I survived...

So...the friend who announced she was pregnant with #3 last week?  I already had plans with her (and her family) and a couple other married friends, for the weekend.  It included 3 couples, their kids, one other single gal (whom I know) and myself.  (We roomed together.)   

Do you know how badly I wanted to opt out of those plans?  I mean, I just had zero desire to go.  Wallowing in my own home sounded much more appealing. 

Now, yes, I could have cancelled.  But, I'm 99% sure my friend would have known that I was cancelling due to her announcement.  And I would feel pretty bad about that. 

So, yes, I was a bit of a martyr and went anyway.  My goal was to spend as much time with the kids as possible, and avoid any "OMG, you're pregnant!" conversations around my friend...of which there were many.

I had as much fun as I could have...considering the circumstances.  I did my best to put on a happy face.  And I did ask about her pregnancy, but not very much.  And, hopefully, I didn't avoid my friend (because I do love her to pieces), but I don't think I hung around her as much as I normally would have. 

We all ate dinner in one of the hotel rooms and that was fine. 

However, when I went to sleep in my own room...I found out that my roommate is a snorer.  Like, major snoring.  And the kids had decided to sleep in our room as well (which was fine).  Her snoring kept me up for most of the night, when all I wanted to do was fricking sleep. 

My friend (the pregnant one) texted me saying I could sleep in their room, if the snoring was keeping me up.  Our rooms were adjoining, and SHE could hear the snoring in their room!  So, I moved over to the open bed in their room and tried to get some sleep.
I'd say I maybe got 3 hours sleep? 

In short, I think I paid about $80 to listen to snoring and then not even sleep in the room I paid for.  Sounds about right...

Once we woke up in the morning, my friend started asking me about online dating, if I'd ever done it.  And then was asking about my church, if they had a singles program.

Now, this girl is a seriously good friend.  And I know she's being completely honest when she says it keeps her up at night wondering why I'm still single.

However, the LAST thing I want to discuss first thing in the morning, after getting 3 hours sleep, and being in a horribly depressed mood - is my dating (or lack thereof) life. 

Conversation eventually moved to her pregnancy and I casually excused myself to put my contacts in, change, go to the bathroom...  Eventually, I was all packed up and ready to hit the road.  I was trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. 

Everyone else hung around to go the park (part of the hotel)...while I got on the road. 

I've teared up several times in the last week - which has been the suck. 

And I'm still in the rut today.  I don't want to talk to anyone.  I don't particularly want to see anyone.  And yet...I'm at work. 

A younger, male friend of mine...could tell (via text) that I wasn't in a great mood.  And when I told him why, he said, "Not sure what to say, really." 

Now, that's fine.  I don't expect him to have some magical answer.  But, for some reason, saying, "Not sure what to say, really," just sort of rubs me the wrong way.   

Keep in mind...he was recently set up on a blind date and it's all working out - rainbows and unicorns. 

How many blind dates have I been set up on?  Millions.  How many have worked out?  None.  Boo.  (Not begrudging him this new development...just frustrating that it doesn't work out for me.) 

Anyway, I'm still here.  Still feeling the suck of all of this.  And wishing I could crawl into a hole.