What a dud!

OK, so since my post on Wednesday, JW texted me at 9:30 that night - asking if I was "having a fun warm week." 


Seriously?  How does one respond to that?  We still haven't spoken on the phone or set anything up.  I sent a short, generic reply and then he texted something about show choir stuff for his daughter.  Cut to Friday morning, when he texted, "Already Friday :)."  Again, seriously?  I just replied "TGIF." 


After a couple more texts, I finally sent this.  "I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel very comfortable texting someone I haven't met in person.  I'd be open to meeting sometime, if you would like."  He replied, "Yea.  I felt similar, but truly have no clue on this type of thing.  Thanks for saying something.  :)  That makes perfect sense to me too."  OK.  So I replied, "Glad we're on the same page :-)." 


And since then?  NOTHING.  That was Friday morning...  So.  Annoying.


I'm not made of stone...so I get that all of this is awkward and difficult.  But did he seriously not know that we would eventually have to SPEAK on the PHONE to set something up?  Was his plan to just text me and never meet?  Because that is also stupid. 


At this point, I don't think this guy can recover.  I even texted the friend who arranged it and she was annoyed that he was solely texting.  And my close friends have agreed that this has been handled poorly, from the way it was set up, to how he handled it. 


I'm certainly not expecting a call/text from him at this point, but if he DID call, I'm not sure I would go out with him. 


I'm not completely down and out, but this IS frustrating and seems to happen a lot.  Makes it very hard to be open to setups. 

Update on latest maybe set-up...

Well, there's really no update...but I can tell you what little has happened. 


So, the guy, we'll call him JW texted me Friday night...saying we know some friend in common.  Now, I'm fine with an initial text, but much like this set-up that went nowhere, ONLY texting doesn't really do much for me.  Especially when we haven't MET yet.


We texted back and forth, which was fine.  Figured out we're the same age, from neighboring home towns, and he has a degree in Finance.  All good.  I already knew he had a daughter, and he mentioned he was going to her show choir competition the next day. 


He texted me later Saturday night, "How's your night going?  Doing anything exciting tonight?"  Now, I'm sorry, but I have zero interest in sharing any of that info with him.  Not because I'm fiercely private, but because I have nothing invested in him.  We've never MET.  I don't even know what he looks like.  And we've also never SPOKEN.  So, I'm just not excited about texting with a stranger.  I did respond and we texted for a bit.  My answers got shorter, because I honestly don't like texting with someone who I'm being set up with.  All of the things we were texting about WOULD HAVE BEEN good to talk about on a first date. 


The last thing he mentioned was his daughter's name, and that he has her most of the time.  I had already told him it was cool he was at her show choir competition earlier.  So my response to his last text was just, "Cool." 


And it's been *crickets* ever since.  I'm not sure what (if anything) is going on...if he thinks I'm weirded out that he has a daughter.  If he just isn't interested, for whatever reason.  Or if he wants ME to initiate and send him a text.  ALL of these are reasons that text isn't good for two strangers who haven't met yet.  There's no way to read it and know for sure what the tone is. 


Also, I'm not planning to send him a text this week.  Because, again, I'm not invested in this person.  If we'd been on a few good dates and then I was getting texts?  Um, I'd be excited and texting him back and initiating texts.  But that is not the case. 


This brings me back to the setter uppers.  What a FAIL.  I'm annoyed.  I'm irritated that I keep saying yes to things and getting this type of crap. 


At this point, I'm not sure if I should follow up with one of the setter uppers or just let it lie.  We will see. 

Another potential blind date...

Well, here we are in February and I might have another set-up...2 for 2 months!  My friend texted me a few weeks ago about a guy she ran into (friend of her friend's husband's).  Anyway, she realized he was single and sent me a text asking if I was interested.  Mind you...this was prior to checking with the friend to see if this guy was even open to being set up. 


He's a few years younger than me, a single dad of an 11 year old girl, and a "stand up guy."  And the mother is not in the picture at all.  That is the extent of what I was told and what she actually knows about him.  Now, I've said before, that my preference would be to meet someone without kids and have our own family.  I love kids, but don't love the drama that can come with ex-spouses and stepkids...and I say that having had two stepmothers, both horrible. 


Anyway, I told my friend I would think about it - huge step out of my comfort zone - but I was definitely giving it thought.  In the mean time, I asked her if she could find out a BIT more about him...just so he and I would both know the set-up was in good faith - as in, the people setting us up sensed some common interests/traits OTHER than that we are both in our 30s and single. 


Because, really...that is just not enough.  I've gone on pretty much any and every set up thrown my way...and I think I've earned the right (especially after last month's fail) to ask WHY the person/people think we would be a potentially good match.  Heck, even dating websites' main purpose is to find common interests among people and connect them. 


When my friend texted me the other night, she said she'd met with her friend and "we decided the two of you should just go out."  Um, what?  Was I not clear?  So I confirmed with her that the guy IS open to being set up.  She then went on to say that she was wrong about the mom...and that she DOES have the daughter every other weekend.  Which, is pretty much the opposite of what she originally told me.  I realize she wasn't sure...but still.  And then I just asked, "Any reason why she/you think we would hit it off, other than we're single?  Not trying to be annoying, but that happens to me a lot." 


Her response?  "OMG, just go out with him!"  Um, ok.  I don't think I was out of line.  I went on to tell her that it's tough to do this over and over and I'd rather have a bit of comfort (for the guy, too) to know that there's a REASON we're being put together.  Doesn't mean it will work out...but it does mean that there's more of a chance.  Her response?  "I believe that, but you aren't going to find your husband by avoiding these things.  You could end up as friends and you would just have another circle of friends.  It's a win-win."


OK, that really irritated me.  First of all, I don't AVOID these things.  As I've said before, I go on practically every set-up presented to me.  And have done that for over a decade.  So, I think that statement is very unfair.  And I'm very social/out in the community, so I'm certainly not sitting at home and avoiding life.  Secondly, to be honest, I'm not looking for new friends or a new circle of friends.  I've been very fortunate to have several circles of truly fabulous friends.  And while it's always nice to make new friends, I'm really not looking to go on a date that could result in friendship/a new circle of friends.  And do you know how many times that scenario has happened in all my years of dating?  Zero. 


So, I went to bed that night feeling irritated and like I wasn't even heard.  At all.  And then started wondering if I was just crazy and if I was the one out of line.  Well, I talked to my two closest friends about it yesterday - both of whom would call me out in a minute, if they thought I was in the wrong - and they were both as irritated/frustrated as I was.  One was so angry she wanted to call this friend and give her a piece of her mind. 

I told this friend that yes, she could pass my number along to her friend, who will pass it along to this guy.  We shall see if it results in actual contact/date/anything.  And neither of us know what the other looks like, even.  In this day and age, you typically know that up front.  So this could be truly very blind. 


Due to the lack of information or checking about compatibility, I will go on the date (if it happens), but will not put up with this friend telling me I didn't give it a shot or wondering why we didn't hit it off.  I'm going into it with a "whatevs" attitude.  I will put my best foot forward (as always) on the date, but am not going to worry about it. 

Date #2 - there won't be a date #3...

Well, after a lot of hemming and hawing (internally), I did go on date #2.  I'm not going to lie...I had pretty much already decided there was no potential there, but wanted to keep my word. 


I met him there and he gave me an awkward hug.  It was weird.  Now, I'll totally admit that if he was a hot guy I was super interested in...I wouldn't be complaining, I'd be super excited that he initiated a hug.  But...that was not the case.


Once again...there was conversation, but nothing interesting or in common, so it just felt awkward.  Also, he told me what dish he liked at this restaurant and asked what type of Italian I like.  I told him I was probably going to order the chicken parmesan.  To which he replied..."Ooh, that sounds pretty good, I might get that."  He thought about it, for a while, then decided he'd stick with his pasta sampler.  Well, the waitress comes over to take our order and I order the chicken parmesan.  Then he says, "You know what?  I'm getting that...yeah, that sounds good.  I'll get the same thing." 


Now, lest you think I'm the biggest and pickiest jerk on the planet...hear me out.  On date #1, he asked what I liked...I told him...and he ordered the exact same thing.  On date #2, he does the same?  I don't care if people order the same thing as me...but this struck me as odd, like he's not an individual or something.


Our food arrives (it was delish) and it looks like I'm scarfing mine down...while he is taking FOREVER.  Same goes for his salad prior to the meal.  I assure you that I was eating at a very normal pace.  He then says, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a really slow eater.  And I just can't eat very big meals.  I eat like a bird.  But I'm working on it."  Um, what?  Huh?  WHO says any of that?  Especially if you're a guy?  I thought it was weird and I honestly didn't know what to say to that. 


He ended up boxing up half of his meal to take home...while I nearly finished mine.  LOL.  Oh well.


He had asked what I was doing after dinner, and I mentioned some stuff I needed to get done at home.  When I asked him the same...he literally thought about it, for a while, and couldn't come up with anything. 


As we wrapped things up, I thanked him for dinner.  He then said, "If ya want to get together again, let me know."  So, I decided that was my out...and that maybe he was feeling the same thing - that there was no common interests/connection.


Cut to Saturday morning...when he texted me, saying he doesn't date much and he should have invited me out after dinner.  Ugh.  Nice, but ugh.  So, I replied telling him that it was totally fine he didn't invite me (I wouldn't have gone), and that he was a nice guy, but I didn't think we had anything in common.  He replied that he thought the same thing. 


So, that's that. 

On the positive side, it wasn't a nightmare experience and it at least got me back in the game (kind of).  On the negative side, it was another failed blind date experience, which is frustrating. 


And while I appreciate my friend's attempt at a set-up, his FB message to me made it seem like this guy and I had a lot in common and would totally hit it off.  I'm telling you...it would be obvious to anyone that this guy and I would NOT hit it off/have anything in common.  And this friend knows me very well. 


So, I can only assume that he and his girlfriend (mid 20s) were hanging out with the guy at some point and thought, "He's so great...and he's single...do we know someone to set him up with?"  And, of course, I'm the only woman in her late 30s that they know. 

People - just because two very nice, fun people are both single does NOT mean they are a potential match for a date or otherwise.  If this guy and I had gone out again, it would have been painful for both of us, I'm sure. 


Anyway...onward and upward.  Right? 

Reporting on the date...

Well...it wasn't a nightmare, but I also don't think it was a match.  A little frustrating, but I'm taking it well. 


So, I meet the guy for lunch.  Now, based on his FB pic, I didn't think I was going to find him super attractive.  And I didn't.  He's my height or shorter and sort of on the thin/small side.  *sigh*  Not his fault...but also not what I'm attracted to.


We get in line to order and he asks what I'm going to order.  And asks how hungry I am (I was ordering soup and salad).  And then asks if I like to eat a big breakfast.  Let's just say...that was fairly odd small talk.  Awkward. 


Overall, the date was fine.  Nothing horrible.  Nothing amazing.  Nothing that made me think there was real potential there. 


Here's something I find a bit odd.  He's divorced (no kids) and probably in his mid 40s...and he lives in a one bedroom apartment.  Is that weird?  I'm not looking for a rich guy to whisk me away...but I am looking for a guy who is somewhat established and a one bedroom apartment seems like a flag to me.  But maybe it's not?  Weigh in...please! 


I talked it over with a couple friends and one of my good friends had really surveilled this guy's FB page.  Apparently, he's a huge fan of the band Widespread Panic.  And I guess he follows them, travels to a lot of their shows...has pics of the band as his cover page, etc.  She said that it's well known that MOST fans of this band do drugs...specifically pot and acid.  Now, it IS possible this guy doesn't do those things...but based on what she knows, she said she'd be surprised if he DIDN'T. 


So...that is weird (if it's true). 


The thing is...  I'm not physically attracted to him and not sure I ever could be.  And that is because there was nothing about him or his personality that made me think there was potential.  While our conversation was fine...I honestly can't think of anything we have in common, other than we both attend church.  And that's true of a lot of people. 


That said...when he asked about going out again, I told him I would.  And then he'd texted afterward and mentioned that again, and I said that would be fine.  Well...he asked me out for tomorrow night...today. 


I'm 99% sure I'm not interested, but I also think it'd be jerky of me to say NO to a date, when I've twice said I would go.  So, I'm going.  I'm going to meet him at the restaurant.  He offered to pick me up, but I'd like the security of knowing I have my own way out.


If something happens and I realize there's something there...then hey, it's a good thing I went on a 2nd date.  If I feel the same at the end of the date as I did on date 1, then I'm going to let him down kindly and just say I don't think we have a connection/stuff in common. 


So, that's that.

New Year...new date?

OK, I know.  I haven't posted in a long time, 3+ months.  Not sure if you've missed me or not, but I'll give you an update anyway.  ;-)

I'm still LOVING my house.  Seriously.  I can't get over how much I love having the extra space.  So happy with it.  And I now have my very own home gym, which is fantastic.  I can work out whenever I want and no longer have to go to the gym.

Um, my ex-friend who cheated on her husband and then they eventually divorced...and she (I think) dated a few others in there...started dating someone else and they got engaged over Christmas.  Let's just say I wasn't happy to read that on Facebook.  I mean, are you kidding me?  How is that possible?  It made me feel like crap, but I came out of it pretty quickly.  And while this isn't a nice thing to say, I don't have high hopes that her second marriage will go well. 


Christmas with family was fine...no major drama.  Once again, my family assumes I have no life and can come home whenever is convenient for them.  Seriously.  So, that was annoying.  And I spent probably $35 per kid (5 kids) and each couple spent $25 on me.  I feel appreciated.  :-)  Oh well, overall it was fine. 


Now, to the point of this post. 


A friend of mine has recently asked me about a potential set-up.  He knows me pretty well and thinks me and this guy would hit it off.  So, when he messaged me on FB, I was curious about it.  I also hadn't talked to him in a while, so I was just surprised to hear from him at all. 


I decided, rather than reply YES right away, to take a few days to think about it.  I trust this friend and he knows the nightmare set-ups I've been on, so I know he wouldn't suggest this unless he truly thought there was potential. 


Here's why I wanted to take a few days to think it over.  First of all, I almost always agree to set-ups right away, just because it's hard to meet people any other way.  So, I wanted to NOT do that this time.  My other concern is that, things are going really well for me right now.  I'm in a really good place...not necessarily OK with being single...but doing well overall.  So, this potential set-up could be a continuation of that good...OR could be a let down, which would be a setback.  I wanted time to think about that and whether or not I'd be willing to take that risk.   


I talked it over with a few friends, prayed about it a little...and decided to go for it.  So, I've given my friend the green light and he is going to pass my number along to the guy.  I also warned my friend about the last potential set-up, where a friend passed my number to the guy...and he never pulled the trigger, other than texting.  And...http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/03/ughwhy.html. 

I just wanted him to know that I would prefer that doesn't happen again. 


So, I'm trying to be open.  And calm.  And we'll see if this guy contacts me and sets something up.  I will keep you posted! 

Wish me luck! 

Ugh...WHY?

Well, I told you about a potential set up coming up.  I don't have much of an update, but here goes...

So, there was a bit more texting after that post, but not much.  And then nothing.  One of the setter uppers talked to him and he said, "She hasn't texted since Wednesday..."  The woman said, "Um, if a girl isn't texting you, she's expecting you to call!"  I don't even know this lady, but she is correct.  Even after her telling him that, he hasn't called.

Like I said, I'm fine if we do or don't go out.  However, I'd like to have that decision made sooner, rather than later.

I was told he was "not short."  And, based on the picture I saw, I guess I pictured him as a pretty good sized guy.

So, he and I haven't texted since late February.  Cut to tonight.  I was at an event and talking to someone, when he comes up to me and says, "Are you X?  I'm WV."  OMG.  I was totally caught off guard.  It's great that he came up and introduced himself, but I was a bit unprepared for running into him so randomly.

He is short.  Shorter than me.  Significantly shorter.  Ugh.  I did have heels on, but they weren't that high...and he'd still be shorter than me if I'd worn flats.  So disappointing.

I realize there is MUCH more to a person than their height.  I also realize that some men maybe don't want to date me, because of my height.  And I'm fine with that.  I get it.  But this is a very hard thing for me to let go of/ignore.  It's part of what attracts me to a guy.  And I hate being taller or towering over him.

Anyway, I texted my friend who is involved with the setup and she said that the other setter upper is very short.  So, yeah, this guy probably does seem tall to her.  Wish I'd known this before.  My answer about the setup may have been different.  I know that sounds bad, but that's just how I feel.

I didn't stick around to talk to him afterward, because he was working the event (I think) and I hadn't planned to stay too long.

So, I have no clue what will happen now.  I'm trying to keep an open mind and be open to still going on a date with him, if that's what happens.  But really, my tiny scrap of hope for this setup is somewhat gone.

Potential set-up ALERT!

As always, you, my dear readers, are the first and only people to get this news.  A friend of mine was talking to a friend of hers, about how she has a single friend, looking...  And then her friend said, "I have a friend who is also looking, but doesn't want to do the bar scene."  So, my friend asked if I was open to a blind date/set-up.  I took a few nights to sleep on it, and decided to give it a whirl.  We'll call this potential date "WV."

We did all the pre set-up things...  Saw each other's pics...know each other's ages, through our friends.  And then I gave the go ahead to pass my number along to him.

So...I expected to be getting a call at some point.  Anyway, he ended up texting me, explaining that he's a bit shy and hoped texting was ok.  Now, I'm fine with that.  I get it.  I certainly didn't want to call him first.  But, I think there's a limit to how much texting I am willing to do with someone I haven't even met face to face yet.
Since the first text, there's been a lot of communication via text.  And no phone call.  We've talked about what churches we go to, what we do for a living, what we studied in college...

I guess, I'm thinking these would all be good topics on an actual date.  In person.  By the time we go out, I'm not sure what we'll talk about.  Usually, you keep it light on a first date...and we've covered a lot of that via text. Add to that that he's shy, and I'm thinking there could be a lot of awkward pauses.

The other issue I have with all of this texting is that I don't want to be texting with someone all day long, that I DON'T EVEN KNOW.  It'd be different if we'd had one date already, and I thought there was some potential there.  The texting would be kind of fun, then.  But, at this point, neither of us know if we find the other attractive in person, if there's any chemistry, etc.  So, it's kind of a waste of both of our time, I think.

And, a lot of this texting has been during the day, when I'm working.  And it's non-stop.  Kind of annoying. I'm tempted to say, "Are you even working right now?  Because, I am."  (I know, that would be rude.)

With texting, unless you know the person, you don't really know their sense of humor/personality well enough to get some of their meaning.  So, at one point, I hadn't responded to something.  He later texts, "Didn't like my comment, huh?"  Um, no...I just didn't have a response for that, so I didn't text anything.  I hate the "Do you think he got the joke?  Do you think he's mad at what I said?  Do you think he fell asleep and that's why he's not texting back?" stuff.  It's annoying.

Also, and this is just me being snotty, he ends nearly every text with "LOL."  Even when "LOL" has nothing to do with what he's saying.  For example, "Must have fallen asleep.  LOL."  Or, "Well, good morning! LOL." Um, no.

We haven't texted since Friday morning, so I'm not sure if that means anything or not.  I'm fine if we do or don't end up going on a date, but I'd rather know sooner than later.

And yes, I'm aware that I complain about not having date opportunities and now I have one and I'm irritated with him.  HA!  But, hopefully some of you have been in this situation and can relate.  It just feels weird to spend time texting someone you've never met in person.  A little is fine...but I feel it's been too much, already.

Feel free to yell at me in the comments!

Final rant for Thursday...

Again, I think I've mentioned this before.

As frustrated as I am with my single status, I don't have a great solution for it. 

Online dating?  OK, well, I've tried that and absolutely hated it.  Also, I think, to some degree, it's a bit risky/dangerous.  And, there are plenty of fellow bloggers' horror stories that keep me from doing it again. 

Set-ups/Blind dates?  OK, well, I am very vocal about being open to those.  And I've been on several.  The problem is this.  People that offer to set you up almost NEVER follow through.  I have one friend who has failed 3 times and SHE'S the one who brought each potential set-up up to ME.  And trust me, I've followed up, I've emailed, Facebook messaged, asked several friends about set-ups.  And almost always, they don't follow through.  Well, it's not like I have the guy's information, so I can contact him myself.  And if I did...that might be a bit stalkerish. 

Out and about in the world?  Hmm.  I'm a pretty social gal.  I usually have something social going on every weekend.  I'm a runner...so I'm constantly at races where there are a lot of people...including, I would think, single men.  I dress nice and put myself together well...so it's not like I'm wearing a sweatshirt, hair tied in knots, with no makeup on. 

So tell me.  WHAT should I be doing?  I'm not claiming that I'm out on different dates 3-4 times a week.  Kudos to anyone who can and does do that.  Impressive.  I think that would be too much for me, unless it was the same guy or a boyfriend.  But, I'm completely open to set-ups or meeting someone, and it's not happening.  I can't go back in time and meet the guy in high school or college.  So, I feel like the above 3 options are the most obvious.   

Grrrrrrr. 

Potential set-up...that I almost never heard about

So, while I was visiting my friend, we FaceTimed her sister-in-law (whom I've met).  Anyway, I find out that she's had a guy in mind to set me up with.  This was the FIRST I'd heard of it (but my friend has known about it).

Now, I'm not trying to overreact or anything...but it escapes me why my friend hadn't ever mentioned it to me.  I asked her and she said she wasn't sure how I'd feel about it with all the other set-ups I've been on...  OK, that's true.  But she ALSO knows how much I want to meet someone, get married, and have kids (and how the kids thing is getting less and less likely).  So, why wouldn't she at least ASK me if I have any interest?  I don't understand. 

I'm not angry about it or anything, but it makes me wonder how long her sister-in-law has had this guy in mind...and whether it's even a possiblity anymore.  Now, I don't know much about him, but I would at least like to entertain the possibility.

So, rather than waiting for my friend to say something, I messaged her sister-in-law on FB and asked her about it.  We'll see if she responds and if anything comes of it. 

It's not that I expect my friend to put my love life as a priority - because #1) that is stupid; #2)  she has other things at the top of her list, understandably.  But, I guess I'm just a little irritated that she didn't even attempt to pursue it or discuss it with me.  I'm sure I'm being oversensitive and overreacting, but still. 

And yeah, this potential set-up could totally turn out to be nothing or not work out.  But, it's not like I'm loaded down with dates right now...so I guess I'd rather see if there's any potential. 

Reflections of a single girl...

Every once in a while, I take a moment and think about why I'm single.  I sometimes worry it's because of the dad I had (not fantastic).  I sometimes worry it's because I'm scared of a relationship (even though I want it).  Or I worry that I'm just no good at it. 

So, I dig back through the recesses of my mind and go through the various situations I've been involved with.  Granted, I haven't had a lot of serious relationships, but I've dated and been on many blind dates (most of them awful). 

Let's start with high school and college.  I can easily peg this one.  I was way too busy to have a boyfriend.  Oh, I wanted a boyfriend, but I can see why I wasn't approached.  I was involved in everything and busy all the time.  Don't get me wrong, I was a friendly gal, but I'm pretty sure the volume of stuff I was involved with might have been intimidating.  Add to that that I didn't truly have time to date someone...and you get your answer.  And I'm fine with that.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Now, sadly, my first real boyfriend came in my early 20s.  He was a co-worker at my summer job.  I had a HUGE crush on him instantly.  Because he was HOT!  And he was super nice and easy to talk to.  He was a couple years younger than me, too.  Anyway, as the days passed, I decided that I wanted to date him bad enough that I would ask him out.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a big deal.  I never ask guys out and the thought pretty much makes me want to vomit.  But, I really wanted to date this guy.  So, I eventually asked him out and he said yes.  We dated for probably 2 months after that.  And it was pretty smooth sailing.  We had fun.  I had some nerves, but they were the fun kind of nerves.  The kind where you are hoping he's going to call you to go out again.  And you're hoping you get to see him soon.  We even went to a friend of mine's wedding together!  He even called me "honey," which totally caught me off guard.

Another shocker, I could tell he was nervous to kiss me, but I was dying for him to do it.  So, when he dropped me off one night, I kissed him on the cheek - opening the door for him to kiss me on our next date.  And he did.   

The breakup was sort of a non-breakup.  He was supposed to meet me at my house to go to something.  Now, it was a family thing...and I was very clear that I'd love for him to come, but that I would totally understand if it was a little too much, too soon.  He committed to coming.  Well, my mom and I were ready to go and he wasn't at the house.  Ever.  When I called, his roommate said he was taking a nap.  Anyway, we eventually talked about it and I said, "If you didn't want to come, you could have just told me you didn't want to come.  Not a big deal."  And I would NOT have broken up with someone over that, seriously.  However, we sort of just faded out after that...     

I'm certainly not going to say that I made zero mistakes in that relationship, but overall, I think I was a pretty good girlfriend.  I was easy breezy, didn't hound him non-stop, or get upset about too many things.  It was easy.  And I'm sure he and I weren't meant to be.  That relationship's purpose may have been just to have a little fun over the summer - and I'm fine with that. 

But, what I took from that is that I'm capable of being IN a relationship and not being scared, nervous, or uncomfortable all the time.  It was natural.  And, by no means do I carry a torch for this guy, but I haven't really had that feeling since then.  There have been feelings close to it, but not quite.  Usually, I'm worried that the guy is going to kiss me (meaning I really don't want to kiss him). 

There was another guy, from college, who I sort of reconnected with a few years later.  I always thought he was a good guy...and very attractive.  Anyway, I emailed him and it started some back and forth.  His emails were so sweet that ALL of my friends were sure this guy was into me.  I mean, there was no misinterpreting it.  I even visited him (lives a few hours from me) when I was in town.  After a lot of emailing about whatever...NOTHING ever happened.  And that's fine.  But again, the point is that I initiated it and made the effort.  I didn't hide out and not do anything. 

Between post college and now, there have been A LOT of blind dates/setups.  And I'd say 95% were bad.  This will not surprise most of my readers, since some of you write blogs completely dedicated to the crapfest that is online dating/blind dating.

Let me also say, that it's entirely possible that I'm some other guy's "horrible blind date" story.  I'm ok with that.  Although, it's doubtful my behavior compares to what I've witnessed. 

I've had guys ask me how old I am 5 minutes into the date.  I've had guys tell me they can dance like Usher.  I've had guys brag about how they speed on the highway in their patrol car late at night.  I've had guys want to show me how they like to take their car and spin it around on the ice during the winter.  I've had guys take me to an old folks' breakfast place, for DINNER.  I've had guys not speak more than 10 words - the entire date.  I've had guys ask me out/plan a second date while we're still on our first date.  I've had guys talk about their horrible money problems - on the first date.   

And let me say, I'm very accommodating.  Even when I'm having a horrible time and I know it's not going to go any further, I'm still friendly and engaging while on the date.  This is good and bad.  It's good because I think it's the polite thing to do.  It's bad because it gives the guy the impression that you also had fun and that you'll go out with him again.  Then I'm put in the awkward position of turning the guy down when he asks for a second date.  Ugh.  So.  Awkward.

Again, not saying that I'm perfect or too good for any of these guys.  But, what I am saying is that most of my friends are shocked by the date stories I have.  None of them woud go out with these guys again, either.  So, I know I'm not crazy or "too picky."

So, when I put all of that together, I guess I feel like it's not necessarily my issue, but just an issue of me and whoever my guy is not having met yet.  Because, it's clear that I'm capable of initiating a relationship/date and keeping it.  It's clear I'm open to dates, because I've continued to go on one horrible blind date after the other. 

In a way, it puts my mind at ease.  In another way, it pi$$es me off that other people have found their mate and I haven't!     

     

I'm such a "big girl!"

Well, here is what transpired with RC.

The more I thought about it, I knew I couldn't return his call and then say, "I wanted to call you back, to let you know I don't want to go out with you." Ugh. So, I figured there wouldn't be any harm in meeting for a casual dinner and see if that changed anything for me.

I returned his call the next night and we made plans to meet for dinner Thursday night. We met at a very casual place, and I figured meeting there would ensure it wasn't TOO date-like. Our conversation was fine, but again, there was just nothing there. It was like talking to an acquaintance or a casual friend. Still, I gave it my best shot.

Anyway, as the evening wound down, I thanked him for dinner. He then said he'd give me another call so we could do it again.

Watch out. This is where I become an adult...hope you can handle it.

I decided to just be up front with him right then and there, in the moment. So, I told him that while I thought he was nice, I just didn't think there was a connection there. And I told him that I didn't want to be dishonest or lead him to think something further was going to happen. He handled it very well, saying he appreciated it and he totally understood.

DONE.

We walked out together and said good night. No real harm done.

It felt SO good to leave the date knowing I wouldn't have to stress about him calling/texting to set another date up. Or to stress about returning the call or the friend who set it up being upset with me.

I've been criticized on this blog before for texting/avoiding discussion about not wanting to go on further dates, so it felt good to do the "right" thing.

So, while the date isn't going to go anywhere, I think it was a good jumping off point for 2012. I've started the year handling that situation in a positive and mature way, which is good!

Yay me!

First set-up of 2012

OK, I need some advice from my blogger friends who are experienced daters!

So, the other day, a married couple I'm friends with told me they had someone in mind for me. They gave a quick description and I indicated we could do a group/casual thing, just to meet. We all met at the local bowling alley, my friends, their 2 boys, me, and the guy. We'll call him RC.

RC and I arrived first and we chatted while we waited for our friends. He's a perfectly nice guy, but do you know what I mean when I say there was nothing there? It's not like he was a jerk or hideously unattractive, and yet, I just didn't feel a thing. And, the litmus test - could I picture myself kissing him? NO.

So, our friends arrived and we bowled a few games. We all had a good time bowling and it was very casual/laid back, as I had hoped. I had to sneak out early, to make it to another gathering.

My friend texted me that night, asking what I thought. I replied that RC "seemed like a nice guy," and didn't say anything more.

Fast forward to Monday, when my friend (who works with RC) texts me that it's RC's birthday on Tuesday. Why do I need to know this? I don't have this guy's number, email...anything. I texted back, "Um, ok?" Anyway, my friend wanted me to know that, just in case RC and I spoke on Tuesday. Then he said, "since he did ask for your number this morning."

So I replied that I thought he was nice, but wasn't sure it was a match. Watch out, here's where I messed up - then I said "I guess I could try a one on one." Now, in my defense, I had hoped my friend would ASK me if it's ok to pass along my number.

Cut to last night, when RC phoned me. The first call, he didn't leave a voicemail. The second call, he left a voicemail - wanting to get together for dinner sometime this week.

First question: Should my friend have asked me whether or not he could give this guy my number? Just curious.

Second question: I don't really want to go any further with this guy, but now I feel like I have to do a dinner/date. What are my options? I'm planning to call him back tonight...so don't worry, I'm not going to ignore/not respond. Do I go to dinner with him and then let him know there's no connection? Ugh, how do I get myself in these situations?

Taking advice...GO!

Another potential set-up...

About a month ago, one of my friends randomly texted me about a potential set-up. She gave me some info about the guy and asked if she could move forward. Because I'm apparently a glutton for punishment, I told her she could set something up, but keep it casual - maybe a group thing.

Cut to 3 weeks later and I'm on the phone with a mutual friend of ours. This friend asks me how my date went. Um, what? Huh?

I realize I can be overly snippy, but here were my immediate thoughts.

1) I'd not heard ANYthing about a date with this person for over 3 weeks.
2) Why would someone else that's not involved with the date, know about it before the person actually going on the date?

Things like this get to me...and it's largely why I abhor being set up. I informed the mutal friend that nothing had been set up and that I hadn't heard anything for a while. To which she says, "Oh, well I'll follow up with her on that."

Um, why would YOU follow up with her? Is this YOUR date? I don't think so. This is actually MY potential date, and I'll follow up with her if I want to. I don't really need you to intervene for me, I'm 34. Again, I know my friend thought she was helping, but I guess I'm just saying it isn't really her place to do so.

So, this friend checks up on the situation and then I get an email from the original setter upper. Apparently someone was out of town and that's why there was a delay in setting up. Anyway, now we are in the "planning" phase, potentially something next week.

When someone offers to set me up, and I agree, I guess I just don't feel it's my job to then hound them and ask about it all the time. I figured my friend had either a) forgotten about the whole thing or b) was in process. I'm not going to go chasing it down - especially when I didn't initiate. That's just me, I guess.

The other thing, our mutal friend has now been invited. A while back, I decided to stop telling people when/if I was being set up. Of course, I tell my blog readers - duh! But, it just got too hard fielding the many phone calls the day after a date and having to explain why I did/didn't like the guy/date. So, I find it's easier to keep it to myself and whomever sets us up and only tell very close friends or whomever I choose. When I went out with Ben #2 last year - there was no way to NOT tell friends, because a ton of them were there the night we met. Ugh.

It was a hard lesson to learn and took me a while, but I've committed to it! And I hadn't told ANYone about this setup. But then my friend tells our mutual friend and voila...people now know. And I'd prefer that friend isn't there, because she tends to tell me how I acted. Like, whether I looked at the guy, talked to the guy, laughed, didn't laugh, etc. I'm not a dream date, but I do know from experience that I'm totally fine on a date - friendly, animated, etc. So, I don't need an audience, thank you. I figured the "group" would be me, the guy, my friend and maybe his friend who thought of the setup? Random people...

So, you may read this and think, "Holy crap, she is highly sensitive!" And I get that. But hopefully you'll see some of my points?

Has anything similar happened to any of you?

'Tis the season of blind dating...

OK, so if you read this post, you know that I have put myself back on the market (mostly for blind dates/set-ups).

Here's the funny thing... For some reason, Fall is MY time for dating. Nearly every year, it never fails...all of these random set-ups/dates/potentials come my way, from out of nowhere! So, it started with the horrible Red Lobster date, and now there could be more...

A friend of mine randomly suggested this guy she works with, we'll call him "Ben." So, he & I exchanged a few emails and that went well. We agreed to meet for drinks last week. I met him downtown and we both had a beer. Shockingly, the conversation was pretty good and we got along well. Before we knew it, it was dinner time. So, we stayed and ordered some food and the conversation continued.

Five hours later...we said good night. So, it's safe to say that this date was NOT the train wreck that most of my dates usually are. We have some things in common and conversation flowed easily. We both agreed that we'd go out again sometime this weekend.

Here's the thing - I don't think I'm all that attracted to him. Ugh! The date went well enough that I would definitely go out again, just to see if anything was there, but I'm a little stressed. He's on the small side. He is more than a few inches shorter than me and just kind of skinny. I'm not a big girl, but I am 5'11", so height is an issue for me. I know some of you may judge that and say that I'm cutting out an entire population of good guys, but I can't help how I feel.

I am honestly just more comfortable with taller/bigger guys. It doesn't mean that I will write "Ben" off, but things aren't looking good. We are going out tomorrow night, dinner and a movie.

Oh yeah, we both happen to be signed up for the same road race tomorrow morning. He asked me what I was doing before the race. I said, "Um, sleeping?" So, he then asked if I'd want to meet up with him before the race.

The thing is...we're not dating (for realz) just yet. We've had ONE date. So, I guess I feel like it's a little much to meet up and apparently run with him the morning of our second date! I mean, come on! (I'm aware that I complain about being single and then when someone shows interest, I'm pushing back. But hopefully you get my meaning.) I'm saying that now we'll go out tomorrow night and not have that much to talk about, given our 5 hour first date, and the race in the morning. This is to say nothing of the fact that now I'll have to actually look in the mirror tomorrow before leaving the house for the race.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm making more of any of this than is necessary, but I'm just not good at dating. I don't think it's fun. I think it's a bit of a chore, actually. If I could meet someone and then just say, "Yes, you are the right one. Let's go get married." THAT is how I'd like to do it!

So, I'm sure tomorrow night's date will go fine, but the issue of physical attraction is still open. I can totally see myself being friends with this guy, just not sure if I can picture kissing him? Have any of you had this issue? Do you feel where I'm coming from? Am I crazy?

Another friend of mine's hubby, Facebooked me out of the blue a few days ago. He wondered if I was seeing anyone, because he has someone in mind. So, supposedly that guy is going to email me at some point?

Too funny...Fall is my season, I tell you!

Another horrible blind date...

OK, so I mentioned recently that I'm going to delve back into the dating world. I didn't really have a plan, but figured I'd just be open to whatever.

A few weeks ago at church, I ran into this older guy who is always very nice to me. He means well, but is a bit off kilter. Anyway, out of nowhere, he asks if I'd be interested in a set-up. (I had not said a word about dating.) So, it was one of those moments where I was very caught off guard and didn't really feel like I could say no.

I agreed to the set-up, not knowing WHO he was setting me up with or ANYTHING about this individual. Also, Fred & his wife were going to join us. The date was set for tonight, at Red Lobster - of all places. (It should be noted that I do not like seafood and have been to Red Lobster one other time in my life.)

I walk in and this guy comes up next to me, like he knows me. Oh, it's him...it's my date. Um, let's just say, NO...heck no.

I know, I'm about to sound super snotty and judgmental, but here goes...

He was overweight and just a little hillbilly-ish for my taste. I'm guessing he's in his 40s (I'm 33). Fred arrives, without his wife, so I know the awkwardness is just beginning.

We are finally seated and conversation is a struggle. It turns out me and my date have almost zero in common. He likes to hunt, ride motorcycles, and pours cement for a living. He doesn't watch tv, so we couldn't even discuss a funny show. He also mentioned going to "movie shows." I wasn't sure what a movie show was...then realized he was talking about movies. Um...ok?

I'm dying for the date to end...when the waiter offers to get our checks. He asks how we want them. Fred says he's on his own. I'm waiting to see what my date says...and he says NOTHING. So I said, "Um, we're separate too." I got to pick up my own tab for this awful experience - BONUS!

At this point, I assume the date is nearly over...since the bills are paid. Fred then continues the discussion... UGH! Then he says he's going to leave us and let us chat for a bit. Are you KIDDING me? What body language from this evening has led you to think this guy and I will have any conversation?

So Fred leaves...and we are sitting there. To make matters worse, our waiter drops by to say he doesn't care how long we stay...he's fine with not getting another table. Thanks a lot, buddy...you're a big help.

My date couldn't have been more awkward and non-conversational. So finally I said, "ya know, we can just go..." I told him I'm sure I'll see him at church sometime and said it was nice to meet him.

Seriously...I open myself up to this again and THIS is my first experience? Really? REALLY???

Haircut update and other ramblings...

OK, so, I've decided to get the haircut! In 2 weeks, I will no longer wear a ponytail. I will no longer feel it swinging back and forth when I run. I will no longer spend an hour straightening it. I will no longer be hot ALL the time, because of the 6 pounds of hair on my head. I will no longer feel like I have a pet, due to all the hair I shed throughout my house.

All in all, I'm pretty much ready for it. Of course, that could change if I end up hating it... But, each day I feel like it's the right decision, even if it's a major one. While I'm curious how men will respond/react to me with shorter hair, I can't keep it long "just in case." Hopefully, the right guy will like me, regardless of my hair length.

On to other news...I've been thinking lately that I need to get back into the dating game. I just realized that it's been a while since I've been on a date. At first, it was intentional. I'd been on another horrible set-up and swore them off afterward. I decided that I would no longer "put myself out there," because I'd done it too many times with crap results.

So, I haven't been on any set-ups, blind dates, online dating - NOTHIN'!

So how does one get back in the swing?

Well, I joined a free online dating service (I know, they're not great - but I'm too cheap to pay). Oh. Wow. I don't claim to be perfect, but some of the guys I've come across...

First of all, my profile clearly states my religious affiliation. And, no, I don't require that my mate share the same denomination. However, they DO need to share my belief in God. I make that pretty clear in my "bio." I point out that God and church are an important part of my life.

I have friends, and even family, who are non-believers. While I don't agree with their beliefs, it doesn't affect our relationship. But, I think in a couple, it's important to be on the same page in that area.

I'm saying all of this because at least half of the "messages" I've gotten, are from men who clearly state they are "non-religious."

If I'm reading a guy's profile, and I find him attractive/interesting, then see that he's non-religious - well, I'm probably not going to message him.

So, it sort of gets me that these guys still message me anyway. Yes, I know, I sound like a snot - I'm aware. Really, I say believe what you want. But, for me, it's important that my mate has a relationship with God.

Some of the other guys who've messaged me are just plain creepy or super old. Why does a 48 year old man message a 33 year old woman?

Also, it would help if EVERYone who dates online would use a CURRENT and ACCURATE picture of themselves. I love when a guy has 6 pictures on his profile and I come across one that's attractive. Then, the next picture is him 50 pounds heavier and looking older. Which one is he? Right now, my profile pic is with long hair, but I'm sure I'll change it to the short hair after my haircut.

So, my first foray back into the game is a fail. And, everyone I know is married...so I'm not quite sure if any set-ups are in my future.

Any suggestions from my fellow bloggers would be welcome!

Jack The Stripper

OK, this is probably one of my favorite blind date stories. One of my close friends decided to set me up with a single co-worker of hers, whom she didn't know all that well. So, we decided to do a double date with her and her husband.

Now, I’ll preface this story with the fact that I wasn’t in a super fantastic place in my life. I was in between jobs, or as I like to say, on sabbatical. So I was in a constant state of stress, financially and emotionally. I wasn’t even sure I could sit on a date knowing that the topic of jobs would come up, and I’d have to say I was currently doing nothing.

We had dinner at a local restaurant and it went fairly well. I wouldn’t say there were sparks, but as a group, we seemed to be having a good time.

We went to a local bar afterward for drinks. All of us were chatting it up, having a decent time. Then Jack proceeds to tell a wonderful story, which is how he received the namesake of this blog entry.

He was talking about being best man for his brother’s wedding. He planned the bachelor party at a local strip club. Jack said he hadn’t been to one before, so he was sort of telling it like he was embarrassed. I was already concerned that this guy was telling a strip club story on a FIRST BLIND DATE. Hello!!!

Jack said when he walked into the club a stripper grabbed him and gave him a free t-shirt. She took him to a private room in the back, where she proceeded to climb on top of him and shake her boobs in his face. He said they were really sweaty and you could tell she’d been dancing a lot that night.

The whole time he’s telling this story, I’m dying inside and I can tell my friends are too. We were ALL trying our best to change the subject or do anything to get him off the stripper story. But, none of it worked.

We all said good night and as we walked to our cars, my friend's husband said to her, “Well, he just shot himself in the foot…”

It doesn’t even matter that I’m not a “stripper” kind of gal. Had Jack and I ever actually dated, I would NEVER want to know that story. That’s a story a man can keep to himself and think about whenever he wants, but it should never be repeated.

Divorced Father of Two

I was in a Bible study, through church, that consisted of 2 couples and me. I really enjoyed these people and the fellowship time we had together. Dana told me she wanted to set me up with someone and I agreed. Her only descriptors at the outset were that he was tall and attractive. How can you go wrong with that, right?

The following week at Bible study, everyone was asking if I was ready for my big blind date. Dana decides to spring the following information on me, the day before the date. “Oh yah, he’s divorced, has two kids, and I think he’s in his mid-thirties.”

After I wiped the shock from my face, I asked her what she was thinking. You see, I was only twenty four years old at the time. Someone in their thirties with two kids wasn’t on my radar at that time. Unfortunately the date was already set for the next day, so I couldn’t really back out.

I met this man and the other two couples at Lonestar the next day. The conversation flowed well within the group. He proceeds to tell me about his daughters and I asked how old they were. Yeah, they were fourteen and twelve! Hmm, so I’d be more like an older sister, right? I could tell he was a religious man, which is a great quality. However, he told me a story that was slightly disturbing.

He had been driving home one night and strongly felt the urge to go to his sister’s trailer home and pray for her and her family. So he stood outside the trailer and walked around praying. Meanwhile, his sister is inside and scared to death because she hears someone outside her door. She proceeds to call the police, who end up coming to the house. While this guy thought the story was hilarious, which it kind of is, I found it a little off-putting. I mean, why couldn’t he have just gone into her house and told her he wanted to pray for her, rather than roam around outside?

That wasn't the only detractor for me not wanting a second date. While I do want kids someday, I really wasn't looking to be a stepmother at 24...to teenagers.

The Swearer...

This is one of those setups you WISH wouldn’t have happened. I was living with a family while studying out west. Marie was my studying to be a principal and had some classmates over one morning.

I had a horrendous cold and felt horrible. So I was working on projects for school in my pajamas. I’d type, then blow my nose, type, blow again…etc. My hair was up in some sort of knot. Seriously, I have no idea how it got that way, but there was no getting it undone. Let’s just say I looked absolutely horrible.

Marie decides to introduce me to this guy. First of all, he was short, which I’m not really into. Secondly, what girl really wants to be introduced to someone when they look and feel the way I did? He asks me if I’d like to go to dinner and Marie accepts, right in front of me. There was no getting out of this one.

I met him and a few of his friends out for dinner that night. The conversation was ok and his friends seemed fun. But then things turned when he spoke. Apparently, this guy couldn’t form a single sentence without using the F word. Here is an example, “I went to the F’ing store the other day and let me tell you, it was F’ing hot, I couldn’t F’ing believe it!”

I am a girl that rarely swears and would prefer that others don’t use inappropriate language. So this was incredibly offensive to me, not to mention, shocking. I had no idea that someone could think that it’s appropriate to speak that way on a blind date, first date, or any date, for that matter.

It became so noticeable, that even his friends gave him a hard time. At one point, one of them said, “Really, was it hot? Or was it F’ing hot?” We all laughed, but I couldn’t wait to get the heck out of there.

Needless to say, there was no second date with this guy...