Such the dilemma...

A friend and I were recently emailing about my single status, and she informed me she might have some potential set-ups for me.

Unfortunately, these men are all divorced...with kids.

Before you get all worked up into a tizzy, I've discussed this issue before.  Why not discuss it again, eh?  

Let's go back to when I was less cynical, younger, and actually thought I'd be married in my early 20s.  Oh, those were the days...

Back then, it never even occurred to me that I would marry someone who had already been married before. It definitely never occurred to me that I could marry someone with children.  I mean, seriously?

Those were the idealistic days where I thought I'd meet my future husband while at college.  And we'd date there...have tons of fun...and later marry, after graduation.  I'm sure a white picket fence was somewhere in our future as well.

OK, back to reality!

Over the years, I've had to relax a bit on my expectations of the person I will marry.

Exhibit A:  Divorce no longer bothers me.  Sometimes, marriages don't work out.  Now, if the issue is that he was a big cheater face...then I'm not remotely interested.  Sorry.  Oh yeah, if you've been divorced more than once, I'm probably out.  I come from a parent with multiple marriages/divorces, no thank you.  

It was a BIG deal for me to come to terms with this possibility.  Yeah, I still may marry someone who also hasn't been married before, but I'm also allowing myself the possibility that the man I marry may have a divorce under his belt.  And that's ok.

Now, being a tall girl, I really haven't relaxed too much on the height thing.  You can call it silly or whatever, but it's just way too big a pill for me to swallow.  I am just not attracted to a guy who is short or visibly shorter than I am.  I might add, there are likely many men who aren't attracted to me, because of my height.  I get it.  I'm fine with that.

Now, the reason for this post.  Potential set-ups who already have children.  Ugh.

Let me say that I absolutely LOVE children.  I love being an aunt and my friends' kids and I are best buds.  And I really want to have kids of my own someday.

There is NOTHING wrong with being a single parent.  Or with already having kids and trying to navigate the dating world.  I can't imagine how tough that would be.  

My issue is that I just don't have a desire to be a stepmother or be in a blended family.  As I've said before, I have had stepmothers, and...ICK.  I know full well that I'd be a great stepmother to my spouse's children, but again, I just don't want to be in that position.  I don't want to deal with the ex-wife/mother (whether it's a good relationship or not).

Growing up with a broken family/home was not ideal.  While I've gotten over that, so to speak, it's still not what I want for MY family.  I just want my husband and I to create our own family.

So, I thanked my friend for her thoughtfulness and politely asked if I could have some time to consider it (while conveying that it's not likely I'm up for the set-up).  She is awesome and handled it fine.  Love her!

Anyway, this recent conversation just reminds me that I'm not quite ready to give up on creating my own family someday.  And I don't think I should have to.