What a dud!

OK, so since my post on Wednesday, JW texted me at 9:30 that night - asking if I was "having a fun warm week." 


Seriously?  How does one respond to that?  We still haven't spoken on the phone or set anything up.  I sent a short, generic reply and then he texted something about show choir stuff for his daughter.  Cut to Friday morning, when he texted, "Already Friday :)."  Again, seriously?  I just replied "TGIF." 


After a couple more texts, I finally sent this.  "I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel very comfortable texting someone I haven't met in person.  I'd be open to meeting sometime, if you would like."  He replied, "Yea.  I felt similar, but truly have no clue on this type of thing.  Thanks for saying something.  :)  That makes perfect sense to me too."  OK.  So I replied, "Glad we're on the same page :-)." 


And since then?  NOTHING.  That was Friday morning...  So.  Annoying.


I'm not made of stone...so I get that all of this is awkward and difficult.  But did he seriously not know that we would eventually have to SPEAK on the PHONE to set something up?  Was his plan to just text me and never meet?  Because that is also stupid. 


At this point, I don't think this guy can recover.  I even texted the friend who arranged it and she was annoyed that he was solely texting.  And my close friends have agreed that this has been handled poorly, from the way it was set up, to how he handled it. 


I'm certainly not expecting a call/text from him at this point, but if he DID call, I'm not sure I would go out with him. 


I'm not completely down and out, but this IS frustrating and seems to happen a lot.  Makes it very hard to be open to setups. 

Update on latest maybe set-up...

Well, there's really no update...but I can tell you what little has happened. 


So, the guy, we'll call him JW texted me Friday night...saying we know some friend in common.  Now, I'm fine with an initial text, but much like this set-up that went nowhere, ONLY texting doesn't really do much for me.  Especially when we haven't MET yet.


We texted back and forth, which was fine.  Figured out we're the same age, from neighboring home towns, and he has a degree in Finance.  All good.  I already knew he had a daughter, and he mentioned he was going to her show choir competition the next day. 


He texted me later Saturday night, "How's your night going?  Doing anything exciting tonight?"  Now, I'm sorry, but I have zero interest in sharing any of that info with him.  Not because I'm fiercely private, but because I have nothing invested in him.  We've never MET.  I don't even know what he looks like.  And we've also never SPOKEN.  So, I'm just not excited about texting with a stranger.  I did respond and we texted for a bit.  My answers got shorter, because I honestly don't like texting with someone who I'm being set up with.  All of the things we were texting about WOULD HAVE BEEN good to talk about on a first date. 


The last thing he mentioned was his daughter's name, and that he has her most of the time.  I had already told him it was cool he was at her show choir competition earlier.  So my response to his last text was just, "Cool." 


And it's been *crickets* ever since.  I'm not sure what (if anything) is going on...if he thinks I'm weirded out that he has a daughter.  If he just isn't interested, for whatever reason.  Or if he wants ME to initiate and send him a text.  ALL of these are reasons that text isn't good for two strangers who haven't met yet.  There's no way to read it and know for sure what the tone is. 


Also, I'm not planning to send him a text this week.  Because, again, I'm not invested in this person.  If we'd been on a few good dates and then I was getting texts?  Um, I'd be excited and texting him back and initiating texts.  But that is not the case. 


This brings me back to the setter uppers.  What a FAIL.  I'm annoyed.  I'm irritated that I keep saying yes to things and getting this type of crap. 


At this point, I'm not sure if I should follow up with one of the setter uppers or just let it lie.  We will see. 

Another potential blind date...

Well, here we are in February and I might have another set-up...2 for 2 months!  My friend texted me a few weeks ago about a guy she ran into (friend of her friend's husband's).  Anyway, she realized he was single and sent me a text asking if I was interested.  Mind you...this was prior to checking with the friend to see if this guy was even open to being set up. 


He's a few years younger than me, a single dad of an 11 year old girl, and a "stand up guy."  And the mother is not in the picture at all.  That is the extent of what I was told and what she actually knows about him.  Now, I've said before, that my preference would be to meet someone without kids and have our own family.  I love kids, but don't love the drama that can come with ex-spouses and stepkids...and I say that having had two stepmothers, both horrible. 


Anyway, I told my friend I would think about it - huge step out of my comfort zone - but I was definitely giving it thought.  In the mean time, I asked her if she could find out a BIT more about him...just so he and I would both know the set-up was in good faith - as in, the people setting us up sensed some common interests/traits OTHER than that we are both in our 30s and single. 


Because, really...that is just not enough.  I've gone on pretty much any and every set up thrown my way...and I think I've earned the right (especially after last month's fail) to ask WHY the person/people think we would be a potentially good match.  Heck, even dating websites' main purpose is to find common interests among people and connect them. 


When my friend texted me the other night, she said she'd met with her friend and "we decided the two of you should just go out."  Um, what?  Was I not clear?  So I confirmed with her that the guy IS open to being set up.  She then went on to say that she was wrong about the mom...and that she DOES have the daughter every other weekend.  Which, is pretty much the opposite of what she originally told me.  I realize she wasn't sure...but still.  And then I just asked, "Any reason why she/you think we would hit it off, other than we're single?  Not trying to be annoying, but that happens to me a lot." 


Her response?  "OMG, just go out with him!"  Um, ok.  I don't think I was out of line.  I went on to tell her that it's tough to do this over and over and I'd rather have a bit of comfort (for the guy, too) to know that there's a REASON we're being put together.  Doesn't mean it will work out...but it does mean that there's more of a chance.  Her response?  "I believe that, but you aren't going to find your husband by avoiding these things.  You could end up as friends and you would just have another circle of friends.  It's a win-win."


OK, that really irritated me.  First of all, I don't AVOID these things.  As I've said before, I go on practically every set-up presented to me.  And have done that for over a decade.  So, I think that statement is very unfair.  And I'm very social/out in the community, so I'm certainly not sitting at home and avoiding life.  Secondly, to be honest, I'm not looking for new friends or a new circle of friends.  I've been very fortunate to have several circles of truly fabulous friends.  And while it's always nice to make new friends, I'm really not looking to go on a date that could result in friendship/a new circle of friends.  And do you know how many times that scenario has happened in all my years of dating?  Zero. 


So, I went to bed that night feeling irritated and like I wasn't even heard.  At all.  And then started wondering if I was just crazy and if I was the one out of line.  Well, I talked to my two closest friends about it yesterday - both of whom would call me out in a minute, if they thought I was in the wrong - and they were both as irritated/frustrated as I was.  One was so angry she wanted to call this friend and give her a piece of her mind. 

I told this friend that yes, she could pass my number along to her friend, who will pass it along to this guy.  We shall see if it results in actual contact/date/anything.  And neither of us know what the other looks like, even.  In this day and age, you typically know that up front.  So this could be truly very blind. 


Due to the lack of information or checking about compatibility, I will go on the date (if it happens), but will not put up with this friend telling me I didn't give it a shot or wondering why we didn't hit it off.  I'm going into it with a "whatevs" attitude.  I will put my best foot forward (as always) on the date, but am not going to worry about it. 

Date #2 - there won't be a date #3...

Well, after a lot of hemming and hawing (internally), I did go on date #2.  I'm not going to lie...I had pretty much already decided there was no potential there, but wanted to keep my word. 


I met him there and he gave me an awkward hug.  It was weird.  Now, I'll totally admit that if he was a hot guy I was super interested in...I wouldn't be complaining, I'd be super excited that he initiated a hug.  But...that was not the case.


Once again...there was conversation, but nothing interesting or in common, so it just felt awkward.  Also, he told me what dish he liked at this restaurant and asked what type of Italian I like.  I told him I was probably going to order the chicken parmesan.  To which he replied..."Ooh, that sounds pretty good, I might get that."  He thought about it, for a while, then decided he'd stick with his pasta sampler.  Well, the waitress comes over to take our order and I order the chicken parmesan.  Then he says, "You know what?  I'm getting that...yeah, that sounds good.  I'll get the same thing." 


Now, lest you think I'm the biggest and pickiest jerk on the planet...hear me out.  On date #1, he asked what I liked...I told him...and he ordered the exact same thing.  On date #2, he does the same?  I don't care if people order the same thing as me...but this struck me as odd, like he's not an individual or something.


Our food arrives (it was delish) and it looks like I'm scarfing mine down...while he is taking FOREVER.  Same goes for his salad prior to the meal.  I assure you that I was eating at a very normal pace.  He then says, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a really slow eater.  And I just can't eat very big meals.  I eat like a bird.  But I'm working on it."  Um, what?  Huh?  WHO says any of that?  Especially if you're a guy?  I thought it was weird and I honestly didn't know what to say to that. 


He ended up boxing up half of his meal to take home...while I nearly finished mine.  LOL.  Oh well.


He had asked what I was doing after dinner, and I mentioned some stuff I needed to get done at home.  When I asked him the same...he literally thought about it, for a while, and couldn't come up with anything. 


As we wrapped things up, I thanked him for dinner.  He then said, "If ya want to get together again, let me know."  So, I decided that was my out...and that maybe he was feeling the same thing - that there was no common interests/connection.


Cut to Saturday morning...when he texted me, saying he doesn't date much and he should have invited me out after dinner.  Ugh.  Nice, but ugh.  So, I replied telling him that it was totally fine he didn't invite me (I wouldn't have gone), and that he was a nice guy, but I didn't think we had anything in common.  He replied that he thought the same thing. 


So, that's that. 

On the positive side, it wasn't a nightmare experience and it at least got me back in the game (kind of).  On the negative side, it was another failed blind date experience, which is frustrating. 


And while I appreciate my friend's attempt at a set-up, his FB message to me made it seem like this guy and I had a lot in common and would totally hit it off.  I'm telling you...it would be obvious to anyone that this guy and I would NOT hit it off/have anything in common.  And this friend knows me very well. 


So, I can only assume that he and his girlfriend (mid 20s) were hanging out with the guy at some point and thought, "He's so great...and he's single...do we know someone to set him up with?"  And, of course, I'm the only woman in her late 30s that they know. 

People - just because two very nice, fun people are both single does NOT mean they are a potential match for a date or otherwise.  If this guy and I had gone out again, it would have been painful for both of us, I'm sure. 


Anyway...onward and upward.  Right? 

Reporting on the date...

Well...it wasn't a nightmare, but I also don't think it was a match.  A little frustrating, but I'm taking it well. 


So, I meet the guy for lunch.  Now, based on his FB pic, I didn't think I was going to find him super attractive.  And I didn't.  He's my height or shorter and sort of on the thin/small side.  *sigh*  Not his fault...but also not what I'm attracted to.


We get in line to order and he asks what I'm going to order.  And asks how hungry I am (I was ordering soup and salad).  And then asks if I like to eat a big breakfast.  Let's just say...that was fairly odd small talk.  Awkward. 


Overall, the date was fine.  Nothing horrible.  Nothing amazing.  Nothing that made me think there was real potential there. 


Here's something I find a bit odd.  He's divorced (no kids) and probably in his mid 40s...and he lives in a one bedroom apartment.  Is that weird?  I'm not looking for a rich guy to whisk me away...but I am looking for a guy who is somewhat established and a one bedroom apartment seems like a flag to me.  But maybe it's not?  Weigh in...please! 


I talked it over with a couple friends and one of my good friends had really surveilled this guy's FB page.  Apparently, he's a huge fan of the band Widespread Panic.  And I guess he follows them, travels to a lot of their shows...has pics of the band as his cover page, etc.  She said that it's well known that MOST fans of this band do drugs...specifically pot and acid.  Now, it IS possible this guy doesn't do those things...but based on what she knows, she said she'd be surprised if he DIDN'T. 


So...that is weird (if it's true). 


The thing is...  I'm not physically attracted to him and not sure I ever could be.  And that is because there was nothing about him or his personality that made me think there was potential.  While our conversation was fine...I honestly can't think of anything we have in common, other than we both attend church.  And that's true of a lot of people. 


That said...when he asked about going out again, I told him I would.  And then he'd texted afterward and mentioned that again, and I said that would be fine.  Well...he asked me out for tomorrow night...today. 


I'm 99% sure I'm not interested, but I also think it'd be jerky of me to say NO to a date, when I've twice said I would go.  So, I'm going.  I'm going to meet him at the restaurant.  He offered to pick me up, but I'd like the security of knowing I have my own way out.


If something happens and I realize there's something there...then hey, it's a good thing I went on a 2nd date.  If I feel the same at the end of the date as I did on date 1, then I'm going to let him down kindly and just say I don't think we have a connection/stuff in common. 


So, that's that.

New Year...new date?

OK, I know.  I haven't posted in a long time, 3+ months.  Not sure if you've missed me or not, but I'll give you an update anyway.  ;-)

I'm still LOVING my house.  Seriously.  I can't get over how much I love having the extra space.  So happy with it.  And I now have my very own home gym, which is fantastic.  I can work out whenever I want and no longer have to go to the gym.

Um, my ex-friend who cheated on her husband and then they eventually divorced...and she (I think) dated a few others in there...started dating someone else and they got engaged over Christmas.  Let's just say I wasn't happy to read that on Facebook.  I mean, are you kidding me?  How is that possible?  It made me feel like crap, but I came out of it pretty quickly.  And while this isn't a nice thing to say, I don't have high hopes that her second marriage will go well. 


Christmas with family was fine...no major drama.  Once again, my family assumes I have no life and can come home whenever is convenient for them.  Seriously.  So, that was annoying.  And I spent probably $35 per kid (5 kids) and each couple spent $25 on me.  I feel appreciated.  :-)  Oh well, overall it was fine. 


Now, to the point of this post. 


A friend of mine has recently asked me about a potential set-up.  He knows me pretty well and thinks me and this guy would hit it off.  So, when he messaged me on FB, I was curious about it.  I also hadn't talked to him in a while, so I was just surprised to hear from him at all. 


I decided, rather than reply YES right away, to take a few days to think about it.  I trust this friend and he knows the nightmare set-ups I've been on, so I know he wouldn't suggest this unless he truly thought there was potential. 


Here's why I wanted to take a few days to think it over.  First of all, I almost always agree to set-ups right away, just because it's hard to meet people any other way.  So, I wanted to NOT do that this time.  My other concern is that, things are going really well for me right now.  I'm in a really good place...not necessarily OK with being single...but doing well overall.  So, this potential set-up could be a continuation of that good...OR could be a let down, which would be a setback.  I wanted time to think about that and whether or not I'd be willing to take that risk.   


I talked it over with a few friends, prayed about it a little...and decided to go for it.  So, I've given my friend the green light and he is going to pass my number along to the guy.  I also warned my friend about the last potential set-up, where a friend passed my number to the guy...and he never pulled the trigger, other than texting.  And...http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/03/ughwhy.html. 

I just wanted him to know that I would prefer that doesn't happen again. 


So, I'm trying to be open.  And calm.  And we'll see if this guy contacts me and sets something up.  I will keep you posted! 

Wish me luck! 

I don't get it...

OK, let's start with a positive.  I moved into my new home and I absolutely LOVE it!  I'm excited to get fully unpacked/organized/settled.  And I'm also excited for all the fun projects I have planned.  So far, so good! 

Now, on to the point of my post.  I've noticed, via Facebook, that several people I know - who have recently divorced - are ALREADY with someone.  What the frick?  Seeing that makes me feel like total crap. 

*  Friend who cheated while married - got pregnant by the guy she cheated with, divorced her husband, and is now MARRIED to the father of the baby.
*  Friend who cheated while married - have seen pics of her on FB with her fella, doing all sorts of fun things.
*  The above friend's ex husband - have seen pics of him with his new girlfriend, and pics of his trip to visit her.
*  Friend whose husband went a little crazy - they divorced, but I'm not so sure she didn't also cheat during all of that.  Either way, she's already dating a guy and I see pics of them all over FB.

WHAT am I doing wrong?  Seriously.  These people have already moved on and are dating/married to others?  And I've been trying for decades with little to no success? 

For lack of a more mature way to put it, "IT'S NOT FAIR!" 

Anyway, I'm trying to focus on all the excitement of my new house, but this does have me a bit down.  I have no clue why I can't find someone, but these people, who made some really poor choices, can find multiple people! 

And yes, I know that sounds holier than thou and very judgmental.  I'm not saying that if you cheat, you should never find happiness again.  I'm simply saying that it seems a bit unfair that after making that type of choice, you get "rewarded" with a significant other right away. 

Meanwhile, I'm over here (not perfect) trying to make good decisions...and I get nothing. 

Apparently, I'm just not focusing enough...

So, I went home for Mother's Day yesterday, to treat my mom to breakfast.  It was fine.  She's the mom who says she doesn't want you to make the drive, but would be secretly ticked off if you decided not to come...so I went. 

Anyway, we had a decent conversation, but it eventually veered toward the "I'm single" territory.  Ugh.  Anyway, I made an offhand comment about the fact that I'm probably not getting married.  Ya know...because it just doesn't seem like that's going to happen, based on the past 30 some odd years. 

So she says, "Why do you say that?  People get married all the time.  Why do you think you're not going to get married?"  Um.  Gee, Mom...because it hasn't happened yet?  I mean, in all seriousness, of course I still hope to meet someone and get married.  But, I also don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that it won't happen.  Ya know, based on my life thus far. 

And then the conversation delved a bit deeper about how she just wants me to be happy.  And I get that.  But I went ahead and told her that her and my brother's comments at Christmas (about how even though other people didn't have to work as hard to meet someone...I do and if I don't online date, what are my other options?) were pretty hurtful and frustrating to hear.  And how NONE of them have one clue what it's like to be a single adult outside of college or your early 20s. 

She then went into how my brother just cares about me and would feel terrible if he hurt my feelings.  Um, #1 - NO, he wouldn't.  And #2, I suspect he spends next to zero time worrying about me or whether I'm getting married or whatever.  Same goes for my other brother.

And THEN she starts talking about my focus.  And how I've always been such a focused person.  And how she hasn't really seen me be FOCUSED on meeting someone/dating.  She just hasn't seen that focus. 

First of all, my mom doesn't even live in the same city as me.  Second of all, we're not nearly as close as we used to be, so she has NO IDEA of some of the bad set-ups, weird situations, online dating mishaps I've been on/had.  Third of all, she was married/had kids in her very early 20s and had zero desire to remarry after divorce.  So, again, she has NO IDEA what this is like.  Not to mention, dating now is much different than in her day. 

So, I really don't appreciate hearing about how I'm not putting in enough focus/effort to meet someone.  And I, in a nice way, said that to her.  Basically, I explained that she has no idea how difficult it is and how I've been open to pretty much every situation, and they haven't worked out.  And that it's unfair to say that I'm not focusing enough. 

I think she heard me, but I also think she still thinks she's right.

Her Dr. Phil quote from Christmas was about Oprah's weight issues and how Oprah isn't the same as the other people who can eat whatever they want and not gain.  And she thought it pertained to my situation. 

Well, my rebuttal to that is this.  Your weight IS WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.  You can eat less, eat healthier, and exercise more.  And voila, you lose weight and get to your healthy size. 

Me meeting the guy I'm going to marry is not necessarily in my control.  I can go on EVERY SINGLE set-up via friends or online dating and be the most social person in the world - and give it my best to be attracted/interested in them.  If they aren't "the one," they aren't "the one."  I can't control that.  I can't control whether it's going to work out between us.  Unless we actually hit it off and have a future...and I do something stupid to mess it up.

I realize everything she said comes from a loving place, and that she just wants me to have what I want and be happy.  I get it.  But I also think we could think before we speak and maybe consider how many awkward/tough situations I've gone through on this dating journey.  And maybe be a bit more sensitive to that and not blame it on my lack of focus.   

Online dating. You are still stupid.

Well, I ditched my Match subscription once it expired, as I encountered old guys, inappropriate guys, weird guys, or no guys.  Waste.  Of.  Money. 

So, I was reading my fellow blogger's post yesterday, which nudged me to renew with eHarmony - which I haven't been on in YEARS.  Like, I can't remember when I was last on that site.  (And I absolutely hated it when I was on it.)  But, at $28.65 for 3 months, I thought, "Hey, I'm going to give it a try.  Because, you know what they say.  Ya NEVER know." 

Well, folks.  Ya DO know.  Ya DO. 

I got everything updated, including new pics, age range, other profile updates, etc.  And then I clicked on "find matches."  Now, I had the distance set to 120 miles from my zip code, which I thought was pretty fair.  Do you know how many matches came up? 

None.

Zero.

Nada.

When I changed the distance to 300+ miles, that's when matches pulled up.  Um, who the FRICK is going to drive 300 miles to meet a total stranger?  Not this girl.  And no, that does NOT mean I don't want a relationship bad enough.  It means, the only time I drive 300+ miles is to see someone I really care about (friends/family) and know well or for a special event. 

Let's say I did travel 300 miles to meet Mr. Wonderful.  I ask you - how the frick would that relationship be able to develop?  I don't get it.  Maybe I'm being too rigid, but I just don't think that's very realistic.

I mean, my profile isn't that specific, as to what I am looking for.  Not to the point that there are literally no matches within 50 miles of me.  I mean, seriously. 

Also, most of the guys I've clicked on are 5'9" or shorter.  Ugh.

So, I'll stay with it for the 3 months, but I honestly feel beat up.  I keep being encouraged to pursue online dating or give it another try.  And now, with a very fragile heart, I'm doing it - and getting nowhere.  Very discouraging.  And there are no set-ups on the horizon, either.  Double ugh. 

Being single - living the dream! 

Potential set-up ALERT!

As always, you, my dear readers, are the first and only people to get this news.  A friend of mine was talking to a friend of hers, about how she has a single friend, looking...  And then her friend said, "I have a friend who is also looking, but doesn't want to do the bar scene."  So, my friend asked if I was open to a blind date/set-up.  I took a few nights to sleep on it, and decided to give it a whirl.  We'll call this potential date "WV."

We did all the pre set-up things...  Saw each other's pics...know each other's ages, through our friends.  And then I gave the go ahead to pass my number along to him.

So...I expected to be getting a call at some point.  Anyway, he ended up texting me, explaining that he's a bit shy and hoped texting was ok.  Now, I'm fine with that.  I get it.  I certainly didn't want to call him first.  But, I think there's a limit to how much texting I am willing to do with someone I haven't even met face to face yet.
Since the first text, there's been a lot of communication via text.  And no phone call.  We've talked about what churches we go to, what we do for a living, what we studied in college...

I guess, I'm thinking these would all be good topics on an actual date.  In person.  By the time we go out, I'm not sure what we'll talk about.  Usually, you keep it light on a first date...and we've covered a lot of that via text. Add to that that he's shy, and I'm thinking there could be a lot of awkward pauses.

The other issue I have with all of this texting is that I don't want to be texting with someone all day long, that I DON'T EVEN KNOW.  It'd be different if we'd had one date already, and I thought there was some potential there.  The texting would be kind of fun, then.  But, at this point, neither of us know if we find the other attractive in person, if there's any chemistry, etc.  So, it's kind of a waste of both of our time, I think.

And, a lot of this texting has been during the day, when I'm working.  And it's non-stop.  Kind of annoying. I'm tempted to say, "Are you even working right now?  Because, I am."  (I know, that would be rude.)

With texting, unless you know the person, you don't really know their sense of humor/personality well enough to get some of their meaning.  So, at one point, I hadn't responded to something.  He later texts, "Didn't like my comment, huh?"  Um, no...I just didn't have a response for that, so I didn't text anything.  I hate the "Do you think he got the joke?  Do you think he's mad at what I said?  Do you think he fell asleep and that's why he's not texting back?" stuff.  It's annoying.

Also, and this is just me being snotty, he ends nearly every text with "LOL."  Even when "LOL" has nothing to do with what he's saying.  For example, "Must have fallen asleep.  LOL."  Or, "Well, good morning! LOL." Um, no.

We haven't texted since Friday morning, so I'm not sure if that means anything or not.  I'm fine if we do or don't end up going on a date, but I'd rather know sooner than later.

And yes, I'm aware that I complain about not having date opportunities and now I have one and I'm irritated with him.  HA!  But, hopefully some of you have been in this situation and can relate.  It just feels weird to spend time texting someone you've never met in person.  A little is fine...but I feel it's been too much, already.

Feel free to yell at me in the comments!

Shocker...

So, there was an event this weekend (not a dating thing, but something where I suppose one could meet singles).  I was on the fence about going, mostly because I was in no mood.  Add to that that I worked all day...and I was nearly 100% no go.  A friend convinced me to go.  And in the back of my mind, I thought, "Ya never know who you might meet at this thing.  Maybe there'll be some single guys there..."  Uh huh. 

I came from work, but I will say, I looked fine (phew).  We got there and it was a pretty small crowd that was filtering in.  And, wouldn't ya know it?  It was mostly couples in their late 40s-50s and some youngish families.  I'm not sure I saw one other single person...or at least, not one in my age range. 

So, yet again, I sort of forced myself "out there," and it was pointless.  I'm not saying that any time I go out, there should be potential guys, but come on.  How many times do I have to drag myself out and be disappointed by the lack of available fellas?

Grrr... 

Another year older...

Well, I recently celebrated my birthday.  And honestly, it wasn't too great.  The thought of being ANOTHER year older, and nowhere near marriage/kids, is kind of depressing. 

I would love to cowgirl up and get a positive attitude and say "THIS is my year!  THIS is the year it's all going to happen for me!"  But, ya see, I've done that.  Numerous times.  Like, a lot.  So...

It's very difficult to keep a positive attitude when you don't see any change or positive result.  I can honestly say that I had a very positive "can do" attitude in 2012 and for parts of 2013.  I was easy breezy about going out with friends to the bar (which I'm not normally a fan of) and pretty much went on any social invitation that came my way (date or not).  And I wasn't TRYING to meet someone.  I was merely open to being social and whatever that may or may not bring.

You know what it brought?  Nothing.  Not one chance encounter with someone while I was out.  Not one date that came out of someone knowing someone that might be good for me.  Not one exciting date opportunity.  Nothing. 

Now, I'm not saying that gives me permission to be negative 24/7...but one could see why it would be hard to stay positive and hopeful. 

And the other difficult thing, is that everyone else's lives are seemingly moving forward.  Whether it's celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary, another pregnancy, building and moving into a brand new home, going on a couples' trip... 

NONE of those things are going on in my life.  Now, my life isn't completely boring.  I obviously went on some amazing trips last year.  But, I do believe those trips would have been more fun if I'd had a mate with me.  I feel like it's somewhat boring:  living in the same house, same job(s), same hobbies...  I never feel like I have something cool to report.  And I know that my married friends may not look at their stuff the same way I do, but that doesn't change how it feels to be the odd one out.

Even the friends in my life who CHEATED WHILE MARRIED are dating people.  I mean, are you kidding me?  Seriously?  I don't get that at all. 

So, I'm going to do my best to try and get a little positivity going.  I can't make any guarantees, but I will try. 

Here's to 2014 being my year???

People READ this blog? Woot!

Well, this is pretty cool. 

Ya know, you write these blog entries and you sometimes wonder if anyone actually reads them or follows it at all.  Now, lucky for me, I've "met" many of you through your supportive and helpful comments to my posts.  So, I always knew there were a few of you reading. 

But yesterday, I found out that DatingAdvice.com has named me as one of the year's "10 Best Dating Guide Blogs."  Cool! 

The rankings were published yesterday and they'll be promoting it on-site and through other social media.  If you want to see my write-up and the other blogs in the top 10, check out this link:  http://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/10-best-dating-guide-blogs.

Not a bad way to start the new year.  I guess I better step up my game and make sure I'm posting often. 

I will say, I don't know how good my dating advice is on this site, but I do my best to represent the trials and tribulations of a girl living the single life, navigating all the crap we have to go through to find our "prince." 

Thanks to all of YOU for reading and being supportive!  And thanks to DatingAdvice.com, too!   

Love this!

Well, this is pretty much awesome.  Read and enjoy...

http://constantlyeffed.tumblr.com/post/72725640755/ten-things-your-single-friends-are-tired-of-hearing

I'd say it with less swearing, but she's pretty much spot on with all of it! 

Family is insensitive and still pretty sucky...yay Christmas! *sarcasm*

Let's do a Christmas with family round-up, shall we?  Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one! 

Overall, it was sucky...unfortunately.  I tried to enjoy my time with my nieces and nephews, which isn't hard to do.  They're awesome. 

My one sibling who I've complained about a lot, was fairly jerky.  They get really annoyed any time I sing...no matter what.  Now, it's not like I walk around singing in full voice ALL THE TIME (and certainly, not in front of them).  First of all, I am a singer and actually can sing.  Second of all, I don't feel the need to show off or brag about it.  Most of the time I'm singing, I'm either at home or in the car, or singing at church, in a show, or before an event.

But, they still get annoyed.  So, their classic line when I happen to sing around them is (we'll just call me Sister), "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  And then, if I happen to answer, they say, "Why don't you let them sing it then."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh my gosh, hilarious. 

So, when I was home, the kids were playing Just Dance and I was coming into the room.  I started singing along to whatever song was on.  When I say singing along, I mean it was barely audible and not AT ALL in full voice or any attention grabbing way.  It's what most people do when they sing along.  And then, they said it.  "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  At that point, I'd pretty much had it with the whole long weekend, so I snapped at them.  "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you HATE it when I sing, so I'll just shut up.  I get it!!!!!!!"  I did.  I said that.  Honestly, I don't know if anyone else even noticed.  But they just said, "Jeez, grumpy!!!!  Blah, blah, blah..."  Whatever, I didn't really pay attention.  I like how I'm the grumpy one...when they're the one who started it.  Dear.  God.

Let's shift to my other sibling, who lives out of state.  They made a really stupid (untrue) joke about me.  Now, that's fine.  We're a sarcastic, jokey, family.  So, it was funny.  At first.  But then, the joke just kept on going and kept being brought up...enough so, that the kids were even in on it and joining in. 

I'm not someone who enjoys being picked on.  Frankly, I don't like the attention.  And yes, I love how people like to say, "They only pick on you because you react.  If you just act like it doesn't bother you, they'll stop."  Um, yeah.  I know.  Got it.  But here's the thing...I had ignored it.  And it just kept going.  Even my mom sort of joined in.  Finally, I'd had it.  And I asked them to knock it off.

See, I like to joke around, too.  But, when the person I'm joking with/about asks me to stop or it's obvious they're upset...I STOP.  And I apologize, because I then feel terrible for taking it too far.

Apparently, not everyone does this.  I called one of my best friends to vent and told her about this stupid joke.  She didn't even understand it.  Because it was SO RIDICULOUS!  Anyway, we had planned to meet the next morning for coffee.  When she arrived, she said that my sibling had messaged her on FB and asked her to tell him if I brought up the joke.  She, being the good friend she is, played dumb and told him he was a freak.

Did you catch that?  My sibling was SO caught up in their stupid joke, they felt the need to bring it up to my friend and then ask her to tell them if I mentioned it?  Are you EFFING KIDDING ME? 

So, that happened. 

Let's see, what else?  Oh yeah, online dating somehow came up and my sibling, their spouse, and my mom managed to grill me and make me cry.  (Still not sure if they realized I shed a tear.  Or if they even care.) 

My in-law's sister is really nice and so I asked how she was doing.  She's also single, so I had asked if she was still dating this guy (last time I checked, she was).  Anyway, she's not.  So, the whole online dating thing sort of came up out of that.  Now, I'm not mad about that.  And they have NO IDEA that I'm even on any online dating sites at all.  Nor do I plan to tell them.  Ever. 

So, these 3 people, NONE of whom have EVER tried/done online dating, proceeded to sort of tell me why it's good, etc.  And what I should be doing.  When I pointed out many of the things I've recently said on this blog (no, they obviously don't know about this blog, either), they basically acted like it's SO much better than that.

First of all, they've NEVER done it.  So, really, I don't think they're in a position to give me advice about it.  Second of all, my in-law's sister has been online dating for YEARS, and she's still single.  So, it's fair to say that she's no further ahead in the marriage race than I am.  At most, she's gotten more free meals than I have.  And I'm ok with that. 

So, I was saying how much I really don't like online dating, when my sibling says, "What are your other options?"  Um, what?  Did you just say that out loud?  If online dating is the LAST/ONLY option I have left, then I'm going to accept being single as my life.  Are you kidding me?

I said, "Well, there are set-ups."  To which they said, "How many of those do you go on?"  I said that I'd been on a lot.  They said, "What's a lot?"  Again, are you effing kidding me?  I don't need to justify this to YOU.  So then I said something about how it's a bit unfair that I have to go the extra step of online dating when so many I know did NOT have to do that.  That's when my mom chimes in with this nugget.  "Oprah was complaining to Dr. Phil about her weight, and how it was unfair that so many other women could eat whatever they wanted and not gain weight.  Dr. Phil told her, 'But they're not you, are they?'"  Mom continued, "It doesn't matter if others didn't have to do the work, YOU do have to do the work." 
Thanks, Mom.  Thanks a lot.  That nugget coming from my mom was priceless.  This is a woman who married someone she didn't love, then got divorced, then chose to NOT date anyone after that (bit of a man hater), and is STILL bitter about the divorce (and ex-husband, who has passed away) over 30 years later.  She's not done a ton to change or improve her life.  So, you see, it's really shitty of her to make a comment like that to me.  Someone who had a tough childhood, paid her way through many things, including college, on her own, and is quite independent.

It was after that comment that a tear or two came out of my eye.  Honest to God, no one noticed that I was even remotely upset.  Or even cared.  I ended up running upstairs and vented to the one in-law I like. 

OK, moving on to the presents.  Remember, I buy for 5 kids (and my mom) and spend probably $30+ PER KID.  And the siblings/in-laws then bought gifts for Mom and me.  Mom cleaned up, got some good stuff.  My out of state sibling/in-law gave me one gift (from the list I gave).  Total of $20 spent.  Woohoo...don't go crazy, guys!  WOW!  The in state sibling/in-law did somewhat better.  I got a couple of things from the list I gave and then a couple I didn't, but totally liked.  Total of probably $35 spent.  So, after I spent nearly $200, including schlepping a ton of stuff back from fricking Australia, I am worth about $55.  And I'm sure they were irritated to even spend that.  And honestly, it's not about the money.  It's more about the fact that the out of state sibling/in-law couldn't click on something else?  Or buy something not from the list as a nice surprise?  Nothing?  Really?  And they shipped it to the in-state sibling's house...so packing it for the flight, was not the issue.  Just thoughtlessness. 

Also, I guess my expectations of them need to be severely lowered.  Do you know how many "thank yous" I heard from the kids' parents?  None.  Not one.  Not one, "Oh my gosh, you went to Australia and thought to buy/bring back cool gifts for our kids?  That is so nice!"  Not one, "Hey, thanks for the gifts, the kids love them."  Not one, "Hey, thanks."  Nothing.  Did I thank everyone for my gifts?  Yes.  Did I thank my sibling/in-law for hosting us for several days?  Yes. 

Honestly, I don't think it's asking too much for a simple thank you.  Of course the kids said thanks to me, which is great.  But I guess it would be nice for the parents to acknowledge my generosity in some way? 

What's funny is, my 9 year old niece was probably the only one who really appreciated it.  She's a total sweetheart.  One of the gifts I gave her was a framed photo from my trip, that she had admired.  I wasn't sure how it would go over with a 9 year old (a framed photo could be considered lame/no fun).  Anyway, she opened it, and got excited.  And then she said, "You remembered we talked about this!!!"  OMG.  I could have died right then.  To her, it made her feel good that I remembered our conversation and then thought to buy a gift, including it.  Thank goodness for her!

Basically, I feel (other than time with the kids) the time I spent there was wasted.  I'd rather not have wasted my hard earned vacation time for that.  Both siblings spent time with each other, chatting, working out, joking, watching sports.  I get it.  I realize I'm the odd one out.  But really...we were hardly ever in the same room...and the only times they spoke to me were to either be mean, make fun of me, or ask me to stop singing. 

Overall, I give Christmas 2013 a SUCK level of 10, on a scale of 1 to 10.  I'm going to hope that Christmas 2014 is much better.  We'll see.          

More irritations with online dating...

Oh yeah...I've thought of a few more.  (Really, it's not hard to think of things that suck about online dating.)

I really really really really really really really really hate that people can see when you've viewed them (and vice versa).  Ya know why?  Because, again, in REAL life, you may not even notice if someone at the bar/event/social event/race is looking at you.  Which, isn't a bad thing.  You don't need to know about EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has looked at you.  Ick. 

So, if I look at someone's profile...and do nothing, they see that I looked at their profile.  And for some reason, that encourages them...and then they either "like" me, "wink" at me, "favorite" me, or message me.  All of which are things I do NOT want that particular person to do.  Ya know, because after viewing their profile, I wasn't interested.  Which is WHY I didn't contact them in any way.

OK, here's another thing that bothers me.  I am in my mid-thirties.  And my profile shows that I'm looking for someone also in their thirties...up to forty.  And yes, I'm aware I may need to expand that age range.  I get it.  But, for now, that's the range I've chosen.  Being the age I am, I guess, I don't feel too interested in men over fricking 50.  Dear.  God.  I've had several men like, wink, message me that are over 50.  WHY they think it's appropriate, I don't know.  I'm not saying they're ridiculously older, but they're enough older that it grosses me out. 

And the last thing (for now) that is also annoying me is the messages.  Some are lame, but yes, some aren't that bad.  Unfortunately, I'm not interested in most of them.  Do I have to respond to every single message sent to me?  I don't want to be a jerk, but I feel so awkward corresponding like this...especially if it's to tell them I'm not interested. 

Overall, I hate it.  I know I'm completely negative about it, but seriously - it is so unnatural to me.  I would so rather meet someone in LIFE and have it happen organically, than online.   

 

Yep, online dating is STILL stupid...

Well, blog readers, I'm going to tell you a secret that NO ONE else knows.  I signed up on Match.com (first time on that site) for a 3 month term, last week.

And do you know how amazing I think it is? 

Um, NOT.  Not amazing at all.  These are the available men out there?  Seriously?  And before you go thinking I think I'm all that and am just too snooty to consider these choice men... 

So far, the men who have liked my pics, winked at me, or sent me a message, have done any of the following below:

• Misspelled words in their profiles and their messages.  Things like "obsticle," rather than "obstacle."  And, I'm sorry, I know everyone makes mistakes and isn't an English major.  But, I guess I'd take a second or third pass at my online dating profile before clicking save.  I mean, this is the image you're putting out there for potential mates, right? 
• Mail messages that say things like, "Fun plans tonight?"  OK, um, we've NEVER spoken before, online or otherwise.  So, we are not in that familiar place where you get to ask what my plans are tonight.  How about we communicate back and forth and become more than online pictures, first? 
• Mail messages that say things like, "Hey."  Uh, ok, "Hi?"  I realize this is a nerve wracking thing, online or not.  But how does one reply to "Hey?"  Does that leave it to me to write a lengthy reply to "Hey?"  I don't know...I guess I feel like you could type more than one word, if you took the time to write me anyway.
• Profiles without a picture.  I've spoken at length on this blog about this.  Listen, I applaud you for getting out there and taking the risk of trying online dating.  However, if you aren't confident enough to upload a picture (current) of yourself, then maybe you have some other work to do before tackling dating/relationships.  Furthermore, if you don't have a profile pic, you are delusional for expecting most people to reply/inquire about you.  Because, as I've said before, you can't hide your face/body in real life!  If I ran into you in a bar...I'd see you.  So, the whole "no pic" thing has never made any sense to me. 
• Profiles with multiple pictures, none of which match up.  What I mean is, you see the main profile pic, and you think, "Hmm, he looks alright...let's look at his other pics!"  And then, as you scroll through his 9 pics, you see that he looks completely different in all of them.  So, which one does he look like NOW?  Um, is it a surprise?  Why wouldn't you post somewhat current pics of yourself, regardless of if you've gained weight, whatever?  One guy included a picture from 2001...and it's not like it was a pic of him in an amazing locale.  It was just a picture.  I can post my high school and college pictures, too.  But I won't.  Because, I'm pretty sure you're interested in the current version of me...whether that's thin/heavy/wrinkly/etc. 
• The whole "he liked your photo" thing.  What IS this?  And why does it matter?  I must be pretty cynical, because this does nothing for me.  Every fricking email I get about someone liking my photo annoys me more than makes me feel good.  The people that like my photos are in their late 40s/early 50s...and don't send me any other communication.  Not that I want them to...but what is the point of liking a photo, then?  Just because?  This isn't Facebook.  It's Match. 
• The whole "he made you a favorite" thing.  This is right along the same lines as the "like" thing.  What does it mean?  I'm his "favorite" profile to look at from time to time?  I'm his "favorite" group of pictures to look at from time to time? 
• The whole "wink" thing.  What is this?  Is this the equivalent of a guy winking at you at the bar?  Because I'm usually creeped out by these dudes.  And now they have a forum to just "wink" whenever they feel like it?  But then make no further contact?  Because, I'm sure I'm supposed to "wink" back.
• Dirty profile descriptions.  And apparently, they're real profiles...but these guys think their disgusting hopes for the girl they meet on here are totally appropriate.  Ewwwwwww!

Yep, I know.  I'm jaded.  I'm cynical.  I'm cranky.  But, all of that said, I still think the above are valid points/issues with this site, and online dating, in general.  I continue to be unimpressed.

The funny thing is, I think it's supposed to be a bit of an ego booster.  And, it's not that I have a big ego, but that's not what I'm on the site for.  I'm on the site to potentially find someone to date, have a relationship with, and maybe marry. 

Every time I get an email message from Match, telling me that someone either winked at, messaged me, favorited me, or liked a photo - I'm annoyed.  There's no part of me that lights up and thinks, "Oh my gosh...they think I'm pretty?," "They like my picture?," "I'm their favorite?"  In fact, I'm so annoyed after ONE week, that I honestly can't imagine THREE MONTHS of this!  OMG.

Because, again, this isn't really how it would be in the real world.  I wouldn't be getting flooded with notifications in the non-online world.  Which is what I prefer. 

When some friends of mine were going through marital troubles (still are, I think) and were nearing divorce...he joined Match (dumb, I know).  And he had the nerve to tell me and a single male friend what we were missing.  And he had the gall to explain that we should really check it out.  This guy...who was still (and still is) technically married...and had been on Match for maybe 2 weeks.  Maybe.  He was telling us how that all worked.  You know...us.  We've been single for decades.  Uh huh.  That really irritated me (and still does, a little). 

Anyway, it occurred to me why he thought it was so great.  I think this guy probably has some self esteem issues.  Because, I'm guessing he loved being highlighted on the site and getting flooded with likes, messages, etc.  It probably made him feel good...like he was attractive and quite the catch.  No wonder he raved about it.  He thought he was pretty hot stuff. 

And, while I've struggled with having good self esteem over the years, I'm pretty confident in who I am.  I don't need a bunch of random strangers telling me I'm pretty or that my profile is interesting, to make me feel good about myself.  And frankly, that's how it should be.  I shouldn't be depending on this site or any guy in the real world to make me feel pretty or good about myself. 

So, I'll stay on the site...they already have my $62, but the chances that my attitude will change are pretty slim.  And yes, I know that means I am going into it with a bad attitude.  But really, the reason I broke down and signed up was that I had a very teeny tiny itty bitty microscopic amount of hope that maybe, just maybe there would be some interesting matches.  So far, it's been duds.  All the way.    

Match.com/online dating...

OK, I've been incredibly bored at work lately, so I messed around on Match yesterday.  I must have created a profile a LONG time ago, but I've never actually subscribed/paid.  So, it's pretty much been dormant. 

I updated some things, added some pics, but still didn't subscribe.  Since all of that, I have received 14 emails/notifications from Match, letting me know that someone either winked at me, made me their favorite, sent me a message, etc. 

Of course, I can't view any of those things unless I subscribe.  I'm so NOT into online dating and really hate to pay for it.  Especially when so many of my fellow bloggers have given it a fair shot and haven't had good luck. 

And, when someone whose screen name is "Brainsandbrawn4u" winks at you...that doesn't really make you want to jump on the bandwagon. 

I probably sound stuck up, but seriously, if that is the name you came up with, I don't think we'll be talking.  How does one come up with that as their name?

All of that said, I'm debating whether to subscribe for a 6 month term.  I'm very hesitant to do it.  And yes, I realize it would get more dates going than what I currently have (zero), but I've heard many nightmare stories.  And, based on what I've seen so far, I'm not impressed. 

What to do... 

Final rant for Thursday...

Again, I think I've mentioned this before.

As frustrated as I am with my single status, I don't have a great solution for it. 

Online dating?  OK, well, I've tried that and absolutely hated it.  Also, I think, to some degree, it's a bit risky/dangerous.  And, there are plenty of fellow bloggers' horror stories that keep me from doing it again. 

Set-ups/Blind dates?  OK, well, I am very vocal about being open to those.  And I've been on several.  The problem is this.  People that offer to set you up almost NEVER follow through.  I have one friend who has failed 3 times and SHE'S the one who brought each potential set-up up to ME.  And trust me, I've followed up, I've emailed, Facebook messaged, asked several friends about set-ups.  And almost always, they don't follow through.  Well, it's not like I have the guy's information, so I can contact him myself.  And if I did...that might be a bit stalkerish. 

Out and about in the world?  Hmm.  I'm a pretty social gal.  I usually have something social going on every weekend.  I'm a runner...so I'm constantly at races where there are a lot of people...including, I would think, single men.  I dress nice and put myself together well...so it's not like I'm wearing a sweatshirt, hair tied in knots, with no makeup on. 

So tell me.  WHAT should I be doing?  I'm not claiming that I'm out on different dates 3-4 times a week.  Kudos to anyone who can and does do that.  Impressive.  I think that would be too much for me, unless it was the same guy or a boyfriend.  But, I'm completely open to set-ups or meeting someone, and it's not happening.  I can't go back in time and meet the guy in high school or college.  So, I feel like the above 3 options are the most obvious.   

Grrrrrrr. 

Being checked out...

OK, so I'd like to know what the proper etiquette is when someone is checking you out.  Like, very obviously checking you out.

I'm getting my fountain pop this morning and this guy stared at me...it was obvious.  And was still staring at me as he left.  I saw him look at my car and was still staring when I got in my car. 

There are two possible responses to take this.  #1)  I've still got it.  He was checking me out.  Woohoo to me.  I'm lookin' good.  #2)  Ewwww!  He's looking at me.  Won't stop staring.  Ick.  I guess there's a #3 - The guy is repulsed and staring at you in shock.     

I usually respond via #2.  Because, I'm sorry, it's creepy when someone stares at you.  They could be the hottest guy on the planet, and still, part of you would be creeped out by the staring. 

I guess a couple of guys checked me out as I left a restaurant in Vegas (my friend told me).  Now, it's great if they found me attractive.  I guess, in some way, that's a little boost to the ego.  But the thing is, NOTHING will ever come of it.  I'm not saying I wish those guys (or the gas station guy) would run up and ask me out.  But it's a little frustrating to know that someone finds you attractive...and nothing will happen.  (I'm not in to random hook-ups with complete strangers...so that's why I say nothing will happen.)

My main point is that I wish guys weren't so obvious about it.  I mean, we all know nothing's going to happen, so can you be a bit more discreet with your staring?