rude. I don't interrupt them and say I've got to "cut them short" or say, "OK, well, our dinner's ready...so I've got to go." Or, "well my husband's home, gotta go."

I'm sorry, but I just think this is rude. Yes, I said it again. I don't have a built in way to "let someone go" on the phone, nor would I ever do that. You see and talk to your husband EVERY day. You can spare 30 minutes on the phone, or whatever. I can't imagine cutting a friend off when someone else beeps in (unless I was expecting a call or something). That is why they invented call waiting, voicemail, & texting!

Also, if you know you don't have much time to chat. DON'T call someone! I hate when someone calls me and opens with, "I'm almost home, but wanted to call..." Nope, don't bother.

OK, just had to get that off my chest. Now I feel better. Does this happen to any of you? Or am I just plain crazy?

Sucky

2011-04-13T05:57:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I know, it's been a while since my last post. I guess I haven't felt super motivated for much, including blogging. But, hopefully I can get back in the swing.

So, I'm now pretty much recovered from my minor surgery. And, I've started running again. I was getting a little stir crazy the last few weeks, so I'm thrilled to be running again. When I run, I feel like myself. I can think things through, I can zone out, I can sweat, I can burn off aggression/frustration. These are all things I wanted to do when I was laid up, but couldn't.

It's been over two months since my dad passed. Obviously, I'm still pretty early in the grieving process. My siblings and I had a complicated relationship with our dad (he wasn't around much when we were kids). So, I feel like I'm grieving the fact that we didn't really get much time with him. Period. And that, is unfair. It's unfair that he wasn't a great dad (when he should have been) and that once he decided to improve, we only got a few years of that.

I know, the positive people out there will say - "at least he made some improvements." But, come on, if your dad missed your childhood, would you be that pumped about a few years in your adult life? Just sayin'.

Anyway, I'm working through that and just letting myself feel whatever I do. Right now, I'm in the "anger" phase, if anyone's tracking.

OK, dating.

Yah, I'm not dating. And here's my current thought on the whole thing. RIP OFF! I commented on a fellow blogger's post today, saying this. I feel a decision has been made for me, without my consent. Someone has decided that I will either be single/childless and/or have to struggle so hard to actually meet "the one" that I'll just give up out of fatigue. I go back to the word I mentioned earlier - UNFAIR.

I think back on all the stuff I've gone through in life WITHOUT that built in support of a boyfriend/husband. And, to top it off, I got to attend my dad's funeral, sitting with my siblings...and their families. For all intents and purposes, I was alone.

There was no husband there, putting his arm around me, hugging me, telling me it'll be alright. Nope. Believe me, that would have been great, both at the funeral and during the days at the hospital.

And if one more person comments on how "strong" I am (not talking to you, bloggers/readers), I'll lose it. If God is trying to make me the strongest person ever, then I'm not ready for whatever else He's throwing my way. I'm not THAT strong...lay off!

It's so frustrating to want something and to put the effort in (going on dates), but see no results. I don't even see it happening any time soon. And, since I do want children, I feel like time is running out.

Now, do I realize how whiny I sound? Yes. In a world where an earthquake/tsunami ROCKED Japan, where there is starvation, children suffering, AIDS, etc. I'm aware. I'm aware that my teeny problem of not wanting to be single isn't the end of the world.

But, in the same breath, how come all of MY friends have husbands/families...and didn't seem to go through 1/4 of the work I do, in terms of number of dates, weirdos, etc.?

These are the things that keep me up at night...crazy though it might be.

The Sedentary Life

2011-03-22T05:37:00.001-07:00

Ugh! Some of you may remember I mentioned I was having some minor surgery in early March, which would take me off of exercise for a bit. Well, that bit is killing me. We're going on week 3 and it'll at least be 4 weeks before I'm allowed to do anything.

The first 5 days were no fun, as I was laid up and couldn't do much. Then I could move around more...but still not do much. Now, I'm more mobile, but still not allowed to exercise...AT ALL. Grrr!

If any of you are regularly active, you know how much you miss it when you can't do it. I miss running so much right now! So, last night, I came home, hoping to do a modified (non-cardio) workout. Just something, to make me feel like I'd done something.

I put in a 20 minute pilates DVD, only to find out my DVD/VCR remote is broken, so I can't select the workout on the DVD. Then I put in old 8 minute Abs/Buns VHS tapes. All I could see were squiggly lines. My stability ball needs to be inflated, so I couldn't do a ton with that either. All in all, I did some pushups, some abs, and some leg extensions that work the butt/thighs.

I guess I'm really NOT supposed to work out right now?

Keep in mind that I have zero will power for food or sweets, so I haven't really changed my eating habits during this hiatus. Whoopsy! Luckily (so far), it hasn't hurt me yet. I haven't been on the scale, but I don't feel like I've gained anything (and my clothes fit).

Here's hoping my metabolism holds out for a couple more weeks!

Cadbury Eggs

2011-02-23T05:37:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year...Cadbury Eggs are finally "in season!"

Here's the thing, I've loved (literally, loved) Cadbury Eggs for as long as they've been around. I know, I know. "They're so gross...way too sweet!" "What IS that yellow stuff in the middle?" "Ewwww, how can you eat that?" "It's just too much, blech!"

Every year, I have the same hope/plan. Every year, I eat the first one and hope that THIS will be the year. This will be the year I realize I'm too old for these. This will be the year where I realize how disgusting these really are. This will be the year when I say, "Oh, that's way too rich for me."

And every year...that hope is dashed. It's dashed by chocolatey, sugary, yummy, goodness. Every year, I enjoy them as much, if not more, than the previous year.

The good news is, I'm a pretty dedicated exerciser. I run 30-40 miles a week, and am usually training for a marathon.

The bad news is, I just discovered that they now have 5 packs of Cadbury Eggs!!! I mean, they've had the 4 packs for ages, but 5 packs? Really? Proof is below...

So, this is a problem - big time!

The even worse news? I'm having some minor surgery next week, which will take me OUT of running for a minimum of 3 weeks! Yep, I'll be laid up on the couch for 5 days, then ZERO running for 2 weeks after that. Sedentary life, here I come!

Please pray that I don't balloon to a size that requires new clothing! I'm banking on the fact that I won't be AS hungry when my activity level is less.

I'm going to enjoy my last few runs and try to enjoy the "down" time. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

Ramblings...

2011-02-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

It's been 4 weeks since my Dad passed. It's weird...in some ways it feels like it's been longer and, in other ways, it does feel that recent.

I'm still in some disbelief that any of this happened. I have accepted that it did...but part of me can't believe that it did. Does that make any sense?

My dad is going to miss out on so many things. For example, he got to see my siblings marry and have kids...while I will not get to have that same experience. It makes me sad to think that if I ever do get married, he won't be the one walking me down the aisle. For lack of a better thing to say, "It's not fair!!!"

I'm sure I have so many stages of this yet to go through. I've gotten back into my routine and I've caught up with what I missed at work. It feels good to be back on a schedule.

As far as dating goes, I have no clue (as always) what may come next, if anything. I'd like to think my gut was right on the last one. I think something in us knows when something is right/going well.

Ben #2 and other news...

2011-02-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

Hello all...I know it's been a few weeks since my last post. Unfortunately, the night after my last post, a whole mess of stress came my way.

My dad went into the hospital unexpectedly. He passed away the following week. It's been a very difficult and stressful time. We buried him a few days before my birthday.

I'm still sorting through all of this and it will obviously be a difficult road ahead.

So, the night that this happened, I was out to dinner with Ben #2. Dinner was just ok, I could tell that I just wasn't feeling the interest anymore. Then, somehow, kids came up. I mentioned that I really enjoy kids and think they're great.

His reply? "I'm not sure I want to have kids. There's other stuff I want to do...I want to travel...Kids are messy..." Yah, those are direct quotes. Now, I have no judgment about him not wanting kids or not being sure whether he wants kids. However, being that I'm in my 30s and 6 years older, I don't have that same luxury. I know I want kids, no doubt about it. I may not get to have them, but that's not the same thing. Side note: When I think about kids, the first word that comes to mind isn't "messy." Nope, it's not even in my top ten...even though I know they are messy.

It was at this point in the date that I made it clear that I do want to have kids (normally I wouldn't be gung ho about that early on, but because of his statements, I thought I should just say it). By the end of the evening, I think we both felt that things were "off" a bit. He asked if I wanted to keep hanging out, and I said we could go out again.

Truth be told, I wanted to give it another shot, but I sort of felt like this had run it's course.

Then, my dad went into the hospital...and my life has been upside down/sideways for the last 3 weeks (and will likely continue to be). Now, he did text/call a few times during that, but for some reason, he didn't check the site we posted updates to. So, he didn't realize my dad had passed for 5 days! I'm not penalizing him for this, but you'd think (if he's interested) he'd check the site and keep up (like all of my other friends/family).

He sent me a message on FB letting me know he just found out and that he was sorry. I replied with a sort of generic thank you message, thanking him for his sympathy, and letting him know it was a rough couple of weeks.

In my mind, that was sort of the end of our little "thing."

Cut to last night...when my phone rang and it was him. He left me a VM about wanting to chat, etc. Again, I can't penalize him for his effort, but the timing is just really bad. I'm having a hard time making simple decisions right now, I'm grieving, I'm sad. And the last thing I want to worry about is calling/going out with a guy that I was pretty sure I wasn't interested in before all of this happened.

So, now I'm trying to figure out how to handle this. I know I've posted this to all of you before - about whether you can blow off via email/FB/whatever. I'm in my 30s (as previously stated) and I don't want to be a total immature jerk about this. The thing is, Ben #2 and I went on a few dates, so I feel he deserves a phone call. However, I'm so not able to deal with any of this right now. I just don't know what to do (again, the whole "can't make decisions" thing).

As always, I welcome your thoughts/opinions, even if they include that you think I'm nuts!

UPDATE: Ben #2 sent me a text while I was home for lunch. He was basically asking if he should stop calling me so I don't have to have the awkward conversation with him. I appreciate his direct-ness (because he was right). However, I mean, it had been less than 24 hours since he called...it's not like it had been 4 days. But, whatever. Anyway, my plan was that I'd call him tonight to explain, but then he texted me. So...

I replied to his text, letting him know that the timing isn't right and that I need time to work through the stuff I'm going through. So that is that.

Oh, you can still offer your opinions...go right on ahead!

How fast is too fast?

2011-01-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

OK, we've now passed official date #2 with "Ben." The date went well and I had a good time. We finished it off by watching a movie at his house. Before your dirty minds go anywhere...it was all good clean fun. But, he is definitely moving things along. (We saw each other Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.)

So, when I got home...I had this weird feeling of, "Do I like him?" That sent me into a stress spiral for the rest of the weekend.

For all intents and purposes, this guy is doing everything right. I mean, he's a lot of the things I've always said I wanted in a person. And, I do like that he is those things.

But, I'm trying to figure out if it's moving too quickly? Because, I went from being excited that he's texting me...to not sure whether I like him.

Granted, we still hardly know each other. So, I definitely want to continue to get to know him and see what happens. But, I also want to figure out what my "deal" is!

I think I'm under a lot of pressure (unintentional) from friends. I can't tell you how many people ask about it...and then get overly girly excited. It's too much for me. I find it odd that they freak out more than I do! So, part of me feels like I'm going to be "in trouble" or "too picky" if it doesn't work out.

I know I need to just listen to myself and trust my own heart. But, I don't want to miss out on a great guy because I'm scared. I also don't want to force myself to date someone that just isn't a match (for whatever reason).

I am very independent and I haven't really ever had a serious relationship. My guess is that these are big contributors of my little panic attack. I'm sure my mind is thinking, "Really? This fast? So unexpected..."

So, for now, I'm going to keep seeing where this goes. And maybe, as he and I get to know one another better, I can just tell him that I need it to move slowly.

Any advice from my fellow bloggers would be much appreciated!!!

Still going well...

2011-01-13T12:53:00.000-08:00

Since our date last week, there have been more phone calls and a lot of texting! I have to admit, it's just good. And, to quote a fellow blogger, it's EASY.

Now, I realize that it's still pretty dang new with this fella, but it is easy. I don't have any of that phone call panic. You know, where you freak out when they're calling and then get nervous to call back. And then you get nervous about what to say...and then what they say, and then what you might say... You get the idea!

And typically, I ask my friends a ton of questions before I do something (such as calling/texting/whatever). Not this time. If I want to text him, I do. If he feels like calling me, he does. There are no games!

Now, normally, I would say that I wouldn't want to meet a guy in a bar, or discuss politics and religion early on. Those are pretty hot topics and I think it's best to wait a bit. Here's what's funny... We met in a bar (but not by chance), we discussed politics on our first date, and we discussed religion on one of our long phone calls. Luckily, neither of us are offended by the other's stance, so we're fine. But, it's just funny.

We like each other, plain and simple. And that, is a welcome change of pace from my usual dating debacles!

Part Deux - SUCCESS!

2011-01-10T05:45:00.000-08:00

Finally, a positive dating experience to blog about.

I went out with "Ben" on Saturday night. We joined up with a few other couples at someone's house. It was a great night! We had great conversation (between the two of us) on the drive there and back. I think it was clear by the end of the night that we like each other.

I actually walked into my house and thought, "Yep, I like him. Uh huh." I never say that...trust me.

He and I discussed making plans to go out this week, so I figured I'd hear from him. Well, he texted and then called me yesterday afternoon. I'm so glad he didn't do the "wait two days" thing. We already have plans to go out this Friday. Yay!

Again, no matter what happens with this one, I already feel validated. When you like someone, you don't care if they call the next day (as opposed to someone you just aren't feelin' it with). And you want to see them again soon. And it feels comfortable when you're with them. I mean, I feel like I just know him. I'm not nervous around him at all.

Anyway, I'm saying prayers that whatever God wants for this, happens (whether it be what I want or not). Because, I'm just glad to be having a GOOD experience, for the first time in a long while.

Cross your fingers for me, blogger friends!

Part Deux is a GO!

2011-01-02T18:01:00.000-08:00

So, when I last posted about "Ben" Part Deux, I really wasn't sure whether anything would come of it.

Since then, there have been behind the scenes conversations, with me OK'ing the passing along of my number. I guess he'd recently been on a few dates with another girl, and wasn't sure if he wanted to see where that went.

I didn't really expect to hear anything until after the new year...if at all. Well, surprise, surprise! He called me while I was visiting a close friend. Wahoo! Honestly, when I got the voicemail, my friend and I were like couple of high school girls!

Anyway, I called him back the next day and he invited me to a party (where we both know the hosts). I think this is good. We'll go together, which gives us time to chit chat on the way, but still it's a low pressure, casual situation.

Since setting that up, we've talked on the phone another time, for about an hour. So far, so good. Conversation was easy and there weren't many awkward pauses. I mean, it will have been about 3 weeks since we've actually seen one another, by the time we go to this party. But I think that's ok.

It feels good to have interest in someone again. I mean, this could all continue to go well, or we might not click on the next meeting. Either way, as I said before, it just feels good to NOT have a horrible experience.

Ben...Part Deux?

2010-12-18T07:11:00.000-08:00

Last night, a good friend of mine graduated from grad school. So, we went to dinner with a bunch of her family and then on to the graduation ceremony. It was so wonderful to see her complete this chapter of her life!

As we were taking pics afterward, we're gathering up the group of friends that were there. She's making sure everyone is standing next to their spouse and said something like, "Yah, are all the couples next to each other?" And there I was...on the end...a single. So I said, "And me!"

I'm not mad, but it was kinda funny. I've said it before, but I honestly don't think coupled people would be able to do some of the stuff we singles do. I think it takes a pretty strong individual to constantly be the 3rd, or in this case, 7th wheel.

I was thinking about this in the car, on my way to the bar where we were going to celebrate some more.

We were all hanging out and another friend of ours who graduated walks in...with her hubby and another guy. The guy sort of looked like her hubby, so I figured he was some 22 year old younger brother.

We weren't really formally introduced, but sort of ended up chatting and introducing ourselves. Well, we pretty much talked to each other the rest of the night. I'd say for at least a couple hours.

That is the reason for the name of this post - Ben...Part Deux. This guy's real name is the same as the last Ben I posted about. Funny, huh?

Apparently he lives near me and works at a big company in my city (where I used to work, actually).

I could tell that our other friends noticed us chatting and could sense them being all excited and giddy with joy.

We didn't exchange numbers, but I have a feeling we'll somehow be connected. I could tell he was interested and I think I showed that I was (I'm not a huge flirt, so ya never know.) The fact that we exclusively talked to one another and never went back with the group is a good sign.

THIS is how it's supposed to be. Honestly, I hope I get connected to him so we can go out, but even if we don't - this was a good thing. I needed to feel excited and/or interested in someone again.

Ben Part 1 was a good guy, and conversation was good, but there was no real spark, ya know? With this Ben (Part Deux), there was easy conversation and genuine attraction I believe. It's been sooo long since I've had any sort of excitement after a date or meeting someone.

So, no matter what, I'm taking this as a positive step that I'm allowed to be excited about someone and that I deserve it! (which I've maintained all along)

Let's just see what happens with this one!

Out of control...

2010-11-29T18:05:00.000-08:00

So, did any of YOU overeat over the last few days? I'm not only referring to Thanksgiving, but the long weekend that followed.

All I can say, is that I have got to get things under some sort of control.

I hadn't been on the scale for a while, but finally risked it yesterday. Phew! No major damage was done. (This might be due to the 20+ mile run I did on Saturday.)

But, I have a few pounds that have taken up residence in my backside and, apparently, don't want to go anywhere. And I can prove this. My pants are all tight in ONE area and ONE area only - the BUTT! Literally, everything else on my body is the same.

We're not talking a full pants size bigger, but the super fun "in between two sizes" situation. This is even more irritating!

Ya see, my issue is not lack of committment to exercise. I am usually training for marathons, so I spend at least 6-7 hours a week working out/running. For the most part, I enjoy exercise. I feel better while and after I do it. I know it keeps me healthy, too.

My issue IS food, specifically - sweets! I love anything with sugar, chocolate, gooey goodness - you name it! And I'm not the girl that can have one little bite and be fine. No, I have to have seconds, thirds, etc. And, I really can't go a day without having sweets (yes, meaning more than one sweet).

Honestly, I bet if I quit eating sweets, I'd lose 10-15 pounds in a matter of weeks. So sad...

Now, I do have some perspective. I'm not overweight right now and I look totally fine (or whatever). But, it's not like I can get away with this forever...my butt is already ticked!

So, I have no grand plan, other than to put it out there to you all...that I need to at least try to be better!

Step-parent?

2010-11-26T19:13:00.001-08:00

This post is more of a question to my readers...

Recently, I was made aware that someone in a local club I belong to, is interested in dating me. He's over 10 years older than me and has a daughter. I don't know him well, we've only had a few casual conversations. But, I'm also not sure that I've ever looked at him like that.

I will be frank with you, the questions/concerns that pop into my mind when I think of him are:

Ooh, he's in his forties.
Ooh, he's got a kid (and would he want more kids?)
Ooh, he's shorter than me.

I know, I know. I can hear all of you yelling at me, through the computer. But hey, at least I'm admitting it, right?

Here's the thing. I think we all go through stages of what we're looking for. When I was in my 20s, I wanted someone who'd never been married. Fast forward to 33, and that's not so important anymore. I just assume they've already been married and divorced. So, I could probably get over the age thing.

I've also always wanted to have my "own" family with whomever I marry. This means that I am not really looking to be a stepmother. It does not mean that I judge someone who already has children. It just means, that it does complicate things.

My dad has been married multiple times, so I've had a few stepmothers (he's still with the latest one). The thing is, being a step-parent is a bit of a no-win situation. You will never be the child's mother...and you may always be seen as a threat. The potential up side is that you could have a great relationship with each other.

I guess, coming from a broken home, I've always just wanted to have "my" family. Is that bad? Does that sound absolutely horrible?

The other issue is whether or not this guy in his forties would really want to start having more kids? I would totally understand NOT wanting more, if I already have one headed toward middle school. Again, I'm not even dating him, so I realize these are crazy thoughts.

And my last thought, about him being shorter. Well, that's just standard. When you're 5'11", you can't help but notice that. Again, I've relaxed a bit on that one...provided I'm actually attracted the guy in other ways. (While I do think he's a nice guy, I don't think I find him attractive, but again...haven't thought of him in that way.)

So...to wrap all of this up. I'm being asked if I'd consider going out with this guy. But, I've got all these stepmother concerns and what not, so I'm wondering what you, my readers think. Feel free to judge me!

I know it doesn't hurt to just go out with him...but I don't want to create an awkward situation either.

Thanksgiving...

2010-11-26T18:58:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late) to all of my readers! I hope you all stuffed your faces and shopped 'til you dropped today.

I hosted Thanksgiving dinner for my family this year. I started the tradition a few years ago, and I think we've had some pretty good Thanksgivings (if I do say so myself). This means I do all the cooking. Yep, you read that right...I do ALL of the cooking! I had never even attempted to cook a turkey until a few years ago.

I am definitely more of a baker than a cook, but it's really fun to try and put the meal together and figure out the timing. Everything tasted pretty good and I was sufficiently stuffed!

My brother's kids are such a joy and it's always fun to spend time with them. We went online and looked at potential Christmas gifts I could get them. They are adorable!!!

I ventured out today, to try and score some Black Friday deals. I was able to get almost everything on my wish list. It was so nice to come home, check out my goodies, and then take a nap. I've spent the day just hanging around the house (eating leftovers), with no real schedule/plan. It has been, in a word, AWESOME!

It's days like today, where I really can appreciate being single. While I would love to have my own hubby and kids, I'm aware that a quiet day like today wouldn't have been possible if I had that.

I'm thankful for so many things, but just to name a few:

Health - I love to run and I honestly feel so fortunate that God has blessed me with a healthy body that CAN run. I know the gift that that is!

Nieces & Nephews - They bring a joy to my life that I can't quite express. I love my special relationship with each of them and am SO lucky to have them.

Job - In this economy, I'm lucky to have decent stability at my job (where layoffs are a regular occurrence). So, whenever I want to complain about my work, I stop myself, knowing how lucky I am.

Home - I have a roof over my head! As the weather gets colder, I appreciate this fact more and more.

Friends - I have so many wonderful friends, from all stages of my life! I feel so blessed to know each and every one of them and to know they have my back. We may not always agree, but we do always love and support one another.

Hope you all have a great long weekend!

Judgment...advice...all around bad support?

2010-11-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

So...as per the usual, I've dissected the "Ben" situation with a few close friends (other than you, my blog readers). I always find it interesting how each of my friends react.

I don't profess to be the best advice giver, but I do believe in thinking before you speak. I also believe in putting yourself in the other person's shoes (as best you can), before giving your opinion.

Let me start by saying that I'm blessed to have a crap ton of fantastic friends. They are from various stages of my life and all of them are awesome! But, I get a bit frustrated when some of them say the things they say...

Most of my friends have never really been single. Typical story - they dated someone all through high school, then dated someone new in college, then married said someone.

I have a close friend who didn't marry until 30, so she totally gets where I'm coming from...although she met her hubby on a blind date. Here I am...on blind date #782, still not meeting my hubby. But, I digress...

Out of the friends who have never been single, I have some that give great advice and are very supportive...and others who say things that drive me batty.

A sample conversation:

Me: "Ugh, I just don't know if I'm attracted to him...not looking forward to the date."
Friend: "Hey, you can't bitch about it."
My thoughts: Um, yes, I can bitch about it. Do you know why? Because, I don't have to be excited when someone likes me and I don't necessarily like them back. Also, you're my friend...so I am allowed to bitch to you. That's how this works...
Friend: "Would you rather be home alone on a Saturday night?"
Me: "Yes, I would. I would rather be home alone (eek, the thought!) on a Saturday night, than out on a date with someone I'm not attracted to/interested in." (crazy, I know)
My thoughts: Is this friend honestly suggesting that it's better for me to go out with someone on a Saturday night, because being alone for a few hours is just too sad? Really? Um, I've been single for a while...and I am fine with being on my own. And my life is so busy right now, that a few Saturday nights IN, would be divine.

One of my friends expressed concern about me, over this "Ben" situation. I explained that there is no reason to worry...just because I wasn't interested in this guy. And then, she asked what was next. As if to say, "Well, you blew it with this guy, what's your next plan?"

Um, this will surprise my readers, I'm sure, but I'm not psychic. I have no clue "what's next." I have no idea if my future hubby is even living in the same state as me. So, I'm just doing the best I can, taking each date as it comes (and trying my darndest to be open minded).

Now, compare that to my conversation with my friend who married at 30. She informed me that I was doing the brave thing by not continuing to date someone I had no interest in. What a fantastic thing to say! Brave!!! I like that! And, I happen to agree. How easy would it be to just date someone, knowing they like you and that you can stand being around them (but nothing more)? If I were looking for that, then I suppose I could have been married years ago. But what kind of marriage would that be? And how is that fair to either person?

Here's to all of us single ladies who are looking for the RIGHT guy and not just someone we can "stand" being around! May we all continue to do the brave thing!

Date #2 with "Ben"...

2010-11-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

OK, so last night I went out on date #2 with "Ben." Here are my thoughts.

First of all, I met him prior to the race and conversation was scarce (a little awkward). Then, whenever I ran into people I knew, I wasn't sure how to introduce this guy (that I've been on one date with). Ugh... So, we ran the race and finished maybe 10 seconds apart. Then we stayed for the pancake breakfast and sat with my married friends and her parents. Awesome!

I gotta say, usually a guy I've been on ONE date with, doesn't meet my friends prior to the second date. Right?

So, we part ways and then he picks me up last night. We eat some dinner and then head to the movie. While conversation was ok, I couldn't help but NOT feel a connection with him. Believe me, I tried my best, I swear! And I can honestly say it's not JUST the height/small thing. We have some things in common, but for whatever reason, I just don't feel a click/spark/connection/attraction...whatever you want to call it.

Here's the thing, I can tell that HE does feel said connection with me. Ugh! So, as he was dropping me off, he asked if I wanted to plan on a date the following Saturday. Um, give me a minute, please.

So I told him we could touch base this week. Well, lo and behold, he emails me at 9:47 this morning. Buddy, I get that you're interested...really, I do.

Normally, I just blow the guy off/don't respond (if it's only been a couple dates). I do that when the dates were so horrible, I was traumatized. For this guy though, he is a good guy, so I think he deserves my reply.

It's icky and no fun, but I'm going to reply to him and be honest, that there simply wasn't a connection. I feel absolutely horrible about it, but I'd feel worse going out with him again and leading him on.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

'Tis the season of blind dating...

2010-11-12T17:57:00.000-08:00

OK, so if you read this post, you know that I have put myself back on the market (mostly for blind dates/set-ups).

Here's the funny thing... For some reason, Fall is MY time for dating. Nearly every year, it never fails...all of these random set-ups/dates/potentials come my way, from out of nowhere! So, it started with the horrible Red Lobster date, and now there could be more...

A friend of mine randomly suggested this guy she works with, we'll call him "Ben." So, he & I exchanged a few emails and that went well. We agreed to meet for drinks last week. I met him downtown and we both had a beer. Shockingly, the conversation was pretty good and we got along well. Before we knew it, it was dinner time. So, we stayed and ordered some food and the conversation continued.

Five hours later...we said good night. So, it's safe to say that this date was NOT the train wreck that most of my dates usually are. We have some things in common and conversation flowed easily. We both agreed that we'd go out again sometime this weekend.

Here's the thing - I don't think I'm all that attracted to him. Ugh! The date went well enough that I would definitely go out again, just to see if anything was there, but I'm a little stressed. He's on the small side. He is more than a few inches shorter than me and just kind of skinny. I'm not a big girl, but I am 5'11", so height is an issue for me. I know some of you may judge that and say that I'm cutting out an entire population of good guys, but I can't help how I feel.

I am honestly just more comfortable with taller/bigger guys. It doesn't mean that I will write "Ben" off, but things aren't looking good. We are going out tomorrow night, dinner and a movie.

Oh yeah, we both happen to be signed up for the same road race tomorrow morning. He asked me what I was doing before the race. I said, "Um, sleeping?" So, he then asked if I'd want to meet up with him before the race.

The thing is...we're not dating (for realz) just yet. We've had ONE date. So, I guess I feel like it's a little much to meet up and apparently run with him the morning of our second date! I mean, come on! (I'm aware that I complain about being single and then when someone shows interest, I'm pushing back. But hopefully you get my meaning.) I'm saying that now we'll go out tomorrow night and not have that much to talk about, given our 5 hour first date, and the race in the morning. This is to say nothing of the fact that now I'll have to actually look in the mirror tomorrow before leaving the house for the race.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm making more of any of this than is necessary, but I'm just not good at dating. I don't think it's fun. I think it's a bit of a chore, actually. If I could meet someone and then just say, "Yes, you are the right one. Let's go get married." THAT is how I'd like to do it!

So, I'm sure tomorrow night's date will go fine, but the issue of physical attraction is still open. I can totally see myself being friends with this guy, just not sure if I can picture kissing him? Have any of you had this issue? Do you feel where I'm coming from? Am I crazy?

Another friend of mine's hubby, Facebooked me out of the blue a few days ago. He wondered if I was seeing anyone, because he has someone in mind. So, supposedly that guy is going to email me at some point?

Too funny...Fall is my season, I tell you!

Long time no type...

2010-11-12T17:37:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone in blog world! It has been far too long since I've posted and my crazy schedule is the culprit. I've WANTED to blog, but just haven't been able to. So, here goes...

The last few months have been filled with road races, a bridal shower, a wedding, church meetings, etc. Basically, I haven't had 8 hours sleep since... Hmmm...I can't remember when. *sad face*

I finished my 8th marathon (Marine Corps Marathon) two weeks ago and it was fun. It was the biggest marathon I've ever done and I really enjoyed the whole experience. I didn't hit my time goal (grrrrr), but it was cool knowing that my brother was out there running it as well. We ran in honor of my dad, a Vietnam Vet.

My lower back flared up early on in the race, so I ran the bulk of it in quite a bit of pain. But, when you are running up a hill past a triple amputee with a hand bike. Well, you sort of suck it up and get the job done. I wasn't going to tell that guy that I was tired or in pain! God bless him!

If you've never run a marathon, there is something about the challenge that is so gratifying. I may not be happy with my time, but I still pushed through and finished. And I did it on my own. In some ways, my independence is such a positive thing. And many times, during long races, I realize that fact. I realize that I am strong, resilient, tough, and will persevere through anything!

Overall the trip was good, but there were many annoying moments (brought to you by my stepmother). Also, it was my dad & stepmom, me, and my brother, his wife, and their new baby (ADORABLE, wanted to kidnap her). Can you say "odd one out?"

OK, OK, it wasn't that bad. But, when we were walking to dinner one night, I was literally walking all by my lonesome while those two couples were hand in hand. Again, happy for them, but do people ever even think about the odd duck in the group? I'm not saying people can't be affectionate, but it was just one of those moments.

I probably sound like a cry baby, but it sort of struck me. And I wonder what coupled people would do if they weren't coupled? How would they handle it?

Other than that, I'm just trying to keep up with everything I'm committed to right now.

Another horrible blind date...

2010-09-24T19:37:00.001-07:00

OK, so I mentioned recently that I'm going to delve back into the dating world. I didn't really have a plan, but figured I'd just be open to whatever.

A few weeks ago at church, I ran into this older guy who is always very nice to me. He means well, but is a bit off kilter. Anyway, out of nowhere, he asks if I'd be interested in a set-up. (I had not said a word about dating.) So, it was one of those moments where I was very caught off guard and didn't really feel like I could say no.

I agreed to the set-up, not knowing WHO he was setting me up with or ANYTHING about this individual. Also, Fred & his wife were going to join us. The date was set for tonight, at Red Lobster - of all places. (It should be noted that I do not like seafood and have been to Red Lobster one other time in my life.)

I walk in and this guy comes up next to me, like he knows me. Oh, it's him...it's my date. Um, let's just say, NO...heck no.

I know, I'm about to sound super snotty and judgmental, but here goes...

He was overweight and just a little hillbilly-ish for my taste. I'm guessing he's in his 40s (I'm 33). Fred arrives, without his wife, so I know the awkwardness is just beginning.

We are finally seated and conversation is a struggle. It turns out me and my date have almost zero in common. He likes to hunt, ride motorcycles, and pours cement for a living. He doesn't watch tv, so we couldn't even discuss a funny show. He also mentioned going to "movie shows." I wasn't sure what a movie show was...then realized he was talking about movies. Um...ok?

I'm dying for the date to end...when the waiter offers to get our checks. He asks how we want them. Fred says he's on his own. I'm waiting to see what my date says...and he says NOTHING. So I said, "Um, we're separate too." I got to pick up my own tab for this awful experience - BONUS!

At this point, I assume the date is nearly over...since the bills are paid. Fred then continues the discussion... UGH! Then he says he's going to leave us and let us chat for a bit. Are you KIDDING me? What body language from this evening has led you to think this guy and I will have any conversation?

So Fred leaves...and we are sitting there. To make matters worse, our waiter drops by to say he doesn't care how long we stay...he's fine with not getting another table. Thanks a lot, buddy...you're a big help.

My date couldn't have been more awkward and non-conversational. So finally I said, "ya know, we can just go..." I told him I'm sure I'll see him at church sometime and said it was nice to meet him.

Seriously...I open myself up to this again and THIS is my first experience? Really? REALLY???

The BIG Haircut!

2010-09-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I finally did it!

This past Saturday, one of my best friends accompanied me to the salon...and the hair was CUT! We cut off 2 pony tails (12" each) and then cut about 4 more inches off the rest. So, 16" lighter feels fantastic!

When my stylist went to cut the first pony, she asked if I was ready. Honestly, I didn't even flinch. I told her to go for it! Then she said she was going to cut more and I was still fine with it. I think THAT signifies how ready for a change I was. The more she cut, the more excited I was!

The final cut turned out great and I'm loving it! First of all, I can't believe how much time my long hair took. I think the short hair takes less time to style and I feel like I no longer need to "plan ahead" for hair style time.

Bottom line...I wish I'd done it a long time ago! I'm sure I'll have it long again, but for now, I'm going to enjoy my new SASS!

The ponytails I donated to Locks of Love...

Haircut update and other ramblings...

2010-09-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

OK, so, I've decided to get the haircut! In 2 weeks, I will no longer wear a ponytail. I will no longer feel it swinging back and forth when I run. I will no longer spend an hour straightening it. I will no longer be hot ALL the time, because of the 6 pounds of hair on my head. I will no longer feel like I have a pet, due to all the hair I shed throughout my house.

All in all, I'm pretty much ready for it. Of course, that could change if I end up hating it... But, each day I feel like it's the right decision, even if it's a major one. While I'm curious how men will respond/react to me with shorter hair, I can't keep it long "just in case." Hopefully, the right guy will like me, regardless of my hair length.

On to other news...I've been thinking lately that I need to get back into the dating game. I just realized that it's been a while since I've been on a date. At first, it was intentional. I'd been on another horrible set-up and swore them off afterward. I decided that I would no longer "put myself out there," because I'd done it too many times with crap results.

So, I haven't been on any set-ups, blind dates, online dating - NOTHIN'!

So how does one get back in the swing?

Well, I joined a free online dating service (I know, they're not great - but I'm too cheap to pay). Oh. Wow. I don't claim to be perfect, but some of the guys I've come across...

First of all, my profile clearly states my religious affiliation. And, no, I don't require that my mate share the same denomination. However, they DO need to share my belief in God. I make that pretty clear in my "bio." I point out that God and church are an important part of my life.

I have friends, and even family, who are non-believers. While I don't agree with their beliefs, it doesn't affect our relationship. But, I think in a couple, it's important to be on the same page in that area.

I'm saying all of this because at least half of the "messages" I've gotten, are from men who clearly state they are "non-religious."

If I'm reading a guy's profile, and I find him attractive/interesting, then see that he's non-religious - well, I'm probably not going to message him.

So, it sort of gets me that these guys still message me anyway. Yes, I know, I sound like a snot - I'm aware. Really, I say believe what you want. But, for me, it's important that my mate has a relationship with God.

Some of the other guys who've messaged me are just plain creepy or super old. Why does a 48 year old man message a 33 year old woman?

Also, it would help if EVERYone who dates online would use a CURRENT and ACCURATE picture of themselves. I love when a guy has 6 pictures on his profile and I come across one that's attractive. Then, the next picture is him 50 pounds heavier and looking older. Which one is he? Right now, my profile pic is with long hair, but I'm sure I'll change it to the short hair after my haircut.

So, my first foray back into the game is a fail. And, everyone I know is married...so I'm not quite sure if any set-ups are in my future.

Any suggestions from my fellow bloggers would be welcome!

To cut or not to cut...

2010-08-10T16:42:00.001-07:00

I feel I'm at a crossroads with my hair. I am thisclose to making a major change.

Since this blog is pretty anonymous, I won't go into great detail. But, in short, I have long, naturally curly, very thick hair.

For as long as I can remember, I've hated my hair while others say, "I'd kill for your hair," "your hair is SO pretty," "I wish I had hair like yours." While compliments are nice, they're hard to accept when you want to chop it all off!

People have even said it would be a shame to cut something that is such an asset. Well, I guess I don't really want to keep my hair long, just to please everyone who likes it. :-)

The problem is, my hair is so thick/curly, that I can't just cut it to chin length - without creating a beautiful triangle.

I'm at the point where I'm going to either leave it as is (yawn, boring!) or chop it off (super drastic).

My stylist has told me I can do short (based on my face and head size?) and several friends agree. The bonus would be that I could donate my hair to Locks of Love, which is a great charity. And, hair grows back (in my case, incredibly fast)!

A few of the cons I've been told:

1) Men don't like women with short hair
2) I'll look older

I'm not worried about con #2, since I look slightly younger than my age right now.

But, what about con #1? Is this true? I wouldn't say I've snagged a man with my long hair, so I'd hate to not cut it, just in case. I would hope that I don't have to leave my hair long, so guys will be attracted to me. But, I also don't want to make the dating world more difficult than it already is.

I'd like input from my readers. Thoughts? I've put a picture below of the style I'm thinking of doing.

Feel free to be honest, I'm looking for advice!

Still here...and a few random thoughts

2010-08-06T18:17:00.000-07:00

Life has been pretty busy lately and I sort of let this blog go by the wayside. To anyone who reads it...SORRY!

The good news is that I prefer being busy to being bored or not having consistent plans/things to do. In addition to social (no, not dating - boo!) busy-ness, my work has been unbelievably busy and stressful. Again, in a time of recession and unemployment, I really can't complain.

So, I was irritated with someone the other day and was dying to vent to a friend or anyone who would listen. Since most of my friends are married with children, it's not always easy to catch them at a moment's notice. This is completely understandable.

But, I thought to myself...how many of the couples of the world take for granted that they have an automatic, built-in sounding board for the issues of their day? I mean, I was pretty ticked and sort of needed to talk to someone about it ASAP. Instead, I had to wait until a good friend of mine (who I talk to daily) was available to chat.

It would be so lovely to be able to talk to my spouse, not only about my day, but about life decisions. Sometimes, being single forces you to make decisions about stuff you wouldn't otherwise care about.

For example, I don't care about loan papers and other boring paperwork (yes, I know I should). But, this is exactly the type of thing where I would say, "Honey, I don't care...please go ahead and take care of it." Or, spiders. I absolutely HATE spiders...whether my hubby liked them or not, he'd be the designated spider/bug/creepy crawly thing killer! Or fixing things around the house. I wouldn't say I'm particularly handy, but I've had to LEARN to be, as a result of my single status. I would gladly hand that role over!

I suppose what I wrote above looks like I'm asking for an assistant rather than a mate, but hopefully you get my point. A partner in life is exactly that - they partner WITH you through all things (good and bad). And I would really like one of those in my life! :-)

A younger male friend of mine recently told me (with good intention) that he could see how guys could be intimidated by me. He feels my confidence and independence might intimidate them. Here's the thing, I've HAD to be independent BECAUSE I'm single. Maybe if I'd met someone early on, I wouldn't be the independent rock star (ha ha) I am now.

And being confident? I guess I don't know what to do about that one. I always try to put my best foot forward and typically, I'm pretty nervous in dating situations. So, I'm not sure how I'm faking the confidence card.

Regardless, I'll continue my independence in the absence of a fella and try to live life to the fullest.

Exhibit A: I'm hosting an 80s movie marathon day with several friends this weekend. Can't beat THAT!

Jack The Stripper

2010-06-11T17:15:00.001-07:00

OK, this is probably one of my favorite blind date stories. One of my close friends decided to set me up with a single co-worker of hers, whom she didn't know all that well. So, we decided to do a double date with her and her husband.

Now, I’ll preface this story with the fact that I wasn’t in a super fantastic place in my life. I was in between jobs, or as I like to say, on sabbatical. So I was in a constant state of stress, financially and emotionally. I wasn’t even sure I could sit on a date knowing that the topic of jobs would come up, and I’d have to say I was currently doing nothing.

We had dinner at a local restaurant and it went fairly well. I wouldn’t say there were sparks, but as a group, we seemed to be having a good time.

We went to a local bar afterward for drinks. All of us were chatting it up, having a decent time. Then Jack proceeds to tell a wonderful story, which is how he received the namesake of this blog entry.

He was talking about being best man for his brother’s wedding. He planned the bachelor party at a local strip club. Jack said he hadn’t been to one before, so he was sort of telling it like he was embarrassed. I was already concerned that this guy was telling a strip club story on a FIRST BLIND DATE. Hello!!!

Jack said when he walked into the club a stripper grabbed him and gave him a free t-shirt. She took him to a private room in the back, where she proceeded to climb on top of him and shake her boobs in his face. He said they were really sweaty and you could tell she’d been dancing a lot that night.

The whole time he’s telling this story, I’m dying inside and I can tell my friends are too. We were ALL trying our best to change the subject or do anything to get him off the stripper story. But, none of it worked.

We all said good night and as we walked to our cars, my friend's husband said to her, “Well, he just shot himself in the foot…”

It doesn’t even matter that I’m not a “stripper” kind of gal. Had Jack and I ever actually dated, I would NEVER want to know that story. That’s a story a man can keep to himself and think about whenever he wants, but it should never be repeated.

Things married people/parents say...

2010-06-02T19:39:00.001-07:00

I think this will just be a running title...as I'm sure I'll have more rants in the future.

So, I'm leaving work today and I get on the elevator with a male co-worker. I let out a sigh and said, "Man, I'm tired." He then makes a "PFFT" sound, sort of insinuating, "Like you even know..." I said, "Oh, I can't be tired?" He says, "You don't even know, you have no idea. I mean, kids, they'll make you sooooo tired."

Seriously? Seriously?

So I sort of let him have it. I informed him that, oh yes, I too, can be tired. Of course I joked with him, but he did unintentionally strike a nerve.

I may not have kids, but I have other life responsibilities. Such as...working out, community activities, church involvement, cleaning the house, paying the bills, etc. Oh yah, I do the housework, groceries, bill paying, etc. by MYSELF. There isn't a second person swooping in for the assist on any of those tasks.

For example, today I didn't get home until 9:30pm, due to other activities (my choice, of course).

Again, everyone is entitled to complain, married or single. But, I very much dislike when married people/parents assume that since I don't have children, I have no idea what it's like to be busy or tired. In fact, many of my married friends have told me they think I'm busier than they are. Hmmm...

And if kids make you so darn tired and all you're going to do is complain to someone who would like to have them...WHY did you have kids??? (I reserve the right to retract this statement if/when I ever have kids and want to complain.) :-)

Feeling a bit suffocated...

2010-05-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else feeling a bit suffocated?

I would say 99% of my friends are married with children. At this point, 10 of those friends are expecting/just gave birth to their second or third child. Recently, I was invited to a couples shower for a distant college friend whose wife was expecting. I will admit here, that I was a bit relieved to have a conflict and not be able to attend.

It's all a bit too much for me sometimes.

Don't get me wrong. Of course I'm thrilled that my friends have found happiness and are experiencing parenthood. But, I guess I was hoping that I'd get to experience it too...along with them.

It gets a bit tiring when friends complain to me, "Marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be...kids will drive you crazy." Oh really? I'm just so sorry for you...

Meanwhile, they've had a constant companion for the last ten years while I've gone on mutliple set-ups that didn't work out.

Again, everyone has the right to complain...I get that. I guess I sometimes feel like I can't handle those specific complaints anymore.

In addition to that, I've had to attend all of these weddings and showers...by myself. I don't mind going somewhere by myself, but when the majority at that event is part of a couple...it's a bit upsetting. I don't think married/coupled people have any clue how hard it is to be a single in those situations. I think they take it for granted that they have a permanent "date" at all times. Maybe I'm wrong.

Those are my ramblings for today...

Divorced Father of Two

2010-05-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

I was in a Bible study, through church, that consisted of 2 couples and me. I really enjoyed these people and the fellowship time we had together. Dana told me she wanted to set me up with someone and I agreed. Her only descriptors at the outset were that he was tall and attractive. How can you go wrong with that, right?

The following week at Bible study, everyone was asking if I was ready for my big blind date. Dana decides to spring the following information on me, the day before the date. “Oh yah, he’s divorced, has two kids, and I think he’s in his mid-thirties.”

After I wiped the shock from my face, I asked her what she was thinking. You see, I was only twenty four years old at the time. Someone in their thirties with two kids wasn’t on my radar at that time. Unfortunately the date was already set for the next day, so I couldn’t really back out.

I met this man and the other two couples at Lonestar the next day. The conversation flowed well within the group. He proceeds to tell me about his daughters and I asked how old they were. Yeah, they were fourteen and twelve! Hmm, so I’d be more like an older sister, right? I could tell he was a religious man, which is a great quality. However, he told me a story that was slightly disturbing.

He had been driving home one night and strongly felt the urge to go to his sister’s trailer home and pray for her and her family. So he stood outside the trailer and walked around praying. Meanwhile, his sister is inside and scared to death because she hears someone outside her door. She proceeds to call the police, who end up coming to the house. While this guy thought the story was hilarious, which it kind of is, I found it a little off-putting. I mean, why couldn’t he have just gone into her house and told her he wanted to pray for her, rather than roam around outside?

That wasn't the only detractor for me not wanting a second date. While I do want kids someday, I really wasn't looking to be a stepmother at 24...to teenagers.

The Work Set-Up

2010-05-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

This was a setup through work. I was living and working down south after college. At one point, I was working three jobs and barely had time to sleep, let alone date. I agreed to go with an open mind.

He was a little shy, but seemed nice.

Warning: This story reflects more poorly on me than the guy.

We were making small talk as we waited to be seated. I was talking about how much kids have changed since we were kids. There just didn’t seem to be a respect for adults anymore. I was telling him I noticed this during my teaching experience in the inner city. I then made the point that many of my students had parents who were very young. Their parents had become pregnant in high school and weren’t ready. So I basically made a point of saying that it was a vicious cycle and teenage pregnancies are a huge issue.

When he started talking about his family, he mentioned his sister.

Yeah, she got pregnant at 16 and it was a big issue. I felt about one inch tall and so embarrassed. He handled it well, but I learned that you shouldn’t completely speak your mind on the first date, because you just don’t know enough about that person’s history.

We did end up going out another time, but I don't think it was meant to be.

The Swearer...

2010-05-20T17:26:00.000-07:00

This is one of those setups you WISH wouldn’t have happened. I was living with a family while studying out west. Marie was my studying to be a principal and had some classmates over one morning.

I had a horrendous cold and felt horrible. So I was working on projects for school in my pajamas. I’d type, then blow my nose, type, blow again…etc. My hair was up in some sort of knot. Seriously, I have no idea how it got that way, but there was no getting it undone. Let’s just say I looked absolutely horrible.

Marie decides to introduce me to this guy. First of all, he was short, which I’m not really into. Secondly, what girl really wants to be introduced to someone when they look and feel the way I did? He asks me if I’d like to go to dinner and Marie accepts, right in front of me. There was no getting out of this one.

I met him and a few of his friends out for dinner that night. The conversation was ok and his friends seemed fun. But then things turned when he spoke. Apparently, this guy couldn’t form a single sentence without using the F word. Here is an example, “I went to the F’ing store the other day and let me tell you, it was F’ing hot, I couldn’t F’ing believe it!”

I am a girl that rarely swears and would prefer that others don’t use inappropriate language. So this was incredibly offensive to me, not to mention, shocking. I had no idea that someone could think that it’s appropriate to speak that way on a blind date, first date, or any date, for that matter.

It became so noticeable, that even his friends gave him a hard time. At one point, one of them said, “Really, was it hot? Or was it F’ing hot?” We all laughed, but I couldn’t wait to get the heck out of there.

Needless to say, there was no second date with this guy...

Biggest frustration...

2010-05-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am a single woman, in her thirties. I've never been married or even in a long-term relationship. These two sentences generally prompt people to explain to me what I should do in order to meet people. And that is probably my biggest frustration.

Most of my friends are happily married and have started their families. While I am incredibly happy for them, the majority of them were never "out there" in the single person world. So, their advice tends to fall on my rightfully deaf ears.

Here are some of the ways my married friends met their mates:

1) High School: Yes, I have a high school diploma. I was active in music, sports, and anything else they had to offer.
2) College: Yup, I went to college too! In fact, I was quite active in many social arenas in college. A wallflower I was NOT.
3) Blind Date/Set-Up: While I won't argue that I've been on more blind dates than any of you, I will say I've been on my fair share. And I've put up with a LOT of weird situations. (Yes, they will be mentioned in future blog posts soon!)
4) Through Work: Yes, I've been a paid employee since graduating college. So, I've been in numerous workplaces where "the one" could have been.
5) Church: I am a woman who regulary attends church and is fairly active in my church.

I mention these things because, if my friends met their mates this way, why do they act as if I haven't been in some of the same situations as them? Duh, I've done all of this, but it so happens that I haven't met my mate through these situations.

Think about it, if you meet your mate in college, you NEVER have to traverse the crazy world of blind dating or set-ups. Essentially, you have not been single in your adult life. Therefore, you do not KNOW what it's like out there.

I am a very outgoing person with a good sense of humor (I like to think). But, people seem to think I should be going out every night to meet people. So...am I to hit the bar scene (which I'm not a fan of) by myself on a nightly basis? That doesn't seem right.

Oh, I know, I should get online, because THAT'S where he is! Let me tell you something about online dating - I'm not a fan. I love that people can choose whether to post their picture. That isn't real life! In real life, you see someone, as they are...which is how it should be online.

So, there you have it, my biggest frustration with being single has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with people offering advice on something they haven't been through themselves. My advice is if you don't know what to say, just listen. It's likely that is what we want, more than anything.

First entry...

2010-05-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow bloggers or blog followers!

I am starting this blog as a way to hopefully share my single adventures with other single people. In a world flooded with couples, it's sometimes nice to know there are others out there in the same boat as you.

If you are a married friend of mine, and you stumble upon this blog, please don't be offended by anything I say. I know any advice you have given or will give me is meant with the best intention and most importantly, with loving support!

If you are a single person reading this blog, please know that I understand where you're coming from. I've been on that bad blind date or gone to that awkward social gathering.

So, let's continue navigating singledom together...and we'll see where it takes us!