What a dud!

OK, so since my post on Wednesday, JW texted me at 9:30 that night - asking if I was "having a fun warm week." 


Seriously?  How does one respond to that?  We still haven't spoken on the phone or set anything up.  I sent a short, generic reply and then he texted something about show choir stuff for his daughter.  Cut to Friday morning, when he texted, "Already Friday :)."  Again, seriously?  I just replied "TGIF." 


After a couple more texts, I finally sent this.  "I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel very comfortable texting someone I haven't met in person.  I'd be open to meeting sometime, if you would like."  He replied, "Yea.  I felt similar, but truly have no clue on this type of thing.  Thanks for saying something.  :)  That makes perfect sense to me too."  OK.  So I replied, "Glad we're on the same page :-)." 


And since then?  NOTHING.  That was Friday morning...  So.  Annoying.


I'm not made of stone...so I get that all of this is awkward and difficult.  But did he seriously not know that we would eventually have to SPEAK on the PHONE to set something up?  Was his plan to just text me and never meet?  Because that is also stupid. 


At this point, I don't think this guy can recover.  I even texted the friend who arranged it and she was annoyed that he was solely texting.  And my close friends have agreed that this has been handled poorly, from the way it was set up, to how he handled it. 


I'm certainly not expecting a call/text from him at this point, but if he DID call, I'm not sure I would go out with him. 


I'm not completely down and out, but this IS frustrating and seems to happen a lot.  Makes it very hard to be open to setups. 

Update on latest maybe set-up...

Well, there's really no update...but I can tell you what little has happened. 


So, the guy, we'll call him JW texted me Friday night...saying we know some friend in common.  Now, I'm fine with an initial text, but much like this set-up that went nowhere, ONLY texting doesn't really do much for me.  Especially when we haven't MET yet.


We texted back and forth, which was fine.  Figured out we're the same age, from neighboring home towns, and he has a degree in Finance.  All good.  I already knew he had a daughter, and he mentioned he was going to her show choir competition the next day. 


He texted me later Saturday night, "How's your night going?  Doing anything exciting tonight?"  Now, I'm sorry, but I have zero interest in sharing any of that info with him.  Not because I'm fiercely private, but because I have nothing invested in him.  We've never MET.  I don't even know what he looks like.  And we've also never SPOKEN.  So, I'm just not excited about texting with a stranger.  I did respond and we texted for a bit.  My answers got shorter, because I honestly don't like texting with someone who I'm being set up with.  All of the things we were texting about WOULD HAVE BEEN good to talk about on a first date. 


The last thing he mentioned was his daughter's name, and that he has her most of the time.  I had already told him it was cool he was at her show choir competition earlier.  So my response to his last text was just, "Cool." 


And it's been *crickets* ever since.  I'm not sure what (if anything) is going on...if he thinks I'm weirded out that he has a daughter.  If he just isn't interested, for whatever reason.  Or if he wants ME to initiate and send him a text.  ALL of these are reasons that text isn't good for two strangers who haven't met yet.  There's no way to read it and know for sure what the tone is. 


Also, I'm not planning to send him a text this week.  Because, again, I'm not invested in this person.  If we'd been on a few good dates and then I was getting texts?  Um, I'd be excited and texting him back and initiating texts.  But that is not the case. 


This brings me back to the setter uppers.  What a FAIL.  I'm annoyed.  I'm irritated that I keep saying yes to things and getting this type of crap. 


At this point, I'm not sure if I should follow up with one of the setter uppers or just let it lie.  We will see. 

New Year...new date?

OK, I know.  I haven't posted in a long time, 3+ months.  Not sure if you've missed me or not, but I'll give you an update anyway.  ;-)

I'm still LOVING my house.  Seriously.  I can't get over how much I love having the extra space.  So happy with it.  And I now have my very own home gym, which is fantastic.  I can work out whenever I want and no longer have to go to the gym.

Um, my ex-friend who cheated on her husband and then they eventually divorced...and she (I think) dated a few others in there...started dating someone else and they got engaged over Christmas.  Let's just say I wasn't happy to read that on Facebook.  I mean, are you kidding me?  How is that possible?  It made me feel like crap, but I came out of it pretty quickly.  And while this isn't a nice thing to say, I don't have high hopes that her second marriage will go well. 


Christmas with family was fine...no major drama.  Once again, my family assumes I have no life and can come home whenever is convenient for them.  Seriously.  So, that was annoying.  And I spent probably $35 per kid (5 kids) and each couple spent $25 on me.  I feel appreciated.  :-)  Oh well, overall it was fine. 


Now, to the point of this post. 


A friend of mine has recently asked me about a potential set-up.  He knows me pretty well and thinks me and this guy would hit it off.  So, when he messaged me on FB, I was curious about it.  I also hadn't talked to him in a while, so I was just surprised to hear from him at all. 


I decided, rather than reply YES right away, to take a few days to think about it.  I trust this friend and he knows the nightmare set-ups I've been on, so I know he wouldn't suggest this unless he truly thought there was potential. 


Here's why I wanted to take a few days to think it over.  First of all, I almost always agree to set-ups right away, just because it's hard to meet people any other way.  So, I wanted to NOT do that this time.  My other concern is that, things are going really well for me right now.  I'm in a really good place...not necessarily OK with being single...but doing well overall.  So, this potential set-up could be a continuation of that good...OR could be a let down, which would be a setback.  I wanted time to think about that and whether or not I'd be willing to take that risk.   


I talked it over with a few friends, prayed about it a little...and decided to go for it.  So, I've given my friend the green light and he is going to pass my number along to the guy.  I also warned my friend about the last potential set-up, where a friend passed my number to the guy...and he never pulled the trigger, other than texting.  And...http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/03/ughwhy.html. 

I just wanted him to know that I would prefer that doesn't happen again. 


So, I'm trying to be open.  And calm.  And we'll see if this guy contacts me and sets something up.  I will keep you posted! 

Wish me luck! 

Hello...long time no blog!

Hello readers...if you're still out there! 

I realize I've not blogged for a few months, but there's not real reason other than there's been nothing to blog about. 

Life, other than being single, is actually pretty good.  I ran another marathon last month.  While it was slow and frustrating, I did manage to finish.  Work has been crazy busy and is just now starting to slow down, which is fine with me...heading into the last quarter.  And a friend and I are planning a mini vaca before the end of the year. 

No dates.  No progress in that department.  I think I'm still on eHarmony, which has been a total waste of time.  I'm planning to cancel soon.  I swear, I could randomly go on there once every 4 days and the SAME guys, all living an average of 400 miles away from me, are on my "match" list.  Stupid.  I have zero plans to start communicating with someone, for the first time, with a goal of potentially dating, who lives THAT FRICKING FAR AWAY.  Ridiculous. 

Match won't STOP sending me email notifications about how "he winked at you!," "he emailed you!," "he made you a favorite!"  Um, really?  OK.  So, Match, you want me to pay you some money so I can view all these potential awesome matches, right?  Um, wrong.  I have not been suckered in by this yet.  Ya know why?  I remember when I first tried Match and did the basic part, prior to having to pay, and it told me I had "sooo many" matches.  So, of course, I paid, hoping that THIS would be the time something might work.  And it was all crazy, scary, unattractive (sorry, but I didn't find them attractive) guys.  Waste of money.

Again, I go back to how much I abhor online dating.  It sucks.  Yes, people meet that way, get married, and live happy lives with each other.  I do believe that.  However, I maintain that it is NOT for me.  It's just so awkward.  And there's no way to validate anything about that person.  At least if a friend sets you up, you can trust that they're not setting you up with a crazy person.  I'm sure I've said this before. 

Anyway, still frustrated (no surprise, there) that I'm still single, despite my very social life and seemingly being a normal person. 

I don't get it...

OK, let's start with a positive.  I moved into my new home and I absolutely LOVE it!  I'm excited to get fully unpacked/organized/settled.  And I'm also excited for all the fun projects I have planned.  So far, so good! 

Now, on to the point of my post.  I've noticed, via Facebook, that several people I know - who have recently divorced - are ALREADY with someone.  What the frick?  Seeing that makes me feel like total crap. 

*  Friend who cheated while married - got pregnant by the guy she cheated with, divorced her husband, and is now MARRIED to the father of the baby.
*  Friend who cheated while married - have seen pics of her on FB with her fella, doing all sorts of fun things.
*  The above friend's ex husband - have seen pics of him with his new girlfriend, and pics of his trip to visit her.
*  Friend whose husband went a little crazy - they divorced, but I'm not so sure she didn't also cheat during all of that.  Either way, she's already dating a guy and I see pics of them all over FB.

WHAT am I doing wrong?  Seriously.  These people have already moved on and are dating/married to others?  And I've been trying for decades with little to no success? 

For lack of a more mature way to put it, "IT'S NOT FAIR!" 

Anyway, I'm trying to focus on all the excitement of my new house, but this does have me a bit down.  I have no clue why I can't find someone, but these people, who made some really poor choices, can find multiple people! 

And yes, I know that sounds holier than thou and very judgmental.  I'm not saying that if you cheat, you should never find happiness again.  I'm simply saying that it seems a bit unfair that after making that type of choice, you get "rewarded" with a significant other right away. 

Meanwhile, I'm over here (not perfect) trying to make good decisions...and I get nothing. 

Blog Anniversary - 4 Years!

Well, yesterday was the 4th anniversary of this blog.  I honestly can't believe I've been writing this for 4 years! 

On the one hand, it's been a very positive thing for me.  I can't tell you how therapeutic it's been to vent my feelings and stories in a safe and anonymous place.  And, to then get feedback and support from my readers?  That's even better.  Because, while I don't wish single-ness on anyone who doesn't wish to be single, it does feel better to know that others are in the same boat and can relate to what I'm going through.  In my life, there aren't many who can relate to this.  Seriously.  So, this blog has been a great place for me to connect with like minded people.  Thank you! 

On the other, more negative, hand...it's a little sad that it's 4 years later and my situation hasn't changed or improved.  Again, I know many of you can relate to this.  Unfortunately.  I so wish my situation would change, but not sure how or why it hasn't.  I've been open to pretty much any set-up.  I've been social.  I've gone back to online dating.  And still...nothing.  Bummer.

Anyway, the main reason for this post is to thank you, my readers, for your support and advice!  And for reading my blog at all!  I have no clue how many people read my blog.  But, when I started this blog, I honestly thought no one would ever see it or read it!  It was more of a diary for myself; a place to vent.  And several of you have either offered advice, support, or thoughts on what I post.  Thanks for reading! 

I'd say, "here's to 4 more years," but let's hope that none of you are reading this in 4 years and that I'm not writing it...because we'll all be paired up with great guys!!!  Right? 

Thanks again for reading! 

Mother's Day for singles...

A good friend of mine posted "An open letter to pastors (A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day)"
on FB yesterday, and I so agree with it.  My friend is an adoptive mother of two and I sincerely appreciated reading this. 

You may have read it before, but thought I'd share it here.  Obviously, I most relate to this one -
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be.

Like the author of the post, I hadn't thought about Mother's Day that way either, even though I've always wanted to be a mother.  But, looking back, I have felt alienated at church, when they speak about families more than the singles.  Or only acknoweldge familes, which makes singles feel forgotten. 

So, I was telling my mom about this yesterday.  Instead of having a bit of compassion, she said, "So, where does it stop?  Do we just stop honoring anyone, out of fear it might upset someone else?"

OK.  This is kind of hilarious, coming from my mom, someone who is SUPER SENSITIVE about everything.  Everything. 

I'm not saying she has to agree with it, but maybe she could TRY and see it through her daughter's eyes? 

Anyway, I think it's a great post and worth the read.  I'm all about honoring mothers, but I also think there are several people out there who aren't traditional mothers, but still mother plenty.  They may mother their friends, by counseling them through different situations.  They may mother their nieces and nephews by being a good role model and a trusted adult they can turn to and talk to about anything.  They may mother their parents by assisting them in various situations.

After all, is there an "Aunt's Day" or an "Uncle's Day?"  I'm certainly not saying I need to be celebrated, but since no one in my family does anything for me for my birthday (not even coming to visit/go to dinner), no one really shows appreciation for the time/money I spend on my nieces and nephews, and no one does much for me at Christmas - I guess I think maybe there SHOULD be a special day for aunts and uncles?  :-) 

Apparently, I'm just not focusing enough...

So, I went home for Mother's Day yesterday, to treat my mom to breakfast.  It was fine.  She's the mom who says she doesn't want you to make the drive, but would be secretly ticked off if you decided not to come...so I went. 

Anyway, we had a decent conversation, but it eventually veered toward the "I'm single" territory.  Ugh.  Anyway, I made an offhand comment about the fact that I'm probably not getting married.  Ya know...because it just doesn't seem like that's going to happen, based on the past 30 some odd years. 

So she says, "Why do you say that?  People get married all the time.  Why do you think you're not going to get married?"  Um.  Gee, Mom...because it hasn't happened yet?  I mean, in all seriousness, of course I still hope to meet someone and get married.  But, I also don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that it won't happen.  Ya know, based on my life thus far. 

And then the conversation delved a bit deeper about how she just wants me to be happy.  And I get that.  But I went ahead and told her that her and my brother's comments at Christmas (about how even though other people didn't have to work as hard to meet someone...I do and if I don't online date, what are my other options?) were pretty hurtful and frustrating to hear.  And how NONE of them have one clue what it's like to be a single adult outside of college or your early 20s. 

She then went into how my brother just cares about me and would feel terrible if he hurt my feelings.  Um, #1 - NO, he wouldn't.  And #2, I suspect he spends next to zero time worrying about me or whether I'm getting married or whatever.  Same goes for my other brother.

And THEN she starts talking about my focus.  And how I've always been such a focused person.  And how she hasn't really seen me be FOCUSED on meeting someone/dating.  She just hasn't seen that focus. 

First of all, my mom doesn't even live in the same city as me.  Second of all, we're not nearly as close as we used to be, so she has NO IDEA of some of the bad set-ups, weird situations, online dating mishaps I've been on/had.  Third of all, she was married/had kids in her very early 20s and had zero desire to remarry after divorce.  So, again, she has NO IDEA what this is like.  Not to mention, dating now is much different than in her day. 

So, I really don't appreciate hearing about how I'm not putting in enough focus/effort to meet someone.  And I, in a nice way, said that to her.  Basically, I explained that she has no idea how difficult it is and how I've been open to pretty much every situation, and they haven't worked out.  And that it's unfair to say that I'm not focusing enough. 

I think she heard me, but I also think she still thinks she's right.

Her Dr. Phil quote from Christmas was about Oprah's weight issues and how Oprah isn't the same as the other people who can eat whatever they want and not gain.  And she thought it pertained to my situation. 

Well, my rebuttal to that is this.  Your weight IS WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.  You can eat less, eat healthier, and exercise more.  And voila, you lose weight and get to your healthy size. 

Me meeting the guy I'm going to marry is not necessarily in my control.  I can go on EVERY SINGLE set-up via friends or online dating and be the most social person in the world - and give it my best to be attracted/interested in them.  If they aren't "the one," they aren't "the one."  I can't control that.  I can't control whether it's going to work out between us.  Unless we actually hit it off and have a future...and I do something stupid to mess it up.

I realize everything she said comes from a loving place, and that she just wants me to have what I want and be happy.  I get it.  But I also think we could think before we speak and maybe consider how many awkward/tough situations I've gone through on this dating journey.  And maybe be a bit more sensitive to that and not blame it on my lack of focus.   

Online dating. You are still stupid.

Well, I ditched my Match subscription once it expired, as I encountered old guys, inappropriate guys, weird guys, or no guys.  Waste.  Of.  Money. 

So, I was reading my fellow blogger's post yesterday, which nudged me to renew with eHarmony - which I haven't been on in YEARS.  Like, I can't remember when I was last on that site.  (And I absolutely hated it when I was on it.)  But, at $28.65 for 3 months, I thought, "Hey, I'm going to give it a try.  Because, you know what they say.  Ya NEVER know." 

Well, folks.  Ya DO know.  Ya DO. 

I got everything updated, including new pics, age range, other profile updates, etc.  And then I clicked on "find matches."  Now, I had the distance set to 120 miles from my zip code, which I thought was pretty fair.  Do you know how many matches came up? 

None.

Zero.

Nada.

When I changed the distance to 300+ miles, that's when matches pulled up.  Um, who the FRICK is going to drive 300 miles to meet a total stranger?  Not this girl.  And no, that does NOT mean I don't want a relationship bad enough.  It means, the only time I drive 300+ miles is to see someone I really care about (friends/family) and know well or for a special event. 

Let's say I did travel 300 miles to meet Mr. Wonderful.  I ask you - how the frick would that relationship be able to develop?  I don't get it.  Maybe I'm being too rigid, but I just don't think that's very realistic.

I mean, my profile isn't that specific, as to what I am looking for.  Not to the point that there are literally no matches within 50 miles of me.  I mean, seriously. 

Also, most of the guys I've clicked on are 5'9" or shorter.  Ugh.

So, I'll stay with it for the 3 months, but I honestly feel beat up.  I keep being encouraged to pursue online dating or give it another try.  And now, with a very fragile heart, I'm doing it - and getting nowhere.  Very discouraging.  And there are no set-ups on the horizon, either.  Double ugh. 

Being single - living the dream! 

So. Awkward.

Well, you may or may not remember my ranty post back in November 2013.  That friend and I have not spoken much since before that post. 

Quick summary:  She emailed me around that same time, telling me she was pregnant, apologizing for not being a good friend, had made some bad choices...really wants me to still be her friend...blah, blah, blah.

Now, I did respond, in a pretty decent way.  I mean, one option was to not respond at all.  Another was to respond in a completely jerky way.  And I chose option #3, responding with honesty, but not letting her off the hook, either. 

I basically told her that I hoped she was doing ok and happy.  I told her that I was disappointed in her, because while she was complaining about her husband/marriage to me (a lot), I was very supportive and a good friend.  All the while, she was making really bad choices and being dishonest (or lies of omission) with me.  And that that was pretty hurtful, considering another friend had just done that to me, and she knew about that situation and how hurt I was.  I told her that I was really struggling right now and that her pregnancy/marriage news only made it worse (even though that's not her fault), but that I know she knows exactly how that feels.  And I asked her for time and space. 

To her credit, she did reply.  So, that was good.  And then time passed...and she sent me a birthday email and card.  I have not reached out to her because, in all honesty, I don't have the wherewithal to deal with that right now.  I just don't.  I don't have the capacity to be her friend and support her right now.  And I think that's ok.  When I was there for her, she was dishonest and only came clean with me when she knew I was going to find out.  It's a bit unfair to ask for my friendship now. 

Fast forward to this past weekend.  The part time job where we met was taking us out to eat.  She no longer works there, but her new husband is affiliated with our company.  I had NO IDEA she would be at this dinner until maybe 30 minutes before.  And yes, that sent me into a panic spiral.  Ugh.  Really wanted to get out of it.

Anyway, I go.  I figure, maybe she'll be at another end of the table and it won't be that bad.  And, I wasn't planning to make a scene...so if I needed to say hi to her, I would. 

I missed when she got there, but at one point, I did try to wave to her, just to make things not too awkward.  Not sure if she saw that or not. 

I got up to use the restroom (for real had to go...wasn't avoiding her).  On my way back, as I'm nearing our table, my manager grabs my hand and says, "Come here..."  And I was like, "What's happening?"  I look over and another manager has grabbed, let's call her "SM," and is bringing her toward me.  He then proceeds to put his arms aroaund each of us - IN FRONT OF OUR TABLE - and tell us, "You two didn't know this was going to happen tonight, but we did.  I love you two too much to not say something.  Life is too short.  You two are too good of friends to let something come between you.  I'm out of it after this, but you two are going to hug and move on from here."  There was a bunch of other stuff, too, but that is the basic idea of what was said. 

Yep, that happened.

I was SO stunned and angry, that I didn't know what to do or say.  Of course, SM was crying, as she always is.  I was too angry to cry.  So, it ended with us in a forced (and awkward) hug.  Then my manager stayed there making awkward chit chat with us, because it was a super awkward situation.  While the table of co-workers couldn't hear the discussion, it was obvious what was going on and super embarrassing.  Thank goodness our food came, which forced us back to the table - where I had no further discussion with SM.  As I sat down the manager's wife and another assistant manager said, "Everything ok?"  Um, no.  it's not.  I said, "Well, that was really uncomfortable."  Their response?  "It's all ok, it's fine."  Um, again, no.  It's not. 

Once I sat down, I had some tears and it was so frustrating to be sitting with a group of 15 people with tears rolling down my cheeks. 

I barely touched my food or said anything after that.  Got out of there as quickly as I could.

Still trying to figure out what their expectation is, now?  Do they think I'm going to text her and set up a time to get together?  Because I'm not.  Do they think I'm going to call her and apologize (for what, I'm not sure)?  Because I'm not.   

I'm still livid about the whole thing today and debating whether I'll send the managers a note about the various ways their "intervention" was inappropriate. 

1. This girl no longer works for our company.  So, there is no professional communication between us.
2. I have not told co-workers about our falling out.  So, there is nothing to make other employees uncomfortable about our situation.
3. It should not have been done in public, in a restaurant, in front of fellow employees.  If it was absolutely necessary, they should have scheduled it with both of us and done it at the office, in private.  But again, this was personal, not professional. 
4. They have NO IDEA what went on between SM and me.  None.  It's not their place to tell me to be ok with her and move on. 
5. They have NO IDEA what I'm personally going through right now and how SM plays into that.
6. She and I know the issue(s) between us and it is our decision whether we remain friends or not.
7. Life IS too short, but it's also too short for me to stay friends with people who are NOT good friends to me. 
8. We are ladies in our 30s; I'm pretty sure WE can figure out whether or not to be friends. 

Anyway, that happened and it's become near impossible for me to not think about it and want to scream! 

Excellent read!

I stumbled onto this book on Amazon a few weeks ago.  It's a quick read and I found it to be very therapeutic.  I highly recommend! 

Sara Eckel also has a website, which is also pretty great. 

In this time of complete frustration with my single-ness, this book gave me a boost.  It doesn't promise to give you tools on HOW to find your mate, but it completely calls out every single stupid thing anyone has ever said to you about your being single. 

And that, my friends, is total validation.  I've always known other people are hearing the same stupid comments I am, but since I have next to zero single friends, it's easy for me to feel like I'm the ONLY one hearing this stuff. 

Thank you, Sara, for giving me a much needed boost and validating all the frustration I'm feeling. 

Shocker...

So, there was an event this weekend (not a dating thing, but something where I suppose one could meet singles).  I was on the fence about going, mostly because I was in no mood.  Add to that that I worked all day...and I was nearly 100% no go.  A friend convinced me to go.  And in the back of my mind, I thought, "Ya never know who you might meet at this thing.  Maybe there'll be some single guys there..."  Uh huh. 

I came from work, but I will say, I looked fine (phew).  We got there and it was a pretty small crowd that was filtering in.  And, wouldn't ya know it?  It was mostly couples in their late 40s-50s and some youngish families.  I'm not sure I saw one other single person...or at least, not one in my age range. 

So, yet again, I sort of forced myself "out there," and it was pointless.  I'm not saying that any time I go out, there should be potential guys, but come on.  How many times do I have to drag myself out and be disappointed by the lack of available fellas?

Grrr... 

How do some of these people find mates?

I was out with a friend and her husband this weekend.  We had a bit of a drive, so there was some good conversation on the way home.  We were talking about this mutual acquaintance and how frustrating/annoying she can be. 

She's a runner, a pretty good one.  But, I don't only know that from local races we've run.  I know that because she constantly brags about herself.  Like, all the time.  "I could have won that race, but I wasn't feeling well."  "I won, but didn't run as fast as I wanted to.  I could have gone faster."  "I won that race and they didn't even give out awards.  Can you believe that?"  She is so fricking competitive.   

OMG.  Yes.  We get it.  You are incredible.  Amazing, really. 

How do I know she says these things?  Well, I don't really socialize with her, at all.  But, I have gone running with her in a group and one-on-one before.  And, when you run with her, you don't talk.  You pretty much just run and listen to her go on and on and on and on and on and on about how great of an athlete she is...or that her kids are the best at this and that.  So, the run can feel incredibly long.  And painful. 

I've distanced myself from her and rarely see her that much, or run with her.  She probably hasn't caught on and would never guess my reasoning. 

Anyway, she's married, with kids.  And honestly, she has to be one of the most insecure people I know.  Anyone who brags about themselves that much, has some insecurity issues.  Big ones. 

So, let's start with my question in the title of this post.  How does someone who is incredibly insecure find a mate?  How is their insecurity attractive?  How does that draw someone in?  And, she masks her insecurity with bragging about herself.  How does THAT draw someone in?  Either way, I honestly don't understand how she (or others like her) is married.  At all.  And, from what I heard, her husband can be a prick, but still.  I don't get it.

And the thing I've always heard about myself?  "You can be intimidating."  "You're confident, which can be intimidating."  "Your height can be intimidating."  (FYI, I'm not an amazon, but I'm tall)  "You have your sh*t together, which can be intimidating."  "You're so independent, which can be intimidating." 

OMG.  So, I'm being penalized for having my sh*t together?  Are you effing kidding me?  I'm a broken record, but I DON'T GET IT. 

I'm so sorry that I come off as confident, not arrogant.  I'm sorry that I'm tall and can't really change that.  I'm so sorry that I am successful at my job and haven't made a train wreck out of my life.  I'm so sorry that I'm independent. 

Are we to believe that if we have low self esteem and feel the need to build ourselves up in front of others, that we'll look attractive to others?  I don't buy it.     

What is the "something" they're giving off/putting out there?

Have any of my single readers heard this?  You ask the question, "How have they met someone already?"  Or, "How, while they were married/in a relationship, did they meet someone?"  Or, "How have they gone from relationship to relationship, without much single time in between?" 

For me, the almost universal answer has always been some variation of, "Well, they are obviously putting something out there that attracts that."  And it's never said to me in a way that indicates that's what I should be doing.  It's almost always said in a negative way, like those people are giving off something they shouldn't be.  And that what they're doing isn't healthy. 

Now, I totally agree with that.  Because, of the people I know who've recently cheated and found a relationship during/after divorce, almost instantly...I'd say they all are unhealthy. 

But here's my question.  WHAT is it they're giving off?  I mean, how am I not, to some degree, also giving that off?  I don't get it.  It really perplexes me.  To be clear, I technically don't want to be giving that "something" off, but I'd like to know what that looks like, I guess.

And that brings me back to this question.  Why the frick are they being rewarded with a relationship when they are unhealthy and should be working on themselves?  I don't get.  I don't claim to be completely emotionally healthy, none of us are.  But, I've been told by multiple people that I'm a very well adjusted, emotionally healthy person (especially considering the life experiences I've been through).  So, here I am, a fairly healthy (and normal) woman, WANTING to find a mate, but can't.  And here these other people are, NOT healthy and pretty messed up, and they've all found mates/new mates. And...they are seemingly happy.   

I don't get it. 

 

What is the financial benefit to being single?

Well, it's that time of year.  Time to do taxes. 

Typically, I get a small refund from both Federal and State.  And my accountant has always told me that's how it should be, that I'm doing it right.  Yet everyone I know seems to get a gigantic refund.  And yes, they're all married.  Some with kids.  Some without.  What am I doing wrong? 

This year, I'm so lucky.  I get to PAY IN to Federal, for the first time EVER!  Oh, the joy.  I'm getting a small refund back from State.  So, I'm basically breaking even.  And I realize it could be worse.  I could be paying a crapload in and not break even at all. 

But still.  HOW does everyone I know get a big refund?  What the frick?  And I don't know enough about taxes, etc...but I have to think that being married has something to do with it.  And obviously, kids are deductions, so I know for sure they have something to do with it. 

Now, I don't see kids as deductions.  That's not what I'm saying.  I'm just saying that you can claim them as dependents/deductions.  And yes, I realize kids are expensive.  I'm aware. 

Here I am, a pretty hard worker, working 3 jobs...and I don't get a giant refund?  Ugh. 

With the mood I'm in, this just makes me more angry.  It's like I'm being penalized by the country/state for being single and childless.  This seems unfair.

I already support myself on one income, while many of my married friends have TWO incomes to pay the SAME bills I do.  And then additional costs for kids, yes.

Married people love to make comments to single people about their disposable income.  "Oh, you can afford to do that.  You're single."  No, I can't, actually.  I'm paying all of my bills on this one income.  And it's probably less than half of what you and your spouse bring in each year.  I don't have a spouse to discuss/plan finances with.  I'm just winging it.  Cry me a river, married people.  I don't think you're rich.  But I do think you have some financial advantages that I wish I had.       

Along those lines, let's talk about coupons.  I'm not a crazy couponer.  In fact, I rarely use them, unless I have one that came in the mail.  BUT, have you ever noticed that most coupons are "buy one get two free?"  Or something like that?  Yeah.  Cuz if I buy one 8 pack of toilet paper, I'm definitely gonna need two more of those.  Um, NO.  And really, those type of coupons are for food a lot of the time.  Food expires.  So, I can't eat that many of whatever the coupon is for...and therefore I don't get the "deal."  Or pizza coupons..."buy 2 for x amount" or "buy 1 for x (much larger) amount." 

So, you can see why I don't use a lot of coupons.

Alright, I think two bitter posts in one day is enough.  Right?  ;-)

Does anyone "get" what this feels like?

Any of my single readers ever feel like that?  Like you're the only one in your situation, surrounded by couples with kids? 

I've felt that way for a while.  Only now, I've sort of reached a very low point in my "I hate being single/childless" struggle.  And when you feel like that and no one around you is in remotely the same place...it makes you feel even more alone.  Ugh. 

Don't get me wrong, my friends are amazing.  Honestly.  When friends were handed out...I was given the best ones there are.  Seriously.  At any stage in my life, I've met wonderful friends who have been a great support system for me.  (There are always a couple of duds, unfortunately.  But ultimately, I've always felt pretty lucky to have the friends I do.)

BUT...

About 99% of my friends are married.  With kids.  And have been.  For a very long time.  Ya know who's still single?  Oh yeah.  Me.

None of my friends ever make me feel like me being single is weird.  Or that the clock is ticking for me to have kids.  But...when you're surrounded by people who are in a completely opposite situation as you, it makes you feel excluded.  Or, at least, it makes me feel excluded. 

I can't tell you how tired I am of being the 3rd wheel.  Or the 5th wheel.  Or the 7th wheel. 

And my friends invite me to stuff because they enjoy my company and know we'll have fun.  But it's still frustrating to always be the "single" in the group.

Anyway, I think people who aren't in my situation often don't know what to say or do.  Which makes sense.  And I think they honestly believe what they're saying.  But it's never anything I want to hear.

"Maybe you're a blessing to all these other kids in your life..."
"You are enough."
"God has amazing plans for you."
"It won't always be like this."

Those are a few examples.  And honestly, I can't say that I wouldn't say those things to a friend if the situation were reversed.  So, I get it. 

But let's be honest, none of those statements make you feel better.  I'm thrilled that I have so many wonderful kids in my life.  Seriously.  They are fantastic and I love them all.  But they aren't enough to make me be OK with the fact that I don't have any of my own and may never get to.  And, I'm sure that I am, indeed, enough.  But, I'm not satisfied with that.  And if they were single, would they feel the same way?  I'm a believing Christian (with currently wavering faith) and I've always thought God had great plans for me.  And I held onto that for a very long time.  But there comes a point where you think, "Does He?"  And, the same is true for "It won't always be like this."  No one knows that...but it's something to say (I understand).  I've always hoped that it wouldn't always be like this.  And yet, it is.  Ugh. 

And while my friends are a fantastic support system (only a few close friends know how low I feel right now), it's not enough.  Feeling like this and then coming home to an empty house?  Well, that does nothing to boost the spirits.  And no, my family knows nothing, other than I'm sure they know I'd like to be married/have kids.  My mom would freak out.  She worries about everything.  So, I can't talk to her about this stuff.  And my siblings probably wouldn't give a crap, if I'm being honest. 

Anyway, those are my random, rambling thoughts for today.  I know...a real pick-me-up! 

Thank goodness for my single readers who DO "get" what this feels like, to varying degrees, I'm sure!         

Another year older...

Well, I recently celebrated my birthday.  And honestly, it wasn't too great.  The thought of being ANOTHER year older, and nowhere near marriage/kids, is kind of depressing. 

I would love to cowgirl up and get a positive attitude and say "THIS is my year!  THIS is the year it's all going to happen for me!"  But, ya see, I've done that.  Numerous times.  Like, a lot.  So...

It's very difficult to keep a positive attitude when you don't see any change or positive result.  I can honestly say that I had a very positive "can do" attitude in 2012 and for parts of 2013.  I was easy breezy about going out with friends to the bar (which I'm not normally a fan of) and pretty much went on any social invitation that came my way (date or not).  And I wasn't TRYING to meet someone.  I was merely open to being social and whatever that may or may not bring.

You know what it brought?  Nothing.  Not one chance encounter with someone while I was out.  Not one date that came out of someone knowing someone that might be good for me.  Not one exciting date opportunity.  Nothing. 

Now, I'm not saying that gives me permission to be negative 24/7...but one could see why it would be hard to stay positive and hopeful. 

And the other difficult thing, is that everyone else's lives are seemingly moving forward.  Whether it's celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary, another pregnancy, building and moving into a brand new home, going on a couples' trip... 

NONE of those things are going on in my life.  Now, my life isn't completely boring.  I obviously went on some amazing trips last year.  But, I do believe those trips would have been more fun if I'd had a mate with me.  I feel like it's somewhat boring:  living in the same house, same job(s), same hobbies...  I never feel like I have something cool to report.  And I know that my married friends may not look at their stuff the same way I do, but that doesn't change how it feels to be the odd one out.

Even the friends in my life who CHEATED WHILE MARRIED are dating people.  I mean, are you kidding me?  Seriously?  I don't get that at all. 

So, I'm going to do my best to try and get a little positivity going.  I can't make any guarantees, but I will try. 

Here's to 2014 being my year???

Family is insensitive and still pretty sucky...yay Christmas! *sarcasm*

Let's do a Christmas with family round-up, shall we?  Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one! 

Overall, it was sucky...unfortunately.  I tried to enjoy my time with my nieces and nephews, which isn't hard to do.  They're awesome. 

My one sibling who I've complained about a lot, was fairly jerky.  They get really annoyed any time I sing...no matter what.  Now, it's not like I walk around singing in full voice ALL THE TIME (and certainly, not in front of them).  First of all, I am a singer and actually can sing.  Second of all, I don't feel the need to show off or brag about it.  Most of the time I'm singing, I'm either at home or in the car, or singing at church, in a show, or before an event.

But, they still get annoyed.  So, their classic line when I happen to sing around them is (we'll just call me Sister), "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  And then, if I happen to answer, they say, "Why don't you let them sing it then."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh my gosh, hilarious. 

So, when I was home, the kids were playing Just Dance and I was coming into the room.  I started singing along to whatever song was on.  When I say singing along, I mean it was barely audible and not AT ALL in full voice or any attention grabbing way.  It's what most people do when they sing along.  And then, they said it.  "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  At that point, I'd pretty much had it with the whole long weekend, so I snapped at them.  "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you HATE it when I sing, so I'll just shut up.  I get it!!!!!!!"  I did.  I said that.  Honestly, I don't know if anyone else even noticed.  But they just said, "Jeez, grumpy!!!!  Blah, blah, blah..."  Whatever, I didn't really pay attention.  I like how I'm the grumpy one...when they're the one who started it.  Dear.  God.

Let's shift to my other sibling, who lives out of state.  They made a really stupid (untrue) joke about me.  Now, that's fine.  We're a sarcastic, jokey, family.  So, it was funny.  At first.  But then, the joke just kept on going and kept being brought up...enough so, that the kids were even in on it and joining in. 

I'm not someone who enjoys being picked on.  Frankly, I don't like the attention.  And yes, I love how people like to say, "They only pick on you because you react.  If you just act like it doesn't bother you, they'll stop."  Um, yeah.  I know.  Got it.  But here's the thing...I had ignored it.  And it just kept going.  Even my mom sort of joined in.  Finally, I'd had it.  And I asked them to knock it off.

See, I like to joke around, too.  But, when the person I'm joking with/about asks me to stop or it's obvious they're upset...I STOP.  And I apologize, because I then feel terrible for taking it too far.

Apparently, not everyone does this.  I called one of my best friends to vent and told her about this stupid joke.  She didn't even understand it.  Because it was SO RIDICULOUS!  Anyway, we had planned to meet the next morning for coffee.  When she arrived, she said that my sibling had messaged her on FB and asked her to tell him if I brought up the joke.  She, being the good friend she is, played dumb and told him he was a freak.

Did you catch that?  My sibling was SO caught up in their stupid joke, they felt the need to bring it up to my friend and then ask her to tell them if I mentioned it?  Are you EFFING KIDDING ME? 

So, that happened. 

Let's see, what else?  Oh yeah, online dating somehow came up and my sibling, their spouse, and my mom managed to grill me and make me cry.  (Still not sure if they realized I shed a tear.  Or if they even care.) 

My in-law's sister is really nice and so I asked how she was doing.  She's also single, so I had asked if she was still dating this guy (last time I checked, she was).  Anyway, she's not.  So, the whole online dating thing sort of came up out of that.  Now, I'm not mad about that.  And they have NO IDEA that I'm even on any online dating sites at all.  Nor do I plan to tell them.  Ever. 

So, these 3 people, NONE of whom have EVER tried/done online dating, proceeded to sort of tell me why it's good, etc.  And what I should be doing.  When I pointed out many of the things I've recently said on this blog (no, they obviously don't know about this blog, either), they basically acted like it's SO much better than that.

First of all, they've NEVER done it.  So, really, I don't think they're in a position to give me advice about it.  Second of all, my in-law's sister has been online dating for YEARS, and she's still single.  So, it's fair to say that she's no further ahead in the marriage race than I am.  At most, she's gotten more free meals than I have.  And I'm ok with that. 

So, I was saying how much I really don't like online dating, when my sibling says, "What are your other options?"  Um, what?  Did you just say that out loud?  If online dating is the LAST/ONLY option I have left, then I'm going to accept being single as my life.  Are you kidding me?

I said, "Well, there are set-ups."  To which they said, "How many of those do you go on?"  I said that I'd been on a lot.  They said, "What's a lot?"  Again, are you effing kidding me?  I don't need to justify this to YOU.  So then I said something about how it's a bit unfair that I have to go the extra step of online dating when so many I know did NOT have to do that.  That's when my mom chimes in with this nugget.  "Oprah was complaining to Dr. Phil about her weight, and how it was unfair that so many other women could eat whatever they wanted and not gain weight.  Dr. Phil told her, 'But they're not you, are they?'"  Mom continued, "It doesn't matter if others didn't have to do the work, YOU do have to do the work." 
Thanks, Mom.  Thanks a lot.  That nugget coming from my mom was priceless.  This is a woman who married someone she didn't love, then got divorced, then chose to NOT date anyone after that (bit of a man hater), and is STILL bitter about the divorce (and ex-husband, who has passed away) over 30 years later.  She's not done a ton to change or improve her life.  So, you see, it's really shitty of her to make a comment like that to me.  Someone who had a tough childhood, paid her way through many things, including college, on her own, and is quite independent.

It was after that comment that a tear or two came out of my eye.  Honest to God, no one noticed that I was even remotely upset.  Or even cared.  I ended up running upstairs and vented to the one in-law I like. 

OK, moving on to the presents.  Remember, I buy for 5 kids (and my mom) and spend probably $30+ PER KID.  And the siblings/in-laws then bought gifts for Mom and me.  Mom cleaned up, got some good stuff.  My out of state sibling/in-law gave me one gift (from the list I gave).  Total of $20 spent.  Woohoo...don't go crazy, guys!  WOW!  The in state sibling/in-law did somewhat better.  I got a couple of things from the list I gave and then a couple I didn't, but totally liked.  Total of probably $35 spent.  So, after I spent nearly $200, including schlepping a ton of stuff back from fricking Australia, I am worth about $55.  And I'm sure they were irritated to even spend that.  And honestly, it's not about the money.  It's more about the fact that the out of state sibling/in-law couldn't click on something else?  Or buy something not from the list as a nice surprise?  Nothing?  Really?  And they shipped it to the in-state sibling's house...so packing it for the flight, was not the issue.  Just thoughtlessness. 

Also, I guess my expectations of them need to be severely lowered.  Do you know how many "thank yous" I heard from the kids' parents?  None.  Not one.  Not one, "Oh my gosh, you went to Australia and thought to buy/bring back cool gifts for our kids?  That is so nice!"  Not one, "Hey, thanks for the gifts, the kids love them."  Not one, "Hey, thanks."  Nothing.  Did I thank everyone for my gifts?  Yes.  Did I thank my sibling/in-law for hosting us for several days?  Yes. 

Honestly, I don't think it's asking too much for a simple thank you.  Of course the kids said thanks to me, which is great.  But I guess it would be nice for the parents to acknowledge my generosity in some way? 

What's funny is, my 9 year old niece was probably the only one who really appreciated it.  She's a total sweetheart.  One of the gifts I gave her was a framed photo from my trip, that she had admired.  I wasn't sure how it would go over with a 9 year old (a framed photo could be considered lame/no fun).  Anyway, she opened it, and got excited.  And then she said, "You remembered we talked about this!!!"  OMG.  I could have died right then.  To her, it made her feel good that I remembered our conversation and then thought to buy a gift, including it.  Thank goodness for her!

Basically, I feel (other than time with the kids) the time I spent there was wasted.  I'd rather not have wasted my hard earned vacation time for that.  Both siblings spent time with each other, chatting, working out, joking, watching sports.  I get it.  I realize I'm the odd one out.  But really...we were hardly ever in the same room...and the only times they spoke to me were to either be mean, make fun of me, or ask me to stop singing. 

Overall, I give Christmas 2013 a SUCK level of 10, on a scale of 1 to 10.  I'm going to hope that Christmas 2014 is much better.  We'll see.          

Yep, online dating is STILL stupid...

Well, blog readers, I'm going to tell you a secret that NO ONE else knows.  I signed up on Match.com (first time on that site) for a 3 month term, last week.

And do you know how amazing I think it is? 

Um, NOT.  Not amazing at all.  These are the available men out there?  Seriously?  And before you go thinking I think I'm all that and am just too snooty to consider these choice men... 

So far, the men who have liked my pics, winked at me, or sent me a message, have done any of the following below:

• Misspelled words in their profiles and their messages.  Things like "obsticle," rather than "obstacle."  And, I'm sorry, I know everyone makes mistakes and isn't an English major.  But, I guess I'd take a second or third pass at my online dating profile before clicking save.  I mean, this is the image you're putting out there for potential mates, right? 
• Mail messages that say things like, "Fun plans tonight?"  OK, um, we've NEVER spoken before, online or otherwise.  So, we are not in that familiar place where you get to ask what my plans are tonight.  How about we communicate back and forth and become more than online pictures, first? 
• Mail messages that say things like, "Hey."  Uh, ok, "Hi?"  I realize this is a nerve wracking thing, online or not.  But how does one reply to "Hey?"  Does that leave it to me to write a lengthy reply to "Hey?"  I don't know...I guess I feel like you could type more than one word, if you took the time to write me anyway.
• Profiles without a picture.  I've spoken at length on this blog about this.  Listen, I applaud you for getting out there and taking the risk of trying online dating.  However, if you aren't confident enough to upload a picture (current) of yourself, then maybe you have some other work to do before tackling dating/relationships.  Furthermore, if you don't have a profile pic, you are delusional for expecting most people to reply/inquire about you.  Because, as I've said before, you can't hide your face/body in real life!  If I ran into you in a bar...I'd see you.  So, the whole "no pic" thing has never made any sense to me. 
• Profiles with multiple pictures, none of which match up.  What I mean is, you see the main profile pic, and you think, "Hmm, he looks alright...let's look at his other pics!"  And then, as you scroll through his 9 pics, you see that he looks completely different in all of them.  So, which one does he look like NOW?  Um, is it a surprise?  Why wouldn't you post somewhat current pics of yourself, regardless of if you've gained weight, whatever?  One guy included a picture from 2001...and it's not like it was a pic of him in an amazing locale.  It was just a picture.  I can post my high school and college pictures, too.  But I won't.  Because, I'm pretty sure you're interested in the current version of me...whether that's thin/heavy/wrinkly/etc. 
• The whole "he liked your photo" thing.  What IS this?  And why does it matter?  I must be pretty cynical, because this does nothing for me.  Every fricking email I get about someone liking my photo annoys me more than makes me feel good.  The people that like my photos are in their late 40s/early 50s...and don't send me any other communication.  Not that I want them to...but what is the point of liking a photo, then?  Just because?  This isn't Facebook.  It's Match. 
• The whole "he made you a favorite" thing.  This is right along the same lines as the "like" thing.  What does it mean?  I'm his "favorite" profile to look at from time to time?  I'm his "favorite" group of pictures to look at from time to time? 
• The whole "wink" thing.  What is this?  Is this the equivalent of a guy winking at you at the bar?  Because I'm usually creeped out by these dudes.  And now they have a forum to just "wink" whenever they feel like it?  But then make no further contact?  Because, I'm sure I'm supposed to "wink" back.
• Dirty profile descriptions.  And apparently, they're real profiles...but these guys think their disgusting hopes for the girl they meet on here are totally appropriate.  Ewwwwwww!

Yep, I know.  I'm jaded.  I'm cynical.  I'm cranky.  But, all of that said, I still think the above are valid points/issues with this site, and online dating, in general.  I continue to be unimpressed.

The funny thing is, I think it's supposed to be a bit of an ego booster.  And, it's not that I have a big ego, but that's not what I'm on the site for.  I'm on the site to potentially find someone to date, have a relationship with, and maybe marry. 

Every time I get an email message from Match, telling me that someone either winked at, messaged me, favorited me, or liked a photo - I'm annoyed.  There's no part of me that lights up and thinks, "Oh my gosh...they think I'm pretty?," "They like my picture?," "I'm their favorite?"  In fact, I'm so annoyed after ONE week, that I honestly can't imagine THREE MONTHS of this!  OMG.

Because, again, this isn't really how it would be in the real world.  I wouldn't be getting flooded with notifications in the non-online world.  Which is what I prefer. 

When some friends of mine were going through marital troubles (still are, I think) and were nearing divorce...he joined Match (dumb, I know).  And he had the nerve to tell me and a single male friend what we were missing.  And he had the gall to explain that we should really check it out.  This guy...who was still (and still is) technically married...and had been on Match for maybe 2 weeks.  Maybe.  He was telling us how that all worked.  You know...us.  We've been single for decades.  Uh huh.  That really irritated me (and still does, a little). 

Anyway, it occurred to me why he thought it was so great.  I think this guy probably has some self esteem issues.  Because, I'm guessing he loved being highlighted on the site and getting flooded with likes, messages, etc.  It probably made him feel good...like he was attractive and quite the catch.  No wonder he raved about it.  He thought he was pretty hot stuff. 

And, while I've struggled with having good self esteem over the years, I'm pretty confident in who I am.  I don't need a bunch of random strangers telling me I'm pretty or that my profile is interesting, to make me feel good about myself.  And frankly, that's how it should be.  I shouldn't be depending on this site or any guy in the real world to make me feel pretty or good about myself. 

So, I'll stay on the site...they already have my $62, but the chances that my attitude will change are pretty slim.  And yes, I know that means I am going into it with a bad attitude.  But really, the reason I broke down and signed up was that I had a very teeny tiny itty bitty microscopic amount of hope that maybe, just maybe there would be some interesting matches.  So far, it's been duds.  All the way.    

My sibling is still a jerk...

I saw my fantastic sibling last weekend (the one who was a jerk about Thanksgiving).  I've not initiated much contact with him and limit any conversation, if possible. 

Anyway, I went to see my nephew's hockey game, which was fun.  My sibling was talking about how they went shopping for their spouse with the kids.  And bought a lot of stuff.  My in-law said they didn't ask for a lot of stuff.  And my sibling continued, saying, "Well...we bought a lot of stuff."

At this point, I chimed in, completely joking, saying to my in-law, "Take the gifts!  I don't get any presents, ENJOY!"  And was laughing as I said it.  My in-law was fine with that...but my sibling cut in while I was talking, saying, "Wah, wah, wah...I don't get any presents.  Cry me a river."  And then, under their breath, I heard, "Christmas isn't about getting, it's about giving." 

OK, let's break this down, shall we?

1. I was joking and it was very obvious I was joking.
2. I absolutely NEVER complain to my sibling about my single status/not getting gifts/feeling crappy about single life.  EVER.  So, I'm not sure why they felt the need to act like I just won't shut up about it.  Like, they're just so annoyed and sick of it.
3. My in-law asked for gifts that could be used in the house...by the family.  My sibling?  They asked for gifts specifically for them...new shirts, shorts, etc.  Now, that's fine.  But, I find it interesting that they said, "Christmas isn't about getting, it's about giving," when they asked for plenty of things for themselves. 
4. And again, I spend pleny of $$$ on their kids, so it takes some nerve to belittle me and the fact that I don't get presents.

To sum it up, they're a jerk.  I seriously think that I'll barely survive our family Christmas (which takes place after Christmas).  I'll have to focus all of my attention on the kids.  And I'm not a huge drinker, but I have a feeling I'll be drinking a lot during those few days. 

I guess I better be GRATEFUL to them if I get a gift from them this year.  I better show my unending gratitude.

Bah humbug.