New Year...new date?

OK, I know.  I haven't posted in a long time, 3+ months.  Not sure if you've missed me or not, but I'll give you an update anyway.  ;-)

I'm still LOVING my house.  Seriously.  I can't get over how much I love having the extra space.  So happy with it.  And I now have my very own home gym, which is fantastic.  I can work out whenever I want and no longer have to go to the gym.

Um, my ex-friend who cheated on her husband and then they eventually divorced...and she (I think) dated a few others in there...started dating someone else and they got engaged over Christmas.  Let's just say I wasn't happy to read that on Facebook.  I mean, are you kidding me?  How is that possible?  It made me feel like crap, but I came out of it pretty quickly.  And while this isn't a nice thing to say, I don't have high hopes that her second marriage will go well. 


Christmas with family was fine...no major drama.  Once again, my family assumes I have no life and can come home whenever is convenient for them.  Seriously.  So, that was annoying.  And I spent probably $35 per kid (5 kids) and each couple spent $25 on me.  I feel appreciated.  :-)  Oh well, overall it was fine. 


Now, to the point of this post. 


A friend of mine has recently asked me about a potential set-up.  He knows me pretty well and thinks me and this guy would hit it off.  So, when he messaged me on FB, I was curious about it.  I also hadn't talked to him in a while, so I was just surprised to hear from him at all. 


I decided, rather than reply YES right away, to take a few days to think about it.  I trust this friend and he knows the nightmare set-ups I've been on, so I know he wouldn't suggest this unless he truly thought there was potential. 


Here's why I wanted to take a few days to think it over.  First of all, I almost always agree to set-ups right away, just because it's hard to meet people any other way.  So, I wanted to NOT do that this time.  My other concern is that, things are going really well for me right now.  I'm in a really good place...not necessarily OK with being single...but doing well overall.  So, this potential set-up could be a continuation of that good...OR could be a let down, which would be a setback.  I wanted time to think about that and whether or not I'd be willing to take that risk.   


I talked it over with a few friends, prayed about it a little...and decided to go for it.  So, I've given my friend the green light and he is going to pass my number along to the guy.  I also warned my friend about the last potential set-up, where a friend passed my number to the guy...and he never pulled the trigger, other than texting.  And...http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/03/ughwhy.html. 

I just wanted him to know that I would prefer that doesn't happen again. 


So, I'm trying to be open.  And calm.  And we'll see if this guy contacts me and sets something up.  I will keep you posted! 

Wish me luck! 

Family...ugh.

OK, I didn't realize it had been so long since I last posted!  I'm sure you've been starved for content!  HA! 

Well, let's get this out of the way first - NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING new in my dating life.  Single.  Still.

But...there has been some excitement over the last few months.  I was approached by a buyer wanting to buy my house.  Now, I've been thinking about selling/moving, but was probably going to wait another year or two on that.  Anyway, my type of house is hard to sell and this scenario rarely happens, so I considered it.  Soon after that, I had an offer.  And then it was sold.  So, I was furiously house hunting and trying to find a place and make an offer...which was both stressful and exciting. 

I decided early on in this process that I wouldn't tell my family about it.  My reason was that they almost never come to visit me, but I'm always the one going home for stuff of theirs, to visit, see the kids, etc.  And it's an expectation of my mom's that I will always make time for her when I come home...even though I have friends I'd like to see and other stuff I'd like to do.  It never occurs to them to come here and do something nice for me or just stop for a visit.  So, I guess I didn't think people that never visit me need to know I'm moving...at least not until Thanksgiving, when I host. 

So, I told a few close friends and kept mum about it on Facebook.  Every single friend I told reacted the same way.

• "OMG, that is SO exciting!"
• "I'm so happy for you!"
• "Can't wait to shop for stuff with you!"
• "What can I do to help?  Do you need help with the move?"

Nothing but pure excitement for me.  And as I've said before, I'm really fortunate, because I have an amazing group of friends surrounding and supporting me. 

So, I decided to just tell my family when I was home a few weekends ago.  My nieces/nephews were super excited.  They asked to see pictures and when they'd get to sleep over.  My sister-in-law asked a few questions and said she didn't know I was looking.  My brother, who was in the room while we talked about it, said NOTHING.  Not, "Oh, that's cool - good for you."  Nothing.  My mom asked to see pics and asked details about it, but was clearly upset that I hadn't informed her until just then.  And, we haven't spoken since the night I told her (email or phone).  I promise you she is pouting and expecting me to do/say something.  I won't be doing that. 

The next morning, my sister-in-law and I chatted for a bit, but she still never really asked to see my house or anything about it.  And my brother still said nothing.  I thanked them for letting me stay over, but they didn't thank ME for watching their kids the night before.  *sigh*

Keep in mind that neither my brother/SIL or mom offered any help.  My mom actually asked if I was getting some friends together to help me move. 

Cut to the other day.  I get an email from my SIL.  See below:

Have you started packing up? What is your move in date? I can't believe none of us knew anything about your move until last weekend. We didn't even know you were thinking about moving. It's not fair! We have been wanting to move for quite awhile and it's not working for us. Just can't find the perfect house:( Oh well, some day. Now do you have to get a lawn mower, rakes and shovels? Oh the joys of owning a house:)

 

What the hell does someone say to that?  How do you respond to that?  Still no congratulations, offer to help move, or asking to even just see the house.  Just complaints about how unfair it is that I've found something when they haven't.  I showed it to a few friends and they were all dumbfounded.  Couldn't believe it.  And she's the one person I'm close to in the family.  Ugh. 

So, I replied today, just saying, "Yeah, I'm really excited about the move and having my own place!  Moving on the xxth!"  She replied, "Ok thanks."  Um, ok?   So, she's clearly annoyed, but I just don't care anymore. 

And she's maybe the 6th person out of everyone I've told to make some variation of this statement.  "Welcome to lawn maintenance!"  Um, ok.  It is NOT the end of the world.  I'm pretty sure I can handle a lawn, since, ya know, I've been handling every other detail of my life for a very long time...with not much help.  So, I think I've got it.  How about how exciting it will be for me to live in my OWN space with no one above/below/across from me for the first time in nearly my whole life?  I think that is worth whatever work the lawn may be. 

 

Anyway, ultimately, this is super exciting news and I have a great crew of friends coming to help me move, which is great!  So, I'm trying not to let my family get me down...but they're doing exactly what I thought they'd do - making it about them, rather than being excited for me.

Does anyone "get" what this feels like?

Any of my single readers ever feel like that?  Like you're the only one in your situation, surrounded by couples with kids? 

I've felt that way for a while.  Only now, I've sort of reached a very low point in my "I hate being single/childless" struggle.  And when you feel like that and no one around you is in remotely the same place...it makes you feel even more alone.  Ugh. 

Don't get me wrong, my friends are amazing.  Honestly.  When friends were handed out...I was given the best ones there are.  Seriously.  At any stage in my life, I've met wonderful friends who have been a great support system for me.  (There are always a couple of duds, unfortunately.  But ultimately, I've always felt pretty lucky to have the friends I do.)

BUT...

About 99% of my friends are married.  With kids.  And have been.  For a very long time.  Ya know who's still single?  Oh yeah.  Me.

None of my friends ever make me feel like me being single is weird.  Or that the clock is ticking for me to have kids.  But...when you're surrounded by people who are in a completely opposite situation as you, it makes you feel excluded.  Or, at least, it makes me feel excluded. 

I can't tell you how tired I am of being the 3rd wheel.  Or the 5th wheel.  Or the 7th wheel. 

And my friends invite me to stuff because they enjoy my company and know we'll have fun.  But it's still frustrating to always be the "single" in the group.

Anyway, I think people who aren't in my situation often don't know what to say or do.  Which makes sense.  And I think they honestly believe what they're saying.  But it's never anything I want to hear.

"Maybe you're a blessing to all these other kids in your life..."
"You are enough."
"God has amazing plans for you."
"It won't always be like this."

Those are a few examples.  And honestly, I can't say that I wouldn't say those things to a friend if the situation were reversed.  So, I get it. 

But let's be honest, none of those statements make you feel better.  I'm thrilled that I have so many wonderful kids in my life.  Seriously.  They are fantastic and I love them all.  But they aren't enough to make me be OK with the fact that I don't have any of my own and may never get to.  And, I'm sure that I am, indeed, enough.  But, I'm not satisfied with that.  And if they were single, would they feel the same way?  I'm a believing Christian (with currently wavering faith) and I've always thought God had great plans for me.  And I held onto that for a very long time.  But there comes a point where you think, "Does He?"  And, the same is true for "It won't always be like this."  No one knows that...but it's something to say (I understand).  I've always hoped that it wouldn't always be like this.  And yet, it is.  Ugh. 

And while my friends are a fantastic support system (only a few close friends know how low I feel right now), it's not enough.  Feeling like this and then coming home to an empty house?  Well, that does nothing to boost the spirits.  And no, my family knows nothing, other than I'm sure they know I'd like to be married/have kids.  My mom would freak out.  She worries about everything.  So, I can't talk to her about this stuff.  And my siblings probably wouldn't give a crap, if I'm being honest. 

Anyway, those are my random, rambling thoughts for today.  I know...a real pick-me-up! 

Thank goodness for my single readers who DO "get" what this feels like, to varying degrees, I'm sure!         

Family is insensitive and still pretty sucky...yay Christmas! *sarcasm*

Let's do a Christmas with family round-up, shall we?  Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one! 

Overall, it was sucky...unfortunately.  I tried to enjoy my time with my nieces and nephews, which isn't hard to do.  They're awesome. 

My one sibling who I've complained about a lot, was fairly jerky.  They get really annoyed any time I sing...no matter what.  Now, it's not like I walk around singing in full voice ALL THE TIME (and certainly, not in front of them).  First of all, I am a singer and actually can sing.  Second of all, I don't feel the need to show off or brag about it.  Most of the time I'm singing, I'm either at home or in the car, or singing at church, in a show, or before an event.

But, they still get annoyed.  So, their classic line when I happen to sing around them is (we'll just call me Sister), "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  And then, if I happen to answer, they say, "Why don't you let them sing it then."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh my gosh, hilarious. 

So, when I was home, the kids were playing Just Dance and I was coming into the room.  I started singing along to whatever song was on.  When I say singing along, I mean it was barely audible and not AT ALL in full voice or any attention grabbing way.  It's what most people do when they sing along.  And then, they said it.  "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  At that point, I'd pretty much had it with the whole long weekend, so I snapped at them.  "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you HATE it when I sing, so I'll just shut up.  I get it!!!!!!!"  I did.  I said that.  Honestly, I don't know if anyone else even noticed.  But they just said, "Jeez, grumpy!!!!  Blah, blah, blah..."  Whatever, I didn't really pay attention.  I like how I'm the grumpy one...when they're the one who started it.  Dear.  God.

Let's shift to my other sibling, who lives out of state.  They made a really stupid (untrue) joke about me.  Now, that's fine.  We're a sarcastic, jokey, family.  So, it was funny.  At first.  But then, the joke just kept on going and kept being brought up...enough so, that the kids were even in on it and joining in. 

I'm not someone who enjoys being picked on.  Frankly, I don't like the attention.  And yes, I love how people like to say, "They only pick on you because you react.  If you just act like it doesn't bother you, they'll stop."  Um, yeah.  I know.  Got it.  But here's the thing...I had ignored it.  And it just kept going.  Even my mom sort of joined in.  Finally, I'd had it.  And I asked them to knock it off.

See, I like to joke around, too.  But, when the person I'm joking with/about asks me to stop or it's obvious they're upset...I STOP.  And I apologize, because I then feel terrible for taking it too far.

Apparently, not everyone does this.  I called one of my best friends to vent and told her about this stupid joke.  She didn't even understand it.  Because it was SO RIDICULOUS!  Anyway, we had planned to meet the next morning for coffee.  When she arrived, she said that my sibling had messaged her on FB and asked her to tell him if I brought up the joke.  She, being the good friend she is, played dumb and told him he was a freak.

Did you catch that?  My sibling was SO caught up in their stupid joke, they felt the need to bring it up to my friend and then ask her to tell them if I mentioned it?  Are you EFFING KIDDING ME? 

So, that happened. 

Let's see, what else?  Oh yeah, online dating somehow came up and my sibling, their spouse, and my mom managed to grill me and make me cry.  (Still not sure if they realized I shed a tear.  Or if they even care.) 

My in-law's sister is really nice and so I asked how she was doing.  She's also single, so I had asked if she was still dating this guy (last time I checked, she was).  Anyway, she's not.  So, the whole online dating thing sort of came up out of that.  Now, I'm not mad about that.  And they have NO IDEA that I'm even on any online dating sites at all.  Nor do I plan to tell them.  Ever. 

So, these 3 people, NONE of whom have EVER tried/done online dating, proceeded to sort of tell me why it's good, etc.  And what I should be doing.  When I pointed out many of the things I've recently said on this blog (no, they obviously don't know about this blog, either), they basically acted like it's SO much better than that.

First of all, they've NEVER done it.  So, really, I don't think they're in a position to give me advice about it.  Second of all, my in-law's sister has been online dating for YEARS, and she's still single.  So, it's fair to say that she's no further ahead in the marriage race than I am.  At most, she's gotten more free meals than I have.  And I'm ok with that. 

So, I was saying how much I really don't like online dating, when my sibling says, "What are your other options?"  Um, what?  Did you just say that out loud?  If online dating is the LAST/ONLY option I have left, then I'm going to accept being single as my life.  Are you kidding me?

I said, "Well, there are set-ups."  To which they said, "How many of those do you go on?"  I said that I'd been on a lot.  They said, "What's a lot?"  Again, are you effing kidding me?  I don't need to justify this to YOU.  So then I said something about how it's a bit unfair that I have to go the extra step of online dating when so many I know did NOT have to do that.  That's when my mom chimes in with this nugget.  "Oprah was complaining to Dr. Phil about her weight, and how it was unfair that so many other women could eat whatever they wanted and not gain weight.  Dr. Phil told her, 'But they're not you, are they?'"  Mom continued, "It doesn't matter if others didn't have to do the work, YOU do have to do the work." 
Thanks, Mom.  Thanks a lot.  That nugget coming from my mom was priceless.  This is a woman who married someone she didn't love, then got divorced, then chose to NOT date anyone after that (bit of a man hater), and is STILL bitter about the divorce (and ex-husband, who has passed away) over 30 years later.  She's not done a ton to change or improve her life.  So, you see, it's really shitty of her to make a comment like that to me.  Someone who had a tough childhood, paid her way through many things, including college, on her own, and is quite independent.

It was after that comment that a tear or two came out of my eye.  Honest to God, no one noticed that I was even remotely upset.  Or even cared.  I ended up running upstairs and vented to the one in-law I like. 

OK, moving on to the presents.  Remember, I buy for 5 kids (and my mom) and spend probably $30+ PER KID.  And the siblings/in-laws then bought gifts for Mom and me.  Mom cleaned up, got some good stuff.  My out of state sibling/in-law gave me one gift (from the list I gave).  Total of $20 spent.  Woohoo...don't go crazy, guys!  WOW!  The in state sibling/in-law did somewhat better.  I got a couple of things from the list I gave and then a couple I didn't, but totally liked.  Total of probably $35 spent.  So, after I spent nearly $200, including schlepping a ton of stuff back from fricking Australia, I am worth about $55.  And I'm sure they were irritated to even spend that.  And honestly, it's not about the money.  It's more about the fact that the out of state sibling/in-law couldn't click on something else?  Or buy something not from the list as a nice surprise?  Nothing?  Really?  And they shipped it to the in-state sibling's house...so packing it for the flight, was not the issue.  Just thoughtlessness. 

Also, I guess my expectations of them need to be severely lowered.  Do you know how many "thank yous" I heard from the kids' parents?  None.  Not one.  Not one, "Oh my gosh, you went to Australia and thought to buy/bring back cool gifts for our kids?  That is so nice!"  Not one, "Hey, thanks for the gifts, the kids love them."  Not one, "Hey, thanks."  Nothing.  Did I thank everyone for my gifts?  Yes.  Did I thank my sibling/in-law for hosting us for several days?  Yes. 

Honestly, I don't think it's asking too much for a simple thank you.  Of course the kids said thanks to me, which is great.  But I guess it would be nice for the parents to acknowledge my generosity in some way? 

What's funny is, my 9 year old niece was probably the only one who really appreciated it.  She's a total sweetheart.  One of the gifts I gave her was a framed photo from my trip, that she had admired.  I wasn't sure how it would go over with a 9 year old (a framed photo could be considered lame/no fun).  Anyway, she opened it, and got excited.  And then she said, "You remembered we talked about this!!!"  OMG.  I could have died right then.  To her, it made her feel good that I remembered our conversation and then thought to buy a gift, including it.  Thank goodness for her!

Basically, I feel (other than time with the kids) the time I spent there was wasted.  I'd rather not have wasted my hard earned vacation time for that.  Both siblings spent time with each other, chatting, working out, joking, watching sports.  I get it.  I realize I'm the odd one out.  But really...we were hardly ever in the same room...and the only times they spoke to me were to either be mean, make fun of me, or ask me to stop singing. 

Overall, I give Christmas 2013 a SUCK level of 10, on a scale of 1 to 10.  I'm going to hope that Christmas 2014 is much better.  We'll see.          

My sibling is still a jerk...

I saw my fantastic sibling last weekend (the one who was a jerk about Thanksgiving).  I've not initiated much contact with him and limit any conversation, if possible. 

Anyway, I went to see my nephew's hockey game, which was fun.  My sibling was talking about how they went shopping for their spouse with the kids.  And bought a lot of stuff.  My in-law said they didn't ask for a lot of stuff.  And my sibling continued, saying, "Well...we bought a lot of stuff."

At this point, I chimed in, completely joking, saying to my in-law, "Take the gifts!  I don't get any presents, ENJOY!"  And was laughing as I said it.  My in-law was fine with that...but my sibling cut in while I was talking, saying, "Wah, wah, wah...I don't get any presents.  Cry me a river."  And then, under their breath, I heard, "Christmas isn't about getting, it's about giving." 

OK, let's break this down, shall we?

1. I was joking and it was very obvious I was joking.
2. I absolutely NEVER complain to my sibling about my single status/not getting gifts/feeling crappy about single life.  EVER.  So, I'm not sure why they felt the need to act like I just won't shut up about it.  Like, they're just so annoyed and sick of it.
3. My in-law asked for gifts that could be used in the house...by the family.  My sibling?  They asked for gifts specifically for them...new shirts, shorts, etc.  Now, that's fine.  But, I find it interesting that they said, "Christmas isn't about getting, it's about giving," when they asked for plenty of things for themselves. 
4. And again, I spend pleny of $$$ on their kids, so it takes some nerve to belittle me and the fact that I don't get presents.

To sum it up, they're a jerk.  I seriously think that I'll barely survive our family Christmas (which takes place after Christmas).  I'll have to focus all of my attention on the kids.  And I'm not a huge drinker, but I have a feeling I'll be drinking a lot during those few days. 

I guess I better be GRATEFUL to them if I get a gift from them this year.  I better show my unending gratitude.

Bah humbug.

Thanksgiving is ON

There are no exclamation points, because I'm not all that excited about it.   I spent several hours crying last week...some of them at my desk, which is the worst.  You're trying to be silent and dry up the tears so no one notices that you are basically sobbing. 

My sibling graced me with their response on Monday afternoon.  Now, if you read the last post, you'll note that they said they'd let me know by the end of the week (which would have been 11/16ish.  But nothing.  Must have really needed those extra few days to confirm this HUGE decision. 

They are coming.  So, I now get to pay for and cook a meal for someone who truly treats me like crap.  Yes, I'm glad the kids will be there, my mom, and my in-law.  But my sibling is the worst.  And now all of their emails are super nicey nice, "can we make anything and bring it?," "anything we can do to make it easier for you?" 

Um, NO.  You could treat me like a human being...let's start there.

To be honest, I still feel like total crap and have about 1% interest in the holidays this year.  I do have some perspective, and I realize that everyone has issues in their family.  I highly doubt that any family gets along perfectly, all the time.  However, I feel like it's harder to deal with stuff like this when you are single.  For example, if I were married or had a boyfriend, and my sibling said they weren't coming for Thanksgiving, I'd still be upset, but my spouse and I would probably do our own thing, which would be fine.  Again, I'd have someone in it with me.  I wouldn't be alone.

This whole "being the only single person" thing is old.  Notice I didn't say getting old.  It's just old.  I'm sick of it.  I've been sick of it.  For a while.    

At least it's nearly time for Christmas music, I do still have interest in that.

And the amazingness that is my family continues...

Well, Thanksgiving is nearly upon us.  I look forward to this holiday for a few reasons.  First and foremost, the food.  I love gorging myself on all that Thanksgiving goodness!  YUM!  And it's always nice to see family and hear the funny stuff the kids say. 

A few years ago, I offered to host/cook Thanksgiving dinner for my family.  This includes my sibling, in-law, their kids, and my mom.  I do everything.  EVERYTHING.  And I'm fine with that.  But it is a lot of work.  We always have a good time and the kids make everything great anyway.  The day usually starts at noon...we eat around 1...and everyone leaves around 5.  So, we're talking about 5 hours, people.  5.  Hours.

Early last week, I sent an email to the family, asking about Thanksgiving and if we were doing it again this year - saying that I was happy to host/cook again.  My mom and in-law wrote back right away, saying they were coming.  The NEXT day, my sibling replied saying that they needed to discuss it and that they'd get back to me by the end of the week.

They didn't.

So, I followed up yesterday, to everyone.  My sibling replied (only to me), "Hi, sorry about that. I will shoot you something before end of the week. Trying to decide, I am very stressed here at work and can’t decide if just chilling at home might be more relaxing! Thanks for offering to host."

Um, things are SO stressful for you that you can't imagine eating a FREE meal that you contribute NOTHING/NO WORK to and hanging out on the couch for 5 hours?  Really? 

I was thisclose to replying and saying, "Don't bother to come."  Because, really, if you haven't been able to make this crucial decision in the last two weeks, I'm pretty sure you're not planning to come.

My in-law said they'd come with the kids, even if my sibling didn't.  But, they've since responded that they'll do whatever my sibling does (which I understand).  And this affects my mom, too...as she doesn't drive more than 15 miles and doesn't have a reliable car.  So, if they don't come, no one comes.  And even if it was just my mom coming, I'm not fricking going to all that work and cooking all of that food for TWO people. 

I hate everyone. 

Let me also say that my sibling sent a VERY detailed email about Christmas to the family this week.  It detailed dates, how we're doing gifts, food, who is being picked up where, who is staying in what room, etc.  So...Christmas is fricking 6+ weeks away and they're able to commit to all of that?  But Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away and they just can't decide?  Seriously?

So...here's what I'm looking at in the next 6 weeks.  I'm looking at spending Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, AND Christmas Day ALONE.  Yep.  All by myself. 

And again, it's no one's fault that I'm single and don't have any kids.  I'm not saying that people need to make sure I've got somewhere to go.  But I find it kind of cruel that family doesn't even think of that. 

I'm not the perfect sibling, but I do so much for my nieces and nephews.  I'm a very involved aunt.  I show interest in my siblings' lives.  In general, I think I'm pretty nice.  And how do I get treated in return?  Like total crap. 

Inconsiderate...

So...I have a sibling who lives out of state with their family.  And the last few years they've come home for Christmas.  Anyway, my other in-law (who lives closer to me) asked them if/when they were planning to come home.

Rather than consult me, to see when might be a convenient time for me...they booked the flights and replied to let my in-law know.  The ONLY reason I know they booked flights and the dates is because my in-law told me.  They have yet to inform me A) that they're coming back for Christmas; B) when they're coming back. 

So, apparently my schedule/availability doesn't matter.  Apparently, it's assumed that I have all the time off in the world and will just come see them when it's convenient for them.  I live an hour from my home town...so it's not like I don't have things to figure out/arrange. 

I'm not trying to be over sensitive, but I think this is incredibly inconsiderate and selfish.  It basically says, "We don't care if it's convenient for you, or even if you can come see us.  In fact, we didn't even consider you in our decision to visit."  It's also is another way of assuming that the single, childless sibling can just fit her schedule with everyone else's.  Cuz, ya know, she doesn't have a life.     

These are the same people who have virtually zero contact with me/the family throughout the year.  I do want to see their kids, but honestly, I kind of wish they weren't coming back.  So, now the precious time off I have left (that I was looking forward to) will be spent with people who could give a crap about me. 

Not to be a total downer (but I guess I am), but I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all.  More than likely, I'll be alone (again) on Christmas Day this year.  And then go home to see family. 

I think I've touched on this before...  We do a drawing for the sibling gifts.  So, I get a gift from whoever has my name.  I buy gifts for my mom and ALL of the kids.  So, I spend a decent chunk of change.  Do you know how many gifts I receive (other than from the drawing)?  (And yes, I know Christmas is not about gifts.)  Typically zero or something very small.  Neither sibling/in-law thinks to give me a gift for ALL the things I do for their kids EVERY year, as their aunt.  Not a "hey, the 'kids' wanted to get you something," or "we wanted to give you a little something - we appreciate all you do."  Nope.  Nothing.  And honestly, if I did have kids...I'd be giving my siblings/in-laws a small gift (gift card to a restaurant or something) to show my appreciation. 

A gift card (iTunes/store/whatever) takes virtually zero thought and is easy to pick up.  And if they gave one for $25-$50, that's a drop in the bucket compared to what I've spent every year in time and money over the last 10+ years.   

And it's not a competition, but especially for the kids who live closest to me, I know for a fact that I do the most for/with them, out of the aunts and uncles.  So, it's pretty obvious how much time/money I spend.

Also, last year, I took the time to put together this really cool book with a bunch of stuff of my dad's.  It took work to put it together AND money.  I surprised my siblings with this.  I think they said thank you, but not much else.  I'm not sure why I didn't just make the book for myself and NOT give them one.  

It's just another way I feel insignificant/unappreciated - by my OWN family.  Not to mention my sibling who lives an hour away can't stand me.  Honestly.  He/she is annoyed by anything I do.  And rude to me ALL the time.

So, it's early November and I'm already dreading Christmas.  Ugh.     

Stupid things people/relatives say...

So, I'm home with family, celebrating our Christmas.  And a few of us were at my niece's bball tourney.  I'm sitting next to my brother and yawning, often.  Literally, I could NOT stop yawning.  So finally, I say, "Oh wow, I am SO tired.  Can't believe how tired I am."  My brother, who has two kids, sort of laughs at that.  He then says, "People with kids hate it when people without kids say they're tired...cuz you don't even know." 

People have made comments like this to me before...and it ticks me off every time.  It was all I could do to not explode on my brother.  Let me break down the things wrong with a statement like this.

#1)  My brother KNOWS I'd like to be married and have children of my own.  So, how about we don't make an insensitive remark about something I don't have, mmmkay? 

#2)  I'm fully aware that kids are exhausting.  I'm aware that parents, of young children, in particular, don't get much sleep.  I don't need this pointed out to me, just because I don't have kids of my own.

#3)  Hmm, is it NOT possible that I could be tired, too?  I mean, is that not within the realm of possibility?  I don't understand.  Am I not capable of being AS tired as he might be? 

#4)  I work full time, plus a part-time job, plus another side gig, plus maintain a home, car, social life, family, exercise, etc. - BY MYSELF, with ZERO help.  I guess I think I'm entitled to be a little tired?

I'm not claiming that I'm more tired than someone with kids, but I also know that some of my friends who are parents say I'm much busier than they are.  And from watching my other brother spend most of the time we were home LAYING on the floor, nearly sleeping, I feel like he seems to get more rest than I do.

Have any of you experienced a comment like this? Do you share my frustration with it?

Happy New Year!

Whoa...I haven't posted anything since the beginning of November?  How did that happen? 

I guess November and December were pretty busy...but I didn't have anything too exciting to report.  Anyway, I can't believe 2012 is over and 2013 is here? 

I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and are ready for a new year! 

My Christmas was fine, nothing too exciting.  I always take time off from work through the end of the year, which is nice.  Unfortunately, this year, I managed to somehow be busy for most of that, so it wasn't remotely relaxing.  I envisioned days of sleeping in until 10, lazing around the house, eating crap while watching something dumb on TV.  None of that really happened.  Oh well. 

I did get to see family, which was nice.  But, being single sucks a touch more around the holidays.  Since we celebrate Christmas AFTER Christmas, that means I'm home...alone...on Christmas Day.  I just think that sucks.  It's no one's fault, but it still sucks to sit there, alone, knowing others are with family, opening presents, enjoying the day.  I did better this year than last, but still. 

It's also a let down as far as presents go.  And before you say it - I'm FULLY aware that Christmas is not only about presents.  You know who SAYS stuff like that?  People who have always and still do get awesomely amazing presents EVERY year.  I guarantee if they experienced one of my Christmases...they'd change their tune. 

I, a single woman, spend a significant amount on my nieces and nephews (not to mention stuff I buy/do during the year).  And no, I am not saying I do/buy those things in order to get something in return.  However, I do think their parents could somehow acknowledge the stuff I do by giving me a nice gift or whatever.  As it turns out...each set of parents spent about $25 on me.  Mind you, I spent $35 A PIECE on their kids.  So...I guess I think they could have done more.  I'm not super angry or anything, but it does irritate me.

I think I will be spending/doing less, going forward.  That doesn't mean I won't continue the good relationship I have with the kids, but I'm just not going to spend as much.  It doesn't seem to be appreciated and I'm not rich.   

One of my best friends did give me some cool stuff - a book gift certificate to Amazon AND a heated throw blanket.  It is divine!  So, I was definitely given some nice gifts by others, which is great.

I was ready to be home and have at least one day of rest/lazy, which I did.  Now, I'm back at work and getting into the swing of 2013!

PS  I'm 99% sure I consumed 78,000 calories of sweet, sugary treats over the holiday.  Ugh.  I'm too scared to get on the scale.  The one redeeming thing is that I got some decent workouts in...but not nearly enough to compensate for what I ate! 

Politics & Facebook don't mix...

Don't worry, I'm not going to post anything about my political beliefs here.  I also don't post anything political to Facebook.  Nor do I generally "like" anything political (ads or statuses) on Facebook.  And the story I'm about to tell is exactly why.

My brother posted a status the other day.  It was completely harmless with no agenda whatsoever.  The basic point was that we should respect whoever is IN office, no matter what party we associate with.  And that he was sick of all the FB posts.  That's it.

I will admit that I "liked" the status, as did several other people.  I didn't notice, though, that several people also decided to comment on the status.  Oh, and boy did they comment!

My mom called me the other day, asking if I'd seen all the comments.  I had not.  Anyway, she was quite upset by something another relative (Dad's side of the family) said in the comments.  To be fair, what he said was completely straight out of crazy town.  But still.  So then she went on and on about how much she can't stand that family and how she's so glad she's not a part of that family and blah blah blah.

I told her I'd have to go and check out the comments and that it did sound like this relative's comment was out of line or whatever.  And then I said, "Can you please think about what you're saying when you say 'I am so glad not to be a part of that family and I can't stand them'?  Because I am a part of that family.  I have the same last name."  She instantly tried to hang up on me.  I stopped her and said, "You don't get to call and express your opinion/feelings on something and then hang up on me when I try to share mine."

Anyway, the end result was her hanging up on me.  Awesome.  And I wasn't disagreeing with her at all.  I was simply asking that she not be disrespectful of my family.  Hey, if she wants to call her best friend and rant about how horrible my family is...she can go ahead.  But, in my opinion, she should NOT be sharing those feelings with me or my siblings.  It's wrong and I'm at a point where I just won't allow it.  While I disagree with that relative's comment, I also know them to be a good person.  And, they are my FAMILY.  

So, thank you, politics and FB, for making things awkward.