Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Cadbury Eggs

Well, it's that time of year...Cadbury Eggs are finally "in season!"

Here's the thing, I've loved (literally, loved) Cadbury Eggs for as long as they've been around. I know, I know. "They're so gross...way too sweet!" "What IS that yellow stuff in the middle?" "Ewwww, how can you eat that?" "It's just too much, blech!"

Every year, I have the same hope/plan. Every year, I eat the first one and hope that THIS will be the year. This will be the year I realize I'm too old for these. This will be the year where I realize how disgusting these really are. This will be the year when I say, "Oh, that's way too rich for me."

And every year...that hope is dashed. It's dashed by chocolatey, sugary, yummy, goodness. Every year, I enjoy them as much, if not more, than the previous year.

The good news is, I'm a pretty dedicated exerciser. I run 30-40 miles a week, and am usually training for a marathon.

The bad news is, I just discovered that they now have 5 packs of Cadbury Eggs!!! I mean, they've had the 4 packs for ages, but 5 packs? Really? Proof is below...

So, this is a problem - big time!

The even worse news? I'm having some minor surgery next week, which will take me OUT of running for a minimum of 3 weeks! Yep, I'll be laid up on the couch for 5 days, then ZERO running for 2 weeks after that. Sedentary life, here I come!

Please pray that I don't balloon to a size that requires new clothing! I'm banking on the fact that I won't be AS hungry when my activity level is less.

I'm going to enjoy my last few runs and try to enjoy the "down" time. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Ramblings...

It's been 4 weeks since my Dad passed. It's weird...in some ways it feels like it's been longer and, in other ways, it does feel that recent.

I'm still in some disbelief that any of this happened. I have accepted that it did...but part of me can't believe that it did. Does that make any sense?

My dad is going to miss out on so many things. For example, he got to see my siblings marry and have kids...while I will not get to have that same experience. It makes me sad to think that if I ever do get married, he won't be the one walking me down the aisle. For lack of a better thing to say, "It's not fair!!!"

I'm sure I have so many stages of this yet to go through. I've gotten back into my routine and I've caught up with what I missed at work. It feels good to be back on a schedule.

As far as dating goes, I have no clue (as always) what may come next, if anything. I'd like to think my gut was right on the last one. I think something in us knows when something is right/going well.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ben #2 and other news...

Hello all...I know it's been a few weeks since my last post. Unfortunately, the night after my last post, a whole mess of stress came my way.

My dad went into the hospital unexpectedly. He passed away the following week. It's been a very difficult and stressful time. We buried him a few days before my birthday.

I'm still sorting through all of this and it will obviously be a difficult road ahead.

So, the night that this happened, I was out to dinner with Ben #2. Dinner was just ok, I could tell that I just wasn't feeling the interest anymore. Then, somehow, kids came up. I mentioned that I really enjoy kids and think they're great.

His reply? "I'm not sure I want to have kids. There's other stuff I want to do...I want to travel...Kids are messy..." Yah, those are direct quotes. Now, I have no judgment about him not wanting kids or not being sure whether he wants kids. However, being that I'm in my 30s and 6 years older, I don't have that same luxury. I know I want kids, no doubt about it. I may not get to have them, but that's not the same thing. Side note: When I think about kids, the first word that comes to mind isn't "messy." Nope, it's not even in my top ten...even though I know they are messy.

It was at this point in the date that I made it clear that I do want to have kids (normally I wouldn't be gung ho about that early on, but because of his statements, I thought I should just say it). By the end of the evening, I think we both felt that things were "off" a bit. He asked if I wanted to keep hanging out, and I said we could go out again.

Truth be told, I wanted to give it another shot, but I sort of felt like this had run it's course.

Then, my dad went into the hospital...and my life has been upside down/sideways for the last 3 weeks (and will likely continue to be). Now, he did text/call a few times during that, but for some reason, he didn't check the site we posted updates to. So, he didn't realize my dad had passed for 5 days! I'm not penalizing him for this, but you'd think (if he's interested) he'd check the site and keep up (like all of my other friends/family).

He sent me a message on FB letting me know he just found out and that he was sorry. I replied with a sort of generic thank you message, thanking him for his sympathy, and letting him know it was a rough couple of weeks.

In my mind, that was sort of the end of our little "thing."

Cut to last night...when my phone rang and it was him. He left me a VM about wanting to chat, etc. Again, I can't penalize him for his effort, but the timing is just really bad. I'm having a hard time making simple decisions right now, I'm grieving, I'm sad. And the last thing I want to worry about is calling/going out with a guy that I was pretty sure I wasn't interested in before all of this happened.

So, now I'm trying to figure out how to handle this. I know I've posted this to all of you before - about whether you can blow off via email/FB/whatever. I'm in my 30s (as previously stated) and I don't want to be a total immature jerk about this. The thing is, Ben #2 and I went on a few dates, so I feel he deserves a phone call. However, I'm so not able to deal with any of this right now. I just don't know what to do (again, the whole "can't make decisions" thing).

As always, I welcome your thoughts/opinions, even if they include that you think I'm nuts!

UPDATE: Ben #2 sent me a text while I was home for lunch. He was basically asking if he should stop calling me so I don't have to have the awkward conversation with him. I appreciate his direct-ness (because he was right). However, I mean, it had been less than 24 hours since he called...it's not like it had been 4 days. But, whatever. Anyway, my plan was that I'd call him tonight to explain, but then he texted me. So...

I replied to his text, letting him know that the timing isn't right and that I need time to work through the stuff I'm going through. So that is that.

Oh, you can still offer your opinions...go right on ahead!