Hello...long time no blog!

Hello readers...if you're still out there! 

I realize I've not blogged for a few months, but there's not real reason other than there's been nothing to blog about. 

Life, other than being single, is actually pretty good.  I ran another marathon last month.  While it was slow and frustrating, I did manage to finish.  Work has been crazy busy and is just now starting to slow down, which is fine with me...heading into the last quarter.  And a friend and I are planning a mini vaca before the end of the year. 

No dates.  No progress in that department.  I think I'm still on eHarmony, which has been a total waste of time.  I'm planning to cancel soon.  I swear, I could randomly go on there once every 4 days and the SAME guys, all living an average of 400 miles away from me, are on my "match" list.  Stupid.  I have zero plans to start communicating with someone, for the first time, with a goal of potentially dating, who lives THAT FRICKING FAR AWAY.  Ridiculous. 

Match won't STOP sending me email notifications about how "he winked at you!," "he emailed you!," "he made you a favorite!"  Um, really?  OK.  So, Match, you want me to pay you some money so I can view all these potential awesome matches, right?  Um, wrong.  I have not been suckered in by this yet.  Ya know why?  I remember when I first tried Match and did the basic part, prior to having to pay, and it told me I had "sooo many" matches.  So, of course, I paid, hoping that THIS would be the time something might work.  And it was all crazy, scary, unattractive (sorry, but I didn't find them attractive) guys.  Waste of money.

Again, I go back to how much I abhor online dating.  It sucks.  Yes, people meet that way, get married, and live happy lives with each other.  I do believe that.  However, I maintain that it is NOT for me.  It's just so awkward.  And there's no way to validate anything about that person.  At least if a friend sets you up, you can trust that they're not setting you up with a crazy person.  I'm sure I've said this before. 

Anyway, still frustrated (no surprise, there) that I'm still single, despite my very social life and seemingly being a normal person. 

Online dating. You are still stupid.

Well, I ditched my Match subscription once it expired, as I encountered old guys, inappropriate guys, weird guys, or no guys.  Waste.  Of.  Money. 

So, I was reading my fellow blogger's post yesterday, which nudged me to renew with eHarmony - which I haven't been on in YEARS.  Like, I can't remember when I was last on that site.  (And I absolutely hated it when I was on it.)  But, at $28.65 for 3 months, I thought, "Hey, I'm going to give it a try.  Because, you know what they say.  Ya NEVER know." 

Well, folks.  Ya DO know.  Ya DO. 

I got everything updated, including new pics, age range, other profile updates, etc.  And then I clicked on "find matches."  Now, I had the distance set to 120 miles from my zip code, which I thought was pretty fair.  Do you know how many matches came up? 

None.

Zero.

Nada.

When I changed the distance to 300+ miles, that's when matches pulled up.  Um, who the FRICK is going to drive 300 miles to meet a total stranger?  Not this girl.  And no, that does NOT mean I don't want a relationship bad enough.  It means, the only time I drive 300+ miles is to see someone I really care about (friends/family) and know well or for a special event. 

Let's say I did travel 300 miles to meet Mr. Wonderful.  I ask you - how the frick would that relationship be able to develop?  I don't get it.  Maybe I'm being too rigid, but I just don't think that's very realistic.

I mean, my profile isn't that specific, as to what I am looking for.  Not to the point that there are literally no matches within 50 miles of me.  I mean, seriously. 

Also, most of the guys I've clicked on are 5'9" or shorter.  Ugh.

So, I'll stay with it for the 3 months, but I honestly feel beat up.  I keep being encouraged to pursue online dating or give it another try.  And now, with a very fragile heart, I'm doing it - and getting nowhere.  Very discouraging.  And there are no set-ups on the horizon, either.  Double ugh. 

Being single - living the dream! 

Love this!

Well, this is pretty much awesome.  Read and enjoy...

http://constantlyeffed.tumblr.com/post/72725640755/ten-things-your-single-friends-are-tired-of-hearing

I'd say it with less swearing, but she's pretty much spot on with all of it! 

Family is insensitive and still pretty sucky...yay Christmas! *sarcasm*

Let's do a Christmas with family round-up, shall we?  Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one! 

Overall, it was sucky...unfortunately.  I tried to enjoy my time with my nieces and nephews, which isn't hard to do.  They're awesome. 

My one sibling who I've complained about a lot, was fairly jerky.  They get really annoyed any time I sing...no matter what.  Now, it's not like I walk around singing in full voice ALL THE TIME (and certainly, not in front of them).  First of all, I am a singer and actually can sing.  Second of all, I don't feel the need to show off or brag about it.  Most of the time I'm singing, I'm either at home or in the car, or singing at church, in a show, or before an event.

But, they still get annoyed.  So, their classic line when I happen to sing around them is (we'll just call me Sister), "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  And then, if I happen to answer, they say, "Why don't you let them sing it then."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh my gosh, hilarious. 

So, when I was home, the kids were playing Just Dance and I was coming into the room.  I started singing along to whatever song was on.  When I say singing along, I mean it was barely audible and not AT ALL in full voice or any attention grabbing way.  It's what most people do when they sing along.  And then, they said it.  "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  At that point, I'd pretty much had it with the whole long weekend, so I snapped at them.  "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you HATE it when I sing, so I'll just shut up.  I get it!!!!!!!"  I did.  I said that.  Honestly, I don't know if anyone else even noticed.  But they just said, "Jeez, grumpy!!!!  Blah, blah, blah..."  Whatever, I didn't really pay attention.  I like how I'm the grumpy one...when they're the one who started it.  Dear.  God.

Let's shift to my other sibling, who lives out of state.  They made a really stupid (untrue) joke about me.  Now, that's fine.  We're a sarcastic, jokey, family.  So, it was funny.  At first.  But then, the joke just kept on going and kept being brought up...enough so, that the kids were even in on it and joining in. 

I'm not someone who enjoys being picked on.  Frankly, I don't like the attention.  And yes, I love how people like to say, "They only pick on you because you react.  If you just act like it doesn't bother you, they'll stop."  Um, yeah.  I know.  Got it.  But here's the thing...I had ignored it.  And it just kept going.  Even my mom sort of joined in.  Finally, I'd had it.  And I asked them to knock it off.

See, I like to joke around, too.  But, when the person I'm joking with/about asks me to stop or it's obvious they're upset...I STOP.  And I apologize, because I then feel terrible for taking it too far.

Apparently, not everyone does this.  I called one of my best friends to vent and told her about this stupid joke.  She didn't even understand it.  Because it was SO RIDICULOUS!  Anyway, we had planned to meet the next morning for coffee.  When she arrived, she said that my sibling had messaged her on FB and asked her to tell him if I brought up the joke.  She, being the good friend she is, played dumb and told him he was a freak.

Did you catch that?  My sibling was SO caught up in their stupid joke, they felt the need to bring it up to my friend and then ask her to tell them if I mentioned it?  Are you EFFING KIDDING ME? 

So, that happened. 

Let's see, what else?  Oh yeah, online dating somehow came up and my sibling, their spouse, and my mom managed to grill me and make me cry.  (Still not sure if they realized I shed a tear.  Or if they even care.) 

My in-law's sister is really nice and so I asked how she was doing.  She's also single, so I had asked if she was still dating this guy (last time I checked, she was).  Anyway, she's not.  So, the whole online dating thing sort of came up out of that.  Now, I'm not mad about that.  And they have NO IDEA that I'm even on any online dating sites at all.  Nor do I plan to tell them.  Ever. 

So, these 3 people, NONE of whom have EVER tried/done online dating, proceeded to sort of tell me why it's good, etc.  And what I should be doing.  When I pointed out many of the things I've recently said on this blog (no, they obviously don't know about this blog, either), they basically acted like it's SO much better than that.

First of all, they've NEVER done it.  So, really, I don't think they're in a position to give me advice about it.  Second of all, my in-law's sister has been online dating for YEARS, and she's still single.  So, it's fair to say that she's no further ahead in the marriage race than I am.  At most, she's gotten more free meals than I have.  And I'm ok with that. 

So, I was saying how much I really don't like online dating, when my sibling says, "What are your other options?"  Um, what?  Did you just say that out loud?  If online dating is the LAST/ONLY option I have left, then I'm going to accept being single as my life.  Are you kidding me?

I said, "Well, there are set-ups."  To which they said, "How many of those do you go on?"  I said that I'd been on a lot.  They said, "What's a lot?"  Again, are you effing kidding me?  I don't need to justify this to YOU.  So then I said something about how it's a bit unfair that I have to go the extra step of online dating when so many I know did NOT have to do that.  That's when my mom chimes in with this nugget.  "Oprah was complaining to Dr. Phil about her weight, and how it was unfair that so many other women could eat whatever they wanted and not gain weight.  Dr. Phil told her, 'But they're not you, are they?'"  Mom continued, "It doesn't matter if others didn't have to do the work, YOU do have to do the work." 
Thanks, Mom.  Thanks a lot.  That nugget coming from my mom was priceless.  This is a woman who married someone she didn't love, then got divorced, then chose to NOT date anyone after that (bit of a man hater), and is STILL bitter about the divorce (and ex-husband, who has passed away) over 30 years later.  She's not done a ton to change or improve her life.  So, you see, it's really shitty of her to make a comment like that to me.  Someone who had a tough childhood, paid her way through many things, including college, on her own, and is quite independent.

It was after that comment that a tear or two came out of my eye.  Honest to God, no one noticed that I was even remotely upset.  Or even cared.  I ended up running upstairs and vented to the one in-law I like. 

OK, moving on to the presents.  Remember, I buy for 5 kids (and my mom) and spend probably $30+ PER KID.  And the siblings/in-laws then bought gifts for Mom and me.  Mom cleaned up, got some good stuff.  My out of state sibling/in-law gave me one gift (from the list I gave).  Total of $20 spent.  Woohoo...don't go crazy, guys!  WOW!  The in state sibling/in-law did somewhat better.  I got a couple of things from the list I gave and then a couple I didn't, but totally liked.  Total of probably $35 spent.  So, after I spent nearly $200, including schlepping a ton of stuff back from fricking Australia, I am worth about $55.  And I'm sure they were irritated to even spend that.  And honestly, it's not about the money.  It's more about the fact that the out of state sibling/in-law couldn't click on something else?  Or buy something not from the list as a nice surprise?  Nothing?  Really?  And they shipped it to the in-state sibling's house...so packing it for the flight, was not the issue.  Just thoughtlessness. 

Also, I guess my expectations of them need to be severely lowered.  Do you know how many "thank yous" I heard from the kids' parents?  None.  Not one.  Not one, "Oh my gosh, you went to Australia and thought to buy/bring back cool gifts for our kids?  That is so nice!"  Not one, "Hey, thanks for the gifts, the kids love them."  Not one, "Hey, thanks."  Nothing.  Did I thank everyone for my gifts?  Yes.  Did I thank my sibling/in-law for hosting us for several days?  Yes. 

Honestly, I don't think it's asking too much for a simple thank you.  Of course the kids said thanks to me, which is great.  But I guess it would be nice for the parents to acknowledge my generosity in some way? 

What's funny is, my 9 year old niece was probably the only one who really appreciated it.  She's a total sweetheart.  One of the gifts I gave her was a framed photo from my trip, that she had admired.  I wasn't sure how it would go over with a 9 year old (a framed photo could be considered lame/no fun).  Anyway, she opened it, and got excited.  And then she said, "You remembered we talked about this!!!"  OMG.  I could have died right then.  To her, it made her feel good that I remembered our conversation and then thought to buy a gift, including it.  Thank goodness for her!

Basically, I feel (other than time with the kids) the time I spent there was wasted.  I'd rather not have wasted my hard earned vacation time for that.  Both siblings spent time with each other, chatting, working out, joking, watching sports.  I get it.  I realize I'm the odd one out.  But really...we were hardly ever in the same room...and the only times they spoke to me were to either be mean, make fun of me, or ask me to stop singing. 

Overall, I give Christmas 2013 a SUCK level of 10, on a scale of 1 to 10.  I'm going to hope that Christmas 2014 is much better.  We'll see.          

More irritations with online dating...

Oh yeah...I've thought of a few more.  (Really, it's not hard to think of things that suck about online dating.)

I really really really really really really really really hate that people can see when you've viewed them (and vice versa).  Ya know why?  Because, again, in REAL life, you may not even notice if someone at the bar/event/social event/race is looking at you.  Which, isn't a bad thing.  You don't need to know about EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has looked at you.  Ick. 

So, if I look at someone's profile...and do nothing, they see that I looked at their profile.  And for some reason, that encourages them...and then they either "like" me, "wink" at me, "favorite" me, or message me.  All of which are things I do NOT want that particular person to do.  Ya know, because after viewing their profile, I wasn't interested.  Which is WHY I didn't contact them in any way.

OK, here's another thing that bothers me.  I am in my mid-thirties.  And my profile shows that I'm looking for someone also in their thirties...up to forty.  And yes, I'm aware I may need to expand that age range.  I get it.  But, for now, that's the range I've chosen.  Being the age I am, I guess, I don't feel too interested in men over fricking 50.  Dear.  God.  I've had several men like, wink, message me that are over 50.  WHY they think it's appropriate, I don't know.  I'm not saying they're ridiculously older, but they're enough older that it grosses me out. 

And the last thing (for now) that is also annoying me is the messages.  Some are lame, but yes, some aren't that bad.  Unfortunately, I'm not interested in most of them.  Do I have to respond to every single message sent to me?  I don't want to be a jerk, but I feel so awkward corresponding like this...especially if it's to tell them I'm not interested. 

Overall, I hate it.  I know I'm completely negative about it, but seriously - it is so unnatural to me.  I would so rather meet someone in LIFE and have it happen organically, than online.   

 

Yep, online dating is STILL stupid...

Well, blog readers, I'm going to tell you a secret that NO ONE else knows.  I signed up on Match.com (first time on that site) for a 3 month term, last week.

And do you know how amazing I think it is? 

Um, NOT.  Not amazing at all.  These are the available men out there?  Seriously?  And before you go thinking I think I'm all that and am just too snooty to consider these choice men... 

So far, the men who have liked my pics, winked at me, or sent me a message, have done any of the following below:

• Misspelled words in their profiles and their messages.  Things like "obsticle," rather than "obstacle."  And, I'm sorry, I know everyone makes mistakes and isn't an English major.  But, I guess I'd take a second or third pass at my online dating profile before clicking save.  I mean, this is the image you're putting out there for potential mates, right? 
• Mail messages that say things like, "Fun plans tonight?"  OK, um, we've NEVER spoken before, online or otherwise.  So, we are not in that familiar place where you get to ask what my plans are tonight.  How about we communicate back and forth and become more than online pictures, first? 
• Mail messages that say things like, "Hey."  Uh, ok, "Hi?"  I realize this is a nerve wracking thing, online or not.  But how does one reply to "Hey?"  Does that leave it to me to write a lengthy reply to "Hey?"  I don't know...I guess I feel like you could type more than one word, if you took the time to write me anyway.
• Profiles without a picture.  I've spoken at length on this blog about this.  Listen, I applaud you for getting out there and taking the risk of trying online dating.  However, if you aren't confident enough to upload a picture (current) of yourself, then maybe you have some other work to do before tackling dating/relationships.  Furthermore, if you don't have a profile pic, you are delusional for expecting most people to reply/inquire about you.  Because, as I've said before, you can't hide your face/body in real life!  If I ran into you in a bar...I'd see you.  So, the whole "no pic" thing has never made any sense to me. 
• Profiles with multiple pictures, none of which match up.  What I mean is, you see the main profile pic, and you think, "Hmm, he looks alright...let's look at his other pics!"  And then, as you scroll through his 9 pics, you see that he looks completely different in all of them.  So, which one does he look like NOW?  Um, is it a surprise?  Why wouldn't you post somewhat current pics of yourself, regardless of if you've gained weight, whatever?  One guy included a picture from 2001...and it's not like it was a pic of him in an amazing locale.  It was just a picture.  I can post my high school and college pictures, too.  But I won't.  Because, I'm pretty sure you're interested in the current version of me...whether that's thin/heavy/wrinkly/etc. 
• The whole "he liked your photo" thing.  What IS this?  And why does it matter?  I must be pretty cynical, because this does nothing for me.  Every fricking email I get about someone liking my photo annoys me more than makes me feel good.  The people that like my photos are in their late 40s/early 50s...and don't send me any other communication.  Not that I want them to...but what is the point of liking a photo, then?  Just because?  This isn't Facebook.  It's Match. 
• The whole "he made you a favorite" thing.  This is right along the same lines as the "like" thing.  What does it mean?  I'm his "favorite" profile to look at from time to time?  I'm his "favorite" group of pictures to look at from time to time? 
• The whole "wink" thing.  What is this?  Is this the equivalent of a guy winking at you at the bar?  Because I'm usually creeped out by these dudes.  And now they have a forum to just "wink" whenever they feel like it?  But then make no further contact?  Because, I'm sure I'm supposed to "wink" back.
• Dirty profile descriptions.  And apparently, they're real profiles...but these guys think their disgusting hopes for the girl they meet on here are totally appropriate.  Ewwwwwww!

Yep, I know.  I'm jaded.  I'm cynical.  I'm cranky.  But, all of that said, I still think the above are valid points/issues with this site, and online dating, in general.  I continue to be unimpressed.

The funny thing is, I think it's supposed to be a bit of an ego booster.  And, it's not that I have a big ego, but that's not what I'm on the site for.  I'm on the site to potentially find someone to date, have a relationship with, and maybe marry. 

Every time I get an email message from Match, telling me that someone either winked at, messaged me, favorited me, or liked a photo - I'm annoyed.  There's no part of me that lights up and thinks, "Oh my gosh...they think I'm pretty?," "They like my picture?," "I'm their favorite?"  In fact, I'm so annoyed after ONE week, that I honestly can't imagine THREE MONTHS of this!  OMG.

Because, again, this isn't really how it would be in the real world.  I wouldn't be getting flooded with notifications in the non-online world.  Which is what I prefer. 

When some friends of mine were going through marital troubles (still are, I think) and were nearing divorce...he joined Match (dumb, I know).  And he had the nerve to tell me and a single male friend what we were missing.  And he had the gall to explain that we should really check it out.  This guy...who was still (and still is) technically married...and had been on Match for maybe 2 weeks.  Maybe.  He was telling us how that all worked.  You know...us.  We've been single for decades.  Uh huh.  That really irritated me (and still does, a little). 

Anyway, it occurred to me why he thought it was so great.  I think this guy probably has some self esteem issues.  Because, I'm guessing he loved being highlighted on the site and getting flooded with likes, messages, etc.  It probably made him feel good...like he was attractive and quite the catch.  No wonder he raved about it.  He thought he was pretty hot stuff. 

And, while I've struggled with having good self esteem over the years, I'm pretty confident in who I am.  I don't need a bunch of random strangers telling me I'm pretty or that my profile is interesting, to make me feel good about myself.  And frankly, that's how it should be.  I shouldn't be depending on this site or any guy in the real world to make me feel pretty or good about myself. 

So, I'll stay on the site...they already have my $62, but the chances that my attitude will change are pretty slim.  And yes, I know that means I am going into it with a bad attitude.  But really, the reason I broke down and signed up was that I had a very teeny tiny itty bitty microscopic amount of hope that maybe, just maybe there would be some interesting matches.  So far, it's been duds.  All the way.    

Match.com/online dating...

OK, I've been incredibly bored at work lately, so I messed around on Match yesterday.  I must have created a profile a LONG time ago, but I've never actually subscribed/paid.  So, it's pretty much been dormant. 

I updated some things, added some pics, but still didn't subscribe.  Since all of that, I have received 14 emails/notifications from Match, letting me know that someone either winked at me, made me their favorite, sent me a message, etc. 

Of course, I can't view any of those things unless I subscribe.  I'm so NOT into online dating and really hate to pay for it.  Especially when so many of my fellow bloggers have given it a fair shot and haven't had good luck. 

And, when someone whose screen name is "Brainsandbrawn4u" winks at you...that doesn't really make you want to jump on the bandwagon. 

I probably sound stuck up, but seriously, if that is the name you came up with, I don't think we'll be talking.  How does one come up with that as their name?

All of that said, I'm debating whether to subscribe for a 6 month term.  I'm very hesitant to do it.  And yes, I realize it would get more dates going than what I currently have (zero), but I've heard many nightmare stories.  And, based on what I've seen so far, I'm not impressed. 

What to do... 

Final rant for Thursday...

Again, I think I've mentioned this before.

As frustrated as I am with my single status, I don't have a great solution for it. 

Online dating?  OK, well, I've tried that and absolutely hated it.  Also, I think, to some degree, it's a bit risky/dangerous.  And, there are plenty of fellow bloggers' horror stories that keep me from doing it again. 

Set-ups/Blind dates?  OK, well, I am very vocal about being open to those.  And I've been on several.  The problem is this.  People that offer to set you up almost NEVER follow through.  I have one friend who has failed 3 times and SHE'S the one who brought each potential set-up up to ME.  And trust me, I've followed up, I've emailed, Facebook messaged, asked several friends about set-ups.  And almost always, they don't follow through.  Well, it's not like I have the guy's information, so I can contact him myself.  And if I did...that might be a bit stalkerish. 

Out and about in the world?  Hmm.  I'm a pretty social gal.  I usually have something social going on every weekend.  I'm a runner...so I'm constantly at races where there are a lot of people...including, I would think, single men.  I dress nice and put myself together well...so it's not like I'm wearing a sweatshirt, hair tied in knots, with no makeup on. 

So tell me.  WHAT should I be doing?  I'm not claiming that I'm out on different dates 3-4 times a week.  Kudos to anyone who can and does do that.  Impressive.  I think that would be too much for me, unless it was the same guy or a boyfriend.  But, I'm completely open to set-ups or meeting someone, and it's not happening.  I can't go back in time and meet the guy in high school or college.  So, I feel like the above 3 options are the most obvious.   

Grrrrrrr. 

Getting back in the game...

I wouldn't say I actively took myself out of the dating game, but I technically haven't been on a real date in *gasp* a few years?  I'm not necessarily embarrassed or upset by that...but that also means that I shouldn't be surprised I'm not planning a wedding right now. 

I've never been one to do the online dating thing, which I believe I've explained a few times on this blog.  Here, here, and here.

And I know that people rave about online dating and how, "You should really try it...it's great!"  But I just don't agree.  And based on the blogs I read...I'm not too convinced that it works - other than generating dates/meetings (which, I suppose, could be a good thing). 

Recently, a single male friend of mine and I were talking about online dating, and what we think about it.  And the truth is, I just can't wrap my brain around it - even after all these years. 

In real life, when a guy meets me, he doesn't see my "tag line" written on my forehead.  And he certainly doesn't see my "200 word minimum" bio written anywhere on my clothing.  He sees me.  And maybe he approaches me because of my looks or what I'm wearing or my hairstyle.  I don't know.  But, for whatever reason, he approaches me and we might have a conversation.  Now, that conversation could be short and we might instantly realize there's nothing there.  OR, that conversation could be longer and lead to setting up a date or something.

Is this too idealistic of a view to take?  Even in today's world?

I'm fully aware that online dating is THE thing and THE way to go, but have never felt comfortable in that medium.  It seems so abnormal to me and makes me uncomfortable to fill all that information out.  I mean, when I meet someone, I don't instantly know their educational background, how much they make, what industry they're in, and all of their likes/dislikes.  I feel like online dating (while a great tool to hone in on the type of guys you want) also takes some of the natural fun out of dating.  I'm also not keen on the idea of "shopping" for a guy.  Also, online dating can turn into a full time job, keeping up with the winks, messages, etc. 

Not to mention the fact that many online daters LIE about their height, body type, etc.  And they may post an older, more flattering pic, too.  Ugh.  Again, in person, you are what you are...can't hide that! 

All of this to say that I'm not sure where to start, if I want to really make dating a priority this year...as I'm about to get older and even closer to never having babies.

If I'm not into online dating (cheap OR pay sites), then what is my best bet?  I'm a very active and social person, definitely not sitting home alone on the weekends (or weeknights, for that matter).  But, most of my friends are married, so it's not like I have a crew of single ladies that I can go out with.

Any/all advice is welcome!     

Why Online Dating is Dumb

If any of my readers didn't already know it...let me say it again.  I absolutely hate online dating.  I think it's horrible and unnatural.  If YOU have found love that way, I am happy for you (really).  But, I have never gotten the appeal and therefore, have only given it 20% effort on multiple sites.

Just off the top of my head, here are some things I hate about it:

1)  If you want a somewhat reputable site (but still no guarantee that you'll meet the love of your life), you are required to PAY for it.  And hey, I get it.  They're providing a service.  So, you must pay.  But, at least when I pay my cable bill, I'm guaranteed I'll have a million cable channels/shows to watch.  If the cable goes out...I call them and typically, they will credit you for the outage.  With online dating...if you don't meet anyone...um, they have your money.  And you're no better off.

2)  I think I've said this before in another post.  But let me say it again.  Many people don't post pictures with their online dating profiles.  This, is ridiculous.  If I met you in a bar, at the coffee shop, or just out at Target - I'd see your face!  Duh!  So, to hide online is dumb.  I don't even reply to people who don't have a profile pic.

2a)  People post out of date, more flattering pics of themselves, that look nothing like they do now.  OK, eventually, you might meet the person you're communicating with.  Wouldn't it be best to post a current pic of yourself?

2b)  Guys who post pics of their bare chests will not get responses from me.  I don't even know how this even seems like a good idea?!?!  I'm certainly not posting pics of me in my sports bra...just so they can see "the goods."  What's wrong with posting a pic of yourself, fully clothed, and looking good?

3)  Guys who don't seem to READ my profile.  I specifically select my religious denomination on my profile. To take it a step further, I talk about my faith in my profile description.  I don't go into crazy detail or anything, but still.  It's clear when you read my profile that I'm looking for someone who shares a belief in God.  And yet, that doesn't stop every single guy who has selected "non-religious" or "atheist" as their religion, from contacting me and wanting to get together.  They clearly aren't even reading my profile!  Duh!  I have no problem with anyone being non-religious or atheist, but it's not what I'm looking for in a potential mate.  I even had a guy message me saying, "I don't know how religious you are, but I'm not really into that."  Um, ok... 

4)  OMG - the lame messages must stop!  I'm only "using" one free site right now and after the last few messages I received, I will be signing off.  (Side note:  I abhor profiles and/or messages with poor grammar and spelling.  Hoping my "dream" guy can spell and speak properly.)  I find there are two types of messages with these sites.

Message #1:  "How's it going?" or "Nice pic."  And then, that's it.  I guess I'd prefer a bit more "meat" to the message...ya know, since we don't know each other?  Yes, I could respond, "It's going well."  And then where would we be?

Message #2:  OK, I'm not even going to type what these messages are, because they are DIRTY!  OMG - so horrible.  I don't even know how to describe them, but I'd say I've gotten maybe 5 horrifically dirty, naughty messages.  One of which I received over the weekend.  ICK.  I'm sure they don't expect a reply, but seriously?  What is the point?  So disgusting and unnecessary.

I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore you TOO much.  Online dating rarely gives me hope that I'll meet someone, but actually makes me feel like there are even more jerks/losers/weirdos out there - which is depressing.   

Haircut update and other ramblings...

OK, so, I've decided to get the haircut! In 2 weeks, I will no longer wear a ponytail. I will no longer feel it swinging back and forth when I run. I will no longer spend an hour straightening it. I will no longer be hot ALL the time, because of the 6 pounds of hair on my head. I will no longer feel like I have a pet, due to all the hair I shed throughout my house.

All in all, I'm pretty much ready for it. Of course, that could change if I end up hating it... But, each day I feel like it's the right decision, even if it's a major one. While I'm curious how men will respond/react to me with shorter hair, I can't keep it long "just in case." Hopefully, the right guy will like me, regardless of my hair length.

On to other news...I've been thinking lately that I need to get back into the dating game. I just realized that it's been a while since I've been on a date. At first, it was intentional. I'd been on another horrible set-up and swore them off afterward. I decided that I would no longer "put myself out there," because I'd done it too many times with crap results.

So, I haven't been on any set-ups, blind dates, online dating - NOTHIN'!

So how does one get back in the swing?

Well, I joined a free online dating service (I know, they're not great - but I'm too cheap to pay). Oh. Wow. I don't claim to be perfect, but some of the guys I've come across...

First of all, my profile clearly states my religious affiliation. And, no, I don't require that my mate share the same denomination. However, they DO need to share my belief in God. I make that pretty clear in my "bio." I point out that God and church are an important part of my life.

I have friends, and even family, who are non-believers. While I don't agree with their beliefs, it doesn't affect our relationship. But, I think in a couple, it's important to be on the same page in that area.

I'm saying all of this because at least half of the "messages" I've gotten, are from men who clearly state they are "non-religious."

If I'm reading a guy's profile, and I find him attractive/interesting, then see that he's non-religious - well, I'm probably not going to message him.

So, it sort of gets me that these guys still message me anyway. Yes, I know, I sound like a snot - I'm aware. Really, I say believe what you want. But, for me, it's important that my mate has a relationship with God.

Some of the other guys who've messaged me are just plain creepy or super old. Why does a 48 year old man message a 33 year old woman?

Also, it would help if EVERYone who dates online would use a CURRENT and ACCURATE picture of themselves. I love when a guy has 6 pictures on his profile and I come across one that's attractive. Then, the next picture is him 50 pounds heavier and looking older. Which one is he? Right now, my profile pic is with long hair, but I'm sure I'll change it to the short hair after my haircut.

So, my first foray back into the game is a fail. And, everyone I know is married...so I'm not quite sure if any set-ups are in my future.

Any suggestions from my fellow bloggers would be welcome!

Biggest frustration...

I am a single woman, in her thirties. I've never been married or even in a long-term relationship. These two sentences generally prompt people to explain to me what I should do in order to meet people. And that is probably my biggest frustration.

Most of my friends are happily married and have started their families. While I am incredibly happy for them, the majority of them were never "out there" in the single person world. So, their advice tends to fall on my rightfully deaf ears.

Here are some of the ways my married friends met their mates:

1) High School: Yes, I have a high school diploma. I was active in music, sports, and anything else they had to offer.
2) College: Yup, I went to college too! In fact, I was quite active in many social arenas in college. A wallflower I was NOT.
3) Blind Date/Set-Up: While I won't argue that I've been on more blind dates than any of you, I will say I've been on my fair share. And I've put up with a LOT of weird situations. (Yes, they will be mentioned in future blog posts soon!)
4) Through Work: Yes, I've been a paid employee since graduating college. So, I've been in numerous workplaces where "the one" could have been.
5) Church: I am a woman who regulary attends church and is fairly active in my church.

I mention these things because, if my friends met their mates this way, why do they act as if I haven't been in some of the same situations as them? Duh, I've done all of this, but it so happens that I haven't met my mate through these situations.

Think about it, if you meet your mate in college, you NEVER have to traverse the crazy world of blind dating or set-ups. Essentially, you have not been single in your adult life. Therefore, you do not KNOW what it's like out there.

I am a very outgoing person with a good sense of humor (I like to think). But, people seem to think I should be going out every night to meet people. So...am I to hit the bar scene (which I'm not a fan of) by myself on a nightly basis? That doesn't seem right.

Oh, I know, I should get online, because THAT'S where he is! Let me tell you something about online dating - I'm not a fan. I love that people can choose whether to post their picture. That isn't real life! In real life, you see someone, as they are...which is how it should be online.

So, there you have it, my biggest frustration with being single has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with people offering advice on something they haven't been through themselves. My advice is if you don't know what to say, just listen. It's likely that is what we want, more than anything.