Monday, February 23, 2015

Another potential blind date...

Well, here we are in February and I might have another set-up...2 for 2 months!  My friend texted me a few weeks ago about a guy she ran into (friend of her friend's husband's).  Anyway, she realized he was single and sent me a text asking if I was interested.  Mind you...this was prior to checking with the friend to see if this guy was even open to being set up. 


He's a few years younger than me, a single dad of an 11 year old girl, and a "stand up guy."  And the mother is not in the picture at all.  That is the extent of what I was told and what she actually knows about him.  Now, I've said before, that my preference would be to meet someone without kids and have our own family.  I love kids, but don't love the drama that can come with ex-spouses and stepkids...and I say that having had two stepmothers, both horrible. 


Anyway, I told my friend I would think about it - huge step out of my comfort zone - but I was definitely giving it thought.  In the mean time, I asked her if she could find out a BIT more about him...just so he and I would both know the set-up was in good faith - as in, the people setting us up sensed some common interests/traits OTHER than that we are both in our 30s and single. 


Because, really...that is just not enough.  I've gone on pretty much any and every set up thrown my way...and I think I've earned the right (especially after last month's fail) to ask WHY the person/people think we would be a potentially good match.  Heck, even dating websites' main purpose is to find common interests among people and connect them. 


When my friend texted me the other night, she said she'd met with her friend and "we decided the two of you should just go out."  Um, what?  Was I not clear?  So I confirmed with her that the guy IS open to being set up.  She then went on to say that she was wrong about the mom...and that she DOES have the daughter every other weekend.  Which, is pretty much the opposite of what she originally told me.  I realize she wasn't sure...but still.  And then I just asked, "Any reason why she/you think we would hit it off, other than we're single?  Not trying to be annoying, but that happens to me a lot." 


Her response?  "OMG, just go out with him!"  Um, ok.  I don't think I was out of line.  I went on to tell her that it's tough to do this over and over and I'd rather have a bit of comfort (for the guy, too) to know that there's a REASON we're being put together.  Doesn't mean it will work out...but it does mean that there's more of a chance.  Her response?  "I believe that, but you aren't going to find your husband by avoiding these things.  You could end up as friends and you would just have another circle of friends.  It's a win-win."


OK, that really irritated me.  First of all, I don't AVOID these things.  As I've said before, I go on practically every set-up presented to me.  And have done that for over a decade.  So, I think that statement is very unfair.  And I'm very social/out in the community, so I'm certainly not sitting at home and avoiding life.  Secondly, to be honest, I'm not looking for new friends or a new circle of friends.  I've been very fortunate to have several circles of truly fabulous friends.  And while it's always nice to make new friends, I'm really not looking to go on a date that could result in friendship/a new circle of friends.  And do you know how many times that scenario has happened in all my years of dating?  Zero. 


So, I went to bed that night feeling irritated and like I wasn't even heard.  At all.  And then started wondering if I was just crazy and if I was the one out of line.  Well, I talked to my two closest friends about it yesterday - both of whom would call me out in a minute, if they thought I was in the wrong - and they were both as irritated/frustrated as I was.  One was so angry she wanted to call this friend and give her a piece of her mind. 

I told this friend that yes, she could pass my number along to her friend, who will pass it along to this guy.  We shall see if it results in actual contact/date/anything.  And neither of us know what the other looks like, even.  In this day and age, you typically know that up front.  So this could be truly very blind. 


Due to the lack of information or checking about compatibility, I will go on the date (if it happens), but will not put up with this friend telling me I didn't give it a shot or wondering why we didn't hit it off.  I'm going into it with a "whatevs" attitude.  I will put my best foot forward (as always) on the date, but am not going to worry about it. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Date #2 - there won't be a date #3...

Well, after a lot of hemming and hawing (internally), I did go on date #2.  I'm not going to lie...I had pretty much already decided there was no potential there, but wanted to keep my word. 


I met him there and he gave me an awkward hug.  It was weird.  Now, I'll totally admit that if he was a hot guy I was super interested in...I wouldn't be complaining, I'd be super excited that he initiated a hug.  But...that was not the case.


Once again...there was conversation, but nothing interesting or in common, so it just felt awkward.  Also, he told me what dish he liked at this restaurant and asked what type of Italian I like.  I told him I was probably going to order the chicken parmesan.  To which he replied..."Ooh, that sounds pretty good, I might get that."  He thought about it, for a while, then decided he'd stick with his pasta sampler.  Well, the waitress comes over to take our order and I order the chicken parmesan.  Then he says, "You know what?  I'm getting that...yeah, that sounds good.  I'll get the same thing." 


Now, lest you think I'm the biggest and pickiest jerk on the planet...hear me out.  On date #1, he asked what I liked...I told him...and he ordered the exact same thing.  On date #2, he does the same?  I don't care if people order the same thing as me...but this struck me as odd, like he's not an individual or something.


Our food arrives (it was delish) and it looks like I'm scarfing mine down...while he is taking FOREVER.  Same goes for his salad prior to the meal.  I assure you that I was eating at a very normal pace.  He then says, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a really slow eater.  And I just can't eat very big meals.  I eat like a bird.  But I'm working on it."  Um, what?  Huh?  WHO says any of that?  Especially if you're a guy?  I thought it was weird and I honestly didn't know what to say to that. 


He ended up boxing up half of his meal to take home...while I nearly finished mine.  LOL.  Oh well.


He had asked what I was doing after dinner, and I mentioned some stuff I needed to get done at home.  When I asked him the same...he literally thought about it, for a while, and couldn't come up with anything. 


As we wrapped things up, I thanked him for dinner.  He then said, "If ya want to get together again, let me know."  So, I decided that was my out...and that maybe he was feeling the same thing - that there was no common interests/connection.


Cut to Saturday morning...when he texted me, saying he doesn't date much and he should have invited me out after dinner.  Ugh.  Nice, but ugh.  So, I replied telling him that it was totally fine he didn't invite me (I wouldn't have gone), and that he was a nice guy, but I didn't think we had anything in common.  He replied that he thought the same thing. 


So, that's that. 

On the positive side, it wasn't a nightmare experience and it at least got me back in the game (kind of).  On the negative side, it was another failed blind date experience, which is frustrating. 


And while I appreciate my friend's attempt at a set-up, his FB message to me made it seem like this guy and I had a lot in common and would totally hit it off.  I'm telling you...it would be obvious to anyone that this guy and I would NOT hit it off/have anything in common.  And this friend knows me very well. 


So, I can only assume that he and his girlfriend (mid 20s) were hanging out with the guy at some point and thought, "He's so great...and he's single...do we know someone to set him up with?"  And, of course, I'm the only woman in her late 30s that they know. 

People - just because two very nice, fun people are both single does NOT mean they are a potential match for a date or otherwise.  If this guy and I had gone out again, it would have been painful for both of us, I'm sure. 


Anyway...onward and upward.  Right? 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Reporting on the date...

Well...it wasn't a nightmare, but I also don't think it was a match.  A little frustrating, but I'm taking it well. 


So, I meet the guy for lunch.  Now, based on his FB pic, I didn't think I was going to find him super attractive.  And I didn't.  He's my height or shorter and sort of on the thin/small side.  *sigh*  Not his fault...but also not what I'm attracted to.


We get in line to order and he asks what I'm going to order.  And asks how hungry I am (I was ordering soup and salad).  And then asks if I like to eat a big breakfast.  Let's just say...that was fairly odd small talk.  Awkward. 


Overall, the date was fine.  Nothing horrible.  Nothing amazing.  Nothing that made me think there was real potential there. 


Here's something I find a bit odd.  He's divorced (no kids) and probably in his mid 40s...and he lives in a one bedroom apartment.  Is that weird?  I'm not looking for a rich guy to whisk me away...but I am looking for a guy who is somewhat established and a one bedroom apartment seems like a flag to me.  But maybe it's not?  Weigh in...please! 


I talked it over with a couple friends and one of my good friends had really surveilled this guy's FB page.  Apparently, he's a huge fan of the band Widespread Panic.  And I guess he follows them, travels to a lot of their shows...has pics of the band as his cover page, etc.  She said that it's well known that MOST fans of this band do drugs...specifically pot and acid.  Now, it IS possible this guy doesn't do those things...but based on what she knows, she said she'd be surprised if he DIDN'T. 


So...that is weird (if it's true). 


The thing is...  I'm not physically attracted to him and not sure I ever could be.  And that is because there was nothing about him or his personality that made me think there was potential.  While our conversation was fine...I honestly can't think of anything we have in common, other than we both attend church.  And that's true of a lot of people. 


That said...when he asked about going out again, I told him I would.  And then he'd texted afterward and mentioned that again, and I said that would be fine.  Well...he asked me out for tomorrow night...today. 


I'm 99% sure I'm not interested, but I also think it'd be jerky of me to say NO to a date, when I've twice said I would go.  So, I'm going.  I'm going to meet him at the restaurant.  He offered to pick me up, but I'd like the security of knowing I have my own way out.


If something happens and I realize there's something there...then hey, it's a good thing I went on a 2nd date.  If I feel the same at the end of the date as I did on date 1, then I'm going to let him down kindly and just say I don't think we have a connection/stuff in common. 


So, that's that.

Monday, January 12, 2015

New Year...new date?

OK, I know.  I haven't posted in a long time, 3+ months.  Not sure if you've missed me or not, but I'll give you an update anyway.  ;-)

I'm still LOVING my house.  Seriously.  I can't get over how much I love having the extra space.  So happy with it.  And I now have my very own home gym, which is fantastic.  I can work out whenever I want and no longer have to go to the gym.

Um, my ex-friend who cheated on her husband and then they eventually divorced...and she (I think) dated a few others in there...started dating someone else and they got engaged over Christmas.  Let's just say I wasn't happy to read that on Facebook.  I mean, are you kidding me?  How is that possible?  It made me feel like crap, but I came out of it pretty quickly.  And while this isn't a nice thing to say, I don't have high hopes that her second marriage will go well. 


Christmas with family was fine...no major drama.  Once again, my family assumes I have no life and can come home whenever is convenient for them.  Seriously.  So, that was annoying.  And I spent probably $35 per kid (5 kids) and each couple spent $25 on me.  I feel appreciated.  :-)  Oh well, overall it was fine. 


Now, to the point of this post. 


A friend of mine has recently asked me about a potential set-up.  He knows me pretty well and thinks me and this guy would hit it off.  So, when he messaged me on FB, I was curious about it.  I also hadn't talked to him in a while, so I was just surprised to hear from him at all. 


I decided, rather than reply YES right away, to take a few days to think about it.  I trust this friend and he knows the nightmare set-ups I've been on, so I know he wouldn't suggest this unless he truly thought there was potential. 


Here's why I wanted to take a few days to think it over.  First of all, I almost always agree to set-ups right away, just because it's hard to meet people any other way.  So, I wanted to NOT do that this time.  My other concern is that, things are going really well for me right now.  I'm in a really good place...not necessarily OK with being single...but doing well overall.  So, this potential set-up could be a continuation of that good...OR could be a let down, which would be a setback.  I wanted time to think about that and whether or not I'd be willing to take that risk.   


I talked it over with a few friends, prayed about it a little...and decided to go for it.  So, I've given my friend the green light and he is going to pass my number along to the guy.  I also warned my friend about the last potential set-up, where a friend passed my number to the guy...and he never pulled the trigger, other than texting.  And...http://wwwsingleandbloggingit.blogspot.com/2014/03/ughwhy.html

I just wanted him to know that I would prefer that doesn't happen again. 


So, I'm trying to be open.  And calm.  And we'll see if this guy contacts me and sets something up.  I will keep you posted! 

Wish me luck! 

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Hello...long time no blog!

Hello readers...if you're still out there! 

I realize I've not blogged for a few months, but there's not real reason other than there's been nothing to blog about. 

Life, other than being single, is actually pretty good.  I ran another marathon last month.  While it was slow and frustrating, I did manage to finish.  Work has been crazy busy and is just now starting to slow down, which is fine with me...heading into the last quarter.  And a friend and I are planning a mini vaca before the end of the year. 

No dates.  No progress in that department.  I think I'm still on eHarmony, which has been a total waste of time.  I'm planning to cancel soon.  I swear, I could randomly go on there once every 4 days and the SAME guys, all living an average of 400 miles away from me, are on my "match" list.  Stupid.  I have zero plans to start communicating with someone, for the first time, with a goal of potentially dating, who lives THAT FRICKING FAR AWAY.  Ridiculous. 

Match won't STOP sending me email notifications about how "he winked at you!," "he emailed you!," "he made you a favorite!"  Um, really?  OK.  So, Match, you want me to pay you some money so I can view all these potential awesome matches, right?  Um, wrong.  I have not been suckered in by this yet.  Ya know why?  I remember when I first tried Match and did the basic part, prior to having to pay, and it told me I had "sooo many" matches.  So, of course, I paid, hoping that THIS would be the time something might work.  And it was all crazy, scary, unattractive (sorry, but I didn't find them attractive) guys.  Waste of money.

Again, I go back to how much I abhor online dating.  It sucks.  Yes, people meet that way, get married, and live happy lives with each other.  I do believe that.  However, I maintain that it is NOT for me.  It's just so awkward.  And there's no way to validate anything about that person.  At least if a friend sets you up, you can trust that they're not setting you up with a crazy person.  I'm sure I've said this before. 

Anyway, still frustrated (no surprise, there) that I'm still single, despite my very social life and seemingly being a normal person. 

Friday, July 25, 2014

I don't get it...

OK, let's start with a positive.  I moved into my new home and I absolutely LOVE it!  I'm excited to get fully unpacked/organized/settled.  And I'm also excited for all the fun projects I have planned.  So far, so good! 

Now, on to the point of my post.  I've noticed, via Facebook, that several people I know - who have recently divorced - are ALREADY with someone.  What the frick?  Seeing that makes me feel like total crap. 

*  Friend who cheated while married - got pregnant by the guy she cheated with, divorced her husband, and is now MARRIED to the father of the baby.
*  Friend who cheated while married - have seen pics of her on FB with her fella, doing all sorts of fun things.
*  The above friend's ex husband - have seen pics of him with his new girlfriend, and pics of his trip to visit her.
*  Friend whose husband went a little crazy - they divorced, but I'm not so sure she didn't also cheat during all of that.  Either way, she's already dating a guy and I see pics of them all over FB.

WHAT am I doing wrong?  Seriously.  These people have already moved on and are dating/married to others?  And I've been trying for decades with little to no success? 

For lack of a more mature way to put it, "IT'S NOT FAIR!" 

Anyway, I'm trying to focus on all the excitement of my new house, but this does have me a bit down.  I have no clue why I can't find someone, but these people, who made some really poor choices, can find multiple people! 

And yes, I know that sounds holier than thou and very judgmental.  I'm not saying that if you cheat, you should never find happiness again.  I'm simply saying that it seems a bit unfair that after making that type of choice, you get "rewarded" with a significant other right away. 

Meanwhile, I'm over here (not perfect) trying to make good decisions...and I get nothing. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Family...ugh.

OK, I didn't realize it had been so long since I last posted!  I'm sure you've been starved for content!  HA! 

Well, let's get this out of the way first - NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING new in my dating life.  Single.  Still.

But...there has been some excitement over the last few months.  I was approached by a buyer wanting to buy my house.  Now, I've been thinking about selling/moving, but was probably going to wait another year or two on that.  Anyway, my type of house is hard to sell and this scenario rarely happens, so I considered it.  Soon after that, I had an offer.  And then it was sold.  So, I was furiously house hunting and trying to find a place and make an offer...which was both stressful and exciting. 

I decided early on in this process that I wouldn't tell my family about it.  My reason was that they almost never come to visit me, but I'm always the one going home for stuff of theirs, to visit, see the kids, etc.  And it's an expectation of my mom's that I will always make time for her when I come home...even though I have friends I'd like to see and other stuff I'd like to do.  It never occurs to them to come here and do something nice for me or just stop for a visit.  So, I guess I didn't think people that never visit me need to know I'm moving...at least not until Thanksgiving, when I host. 

So, I told a few close friends and kept mum about it on Facebook.  Every single friend I told reacted the same way.

  • "OMG, that is SO exciting!"
  • "I'm so happy for you!"
  • "Can't wait to shop for stuff with you!"
  • "What can I do to help?  Do you need help with the move?"
Nothing but pure excitement for me.  And as I've said before, I'm really fortunate, because I have an amazing group of friends surrounding and supporting me. 

So, I decided to just tell my family when I was home a few weekends ago.  My nieces/nephews were super excited.  They asked to see pictures and when they'd get to sleep over.  My sister-in-law asked a few questions and said she didn't know I was looking.  My brother, who was in the room while we talked about it, said NOTHING.  Not, "Oh, that's cool - good for you."  Nothing.  My mom asked to see pics and asked details about it, but was clearly upset that I hadn't informed her until just then.  And, we haven't spoken since the night I told her (email or phone).  I promise you she is pouting and expecting me to do/say something.  I won't be doing that. 

The next morning, my sister-in-law and I chatted for a bit, but she still never really asked to see my house or anything about it.  And my brother still said nothing.  I thanked them for letting me stay over, but they didn't thank ME for watching their kids the night before.  *sigh*

Keep in mind that neither my brother/SIL or mom offered any help.  My mom actually asked if I was getting some friends together to help me move. 

Cut to the other day.  I get an email from my SIL.  See below:

Have you started packing up? What is your move in date? I can't believe none of us knew anything about your move until last weekend. We didn't even know you were thinking about moving. It's not fair! We have been wanting to move for quite awhile and it's not working for us. Just can't find the perfect house:( Oh well, some day. Now do you have to get a lawn mower, rakes and shovels? Oh the joys of owning a house:)
 
What the hell does someone say to that?  How do you respond to that?  Still no congratulations, offer to help move, or asking to even just see the house.  Just complaints about how unfair it is that I've found something when they haven't.  I showed it to a few friends and they were all dumbfounded.  Couldn't believe it.  And she's the one person I'm close to in the family.  Ugh. 

So, I replied today, just saying, "Yeah, I'm really excited about the move and having my own place!  Moving on the xxth!"  She replied, "Ok thanks."  Um, ok?   So, she's clearly annoyed, but I just don't care anymore. 

And she's maybe the 6th person out of everyone I've told to make some variation of this statement.  "Welcome to lawn maintenance!"  Um, ok.  It is NOT the end of the world.  I'm pretty sure I can handle a lawn, since, ya know, I've been handling every other detail of my life for a very long time...with not much help.  So, I think I've got it.  How about how exciting it will be for me to live in my OWN space with no one above/below/across from me for the first time in nearly my whole life?  I think that is worth whatever work the lawn may be. 
 
Anyway, ultimately, this is super exciting news and I have a great crew of friends coming to help me move, which is great!  So, I'm trying not to let my family get me down...but they're doing exactly what I thought they'd do - making it about them, rather than being excited for me.