Cadbury Eggs

Well, it's that time of year...Cadbury Eggs are finally "in season!"

Here's the thing, I've loved (literally, loved) Cadbury Eggs for as long as they've been around. I know, I know. "They're so gross...way too sweet!" "What IS that yellow stuff in the middle?" "Ewwww, how can you eat that?" "It's just too much, blech!"

Every year, I have the same hope/plan. Every year, I eat the first one and hope that THIS will be the year. This will be the year I realize I'm too old for these. This will be the year where I realize how disgusting these really are. This will be the year when I say, "Oh, that's way too rich for me."

And every year...that hope is dashed. It's dashed by chocolatey, sugary, yummy, goodness. Every year, I enjoy them as much, if not more, than the previous year.

The good news is, I'm a pretty dedicated exerciser. I run 30-40 miles a week, and am usually training for a marathon.

The bad news is, I just discovered that they now have 5 packs of Cadbury Eggs!!! I mean, they've had the 4 packs for ages, but 5 packs? Really? Proof is below...

So, this is a problem - big time!

The even worse news? I'm having some minor surgery next week, which will take me OUT of running for a minimum of 3 weeks! Yep, I'll be laid up on the couch for 5 days, then ZERO running for 2 weeks after that. Sedentary life, here I come!

Please pray that I don't balloon to a size that requires new clothing! I'm banking on the fact that I won't be AS hungry when my activity level is less.

I'm going to enjoy my last few runs and try to enjoy the "down" time. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

Ramblings...

It's been 4 weeks since my Dad passed. It's weird...in some ways it feels like it's been longer and, in other ways, it does feel that recent.

I'm still in some disbelief that any of this happened. I have accepted that it did...but part of me can't believe that it did. Does that make any sense?

My dad is going to miss out on so many things. For example, he got to see my siblings marry and have kids...while I will not get to have that same experience. It makes me sad to think that if I ever do get married, he won't be the one walking me down the aisle. For lack of a better thing to say, "It's not fair!!!"

I'm sure I have so many stages of this yet to go through. I've gotten back into my routine and I've caught up with what I missed at work. It feels good to be back on a schedule.

As far as dating goes, I have no clue (as always) what may come next, if anything. I'd like to think my gut was right on the last one. I think something in us knows when something is right/going well.

Ben #2 and other news...

Hello all...I know it's been a few weeks since my last post. Unfortunately, the night after my last post, a whole mess of stress came my way.

My dad went into the hospital unexpectedly. He passed away the following week. It's been a very difficult and stressful time. We buried him a few days before my birthday.

I'm still sorting through all of this and it will obviously be a difficult road ahead.

So, the night that this happened, I was out to dinner with Ben #2. Dinner was just ok, I could tell that I just wasn't feeling the interest anymore. Then, somehow, kids came up. I mentioned that I really enjoy kids and think they're great.

His reply? "I'm not sure I want to have kids. There's other stuff I want to do...I want to travel...Kids are messy..." Yah, those are direct quotes. Now, I have no judgment about him not wanting kids or not being sure whether he wants kids. However, being that I'm in my 30s and 6 years older, I don't have that same luxury. I know I want kids, no doubt about it. I may not get to have them, but that's not the same thing. Side note: When I think about kids, the first word that comes to mind isn't "messy." Nope, it's not even in my top ten...even though I know they are messy.

It was at this point in the date that I made it clear that I do want to have kids (normally I wouldn't be gung ho about that early on, but because of his statements, I thought I should just say it). By the end of the evening, I think we both felt that things were "off" a bit. He asked if I wanted to keep hanging out, and I said we could go out again.

Truth be told, I wanted to give it another shot, but I sort of felt like this had run it's course.

Then, my dad went into the hospital...and my life has been upside down/sideways for the last 3 weeks (and will likely continue to be). Now, he did text/call a few times during that, but for some reason, he didn't check the site we posted updates to. So, he didn't realize my dad had passed for 5 days! I'm not penalizing him for this, but you'd think (if he's interested) he'd check the site and keep up (like all of my other friends/family).

He sent me a message on FB letting me know he just found out and that he was sorry. I replied with a sort of generic thank you message, thanking him for his sympathy, and letting him know it was a rough couple of weeks.

In my mind, that was sort of the end of our little "thing."

Cut to last night...when my phone rang and it was him. He left me a VM about wanting to chat, etc. Again, I can't penalize him for his effort, but the timing is just really bad. I'm having a hard time making simple decisions right now, I'm grieving, I'm sad. And the last thing I want to worry about is calling/going out with a guy that I was pretty sure I wasn't interested in before all of this happened.

So, now I'm trying to figure out how to handle this. I know I've posted this to all of you before - about whether you can blow off via email/FB/whatever. I'm in my 30s (as previously stated) and I don't want to be a total immature jerk about this. The thing is, Ben #2 and I went on a few dates, so I feel he deserves a phone call. However, I'm so not able to deal with any of this right now. I just don't know what to do (again, the whole "can't make decisions" thing).

As always, I welcome your thoughts/opinions, even if they include that you think I'm nuts!

UPDATE: Ben #2 sent me a text while I was home for lunch. He was basically asking if he should stop calling me so I don't have to have the awkward conversation with him. I appreciate his direct-ness (because he was right). However, I mean, it had been less than 24 hours since he called...it's not like it had been 4 days. But, whatever. Anyway, my plan was that I'd call him tonight to explain, but then he texted me. So...

I replied to his text, letting him know that the timing isn't right and that I need time to work through the stuff I'm going through. So that is that.

Oh, you can still offer your opinions...go right on ahead!

How fast is too fast?

OK, we've now passed official date #2 with "Ben." The date went well and I had a good time. We finished it off by watching a movie at his house. Before your dirty minds go anywhere...it was all good clean fun. But, he is definitely moving things along. (We saw each other Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.)

So, when I got home...I had this weird feeling of, "Do I like him?" That sent me into a stress spiral for the rest of the weekend.

For all intents and purposes, this guy is doing everything right. I mean, he's a lot of the things I've always said I wanted in a person. And, I do like that he is those things.

But, I'm trying to figure out if it's moving too quickly? Because, I went from being excited that he's texting me...to not sure whether I like him.

Granted, we still hardly know each other. So, I definitely want to continue to get to know him and see what happens. But, I also want to figure out what my "deal" is!

I think I'm under a lot of pressure (unintentional) from friends. I can't tell you how many people ask about it...and then get overly girly excited. It's too much for me. I find it odd that they freak out more than I do! So, part of me feels like I'm going to be "in trouble" or "too picky" if it doesn't work out.

I know I need to just listen to myself and trust my own heart. But, I don't want to miss out on a great guy because I'm scared. I also don't want to force myself to date someone that just isn't a match (for whatever reason).

I am very independent and I haven't really ever had a serious relationship. My guess is that these are big contributors of my little panic attack. I'm sure my mind is thinking, "Really? This fast? So unexpected..."

So, for now, I'm going to keep seeing where this goes. And maybe, as he and I get to know one another better, I can just tell him that I need it to move slowly.

Any advice from my fellow bloggers would be much appreciated!!!

Still going well...

Since our date last week, there have been more phone calls and a lot of texting! I have to admit, it's just good. And, to quote a fellow blogger, it's EASY.

Now, I realize that it's still pretty dang new with this fella, but it is easy. I don't have any of that phone call panic. You know, where you freak out when they're calling and then get nervous to call back. And then you get nervous about what to say...and then what they say, and then what you might say... You get the idea!

And typically, I ask my friends a ton of questions before I do something (such as calling/texting/whatever). Not this time. If I want to text him, I do. If he feels like calling me, he does. There are no games!

Now, normally, I would say that I wouldn't want to meet a guy in a bar, or discuss politics and religion early on. Those are pretty hot topics and I think it's best to wait a bit. Here's what's funny... We met in a bar (but not by chance), we discussed politics on our first date, and we discussed religion on one of our long phone calls. Luckily, neither of us are offended by the other's stance, so we're fine. But, it's just funny.

We like each other, plain and simple. And that, is a welcome change of pace from my usual dating debacles!

Part Deux - SUCCESS!

Finally, a positive dating experience to blog about.

I went out with "Ben" on Saturday night. We joined up with a few other couples at someone's house. It was a great night! We had great conversation (between the two of us) on the drive there and back. I think it was clear by the end of the night that we like each other.

I actually walked into my house and thought, "Yep, I like him. Uh huh." I never say that...trust me.

He and I discussed making plans to go out this week, so I figured I'd hear from him. Well, he texted and then called me yesterday afternoon. I'm so glad he didn't do the "wait two days" thing. We already have plans to go out this Friday. Yay!

Again, no matter what happens with this one, I already feel validated. When you like someone, you don't care if they call the next day (as opposed to someone you just aren't feelin' it with). And you want to see them again soon. And it feels comfortable when you're with them. I mean, I feel like I just know him. I'm not nervous around him at all.

Anyway, I'm saying prayers that whatever God wants for this, happens (whether it be what I want or not). Because, I'm just glad to be having a GOOD experience, for the first time in a long while.

Cross your fingers for me, blogger friends!

Part Deux is a GO!

So, when I last posted about "Ben" Part Deux, I really wasn't sure whether anything would come of it.

Since then, there have been behind the scenes conversations, with me OK'ing the passing along of my number. I guess he'd recently been on a few dates with another girl, and wasn't sure if he wanted to see where that went.

I didn't really expect to hear anything until after the new year...if at all. Well, surprise, surprise! He called me while I was visiting a close friend. Wahoo! Honestly, when I got the voicemail, my friend and I were like couple of high school girls!

Anyway, I called him back the next day and he invited me to a party (where we both know the hosts). I think this is good. We'll go together, which gives us time to chit chat on the way, but still it's a low pressure, casual situation.

Since setting that up, we've talked on the phone another time, for about an hour. So far, so good. Conversation was easy and there weren't many awkward pauses. I mean, it will have been about 3 weeks since we've actually seen one another, by the time we go to this party. But I think that's ok.

It feels good to have interest in someone again. I mean, this could all continue to go well, or we might not click on the next meeting. Either way, as I said before, it just feels good to NOT have a horrible experience.