Feeling a bit suffocated...

Is anyone else feeling a bit suffocated?

I would say 99% of my friends are married with children. At this point, 10 of those friends are expecting/just gave birth to their second or third child. Recently, I was invited to a couples shower for a distant college friend whose wife was expecting. I will admit here, that I was a bit relieved to have a conflict and not be able to attend.

It's all a bit too much for me sometimes.

Don't get me wrong. Of course I'm thrilled that my friends have found happiness and are experiencing parenthood. But, I guess I was hoping that I'd get to experience it too...along with them.

It gets a bit tiring when friends complain to me, "Marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be...kids will drive you crazy." Oh really? I'm just so sorry for you...

Meanwhile, they've had a constant companion for the last ten years while I've gone on mutliple set-ups that didn't work out.

Again, everyone has the right to complain...I get that. I guess I sometimes feel like I can't handle those specific complaints anymore.

In addition to that, I've had to attend all of these weddings and showers...by myself. I don't mind going somewhere by myself, but when the majority at that event is part of a couple...it's a bit upsetting. I don't think married/coupled people have any clue how hard it is to be a single in those situations. I think they take it for granted that they have a permanent "date" at all times. Maybe I'm wrong.

Those are my ramblings for today...

Divorced Father of Two

I was in a Bible study, through church, that consisted of 2 couples and me. I really enjoyed these people and the fellowship time we had together. Dana told me she wanted to set me up with someone and I agreed. Her only descriptors at the outset were that he was tall and attractive. How can you go wrong with that, right?

The following week at Bible study, everyone was asking if I was ready for my big blind date. Dana decides to spring the following information on me, the day before the date. “Oh yah, he’s divorced, has two kids, and I think he’s in his mid-thirties.”

After I wiped the shock from my face, I asked her what she was thinking. You see, I was only twenty four years old at the time. Someone in their thirties with two kids wasn’t on my radar at that time. Unfortunately the date was already set for the next day, so I couldn’t really back out.

I met this man and the other two couples at Lonestar the next day. The conversation flowed well within the group. He proceeds to tell me about his daughters and I asked how old they were. Yeah, they were fourteen and twelve! Hmm, so I’d be more like an older sister, right? I could tell he was a religious man, which is a great quality. However, he told me a story that was slightly disturbing.

He had been driving home one night and strongly felt the urge to go to his sister’s trailer home and pray for her and her family. So he stood outside the trailer and walked around praying. Meanwhile, his sister is inside and scared to death because she hears someone outside her door. She proceeds to call the police, who end up coming to the house. While this guy thought the story was hilarious, which it kind of is, I found it a little off-putting. I mean, why couldn’t he have just gone into her house and told her he wanted to pray for her, rather than roam around outside?

That wasn't the only detractor for me not wanting a second date. While I do want kids someday, I really wasn't looking to be a stepmother at 24...to teenagers.

The Work Set-Up

This was a setup through work. I was living and working down south after college. At one point, I was working three jobs and barely had time to sleep, let alone date. I agreed to go with an open mind.

He was a little shy, but seemed nice.

Warning: This story reflects more poorly on me than the guy.

We were making small talk as we waited to be seated. I was talking about how much kids have changed since we were kids. There just didn’t seem to be a respect for adults anymore. I was telling him I noticed this during my teaching experience in the inner city. I then made the point that many of my students had parents who were very young. Their parents had become pregnant in high school and weren’t ready. So I basically made a point of saying that it was a vicious cycle and teenage pregnancies are a huge issue.

When he started talking about his family, he mentioned his sister.

Yeah, she got pregnant at 16 and it was a big issue. I felt about one inch tall and so embarrassed. He handled it well, but I learned that you shouldn’t completely speak your mind on the first date, because you just don’t know enough about that person’s history.

We did end up going out another time, but I don't think it was meant to be.

The Swearer...

This is one of those setups you WISH wouldn’t have happened. I was living with a family while studying out west. Marie was my studying to be a principal and had some classmates over one morning.

I had a horrendous cold and felt horrible. So I was working on projects for school in my pajamas. I’d type, then blow my nose, type, blow again…etc. My hair was up in some sort of knot. Seriously, I have no idea how it got that way, but there was no getting it undone. Let’s just say I looked absolutely horrible.

Marie decides to introduce me to this guy. First of all, he was short, which I’m not really into. Secondly, what girl really wants to be introduced to someone when they look and feel the way I did? He asks me if I’d like to go to dinner and Marie accepts, right in front of me. There was no getting out of this one.

I met him and a few of his friends out for dinner that night. The conversation was ok and his friends seemed fun. But then things turned when he spoke. Apparently, this guy couldn’t form a single sentence without using the F word. Here is an example, “I went to the F’ing store the other day and let me tell you, it was F’ing hot, I couldn’t F’ing believe it!”

I am a girl that rarely swears and would prefer that others don’t use inappropriate language. So this was incredibly offensive to me, not to mention, shocking. I had no idea that someone could think that it’s appropriate to speak that way on a blind date, first date, or any date, for that matter.

It became so noticeable, that even his friends gave him a hard time. At one point, one of them said, “Really, was it hot? Or was it F’ing hot?” We all laughed, but I couldn’t wait to get the heck out of there.

Needless to say, there was no second date with this guy...

Biggest frustration...

I am a single woman, in her thirties. I've never been married or even in a long-term relationship. These two sentences generally prompt people to explain to me what I should do in order to meet people. And that is probably my biggest frustration.

Most of my friends are happily married and have started their families. While I am incredibly happy for them, the majority of them were never "out there" in the single person world. So, their advice tends to fall on my rightfully deaf ears.

Here are some of the ways my married friends met their mates:

1) High School: Yes, I have a high school diploma. I was active in music, sports, and anything else they had to offer.
2) College: Yup, I went to college too! In fact, I was quite active in many social arenas in college. A wallflower I was NOT.
3) Blind Date/Set-Up: While I won't argue that I've been on more blind dates than any of you, I will say I've been on my fair share. And I've put up with a LOT of weird situations. (Yes, they will be mentioned in future blog posts soon!)
4) Through Work: Yes, I've been a paid employee since graduating college. So, I've been in numerous workplaces where "the one" could have been.
5) Church: I am a woman who regulary attends church and is fairly active in my church.

I mention these things because, if my friends met their mates this way, why do they act as if I haven't been in some of the same situations as them? Duh, I've done all of this, but it so happens that I haven't met my mate through these situations.

Think about it, if you meet your mate in college, you NEVER have to traverse the crazy world of blind dating or set-ups. Essentially, you have not been single in your adult life. Therefore, you do not KNOW what it's like out there.

I am a very outgoing person with a good sense of humor (I like to think). But, people seem to think I should be going out every night to meet people. So...am I to hit the bar scene (which I'm not a fan of) by myself on a nightly basis? That doesn't seem right.

Oh, I know, I should get online, because THAT'S where he is! Let me tell you something about online dating - I'm not a fan. I love that people can choose whether to post their picture. That isn't real life! In real life, you see someone, as they are...which is how it should be online.

So, there you have it, my biggest frustration with being single has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with people offering advice on something they haven't been through themselves. My advice is if you don't know what to say, just listen. It's likely that is what we want, more than anything.

First entry...

Hello fellow bloggers or blog followers!

I am starting this blog as a way to hopefully share my single adventures with other single people. In a world flooded with couples, it's sometimes nice to know there are others out there in the same boat as you.

If you are a married friend of mine, and you stumble upon this blog, please don't be offended by anything I say. I know any advice you have given or will give me is meant with the best intention and most importantly, with loving support!

If you are a single person reading this blog, please know that I understand where you're coming from. I've been on that bad blind date or gone to that awkward social gathering.

So, let's continue navigating singledom together...and we'll see where it takes us!