Quick summary: She emailed me around that same time, telling me she was pregnant, apologizing for not being a good friend, had made some bad choices...really wants me to still be her friend...blah, blah, blah.
Now, I did respond, in a pretty decent way. I mean, one option was to not respond at all. Another was to respond in a completely jerky way. And I chose option #3, responding with honesty, but not letting her off the hook, either.
I basically told her that I hoped she was doing ok and happy. I told her that I was disappointed in her, because while she was complaining about her husband/marriage to me (a lot), I was very supportive and a good friend. All the while, she was making really bad choices and being dishonest (or lies of omission) with me. And that that was pretty hurtful, considering another friend had just done that to me, and she knew about that situation and how hurt I was. I told her that I was really struggling right now and that her pregnancy/marriage news only made it worse (even though that's not her fault), but that I know she knows exactly how that feels. And I asked her for time and space.
To her credit, she did reply. So, that was good. And then time passed...and she sent me a birthday email and card. I have not reached out to her because, in all honesty, I don't have the wherewithal to deal with that right now. I just don't. I don't have the capacity to be her friend and support her right now. And I think that's ok. When I was there for her, she was dishonest and only came clean with me when she knew I was going to find out. It's a bit unfair to ask for my friendship now.
Fast forward to this past weekend. The part time job where we met was taking us out to eat. She no longer works there, but her new husband is affiliated with our company. I had NO IDEA she would be at this dinner until maybe 30 minutes before. And yes, that sent me into a panic spiral. Ugh. Really wanted to get out of it.
Anyway, I go. I figure, maybe she'll be at another end of the table and it won't be that bad. And, I wasn't planning to make a scene...so if I needed to say hi to her, I would.
I missed when she got there, but at one point, I did try to wave to her, just to make things not too awkward. Not sure if she saw that or not.
I got up to use the restroom (for real had to go...wasn't avoiding her). On my way back, as I'm nearing our table, my manager grabs my hand and says, "Come here..." And I was like, "What's happening?" I look over and another manager has grabbed, let's call her "SM," and is bringing her toward me. He then proceeds to put his arms aroaund each of us - IN FRONT OF OUR TABLE - and tell us, "You two didn't know this was going to happen tonight, but we did. I love you two too much to not say something. Life is too short. You two are too good of friends to let something come between you. I'm out of it after this, but you two are going to hug and move on from here." There was a bunch of other stuff, too, but that is the basic idea of what was said.
Yep, that happened.
I was SO stunned and angry, that I didn't know what to do or say. Of course, SM was crying, as she always is. I was too angry to cry. So, it ended with us in a forced (and awkward) hug. Then my manager stayed there making awkward chit chat with us, because it was a super awkward situation. While the table of co-workers couldn't hear the discussion, it was obvious what was going on and super embarrassing. Thank goodness our food came, which forced us back to the table - where I had no further discussion with SM. As I sat down the manager's wife and another assistant manager said, "Everything ok?" Um, no. it's not. I said, "Well, that was really uncomfortable." Their response? "It's all ok, it's fine." Um, again, no. It's not.
Once I sat down, I had some tears and it was so frustrating to be sitting with a group of 15 people with tears rolling down my cheeks.
I barely touched my food or said anything after that. Got out of there as quickly as I could.
Still trying to figure out what their expectation is, now? Do they think I'm going to text her and set up a time to get together? Because I'm not. Do they think I'm going to call her and apologize (for what, I'm not sure)? Because I'm not.
- This girl no longer works for our company. So, there is no professional communication between us.
- I have not told co-workers about our falling out. So, there is nothing to make other employees uncomfortable about our situation.
- It should not have been done in public, in a restaurant, in front of fellow employees. If it was absolutely necessary, they should have scheduled it with both of us and done it at the office, in private. But again, this was personal, not professional.
- They have NO IDEA what went on between SM and me. None. It's not their place to tell me to be ok with her and move on.
- They have NO IDEA what I'm personally going through right now and how SM plays into that.
- She and I know the issue(s) between us and it is our decision whether we remain friends or not.
- Life IS too short, but it's also too short for me to stay friends with people who are NOT good friends to me.
- We are ladies in our 30s; I'm pretty sure WE can figure out whether or not to be friends.
Anyway, that happened and it's become near impossible for me to not think about it and want to scream!