It's obvious I'm in a crap mood...so I apologize for all the rants.
I am SO TIRED of people doing shitty things and then seemingly being rewarded. I'm certainly not perfect, but nothing seems to work out for me. And I have numerous examples of people I know getting rewarded for their immoral behavior.
Exhibit A: a friend of mine (who I've distanced myself from) has been in an unhappy marriage for a while. She married a guy who didn't want kids, and she thought he'd change his mind. She wants kids badly. Well, in my opinion, her husband was honest about that and it's not really his fault. She shouldn't have expected that he'd change his mind on such a big topic. But, I realize we all make mistakes or are naive about things.
Anyway, I found out late last year that she sexted a manager from where we work and invited him to her place, where they did the deed. She doesn't know that I know, which leaves me in a crap position. However, she does know what I went through with my other cheater friend who lied and kept things from me...and how upset that made me. So, when she continued to play the victim with me, knowing what she'd done, that really pissed me off. She's not once come forward about what she did.
Furthermore, it was rumored that she was fooling around with someone affiliated with our company. I never perpetuated the rumor, but it was widespread.
Whenever she's texted me, I've always replied in a friendly manner, but we haven't had much contact in the last several months.
Let me fast forward to today.
I get an email from a co-worker to a few of us, asking if we should plan a baby shower for her before she moves away.
I should also say that AS I was reading this email (which my friend isn't included on), I got a text from this friend, saying, "Hello...I hope you're doing well...I miss you...would love to get together."
Um, WHAT? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
So, I replied in shock (to the email), saying I didn't know anything. Then I texted the co-worker and she gave me more information. She's 27 weeks along...and the father is that guy affiliated with our company. She's moving in with him.
Let me get this straight. She's unhappy in her marriage. She cheats on her husband (and I think got away with it). She has an affair, while married, with a guy tied to our company. And then she gets pregnant and gets to end up with said guy? I think they'll get married, once her divorce is final.
Are you kidding me? I mean, seriously.
So, while I'm not perfect, I've not cheated on anyone, had affairs, or anything even close to that stuff. And guess what? I'm not remotely close to being pregnant or moving in with anyone.
I don't understand. And I'm a believing Christian. But right now...that faith is dwindling. For some reason, I'm being punished.
Bad mood continues! I hate everything.
4 months ago
Aww sweets, sorry for the crappy mood. You're not being punished, but I know it feels that way. How do I know? Because I've often wondered the same thing as you. But you see, we have to look at the bigger picture. For some reason, not known to me or you, it's not our time yet. And while I'm sure you think I'm being Pollyanna, I'm not, trust me. It's just that I got tired of being pissed off all the time about the same thing. So I chose to be happy with what I have. The holidays though, bring out the worst in me in that respect. I get jealous, I envy and I brood about my single status. But then those feeling pass and I enjoy my holidays. I really hope you stop being in a crappy mood and do something super nice for yourself to make you smile. Happy Thanksgiving! ;)
ReplyDeleteIt does feel like punishment, but deep down, I know it's not. However, I wish I could see the greater plan...because feeling like this is the worst. I agree, it's not fun to be pissed off all the time. Hopefully, things will turn around. And hopefully the holidays will be over soon. Wishing you a fantastic Thanksgiving as well!
DeleteWell considering her track record the woman's pregnancy might be the only thing pushing their relationship along, and that sounds like a crap relationship to me. Things turn out happily ever after for them, or this guy could spend the rest of this relationship resenting this kid. When you're looking for quality you usually have to sacrifice quantity - at least that's what I keep telling myself.
ReplyDeleteI know I don't really know you, but I just wanted to let you know since I'm commenting anyway that I have been praying for you to find peace. It can be so hard during the holidays cant it?
And while I'm completely unsolicited here, a word of advice from a fellow frustrated young single lady. One way I got through a lot of the struggles you seem to be going through with friendships and family (not that I'm perfect, but it helps) was realizing that I was a chronic people pleaser who always put other people before herself. Now I'm not saying don't be nice, the world needs nicer/politer/more giving people, but not at the expense of their own emotional well being.
This was not easy, I had to prune some relationships with people who were only takers and never givers, I had to start saying no more, I had to start being more direct with people about my own needs, I had to seek out people with more positive energy, and I had to accept the fact that being a good person rarely makes you look cool.
Thanks SO much for your prayers! I definitely need them. Appreciate it. And I appreciate the advice. I especially appreciate advice from people who are in a similar situation as me, because I know they can truly relate. I think, to some degree, I am a people pleaser...so your suggestion is a good one. I will work on that, for sure.
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