Final rant for Thursday...

Again, I think I've mentioned this before.

As frustrated as I am with my single status, I don't have a great solution for it. 

Online dating?  OK, well, I've tried that and absolutely hated it.  Also, I think, to some degree, it's a bit risky/dangerous.  And, there are plenty of fellow bloggers' horror stories that keep me from doing it again. 

Set-ups/Blind dates?  OK, well, I am very vocal about being open to those.  And I've been on several.  The problem is this.  People that offer to set you up almost NEVER follow through.  I have one friend who has failed 3 times and SHE'S the one who brought each potential set-up up to ME.  And trust me, I've followed up, I've emailed, Facebook messaged, asked several friends about set-ups.  And almost always, they don't follow through.  Well, it's not like I have the guy's information, so I can contact him myself.  And if I did...that might be a bit stalkerish. 

Out and about in the world?  Hmm.  I'm a pretty social gal.  I usually have something social going on every weekend.  I'm a runner...so I'm constantly at races where there are a lot of people...including, I would think, single men.  I dress nice and put myself together well...so it's not like I'm wearing a sweatshirt, hair tied in knots, with no makeup on. 

So tell me.  WHAT should I be doing?  I'm not claiming that I'm out on different dates 3-4 times a week.  Kudos to anyone who can and does do that.  Impressive.  I think that would be too much for me, unless it was the same guy or a boyfriend.  But, I'm completely open to set-ups or meeting someone, and it's not happening.  I can't go back in time and meet the guy in high school or college.  So, I feel like the above 3 options are the most obvious.   

Grrrrrrr. 

Being checked out...

OK, so I'd like to know what the proper etiquette is when someone is checking you out.  Like, very obviously checking you out.

I'm getting my fountain pop this morning and this guy stared at me...it was obvious.  And was still staring at me as he left.  I saw him look at my car and was still staring when I got in my car. 

There are two possible responses to take this.  #1)  I've still got it.  He was checking me out.  Woohoo to me.  I'm lookin' good.  #2)  Ewwww!  He's looking at me.  Won't stop staring.  Ick.  I guess there's a #3 - The guy is repulsed and staring at you in shock.     

I usually respond via #2.  Because, I'm sorry, it's creepy when someone stares at you.  They could be the hottest guy on the planet, and still, part of you would be creeped out by the staring. 

I guess a couple of guys checked me out as I left a restaurant in Vegas (my friend told me).  Now, it's great if they found me attractive.  I guess, in some way, that's a little boost to the ego.  But the thing is, NOTHING will ever come of it.  I'm not saying I wish those guys (or the gas station guy) would run up and ask me out.  But it's a little frustrating to know that someone finds you attractive...and nothing will happen.  (I'm not in to random hook-ups with complete strangers...so that's why I say nothing will happen.)

My main point is that I wish guys weren't so obvious about it.  I mean, we all know nothing's going to happen, so can you be a bit more discreet with your staring?

Choices...

Here's another thought I've had in the last few days.  And I'm sure I've said this on my blog before, somewhere. 

When married people with kids say things like, "Our baby only woke up once last night...so that's excitement in our lives."  (wink, wink)  And then talk about how they live vicariously through me...

Here's what I want to say.  First of all, I know they're trying to be nice and probably think they're being honest, on some level.  But here's the thing.  Married people (at least the ones I know) CHOSE to get married.  They CHOSE to have children.  Those were CHOICES.  So, I don't have a ton of sympathy for you that your kids woke you up in the middle of the night or that you can't go on the trips I take.  Sorry.  You kind of knew that would happen when you decided to HAVE children. 

My current life situation (single & childless)?  Well, that's not a choice of mine.  I did not CHOOSE this.  I did not say, "Hey, I would love to be single.  And kids?  Ick.  No, I don't want any of those."  If I'd said that...then I'd be living the dream right now. 

And stay at home moms - I think what you're doing is amazing and so important.  And I know (not from experience) that it's probably one of the hardest jobs anyone could ever have.  BUT, I still don't feel a ton of sympathy for you when you say you're "stuck" in the house.  Or when others say, "I hope she can come...I feel bad that she never leaves the house."  OK, again, that was a choice.  You CHOSE to stay at home with your children...so you sort of knew you'd be committed to spending quite a bit more time at home, especially when they're young. 

Getting married, I'm told, involves some discussion about where you see your lives going and how you want to spend them together.  Deciding to have kids involves conversations about when, how you'd raise them, and if one parent should stay at home with the kids. 

Again, I'm not evil.  I'm not saying that I have zero sympathy for frustating situations my married friends encounter.  We all have frustrating situations we deal with, and people should be sympathetic.  I guess I feel like some of their complaints are about things directly related to choices they made, while my complaints about being single have little or nothing to do with the choices I've made. 

And, my guess is, that they don't spend nearly as much time envying my life as I do envying theirs.  There's no way they sit at home saying, "Gosh, don't you wish we could have her life?  No kids.  Living alone.  No family memories to make.  Home by herself on Christmas."  I mean, it's doubtful. 

But, do I sometimes (ok, often) wish I had their situation?  Yes.  Happy/solid marriage.  Healthy kids who are frustrating at times, but more often than not, bring you joy.  Family memories/traditions made together.  Yeah.  I'd like all of those things. 

So, that is one of the things that annoys me most.  I didn't choose this, but it's my situation.  And it doesn't show any signs of changing. 

More babies...

So, I was on Facebook yesterday and happened to come across some family photos of a FB friend.  Now, I've known this guy since college...totally had a crush on him.  And we reconnected again 5 or 6 years ago.

I remember he was dating a girl (now his wife), but that things were a bit rocky.  And then we were all at a wedding and they seemed rockier.  Well...they, of course, ended up getting married.  And then they got pregnant.  And then they had a baby. 

And what do I see in the family photos?  She's pregnant with baby #2!!!!  Yippeee!

I don't begrudge them, or anyone else, that happiness.  But, it kills me that they were, at one time, on rocky ground - and now everything's worked out. 

Or someone else I know who got pregnant with baby #2, and miscarried - which is AWFUL.  And then was worried about getting pregnant again.  Well, she did.  And she's had the baby.  Yes, I'm VERY happy she was able to get pregnant again and then have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  I'm not evil. 

But, all of this to say that it seems like other people around me have a struggle...and then things still work out.  Me?  I've been struggling with this whole single/no kids thing forever.  Does it ever change?  Does it ever get better?  NO.

Not sure what I did to deserve this load of crap, but I guess it seems unfair to me.  And yes, I know life isn't fair.  But this is so fricking sucky. 

Really, married people? You're jealous of me? Really?

I'm a little sick of married people telling me how jealous they are of me and my exciting life. 

Yes, I've taken some pretty fun trips this year, with one amazing one.  I get it.  I get that they are unable to go on these trips, given the cost and the fact that they have young children. 

But, are they really living vicariously through me?  Really? 

I don't think so. 

I've heard this a lot lately.  And here's the thing.  I'm not constantly telling my married friends who have kids that I'm jealous of them.  (Yes, they're aware I want those things, but I don't constantly say it to them.) 

I know they aren't necessarily saying it to make me feel good or whatever.  But what I'd like to say back to them is, "Really?  You're jealous?  So, you want to trade places?  You'd rather be single and go on these trips (alone) than be married and have a beautiful family?" 

"Oh, ok.  You DON'T want to trade with me?  Got it." 

Because even if they are a bit jealous of my trips, I can almost 100% guarantee they do not want to trade lives with me.  They don't want to be single.  And they don't want to give up the amazing moments they've had with their kids.  Or the amazing memories they've made as a FAMILY. 

And let me just say right now that I'm aware their lives aren't perfect or without stress/issues.  I know. 

The truth is, I would trade ANY of the trips I've taken, if it meant I was married and had a family.  No trip, to me, would be worth more than having a family. 

I highly doubt my friends would trade their family lives for a trip to Australia. 

Hey married people, are you jealous of my single income and small house?  Are you jealous that I get to go through all major life decisions on my own, with no input from a spouse?  Are you jealous that I have no built in support system to help me through things?  Are you jealous that my life never changes, but yours does? 

No?  I don't get it.  Why EVER not? 

Bitter, party of one.  Yep, that's me. 

Hey World, do you HAVE to rub it in? All the time?

I guess it's been about a month since my last post.  I can't think of a good reason that I haven't posted much...other than my life hasn't been that exciting.  I did go to Vegas (for the first time) recently, which was fun. 

Anyway, back to the title of this post.  Do you ever feel like the world just can't help but rub it in that YOU are alone and that OTHERS are not?  Honestly, that's how I feel on a regular basis lately. 

It's not enough that nearly every single one of my friends is married with kids and building their dream home.  No, I have to be constantly surrounded by couples.  When I was in Australia, I saw several couples holding hands, looking all romantic.  My friend there is very happily married to her husband, so they are very affectionate (even after 10+ years).  I should also note that my friend has pretty much never been single in her life.  Ever. 

And there's a new group at church that someone volunteered me for.  I missed the first meeting, but showed up at the next one.  Guess what?  It's not a couples group...but everyone there (EXCEPT FOR ME) is married.  Fantastic.  That is great.  Wonderful. 

I went for a run yesterday in the gorgeous Fall weather.  And while I was enjoying my run, I hopped onto the trail for a bit.  I pass this young couple who are walking along...and then they start to hold hands...and then I think they even had a quick kiss.  Are you KIDDING me?  Must I be confronted with this everywhere I go?

Now, I'm not crazy.  I know it's no one's fault and these ridiculously happy, coupled people can't help themselves.  But seriously.  It is just too much to take.  They have NO idea what it is like to be in my shoes. 

And it gets to a point, where I feel excluded in most areas of my life.  My small group?  All married.  People I work with?  All married.  My friends (except for maybe one)?  All married.  New group at church?  All married. 

Another example?  I've got a group of friends from college and we go away for a weekend every year.  Anyway, every year, it's harder for me to want to go.  Because I'm the single one.  The ONLY single one.  Now, no one there makes me feel like a weirdo.  But they don't have to - I'm the odd ball.  Everyone is married, and has been married, and is showing pictures/talking about their kids and then talking about the new amazing house they're building.  Then there's me.  Um, still living in my small place, not dating anyone, certainly not married, and definitely no kids (and that prospect gets bleaker, the older I get).

And one of my friends who goes on that trip is always so sweet.  She wants me to go so badly.  And I know she's being honest when she says that she doesn't even think of it as a couple's trip.  The thing is, it's easy to not think of it that way when you and everyone else there is part of a couple (except for me).  If there were even two other people who were single, I wouldn't struggle as much with whether or not to go.  I hate that everyone else's lives change/progress every year, while mine remains the same.  (I've decided to go, by the way.  We'll see how I do.)  

It just sucks. 

And honestly, if I had zero desire to be married/have kids, none of this would be an issue.  But I do want those things.

So, I just feel like the whole "couple" thing is IN MY FACE lately, and it makes me want to scream.  It also makes me question what the frick I did to deserve this punishment?