Seriously?

Well...sometimes, when it rains...it pours.

Within the last two weeks, I've heard of 2 engagements, 1 baby about to be born (who was born today), and a very good friend just announced she's pregnant with baby #3. 

Too.  Much.

Honestly, I'm doing fine.  It's not like I dwell on the whole marriage/baby thing every day.  And I think there were many times in my life when that was a true statement. 

But, when I am bombarded by news about engagements, weddings, and babies...all within a short time?  I sort of lose it. 

Like yesterday.  I found myself crying.  Full on crying at my desk.  And of course the friend who is pregnant with baby #3 is perfect, and somehow sensed that I might take the news hard.  So she was kind enough to send an email to me, saying it's ok if I'm mad at her.  (For the record, I am not mad at her.) 

UGH!  I hate feeling like this.  I hate that seemingly everyone else around me gets to be married (hopefully happily) and have babies.  And for some reason, I've been left behind.  And I know these are my true desires, becuse who cries at an email?  If I was truly thrilled to be single and didn't want babies, her announcement wouldn't have phased me.  I would have congratulated her and went about my day.  (I did congratulate her, by the way...but she knows me too well, and knew I was upset.)

And who wants to be the person that is upset at someone else's good news?  That's just not who I am.  But the thing is, I look at my life, and I just don't think my married friends are like, "Oh, I wish I could do what she's doing."  But, I do look at their lives and wish I could even have a taste of that.  Of course, I know their lives are far from perfect, but still.  They have a partner and they have these great kids who bring them joy (and frustration, I'm sure). 

I just can't figure out why things seem to work out for some people and not for others.  What did I do to not deserve marriage and kids? 

And, while I do feel like I have a very full life, that will never take the place of marriage and kids. 

Anyway, I just needed to vent.  Hoping today is tear free, but no guarantee on that!