Random Thoughts...

OK, I've confided in a few close friends about the funk I'm in. Some are good about just listening and agreeing, and others are problem solvers. They immediately have a suggestion for what I could/should do, or what could cheer me up, or something that will fix the situation. While I appreciate ALL of my friends, I could use a little less problem solving.

My pet peeve is when someone offers a solution/advice on something they themselves have never dealt with. Honestly, I can't stand it. I'm a listener. You tell me what you're going through, I listen and offer comfort. Then, I might ask how you're feeling about it and discuss options. Rarely, if I've not been through that experience, will I suggest what to do. You know why? Because I DON'T KNOW what to do...I've never had that particular problem.

In this case, 99.9% of my friends are married with children or about to have children. The same percentage has never been single more than half a day in their lives. So...I don't know that they can really offer sound advice on what I'm feeling/going through. Conversely, I can't offer them a lot of marital/parenting advice. So, I don't.

One of the many things I've loved about single blogger world, is all of you readers. Many of you can relate/identify with how I feel or something I'm dealing with. And THAT, my friends, is a huge relief. You help validate me, in a world (my world) where I'm not validated very often.

Aside from the suggestion for me to adopt/have a baby, there are other suggestions.

Counseling: While I'm not at all against counseling, I don't see it as an option right now (maybe someday). My frustration is that my life isn't where I'd like it to be. Discussing that with a counselor won't really change anything. It's not like I don't have a good job, home, outside activities, etc. One friend said, "The counselor might be able to make you feel better about your situation." Honestly? Um, I don't WANT to feel better about the fact that I'm single and childless. Because if I ever feel better about that, then that means I've decided either to give up on that or that I just don't want those things.

Move away: I've lived in a few major cities in different states (from where I currently live) and I live in a pretty big city right now. I can name two specific times in my life when I took a chance and accepted the new job offer, and moved. The first time, I was harrassed at the new job. And the second time, the job didn't pay what was promised. Both times, I ended up unemployed and looking for work. So, I'm a little gun shy about picking up my life and moving somewhere, where I don't know anyone, the job may not work out, and I may or may not meet "the one." I think that's an awful lot of risk. And, I've done a lot of big things in life on my own. I guess I'm just sort of exhausted. I'm not averse to moving out of my current city. But, doing it alone? And going through all of that again? I just don't know. (I'm aware there are no guarantees in life.)

Here's the thing. If I turned down every blind date or setup and then complained about being single, I could understand someone saying, "You really should take a chance and go on some of those dates." But seriously, I've BEEN on those dates. To the point where I want to cry because the person was so weird/not my type. I've been on the e-date sites as well. I'm not a wallflower either. I'm very outgoing and active in my church and community. Because of this, it's surprising I've not met someone somehow.

So, it's frustrating to think that I have to pick up my life and move (by myself) to some random city/state, in the HOPES of MAYBE meeting someone to date and then someday, maybe, marry. It's especially frustrating to think of that when I know so many who met their mates in high school, college, or through a setup. They get to meet them that way and I have to go through all this work, at 34 years old? At the risk of sounding like a whiny kid - "No fair!"

And really, I'm sure that suggestion (moving) sounds great. But, does anyone think it's THAT simple? Moving is a big deal. Moving when you're single is a HUGE deal. You make all the decisions and arrangements, you do the packing, you do the loading (hopefully with the help of friends), you sell your home, you, you, you, you. I've moved enough to know...it's not that fun.

I also like when married friends suggest I meet other single girls and befriend them. Now, I've sort of done this, via my blog. But, in "real" world, my friends, as I mentioned earlier, are married. Let me just say, I have a crap ton of friends. I mean, a lot. I'm not bragging, I'm just blessed. So, it's not all that appealing that in addition to finding a single man...I need to try to find single women to be friends with...so that we can go trolling for single men and discuss being single.

Married people clearly don't realize the work involved here. Doesn't this all just sound too hard? Or am I just lazy/too tired of the bullcrap?

Bottom line? I'm incredibly appreciative of ALL my friends. Really, I am. But, the lesson I've learned (and that I'd like to impart to all people) is this. If you don't know what to say, don't say ANYTHING. Seriously, it's totally ok to say, "Yeah, it sucks that you have to go through this, and I'm so sorry you're sad." Or, "I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry." I'd prefer either of those over instant solutions to my problem(s).