Monday, March 9, 2015

What a dud!

OK, so since my post on Wednesday, JW texted me at 9:30 that night - asking if I was "having a fun warm week." 

Seriously?  How does one respond to that?  We still haven't spoken on the phone or set anything up.  I sent a short, generic reply and then he texted something about show choir stuff for his daughter.  Cut to Friday morning, when he texted, "Already Friday :)."  Again, seriously?  I just replied "TGIF." 

After a couple more texts, I finally sent this.  "I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel very comfortable texting someone I haven't met in person.  I'd be open to meeting sometime, if you would like."  He replied, "Yea.  I felt similar, but truly have no clue on this type of thing.  Thanks for saying something.  :)  That makes perfect sense to me too."  OK.  So I replied, "Glad we're on the same page :-)." 

And since then?  NOTHING.  That was Friday morning...  So.  Annoying.

I'm not made of I get that all of this is awkward and difficult.  But did he seriously not know that we would eventually have to SPEAK on the PHONE to set something up?  Was his plan to just text me and never meet?  Because that is also stupid. 

At this point, I don't think this guy can recover.  I even texted the friend who arranged it and she was annoyed that he was solely texting.  And my close friends have agreed that this has been handled poorly, from the way it was set up, to how he handled it. 

I'm certainly not expecting a call/text from him at this point, but if he DID call, I'm not sure I would go out with him. 

I'm not completely down and out, but this IS frustrating and seems to happen a lot.  Makes it very hard to be open to setups. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Update on latest maybe set-up...

Well, there's really no update...but I can tell you what little has happened. 

So, the guy, we'll call him JW texted me Friday night...saying we know some friend in common.  Now, I'm fine with an initial text, but much like this set-up that went nowhere, ONLY texting doesn't really do much for me.  Especially when we haven't MET yet.

We texted back and forth, which was fine.  Figured out we're the same age, from neighboring home towns, and he has a degree in Finance.  All good.  I already knew he had a daughter, and he mentioned he was going to her show choir competition the next day. 

He texted me later Saturday night, "How's your night going?  Doing anything exciting tonight?"  Now, I'm sorry, but I have zero interest in sharing any of that info with him.  Not because I'm fiercely private, but because I have nothing invested in him.  We've never MET.  I don't even know what he looks like.  And we've also never SPOKEN.  So, I'm just not excited about texting with a stranger.  I did respond and we texted for a bit.  My answers got shorter, because I honestly don't like texting with someone who I'm being set up with.  All of the things we were texting about WOULD HAVE BEEN good to talk about on a first date. 

The last thing he mentioned was his daughter's name, and that he has her most of the time.  I had already told him it was cool he was at her show choir competition earlier.  So my response to his last text was just, "Cool." 

And it's been *crickets* ever since.  I'm not sure what (if anything) is going on...if he thinks I'm weirded out that he has a daughter.  If he just isn't interested, for whatever reason.  Or if he wants ME to initiate and send him a text.  ALL of these are reasons that text isn't good for two strangers who haven't met yet.  There's no way to read it and know for sure what the tone is. 

Also, I'm not planning to send him a text this week.  Because, again, I'm not invested in this person.  If we'd been on a few good dates and then I was getting texts?  Um, I'd be excited and texting him back and initiating texts.  But that is not the case. 

This brings me back to the setter uppers.  What a FAIL.  I'm annoyed.  I'm irritated that I keep saying yes to things and getting this type of crap. 

At this point, I'm not sure if I should follow up with one of the setter uppers or just let it lie.  We will see. 

Monday, February 23, 2015

Another potential blind date...

Well, here we are in February and I might have another set-up...2 for 2 months!  My friend texted me a few weeks ago about a guy she ran into (friend of her friend's husband's).  Anyway, she realized he was single and sent me a text asking if I was interested.  Mind you...this was prior to checking with the friend to see if this guy was even open to being set up. 

He's a few years younger than me, a single dad of an 11 year old girl, and a "stand up guy."  And the mother is not in the picture at all.  That is the extent of what I was told and what she actually knows about him.  Now, I've said before, that my preference would be to meet someone without kids and have our own family.  I love kids, but don't love the drama that can come with ex-spouses and stepkids...and I say that having had two stepmothers, both horrible. 

Anyway, I told my friend I would think about it - huge step out of my comfort zone - but I was definitely giving it thought.  In the mean time, I asked her if she could find out a BIT more about him...just so he and I would both know the set-up was in good faith - as in, the people setting us up sensed some common interests/traits OTHER than that we are both in our 30s and single. 

Because, really...that is just not enough.  I've gone on pretty much any and every set up thrown my way...and I think I've earned the right (especially after last month's fail) to ask WHY the person/people think we would be a potentially good match.  Heck, even dating websites' main purpose is to find common interests among people and connect them. 

When my friend texted me the other night, she said she'd met with her friend and "we decided the two of you should just go out."  Um, what?  Was I not clear?  So I confirmed with her that the guy IS open to being set up.  She then went on to say that she was wrong about the mom...and that she DOES have the daughter every other weekend.  Which, is pretty much the opposite of what she originally told me.  I realize she wasn't sure...but still.  And then I just asked, "Any reason why she/you think we would hit it off, other than we're single?  Not trying to be annoying, but that happens to me a lot." 

Her response?  "OMG, just go out with him!"  Um, ok.  I don't think I was out of line.  I went on to tell her that it's tough to do this over and over and I'd rather have a bit of comfort (for the guy, too) to know that there's a REASON we're being put together.  Doesn't mean it will work out...but it does mean that there's more of a chance.  Her response?  "I believe that, but you aren't going to find your husband by avoiding these things.  You could end up as friends and you would just have another circle of friends.  It's a win-win."

OK, that really irritated me.  First of all, I don't AVOID these things.  As I've said before, I go on practically every set-up presented to me.  And have done that for over a decade.  So, I think that statement is very unfair.  And I'm very social/out in the community, so I'm certainly not sitting at home and avoiding life.  Secondly, to be honest, I'm not looking for new friends or a new circle of friends.  I've been very fortunate to have several circles of truly fabulous friends.  And while it's always nice to make new friends, I'm really not looking to go on a date that could result in friendship/a new circle of friends.  And do you know how many times that scenario has happened in all my years of dating?  Zero. 

So, I went to bed that night feeling irritated and like I wasn't even heard.  At all.  And then started wondering if I was just crazy and if I was the one out of line.  Well, I talked to my two closest friends about it yesterday - both of whom would call me out in a minute, if they thought I was in the wrong - and they were both as irritated/frustrated as I was.  One was so angry she wanted to call this friend and give her a piece of her mind. 

I told this friend that yes, she could pass my number along to her friend, who will pass it along to this guy.  We shall see if it results in actual contact/date/anything.  And neither of us know what the other looks like, even.  In this day and age, you typically know that up front.  So this could be truly very blind. 

Due to the lack of information or checking about compatibility, I will go on the date (if it happens), but will not put up with this friend telling me I didn't give it a shot or wondering why we didn't hit it off.  I'm going into it with a "whatevs" attitude.  I will put my best foot forward (as always) on the date, but am not going to worry about it. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Date #2 - there won't be a date #3...

Well, after a lot of hemming and hawing (internally), I did go on date #2.  I'm not going to lie...I had pretty much already decided there was no potential there, but wanted to keep my word. 

I met him there and he gave me an awkward hug.  It was weird.  Now, I'll totally admit that if he was a hot guy I was super interested in...I wouldn't be complaining, I'd be super excited that he initiated a hug.  But...that was not the case.

Once again...there was conversation, but nothing interesting or in common, so it just felt awkward.  Also, he told me what dish he liked at this restaurant and asked what type of Italian I like.  I told him I was probably going to order the chicken parmesan.  To which he replied..."Ooh, that sounds pretty good, I might get that."  He thought about it, for a while, then decided he'd stick with his pasta sampler.  Well, the waitress comes over to take our order and I order the chicken parmesan.  Then he says, "You know what?  I'm getting that...yeah, that sounds good.  I'll get the same thing." 

Now, lest you think I'm the biggest and pickiest jerk on the planet...hear me out.  On date #1, he asked what I liked...I told him...and he ordered the exact same thing.  On date #2, he does the same?  I don't care if people order the same thing as me...but this struck me as odd, like he's not an individual or something.

Our food arrives (it was delish) and it looks like I'm scarfing mine down...while he is taking FOREVER.  Same goes for his salad prior to the meal.  I assure you that I was eating at a very normal pace.  He then says, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a really slow eater.  And I just can't eat very big meals.  I eat like a bird.  But I'm working on it."  Um, what?  Huh?  WHO says any of that?  Especially if you're a guy?  I thought it was weird and I honestly didn't know what to say to that. 

He ended up boxing up half of his meal to take home...while I nearly finished mine.  LOL.  Oh well.

He had asked what I was doing after dinner, and I mentioned some stuff I needed to get done at home.  When I asked him the same...he literally thought about it, for a while, and couldn't come up with anything. 

As we wrapped things up, I thanked him for dinner.  He then said, "If ya want to get together again, let me know."  So, I decided that was my out...and that maybe he was feeling the same thing - that there was no common interests/connection.

Cut to Saturday morning...when he texted me, saying he doesn't date much and he should have invited me out after dinner.  Ugh.  Nice, but ugh.  So, I replied telling him that it was totally fine he didn't invite me (I wouldn't have gone), and that he was a nice guy, but I didn't think we had anything in common.  He replied that he thought the same thing. 

So, that's that. 

On the positive side, it wasn't a nightmare experience and it at least got me back in the game (kind of).  On the negative side, it was another failed blind date experience, which is frustrating. 

And while I appreciate my friend's attempt at a set-up, his FB message to me made it seem like this guy and I had a lot in common and would totally hit it off.  I'm telling would be obvious to anyone that this guy and I would NOT hit it off/have anything in common.  And this friend knows me very well. 

So, I can only assume that he and his girlfriend (mid 20s) were hanging out with the guy at some point and thought, "He's so great...and he's we know someone to set him up with?"  And, of course, I'm the only woman in her late 30s that they know. 

People - just because two very nice, fun people are both single does NOT mean they are a potential match for a date or otherwise.  If this guy and I had gone out again, it would have been painful for both of us, I'm sure. 

Anyway...onward and upward.  Right? 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Reporting on the date... wasn't a nightmare, but I also don't think it was a match.  A little frustrating, but I'm taking it well. 

So, I meet the guy for lunch.  Now, based on his FB pic, I didn't think I was going to find him super attractive.  And I didn't.  He's my height or shorter and sort of on the thin/small side.  *sigh*  Not his fault...but also not what I'm attracted to.

We get in line to order and he asks what I'm going to order.  And asks how hungry I am (I was ordering soup and salad).  And then asks if I like to eat a big breakfast.  Let's just say...that was fairly odd small talk.  Awkward. 

Overall, the date was fine.  Nothing horrible.  Nothing amazing.  Nothing that made me think there was real potential there. 

Here's something I find a bit odd.  He's divorced (no kids) and probably in his mid 40s...and he lives in a one bedroom apartment.  Is that weird?  I'm not looking for a rich guy to whisk me away...but I am looking for a guy who is somewhat established and a one bedroom apartment seems like a flag to me.  But maybe it's not?  Weigh in...please! 

I talked it over with a couple friends and one of my good friends had really surveilled this guy's FB page.  Apparently, he's a huge fan of the band Widespread Panic.  And I guess he follows them, travels to a lot of their shows...has pics of the band as his cover page, etc.  She said that it's well known that MOST fans of this band do drugs...specifically pot and acid.  Now, it IS possible this guy doesn't do those things...but based on what she knows, she said she'd be surprised if he DIDN'T. 

So...that is weird (if it's true). 

The thing is...  I'm not physically attracted to him and not sure I ever could be.  And that is because there was nothing about him or his personality that made me think there was potential.  While our conversation was fine...I honestly can't think of anything we have in common, other than we both attend church.  And that's true of a lot of people. 

That said...when he asked about going out again, I told him I would.  And then he'd texted afterward and mentioned that again, and I said that would be fine.  Well...he asked me out for tomorrow 

I'm 99% sure I'm not interested, but I also think it'd be jerky of me to say NO to a date, when I've twice said I would go.  So, I'm going.  I'm going to meet him at the restaurant.  He offered to pick me up, but I'd like the security of knowing I have my own way out.

If something happens and I realize there's something there...then hey, it's a good thing I went on a 2nd date.  If I feel the same at the end of the date as I did on date 1, then I'm going to let him down kindly and just say I don't think we have a connection/stuff in common. 

So, that's that.

Monday, January 12, 2015

New date?

OK, I know.  I haven't posted in a long time, 3+ months.  Not sure if you've missed me or not, but I'll give you an update anyway.  ;-)

I'm still LOVING my house.  Seriously.  I can't get over how much I love having the extra space.  So happy with it.  And I now have my very own home gym, which is fantastic.  I can work out whenever I want and no longer have to go to the gym.

Um, my ex-friend who cheated on her husband and then they eventually divorced...and she (I think) dated a few others in there...started dating someone else and they got engaged over Christmas.  Let's just say I wasn't happy to read that on Facebook.  I mean, are you kidding me?  How is that possible?  It made me feel like crap, but I came out of it pretty quickly.  And while this isn't a nice thing to say, I don't have high hopes that her second marriage will go well. 

Christmas with family was major drama.  Once again, my family assumes I have no life and can come home whenever is convenient for them.  Seriously.  So, that was annoying.  And I spent probably $35 per kid (5 kids) and each couple spent $25 on me.  I feel appreciated.  :-)  Oh well, overall it was fine. 

Now, to the point of this post. 

A friend of mine has recently asked me about a potential set-up.  He knows me pretty well and thinks me and this guy would hit it off.  So, when he messaged me on FB, I was curious about it.  I also hadn't talked to him in a while, so I was just surprised to hear from him at all. 

I decided, rather than reply YES right away, to take a few days to think about it.  I trust this friend and he knows the nightmare set-ups I've been on, so I know he wouldn't suggest this unless he truly thought there was potential. 

Here's why I wanted to take a few days to think it over.  First of all, I almost always agree to set-ups right away, just because it's hard to meet people any other way.  So, I wanted to NOT do that this time.  My other concern is that, things are going really well for me right now.  I'm in a really good place...not necessarily OK with being single...but doing well overall.  So, this potential set-up could be a continuation of that good...OR could be a let down, which would be a setback.  I wanted time to think about that and whether or not I'd be willing to take that risk.   

I talked it over with a few friends, prayed about it a little...and decided to go for it.  So, I've given my friend the green light and he is going to pass my number along to the guy.  I also warned my friend about the last potential set-up, where a friend passed my number to the guy...and he never pulled the trigger, other than texting.  And...

I just wanted him to know that I would prefer that doesn't happen again. 

So, I'm trying to be open.  And calm.  And we'll see if this guy contacts me and sets something up.  I will keep you posted! 

Wish me luck! 

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Hello...long time no blog!

Hello readers...if you're still out there! 

I realize I've not blogged for a few months, but there's not real reason other than there's been nothing to blog about. 

Life, other than being single, is actually pretty good.  I ran another marathon last month.  While it was slow and frustrating, I did manage to finish.  Work has been crazy busy and is just now starting to slow down, which is fine with me...heading into the last quarter.  And a friend and I are planning a mini vaca before the end of the year. 

No dates.  No progress in that department.  I think I'm still on eHarmony, which has been a total waste of time.  I'm planning to cancel soon.  I swear, I could randomly go on there once every 4 days and the SAME guys, all living an average of 400 miles away from me, are on my "match" list.  Stupid.  I have zero plans to start communicating with someone, for the first time, with a goal of potentially dating, who lives THAT FRICKING FAR AWAY.  Ridiculous. 

Match won't STOP sending me email notifications about how "he winked at you!," "he emailed you!," "he made you a favorite!"  Um, really?  OK.  So, Match, you want me to pay you some money so I can view all these potential awesome matches, right?  Um, wrong.  I have not been suckered in by this yet.  Ya know why?  I remember when I first tried Match and did the basic part, prior to having to pay, and it told me I had "sooo many" matches.  So, of course, I paid, hoping that THIS would be the time something might work.  And it was all crazy, scary, unattractive (sorry, but I didn't find them attractive) guys.  Waste of money.

Again, I go back to how much I abhor online dating.  It sucks.  Yes, people meet that way, get married, and live happy lives with each other.  I do believe that.  However, I maintain that it is NOT for me.  It's just so awkward.  And there's no way to validate anything about that person.  At least if a friend sets you up, you can trust that they're not setting you up with a crazy person.  I'm sure I've said this before. 

Anyway, still frustrated (no surprise, there) that I'm still single, despite my very social life and seemingly being a normal person.