What a dud!

OK, so since my post on Wednesday, JW texted me at 9:30 that night - asking if I was "having a fun warm week." 


Seriously?  How does one respond to that?  We still haven't spoken on the phone or set anything up.  I sent a short, generic reply and then he texted something about show choir stuff for his daughter.  Cut to Friday morning, when he texted, "Already Friday :)."  Again, seriously?  I just replied "TGIF." 


After a couple more texts, I finally sent this.  "I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel very comfortable texting someone I haven't met in person.  I'd be open to meeting sometime, if you would like."  He replied, "Yea.  I felt similar, but truly have no clue on this type of thing.  Thanks for saying something.  :)  That makes perfect sense to me too."  OK.  So I replied, "Glad we're on the same page :-)." 


And since then?  NOTHING.  That was Friday morning...  So.  Annoying.


I'm not made of stone...so I get that all of this is awkward and difficult.  But did he seriously not know that we would eventually have to SPEAK on the PHONE to set something up?  Was his plan to just text me and never meet?  Because that is also stupid. 


At this point, I don't think this guy can recover.  I even texted the friend who arranged it and she was annoyed that he was solely texting.  And my close friends have agreed that this has been handled poorly, from the way it was set up, to how he handled it. 


I'm certainly not expecting a call/text from him at this point, but if he DID call, I'm not sure I would go out with him. 


I'm not completely down and out, but this IS frustrating and seems to happen a lot.  Makes it very hard to be open to setups. 

Date #2 - there won't be a date #3...

Well, after a lot of hemming and hawing (internally), I did go on date #2.  I'm not going to lie...I had pretty much already decided there was no potential there, but wanted to keep my word. 


I met him there and he gave me an awkward hug.  It was weird.  Now, I'll totally admit that if he was a hot guy I was super interested in...I wouldn't be complaining, I'd be super excited that he initiated a hug.  But...that was not the case.


Once again...there was conversation, but nothing interesting or in common, so it just felt awkward.  Also, he told me what dish he liked at this restaurant and asked what type of Italian I like.  I told him I was probably going to order the chicken parmesan.  To which he replied..."Ooh, that sounds pretty good, I might get that."  He thought about it, for a while, then decided he'd stick with his pasta sampler.  Well, the waitress comes over to take our order and I order the chicken parmesan.  Then he says, "You know what?  I'm getting that...yeah, that sounds good.  I'll get the same thing." 


Now, lest you think I'm the biggest and pickiest jerk on the planet...hear me out.  On date #1, he asked what I liked...I told him...and he ordered the exact same thing.  On date #2, he does the same?  I don't care if people order the same thing as me...but this struck me as odd, like he's not an individual or something.


Our food arrives (it was delish) and it looks like I'm scarfing mine down...while he is taking FOREVER.  Same goes for his salad prior to the meal.  I assure you that I was eating at a very normal pace.  He then says, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a really slow eater.  And I just can't eat very big meals.  I eat like a bird.  But I'm working on it."  Um, what?  Huh?  WHO says any of that?  Especially if you're a guy?  I thought it was weird and I honestly didn't know what to say to that. 


He ended up boxing up half of his meal to take home...while I nearly finished mine.  LOL.  Oh well.


He had asked what I was doing after dinner, and I mentioned some stuff I needed to get done at home.  When I asked him the same...he literally thought about it, for a while, and couldn't come up with anything. 


As we wrapped things up, I thanked him for dinner.  He then said, "If ya want to get together again, let me know."  So, I decided that was my out...and that maybe he was feeling the same thing - that there was no common interests/connection.


Cut to Saturday morning...when he texted me, saying he doesn't date much and he should have invited me out after dinner.  Ugh.  Nice, but ugh.  So, I replied telling him that it was totally fine he didn't invite me (I wouldn't have gone), and that he was a nice guy, but I didn't think we had anything in common.  He replied that he thought the same thing. 


So, that's that. 

On the positive side, it wasn't a nightmare experience and it at least got me back in the game (kind of).  On the negative side, it was another failed blind date experience, which is frustrating. 


And while I appreciate my friend's attempt at a set-up, his FB message to me made it seem like this guy and I had a lot in common and would totally hit it off.  I'm telling you...it would be obvious to anyone that this guy and I would NOT hit it off/have anything in common.  And this friend knows me very well. 


So, I can only assume that he and his girlfriend (mid 20s) were hanging out with the guy at some point and thought, "He's so great...and he's single...do we know someone to set him up with?"  And, of course, I'm the only woman in her late 30s that they know. 

People - just because two very nice, fun people are both single does NOT mean they are a potential match for a date or otherwise.  If this guy and I had gone out again, it would have been painful for both of us, I'm sure. 


Anyway...onward and upward.  Right? 

Reporting on the date...

Well...it wasn't a nightmare, but I also don't think it was a match.  A little frustrating, but I'm taking it well. 


So, I meet the guy for lunch.  Now, based on his FB pic, I didn't think I was going to find him super attractive.  And I didn't.  He's my height or shorter and sort of on the thin/small side.  *sigh*  Not his fault...but also not what I'm attracted to.


We get in line to order and he asks what I'm going to order.  And asks how hungry I am (I was ordering soup and salad).  And then asks if I like to eat a big breakfast.  Let's just say...that was fairly odd small talk.  Awkward. 


Overall, the date was fine.  Nothing horrible.  Nothing amazing.  Nothing that made me think there was real potential there. 


Here's something I find a bit odd.  He's divorced (no kids) and probably in his mid 40s...and he lives in a one bedroom apartment.  Is that weird?  I'm not looking for a rich guy to whisk me away...but I am looking for a guy who is somewhat established and a one bedroom apartment seems like a flag to me.  But maybe it's not?  Weigh in...please! 


I talked it over with a couple friends and one of my good friends had really surveilled this guy's FB page.  Apparently, he's a huge fan of the band Widespread Panic.  And I guess he follows them, travels to a lot of their shows...has pics of the band as his cover page, etc.  She said that it's well known that MOST fans of this band do drugs...specifically pot and acid.  Now, it IS possible this guy doesn't do those things...but based on what she knows, she said she'd be surprised if he DIDN'T. 


So...that is weird (if it's true). 


The thing is...  I'm not physically attracted to him and not sure I ever could be.  And that is because there was nothing about him or his personality that made me think there was potential.  While our conversation was fine...I honestly can't think of anything we have in common, other than we both attend church.  And that's true of a lot of people. 


That said...when he asked about going out again, I told him I would.  And then he'd texted afterward and mentioned that again, and I said that would be fine.  Well...he asked me out for tomorrow night...today. 


I'm 99% sure I'm not interested, but I also think it'd be jerky of me to say NO to a date, when I've twice said I would go.  So, I'm going.  I'm going to meet him at the restaurant.  He offered to pick me up, but I'd like the security of knowing I have my own way out.


If something happens and I realize there's something there...then hey, it's a good thing I went on a 2nd date.  If I feel the same at the end of the date as I did on date 1, then I'm going to let him down kindly and just say I don't think we have a connection/stuff in common. 


So, that's that.

So. Awkward.

Well, you may or may not remember my ranty post back in November 2013.  That friend and I have not spoken much since before that post. 

Quick summary:  She emailed me around that same time, telling me she was pregnant, apologizing for not being a good friend, had made some bad choices...really wants me to still be her friend...blah, blah, blah.

Now, I did respond, in a pretty decent way.  I mean, one option was to not respond at all.  Another was to respond in a completely jerky way.  And I chose option #3, responding with honesty, but not letting her off the hook, either. 

I basically told her that I hoped she was doing ok and happy.  I told her that I was disappointed in her, because while she was complaining about her husband/marriage to me (a lot), I was very supportive and a good friend.  All the while, she was making really bad choices and being dishonest (or lies of omission) with me.  And that that was pretty hurtful, considering another friend had just done that to me, and she knew about that situation and how hurt I was.  I told her that I was really struggling right now and that her pregnancy/marriage news only made it worse (even though that's not her fault), but that I know she knows exactly how that feels.  And I asked her for time and space. 

To her credit, she did reply.  So, that was good.  And then time passed...and she sent me a birthday email and card.  I have not reached out to her because, in all honesty, I don't have the wherewithal to deal with that right now.  I just don't.  I don't have the capacity to be her friend and support her right now.  And I think that's ok.  When I was there for her, she was dishonest and only came clean with me when she knew I was going to find out.  It's a bit unfair to ask for my friendship now. 

Fast forward to this past weekend.  The part time job where we met was taking us out to eat.  She no longer works there, but her new husband is affiliated with our company.  I had NO IDEA she would be at this dinner until maybe 30 minutes before.  And yes, that sent me into a panic spiral.  Ugh.  Really wanted to get out of it.

Anyway, I go.  I figure, maybe she'll be at another end of the table and it won't be that bad.  And, I wasn't planning to make a scene...so if I needed to say hi to her, I would. 

I missed when she got there, but at one point, I did try to wave to her, just to make things not too awkward.  Not sure if she saw that or not. 

I got up to use the restroom (for real had to go...wasn't avoiding her).  On my way back, as I'm nearing our table, my manager grabs my hand and says, "Come here..."  And I was like, "What's happening?"  I look over and another manager has grabbed, let's call her "SM," and is bringing her toward me.  He then proceeds to put his arms aroaund each of us - IN FRONT OF OUR TABLE - and tell us, "You two didn't know this was going to happen tonight, but we did.  I love you two too much to not say something.  Life is too short.  You two are too good of friends to let something come between you.  I'm out of it after this, but you two are going to hug and move on from here."  There was a bunch of other stuff, too, but that is the basic idea of what was said. 

Yep, that happened.

I was SO stunned and angry, that I didn't know what to do or say.  Of course, SM was crying, as she always is.  I was too angry to cry.  So, it ended with us in a forced (and awkward) hug.  Then my manager stayed there making awkward chit chat with us, because it was a super awkward situation.  While the table of co-workers couldn't hear the discussion, it was obvious what was going on and super embarrassing.  Thank goodness our food came, which forced us back to the table - where I had no further discussion with SM.  As I sat down the manager's wife and another assistant manager said, "Everything ok?"  Um, no.  it's not.  I said, "Well, that was really uncomfortable."  Their response?  "It's all ok, it's fine."  Um, again, no.  It's not. 

Once I sat down, I had some tears and it was so frustrating to be sitting with a group of 15 people with tears rolling down my cheeks. 

I barely touched my food or said anything after that.  Got out of there as quickly as I could.

Still trying to figure out what their expectation is, now?  Do they think I'm going to text her and set up a time to get together?  Because I'm not.  Do they think I'm going to call her and apologize (for what, I'm not sure)?  Because I'm not.   

I'm still livid about the whole thing today and debating whether I'll send the managers a note about the various ways their "intervention" was inappropriate. 

1. This girl no longer works for our company.  So, there is no professional communication between us.
2. I have not told co-workers about our falling out.  So, there is nothing to make other employees uncomfortable about our situation.
3. It should not have been done in public, in a restaurant, in front of fellow employees.  If it was absolutely necessary, they should have scheduled it with both of us and done it at the office, in private.  But again, this was personal, not professional. 
4. They have NO IDEA what went on between SM and me.  None.  It's not their place to tell me to be ok with her and move on. 
5. They have NO IDEA what I'm personally going through right now and how SM plays into that.
6. She and I know the issue(s) between us and it is our decision whether we remain friends or not.
7. Life IS too short, but it's also too short for me to stay friends with people who are NOT good friends to me. 
8. We are ladies in our 30s; I'm pretty sure WE can figure out whether or not to be friends. 

Anyway, that happened and it's become near impossible for me to not think about it and want to scream! 

Potential set-up ALERT!

As always, you, my dear readers, are the first and only people to get this news.  A friend of mine was talking to a friend of hers, about how she has a single friend, looking...  And then her friend said, "I have a friend who is also looking, but doesn't want to do the bar scene."  So, my friend asked if I was open to a blind date/set-up.  I took a few nights to sleep on it, and decided to give it a whirl.  We'll call this potential date "WV."

We did all the pre set-up things...  Saw each other's pics...know each other's ages, through our friends.  And then I gave the go ahead to pass my number along to him.

So...I expected to be getting a call at some point.  Anyway, he ended up texting me, explaining that he's a bit shy and hoped texting was ok.  Now, I'm fine with that.  I get it.  I certainly didn't want to call him first.  But, I think there's a limit to how much texting I am willing to do with someone I haven't even met face to face yet.
Since the first text, there's been a lot of communication via text.  And no phone call.  We've talked about what churches we go to, what we do for a living, what we studied in college...

I guess, I'm thinking these would all be good topics on an actual date.  In person.  By the time we go out, I'm not sure what we'll talk about.  Usually, you keep it light on a first date...and we've covered a lot of that via text. Add to that that he's shy, and I'm thinking there could be a lot of awkward pauses.

The other issue I have with all of this texting is that I don't want to be texting with someone all day long, that I DON'T EVEN KNOW.  It'd be different if we'd had one date already, and I thought there was some potential there.  The texting would be kind of fun, then.  But, at this point, neither of us know if we find the other attractive in person, if there's any chemistry, etc.  So, it's kind of a waste of both of our time, I think.

And, a lot of this texting has been during the day, when I'm working.  And it's non-stop.  Kind of annoying. I'm tempted to say, "Are you even working right now?  Because, I am."  (I know, that would be rude.)

With texting, unless you know the person, you don't really know their sense of humor/personality well enough to get some of their meaning.  So, at one point, I hadn't responded to something.  He later texts, "Didn't like my comment, huh?"  Um, no...I just didn't have a response for that, so I didn't text anything.  I hate the "Do you think he got the joke?  Do you think he's mad at what I said?  Do you think he fell asleep and that's why he's not texting back?" stuff.  It's annoying.

Also, and this is just me being snotty, he ends nearly every text with "LOL."  Even when "LOL" has nothing to do with what he's saying.  For example, "Must have fallen asleep.  LOL."  Or, "Well, good morning! LOL." Um, no.

We haven't texted since Friday morning, so I'm not sure if that means anything or not.  I'm fine if we do or don't end up going on a date, but I'd rather know sooner than later.

And yes, I'm aware that I complain about not having date opportunities and now I have one and I'm irritated with him.  HA!  But, hopefully some of you have been in this situation and can relate.  It just feels weird to spend time texting someone you've never met in person.  A little is fine...but I feel it's been too much, already.

Feel free to yell at me in the comments!

Being checked out...

OK, so I'd like to know what the proper etiquette is when someone is checking you out.  Like, very obviously checking you out.

I'm getting my fountain pop this morning and this guy stared at me...it was obvious.  And was still staring at me as he left.  I saw him look at my car and was still staring when I got in my car. 

There are two possible responses to take this.  #1)  I've still got it.  He was checking me out.  Woohoo to me.  I'm lookin' good.  #2)  Ewwww!  He's looking at me.  Won't stop staring.  Ick.  I guess there's a #3 - The guy is repulsed and staring at you in shock.     

I usually respond via #2.  Because, I'm sorry, it's creepy when someone stares at you.  They could be the hottest guy on the planet, and still, part of you would be creeped out by the staring. 

I guess a couple of guys checked me out as I left a restaurant in Vegas (my friend told me).  Now, it's great if they found me attractive.  I guess, in some way, that's a little boost to the ego.  But the thing is, NOTHING will ever come of it.  I'm not saying I wish those guys (or the gas station guy) would run up and ask me out.  But it's a little frustrating to know that someone finds you attractive...and nothing will happen.  (I'm not in to random hook-ups with complete strangers...so that's why I say nothing will happen.)

My main point is that I wish guys weren't so obvious about it.  I mean, we all know nothing's going to happen, so can you be a bit more discreet with your staring?

Another dinner from hell...

So...it was another friend's birthday this past weekend, and she'd invited a group of us out to dinner.  I was hesitant to go, since I'm not feeling all that social right now, but she's one of the nicest people - so I couldn't refuse. 

Anyway, she told me my friend and his girlfriend were coming, in addition to some other co-workers of ours.  And then some other friends (whom I know) were coming. 

Well...I get there and immediately notice that it's ME and 3 other couples.  I absolutely HATE that.  I know they probably don't even notice/care, but it makes me acutely aware of my single-ness.  Ugh.  And then, the others show up...all couples.  Me and this other guy (whom I know and do not like that way, thankyouverymuch) were the ONLY single people there, among 12 people.

Side note:  my friend and his girlfriend - the PDA is unbearable.  And I say that without bias...as I'm just not a huge fan of PDA.  If I'm dating someone, of course I'm fine with holding hands or a peck.  It's the constant PDA that really gets me.  I look over and my friend's arm is around her, their fingers interlocked.  She went down to the bathroom and he asked if she wanted him to go with her.  She said no...and he still followed her down.  They were touchy feely the whole night.  I'm horrible, I know. 

Anyway... 

For starters, the girl next to me.  OMG.  She's fine, but not the most fun to talk to.  She's a bit of a bragger.  And also...can't stop talking.  Even if I had wanted to talk to anyone else at the table, I couldn't have.  Because she was constantly blabbing in my ear for the duration of the evening.  I even had my phone out, sort of purposely being a little rude...and that didn't stop her.  And the stuff she was blabbing about?  Not anything remotely interesting.  At.  All. 

So, I did make some effort to talk with others at the table.  But, I do think things with my friend are officially weird.  He had texted me "looking forward to catching up with you," and yet, we hardly spoke 2 words the entire night.  In fact, I was the one who said good night.  So, that pretty much sucks. 

To make matters worse, somehow, my single-ness became a topic of conversation/center of attention.  I promise you, I didn't say a WORD about it.  Duh.  WHY would I want to discuss that in a large group of people - none of whom I'm particularly close to?  And why didn't they talk about the other single's single-ness?  Argh! 

So, at one point, someone said, "It'll happen for you...it happened for me at 49!"  Um, is that supposed to cheer me up?  Because that just made me sad.  Like, really sad.  (And she was married twice before this guy)  One of the other girls started talking about this guy at her gym and how I should stop by and check him out.  OK, I don't belong to her gym...so, I'm supposed to stop by?  And what do I do once I'm there?  Seriously.  Then her husband pulls up one of his employees on FB, to show me a pic.  And they start asking me about him. 

OMG. So. Uncomfortable.

At this point, we were still waiting for our food.  It took forever!  My salad finally arrives and I start eating...it's after 9pm at this point.  Well, part way through, I notice a rubber band in my salad.  Now, I'm not a snob, but I do think restaurants should probably check what they're sending out.  I mean, it was pretty obvious.  So, the waiter took it back and brought me another one.  It's now 9:35...and I really don't care about eating.  So, I box it up to go.  I was still charged for the salad.  Everyone thought that it should have been comped...and I agree.  Whatever.  Annoying. 

Things wind down and we all head downstairs to leave.  Like I said, I had to say, "Goodbye A, N, and P."  And I think my friend said bye, but there was no other conversation.  And we used to text NON-STOP, talk on the phone, run together, etc.  So, that is weird. 

I left in a pretty crappy mood and kind of wanted to scream when I got in my car.  Instead, I ate a Cadbury Egg when I got home.  I'm sure that resolved something, right? 

   

Has this happened to you?

I headed to the grocery store last night after my workout. I only needed a few random items, so I was hoping it would be a quick, uninterrupted trip.

Do you ever just wish you could go to the store and not run into/see anyone you know? Don't get me wrong, I'm a social gal, but sometimes I just want to get in, and get out.

Lately, I feel like I always see someone I know, and then you have to chit chat (sometimes with someone you don't particularly care for), and then you see someone else. Before you know it, your 10 minute trip has turned into 45 minutes.

As I was walking in last night, I saw a woman who works in my building. We know each other enough to recognize, but not each other's names, jobs, etc. Luckily, she didn't see me...so I continued on into the store.

I quickly grabbed the items on my list and was roaming down an aisle, when I glanced to my right and saw Ben #2 in another aisle. I'm not gonna lie, I panicked a bit. And yes, I realize I was overreacting.

The last time I saw/spoke to Ben #2 was at a race in February, so it's been a while. We are still FB friends, but never comment on each other's stuff.

I will be honest with you all...I spent the rest of my time in the store, dodging and making sure we didn't run into one another. Then I headed toward the registers and saw him going there...so I hid in the candy aisle...where I totally put some mini Reese's PBs in my basket. Grrr!

Do I realize this is lame of me? Of course. Did I want to run into him and have an awkward conversation? No.

Here's the thing...I wouldn't say we were ever "in a relationship." We went on a few dates, my dad passed away during the time we were just getting to know one another, and then things fizzled. I don't regret my decision, as I don't think he and I are a match. However, I wouldn't say he and I are really friends either.

So, if I'd run into him last night...I guess I wasn't sure how the conversation would go? I mean, I felt like it would just be awkward/uncomfortable for both of us.

To be fair to myself, I'm pretty sure I would have avoided anyone I knew last night - I was on a mission to get my things and get home!

So, I checked out...and then saw someone else I knew as I was leaving. Are you kidding me?

Within a 10 minute span of time, I ran into 3 people I knew. Do I need to move?

Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle it? I'll take any advice I can get!