Choices...

Here's another thought I've had in the last few days.  And I'm sure I've said this on my blog before, somewhere. 

When married people with kids say things like, "Our baby only woke up once last night...so that's excitement in our lives."  (wink, wink)  And then talk about how they live vicariously through me...

Here's what I want to say.  First of all, I know they're trying to be nice and probably think they're being honest, on some level.  But here's the thing.  Married people (at least the ones I know) CHOSE to get married.  They CHOSE to have children.  Those were CHOICES.  So, I don't have a ton of sympathy for you that your kids woke you up in the middle of the night or that you can't go on the trips I take.  Sorry.  You kind of knew that would happen when you decided to HAVE children. 

My current life situation (single & childless)?  Well, that's not a choice of mine.  I did not CHOOSE this.  I did not say, "Hey, I would love to be single.  And kids?  Ick.  No, I don't want any of those."  If I'd said that...then I'd be living the dream right now. 

And stay at home moms - I think what you're doing is amazing and so important.  And I know (not from experience) that it's probably one of the hardest jobs anyone could ever have.  BUT, I still don't feel a ton of sympathy for you when you say you're "stuck" in the house.  Or when others say, "I hope she can come...I feel bad that she never leaves the house."  OK, again, that was a choice.  You CHOSE to stay at home with your children...so you sort of knew you'd be committed to spending quite a bit more time at home, especially when they're young. 

Getting married, I'm told, involves some discussion about where you see your lives going and how you want to spend them together.  Deciding to have kids involves conversations about when, how you'd raise them, and if one parent should stay at home with the kids. 

Again, I'm not evil.  I'm not saying that I have zero sympathy for frustating situations my married friends encounter.  We all have frustrating situations we deal with, and people should be sympathetic.  I guess I feel like some of their complaints are about things directly related to choices they made, while my complaints about being single have little or nothing to do with the choices I've made. 

And, my guess is, that they don't spend nearly as much time envying my life as I do envying theirs.  There's no way they sit at home saying, "Gosh, don't you wish we could have her life?  No kids.  Living alone.  No family memories to make.  Home by herself on Christmas."  I mean, it's doubtful. 

But, do I sometimes (ok, often) wish I had their situation?  Yes.  Happy/solid marriage.  Healthy kids who are frustrating at times, but more often than not, bring you joy.  Family memories/traditions made together.  Yeah.  I'd like all of those things. 

So, that is one of the things that annoys me most.  I didn't choose this, but it's my situation.  And it doesn't show any signs of changing.