You have GOT to be kidding me...

It's obvious I'm in a crap mood...so I apologize for all the rants.

I am SO TIRED of people doing shitty things and then seemingly being rewarded.  I'm certainly not perfect, but nothing seems to work out for me.  And I have numerous examples of people I know getting rewarded for their immoral behavior.

Exhibit A:  a friend of mine (who I've distanced myself from) has been in an unhappy marriage for a while. She married a guy who didn't want kids, and she thought he'd change his mind.  She wants kids badly.  Well, in my opinion, her husband was honest about that and it's not really his fault.  She shouldn't have expected that he'd change his mind on such a big topic.  But, I realize we all make mistakes or are naive about things.

Anyway, I found out late last year that she sexted a manager from where we work and invited him to her place, where they did the deed.  She doesn't know that I know, which leaves me in a crap position. However, she does know what I went through with my other cheater friend who lied and kept things from me...and how upset that made me.  So, when she continued to play the victim with me, knowing what she'd done, that really pissed me off.  She's not once come forward about what she did.  

Furthermore, it was rumored that she was fooling around with someone affiliated with our company.  I never perpetuated the rumor, but it was widespread.

Whenever she's texted me, I've always replied in a friendly manner, but we haven't had much contact in the last several months.

Let me fast forward to today.

I get an email from a co-worker to a few of us, asking if we should plan a baby shower for her before she moves away.

I should also say that AS I was reading this email (which my friend isn't included on), I got a text from this friend, saying, "Hello...I hope you're doing well...I miss you...would love to get together."

Um, WHAT?  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

So, I replied in shock (to the email), saying I didn't know anything.  Then I texted the co-worker and she gave me more information.  She's 27 weeks along...and the father is that guy affiliated with our company. She's moving in with him.

Let me get this straight.  She's unhappy in her marriage.  She cheats on her husband (and I think got away with it).  She has an affair, while married, with a guy tied to our company.  And then she gets pregnant and gets to end up with said guy?  I think they'll get married, once her divorce is final.

Are you kidding me?  I mean, seriously.

So, while I'm not perfect, I've not cheated on anyone, had affairs, or anything even close to that stuff.  And guess what?  I'm not remotely close to being pregnant or moving in with anyone.

I don't understand.  And I'm a believing Christian.  But right now...that faith is dwindling.  For some reason, I'm being punished.

Bad mood continues!  I hate everything.

Thanksgiving is ON

There are no exclamation points, because I'm not all that excited about it.   I spent several hours crying last week...some of them at my desk, which is the worst.  You're trying to be silent and dry up the tears so no one notices that you are basically sobbing. 

My sibling graced me with their response on Monday afternoon.  Now, if you read the last post, you'll note that they said they'd let me know by the end of the week (which would have been 11/16ish.  But nothing.  Must have really needed those extra few days to confirm this HUGE decision. 

They are coming.  So, I now get to pay for and cook a meal for someone who truly treats me like crap.  Yes, I'm glad the kids will be there, my mom, and my in-law.  But my sibling is the worst.  And now all of their emails are super nicey nice, "can we make anything and bring it?," "anything we can do to make it easier for you?" 

Um, NO.  You could treat me like a human being...let's start there.

To be honest, I still feel like total crap and have about 1% interest in the holidays this year.  I do have some perspective, and I realize that everyone has issues in their family.  I highly doubt that any family gets along perfectly, all the time.  However, I feel like it's harder to deal with stuff like this when you are single.  For example, if I were married or had a boyfriend, and my sibling said they weren't coming for Thanksgiving, I'd still be upset, but my spouse and I would probably do our own thing, which would be fine.  Again, I'd have someone in it with me.  I wouldn't be alone.

This whole "being the only single person" thing is old.  Notice I didn't say getting old.  It's just old.  I'm sick of it.  I've been sick of it.  For a while.    

At least it's nearly time for Christmas music, I do still have interest in that.

And the amazingness that is my family continues...

Well, Thanksgiving is nearly upon us.  I look forward to this holiday for a few reasons.  First and foremost, the food.  I love gorging myself on all that Thanksgiving goodness!  YUM!  And it's always nice to see family and hear the funny stuff the kids say. 

A few years ago, I offered to host/cook Thanksgiving dinner for my family.  This includes my sibling, in-law, their kids, and my mom.  I do everything.  EVERYTHING.  And I'm fine with that.  But it is a lot of work.  We always have a good time and the kids make everything great anyway.  The day usually starts at noon...we eat around 1...and everyone leaves around 5.  So, we're talking about 5 hours, people.  5.  Hours.

Early last week, I sent an email to the family, asking about Thanksgiving and if we were doing it again this year - saying that I was happy to host/cook again.  My mom and in-law wrote back right away, saying they were coming.  The NEXT day, my sibling replied saying that they needed to discuss it and that they'd get back to me by the end of the week.

They didn't.

So, I followed up yesterday, to everyone.  My sibling replied (only to me), "Hi, sorry about that. I will shoot you something before end of the week. Trying to decide, I am very stressed here at work and can’t decide if just chilling at home might be more relaxing! Thanks for offering to host."

Um, things are SO stressful for you that you can't imagine eating a FREE meal that you contribute NOTHING/NO WORK to and hanging out on the couch for 5 hours?  Really? 

I was thisclose to replying and saying, "Don't bother to come."  Because, really, if you haven't been able to make this crucial decision in the last two weeks, I'm pretty sure you're not planning to come.

My in-law said they'd come with the kids, even if my sibling didn't.  But, they've since responded that they'll do whatever my sibling does (which I understand).  And this affects my mom, too...as she doesn't drive more than 15 miles and doesn't have a reliable car.  So, if they don't come, no one comes.  And even if it was just my mom coming, I'm not fricking going to all that work and cooking all of that food for TWO people. 

I hate everyone. 

Let me also say that my sibling sent a VERY detailed email about Christmas to the family this week.  It detailed dates, how we're doing gifts, food, who is being picked up where, who is staying in what room, etc.  So...Christmas is fricking 6+ weeks away and they're able to commit to all of that?  But Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away and they just can't decide?  Seriously?

So...here's what I'm looking at in the next 6 weeks.  I'm looking at spending Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, AND Christmas Day ALONE.  Yep.  All by myself. 

And again, it's no one's fault that I'm single and don't have any kids.  I'm not saying that people need to make sure I've got somewhere to go.  But I find it kind of cruel that family doesn't even think of that. 

I'm not the perfect sibling, but I do so much for my nieces and nephews.  I'm a very involved aunt.  I show interest in my siblings' lives.  In general, I think I'm pretty nice.  And how do I get treated in return?  Like total crap. 

Inconsiderate...

So...I have a sibling who lives out of state with their family.  And the last few years they've come home for Christmas.  Anyway, my other in-law (who lives closer to me) asked them if/when they were planning to come home.

Rather than consult me, to see when might be a convenient time for me...they booked the flights and replied to let my in-law know.  The ONLY reason I know they booked flights and the dates is because my in-law told me.  They have yet to inform me A) that they're coming back for Christmas; B) when they're coming back. 

So, apparently my schedule/availability doesn't matter.  Apparently, it's assumed that I have all the time off in the world and will just come see them when it's convenient for them.  I live an hour from my home town...so it's not like I don't have things to figure out/arrange. 

I'm not trying to be over sensitive, but I think this is incredibly inconsiderate and selfish.  It basically says, "We don't care if it's convenient for you, or even if you can come see us.  In fact, we didn't even consider you in our decision to visit."  It's also is another way of assuming that the single, childless sibling can just fit her schedule with everyone else's.  Cuz, ya know, she doesn't have a life.     

These are the same people who have virtually zero contact with me/the family throughout the year.  I do want to see their kids, but honestly, I kind of wish they weren't coming back.  So, now the precious time off I have left (that I was looking forward to) will be spent with people who could give a crap about me. 

Not to be a total downer (but I guess I am), but I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all.  More than likely, I'll be alone (again) on Christmas Day this year.  And then go home to see family. 

I think I've touched on this before...  We do a drawing for the sibling gifts.  So, I get a gift from whoever has my name.  I buy gifts for my mom and ALL of the kids.  So, I spend a decent chunk of change.  Do you know how many gifts I receive (other than from the drawing)?  (And yes, I know Christmas is not about gifts.)  Typically zero or something very small.  Neither sibling/in-law thinks to give me a gift for ALL the things I do for their kids EVERY year, as their aunt.  Not a "hey, the 'kids' wanted to get you something," or "we wanted to give you a little something - we appreciate all you do."  Nope.  Nothing.  And honestly, if I did have kids...I'd be giving my siblings/in-laws a small gift (gift card to a restaurant or something) to show my appreciation. 

A gift card (iTunes/store/whatever) takes virtually zero thought and is easy to pick up.  And if they gave one for $25-$50, that's a drop in the bucket compared to what I've spent every year in time and money over the last 10+ years.   

And it's not a competition, but especially for the kids who live closest to me, I know for a fact that I do the most for/with them, out of the aunts and uncles.  So, it's pretty obvious how much time/money I spend.

Also, last year, I took the time to put together this really cool book with a bunch of stuff of my dad's.  It took work to put it together AND money.  I surprised my siblings with this.  I think they said thank you, but not much else.  I'm not sure why I didn't just make the book for myself and NOT give them one.  

It's just another way I feel insignificant/unappreciated - by my OWN family.  Not to mention my sibling who lives an hour away can't stand me.  Honestly.  He/she is annoyed by anything I do.  And rude to me ALL the time.

So, it's early November and I'm already dreading Christmas.  Ugh.