So, I'm obviously still in this funk...which I don't expect to come out of soon.
A few friends have actually suggested/posed this: "Would you consider adopting or having a baby on your own?"
Let me first say - NO. I would not.
Do I think women who do that are incredible? Yes. Do I have respect for them? Yes. Do I want to join their club? No.
Let me list the reasons that this is an avenue I won't be pursuing:
1. The adoption and/or insemination processes are not free. They don't just "give" you a baby. It takes time and is fairly expensive, from what I've heard from friends.
2. Um, I make an ok salary, but it would be highly difficult to raise a child on.
3. Having a kid by myself would only be a further reminder that I do NOT have a husband. I'd be reminded on a daily basis, that I had this kid, because I just couldn't find someone to have one with.
4. I grew up in a single parent home, raised my mom. She did the best she could, but I do NOT want that for my child/children. I want (if at all possible) for my kids to grow up with both parents (hopefully happily married). *I'm not saying women who choose this option to raise a child alone are going to mess up their kids. I'm only saying how I feel about it.
5. While I think it's great that women have this as an option in today's world, it just doesn't appeal to me. I don't want to be "that" woman. There, I've said it.
6. Even though I want to have kids, I'm pretty averse to dating someone who already has children. Weird, I know! The reason is this - I've had two not so great stepmothers. While I know I'd be a good one, I'm just not super pumped about being one. (I realize the chances of me meeting someone without kids, at my age, are decreasing daily.) So, I'd totally understand if I met a guy and he was like, "Wait, you have a kid...on your own? Um, see ya." Point being, I think it could potentially make dating even more difficult.
Those are my immediate thoughts when someone suggests I obtain a child somehow. I'm sure there are those would argue that if I really want to be a mom...I'll do anything. But, the truth is, I don't want to be a mom, that way. I would really like to do it the "old fashioned way" if at all possible.
Anyone else have this dilemma? What are your thoughts?
7 months ago
I really think we might be the same person. I went through the whole do I want kids/don't I want kids when St. Elmo and I were going through problems at the end of March. I ultimately had to ask myself "how much do you want kids?" My answer: absolutely yes if I am married or some other committed relationship with a man. Probably not if I am single.
ReplyDeleteI thought to myself, if by chance I am still single 5 or so years from now...would I adopt? Artificial insemination is out of the question for me, as I was adopted and that is just the route I would go. What I came up with is that I really don't think I would. It would be too tough, both financially (though my mother would do everything in her power to help her only grandchild) and mentally.
I have to say I am in complete agreement with you here.
@advin - I forgot to reply to you on this! I love that you get what I'm saying! We are totally on the same page, which is so validating. I wish people who are not in our situation, could at least look at it with some perspective. A single person doesn't just "get" a baby. Duh!
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