Another one bites the dust...

Well, another friend is getting a divorce.  This brings the grand total to 2 - in the last year or so.  And I have no clue if the other friend I've had issues with (and no longer speak to) is still pursuing divorce or trying to work it out with her husband.  I posted about this earlier this year.  And I'm still sort of in shock that 5 of my friends are either getting divorced, having troubles, or trying to work things out.  Yikes!

Anyway, this friend, let's call her UF...she confided in my earlier this year that her husband has some serious addiction issues.  While this totally shocked me, it also made sense when I thought about his behavior.  So, she's been pretty up front about their troubles.  She recently moved, due to her job, so we don't chat/get together as often.

She texted me the other night, saying we needed to talk - that things had happened.  I told her she could call any time.  I got an email from her yesterday.  The gist of the email was this - she tried to work things out with her husband...but she met someone earlier this year...tried to resist, but then fell in love with him...told her husband...tried to work things out...he still won't work on his issues...he filed for divorce.  She said she already has several friends not speaking to her because of this...and she was worried about how I would react, but wanted to tell me what was going on.  

That was quite the way to start my day/week.  Wowsa!  This is the third friend of mine who has cheated.  What is going on?  

It might surprise you how I responded to her versus how I handled the situation with this friend.  Basically, I told this friend that I'm here for her - even though I don't approve of what she did.  I told her that none of us know what we would do unless we were in someone else's shoes.  I told her that the difference between her and my friend that is no longer my friend - is that she had the guts to tell me herself (even if it was a few months after the fact).  She didn't exclude me from her life and make assumptions about what I would do.  She didn't let me find out about it from someone else.  And she didn't try to hide it from me by telling people not to tell me.  And she didn't blame me somehow for her own problems. 

My ex-friend still doesn't understand why I'm upset with her.  I'm 100% sure she thinks I'm ONLY upset with her for cheating...when it's so much more than that.  And she also thinks she has nothing to apologize to me for.  Uh uh. 

So, while I'm really sad to hear about the choice she made, I also know the load of crap she's dealt with regarding her husband's stuff.  That does NOT justify cheating.  But, I can see how she may have been at the end of her rope.  Again, doesn't justify it. 

I also offered her some unsolicited advice.  I told her it might be best if she was single for a while - even if this new guy is SO amazing.  Because really, I don't think it makes sense to be in another relationship when you aren't even finished with the one you're in. 
She took my response well and I get the feeling she felt relief that I didn't get mad at her or judge her.  Being a Christian, I find it so hard to deal with these particular situations.  On the one hand, I so strongly disagree with cheating (and have personal experience with it).  On the other hand - ALL of us make mistakes.  And it's really not my place to pass judgement.  If all of us stopped being friends with people when they made mistakes - NO ONE would have friends.  So, I'm hoping I did the right thing.  And I'm hoping that it's obvious how different her scenario and how she handled it with me was versus how my other friend handled hers.

On a side note:  I still don't understand something.  This friend described the new guy as amazing, responsible, sweet, kind, honest...  If this single guy is SO honest, what would possess him to be remotely interested in someone who is currently MARRIED?  I don't get it.  If a married male acquaintance approached me about dating/getting together - I would have ZERO interest.  Ya know why?  Because he's MARRIED.  I don't get it.  Ugh.

All of this to say that I'm still single, but my friend who isn't even divorced yet has already found someone else. 

What is going on?  WHY?  ARGHHH!