Family...ugh.

OK, I didn't realize it had been so long since I last posted!  I'm sure you've been starved for content!  HA! 

Well, let's get this out of the way first - NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING new in my dating life.  Single.  Still.

But...there has been some excitement over the last few months.  I was approached by a buyer wanting to buy my house.  Now, I've been thinking about selling/moving, but was probably going to wait another year or two on that.  Anyway, my type of house is hard to sell and this scenario rarely happens, so I considered it.  Soon after that, I had an offer.  And then it was sold.  So, I was furiously house hunting and trying to find a place and make an offer...which was both stressful and exciting. 

I decided early on in this process that I wouldn't tell my family about it.  My reason was that they almost never come to visit me, but I'm always the one going home for stuff of theirs, to visit, see the kids, etc.  And it's an expectation of my mom's that I will always make time for her when I come home...even though I have friends I'd like to see and other stuff I'd like to do.  It never occurs to them to come here and do something nice for me or just stop for a visit.  So, I guess I didn't think people that never visit me need to know I'm moving...at least not until Thanksgiving, when I host. 

So, I told a few close friends and kept mum about it on Facebook.  Every single friend I told reacted the same way.

• "OMG, that is SO exciting!"
• "I'm so happy for you!"
• "Can't wait to shop for stuff with you!"
• "What can I do to help?  Do you need help with the move?"

Nothing but pure excitement for me.  And as I've said before, I'm really fortunate, because I have an amazing group of friends surrounding and supporting me. 

So, I decided to just tell my family when I was home a few weekends ago.  My nieces/nephews were super excited.  They asked to see pictures and when they'd get to sleep over.  My sister-in-law asked a few questions and said she didn't know I was looking.  My brother, who was in the room while we talked about it, said NOTHING.  Not, "Oh, that's cool - good for you."  Nothing.  My mom asked to see pics and asked details about it, but was clearly upset that I hadn't informed her until just then.  And, we haven't spoken since the night I told her (email or phone).  I promise you she is pouting and expecting me to do/say something.  I won't be doing that. 

The next morning, my sister-in-law and I chatted for a bit, but she still never really asked to see my house or anything about it.  And my brother still said nothing.  I thanked them for letting me stay over, but they didn't thank ME for watching their kids the night before.  *sigh*

Keep in mind that neither my brother/SIL or mom offered any help.  My mom actually asked if I was getting some friends together to help me move. 

Cut to the other day.  I get an email from my SIL.  See below:

Have you started packing up? What is your move in date? I can't believe none of us knew anything about your move until last weekend. We didn't even know you were thinking about moving. It's not fair! We have been wanting to move for quite awhile and it's not working for us. Just can't find the perfect house:( Oh well, some day. Now do you have to get a lawn mower, rakes and shovels? Oh the joys of owning a house:)

 

What the hell does someone say to that?  How do you respond to that?  Still no congratulations, offer to help move, or asking to even just see the house.  Just complaints about how unfair it is that I've found something when they haven't.  I showed it to a few friends and they were all dumbfounded.  Couldn't believe it.  And she's the one person I'm close to in the family.  Ugh. 

So, I replied today, just saying, "Yeah, I'm really excited about the move and having my own place!  Moving on the xxth!"  She replied, "Ok thanks."  Um, ok?   So, she's clearly annoyed, but I just don't care anymore. 

And she's maybe the 6th person out of everyone I've told to make some variation of this statement.  "Welcome to lawn maintenance!"  Um, ok.  It is NOT the end of the world.  I'm pretty sure I can handle a lawn, since, ya know, I've been handling every other detail of my life for a very long time...with not much help.  So, I think I've got it.  How about how exciting it will be for me to live in my OWN space with no one above/below/across from me for the first time in nearly my whole life?  I think that is worth whatever work the lawn may be. 

 

Anyway, ultimately, this is super exciting news and I have a great crew of friends coming to help me move, which is great!  So, I'm trying not to let my family get me down...but they're doing exactly what I thought they'd do - making it about them, rather than being excited for me.

Mother's Day for singles...

A good friend of mine posted "An open letter to pastors (A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day)"
on FB yesterday, and I so agree with it.  My friend is an adoptive mother of two and I sincerely appreciated reading this. 

You may have read it before, but thought I'd share it here.  Obviously, I most relate to this one -
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be.

Like the author of the post, I hadn't thought about Mother's Day that way either, even though I've always wanted to be a mother.  But, looking back, I have felt alienated at church, when they speak about families more than the singles.  Or only acknoweldge familes, which makes singles feel forgotten. 

So, I was telling my mom about this yesterday.  Instead of having a bit of compassion, she said, "So, where does it stop?  Do we just stop honoring anyone, out of fear it might upset someone else?"

OK.  This is kind of hilarious, coming from my mom, someone who is SUPER SENSITIVE about everything.  Everything. 

I'm not saying she has to agree with it, but maybe she could TRY and see it through her daughter's eyes? 

Anyway, I think it's a great post and worth the read.  I'm all about honoring mothers, but I also think there are several people out there who aren't traditional mothers, but still mother plenty.  They may mother their friends, by counseling them through different situations.  They may mother their nieces and nephews by being a good role model and a trusted adult they can turn to and talk to about anything.  They may mother their parents by assisting them in various situations.

After all, is there an "Aunt's Day" or an "Uncle's Day?"  I'm certainly not saying I need to be celebrated, but since no one in my family does anything for me for my birthday (not even coming to visit/go to dinner), no one really shows appreciation for the time/money I spend on my nieces and nephews, and no one does much for me at Christmas - I guess I think maybe there SHOULD be a special day for aunts and uncles?  :-) 

Apparently, I'm just not focusing enough...

So, I went home for Mother's Day yesterday, to treat my mom to breakfast.  It was fine.  She's the mom who says she doesn't want you to make the drive, but would be secretly ticked off if you decided not to come...so I went. 

Anyway, we had a decent conversation, but it eventually veered toward the "I'm single" territory.  Ugh.  Anyway, I made an offhand comment about the fact that I'm probably not getting married.  Ya know...because it just doesn't seem like that's going to happen, based on the past 30 some odd years. 

So she says, "Why do you say that?  People get married all the time.  Why do you think you're not going to get married?"  Um.  Gee, Mom...because it hasn't happened yet?  I mean, in all seriousness, of course I still hope to meet someone and get married.  But, I also don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that it won't happen.  Ya know, based on my life thus far. 

And then the conversation delved a bit deeper about how she just wants me to be happy.  And I get that.  But I went ahead and told her that her and my brother's comments at Christmas (about how even though other people didn't have to work as hard to meet someone...I do and if I don't online date, what are my other options?) were pretty hurtful and frustrating to hear.  And how NONE of them have one clue what it's like to be a single adult outside of college or your early 20s. 

She then went into how my brother just cares about me and would feel terrible if he hurt my feelings.  Um, #1 - NO, he wouldn't.  And #2, I suspect he spends next to zero time worrying about me or whether I'm getting married or whatever.  Same goes for my other brother.

And THEN she starts talking about my focus.  And how I've always been such a focused person.  And how she hasn't really seen me be FOCUSED on meeting someone/dating.  She just hasn't seen that focus. 

First of all, my mom doesn't even live in the same city as me.  Second of all, we're not nearly as close as we used to be, so she has NO IDEA of some of the bad set-ups, weird situations, online dating mishaps I've been on/had.  Third of all, she was married/had kids in her very early 20s and had zero desire to remarry after divorce.  So, again, she has NO IDEA what this is like.  Not to mention, dating now is much different than in her day. 

So, I really don't appreciate hearing about how I'm not putting in enough focus/effort to meet someone.  And I, in a nice way, said that to her.  Basically, I explained that she has no idea how difficult it is and how I've been open to pretty much every situation, and they haven't worked out.  And that it's unfair to say that I'm not focusing enough. 

I think she heard me, but I also think she still thinks she's right.

Her Dr. Phil quote from Christmas was about Oprah's weight issues and how Oprah isn't the same as the other people who can eat whatever they want and not gain.  And she thought it pertained to my situation. 

Well, my rebuttal to that is this.  Your weight IS WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.  You can eat less, eat healthier, and exercise more.  And voila, you lose weight and get to your healthy size. 

Me meeting the guy I'm going to marry is not necessarily in my control.  I can go on EVERY SINGLE set-up via friends or online dating and be the most social person in the world - and give it my best to be attracted/interested in them.  If they aren't "the one," they aren't "the one."  I can't control that.  I can't control whether it's going to work out between us.  Unless we actually hit it off and have a future...and I do something stupid to mess it up.

I realize everything she said comes from a loving place, and that she just wants me to have what I want and be happy.  I get it.  But I also think we could think before we speak and maybe consider how many awkward/tough situations I've gone through on this dating journey.  And maybe be a bit more sensitive to that and not blame it on my lack of focus.   

So. Awkward.

Well, you may or may not remember my ranty post back in November 2013.  That friend and I have not spoken much since before that post. 

Quick summary:  She emailed me around that same time, telling me she was pregnant, apologizing for not being a good friend, had made some bad choices...really wants me to still be her friend...blah, blah, blah.

Now, I did respond, in a pretty decent way.  I mean, one option was to not respond at all.  Another was to respond in a completely jerky way.  And I chose option #3, responding with honesty, but not letting her off the hook, either. 

I basically told her that I hoped she was doing ok and happy.  I told her that I was disappointed in her, because while she was complaining about her husband/marriage to me (a lot), I was very supportive and a good friend.  All the while, she was making really bad choices and being dishonest (or lies of omission) with me.  And that that was pretty hurtful, considering another friend had just done that to me, and she knew about that situation and how hurt I was.  I told her that I was really struggling right now and that her pregnancy/marriage news only made it worse (even though that's not her fault), but that I know she knows exactly how that feels.  And I asked her for time and space. 

To her credit, she did reply.  So, that was good.  And then time passed...and she sent me a birthday email and card.  I have not reached out to her because, in all honesty, I don't have the wherewithal to deal with that right now.  I just don't.  I don't have the capacity to be her friend and support her right now.  And I think that's ok.  When I was there for her, she was dishonest and only came clean with me when she knew I was going to find out.  It's a bit unfair to ask for my friendship now. 

Fast forward to this past weekend.  The part time job where we met was taking us out to eat.  She no longer works there, but her new husband is affiliated with our company.  I had NO IDEA she would be at this dinner until maybe 30 minutes before.  And yes, that sent me into a panic spiral.  Ugh.  Really wanted to get out of it.

Anyway, I go.  I figure, maybe she'll be at another end of the table and it won't be that bad.  And, I wasn't planning to make a scene...so if I needed to say hi to her, I would. 

I missed when she got there, but at one point, I did try to wave to her, just to make things not too awkward.  Not sure if she saw that or not. 

I got up to use the restroom (for real had to go...wasn't avoiding her).  On my way back, as I'm nearing our table, my manager grabs my hand and says, "Come here..."  And I was like, "What's happening?"  I look over and another manager has grabbed, let's call her "SM," and is bringing her toward me.  He then proceeds to put his arms aroaund each of us - IN FRONT OF OUR TABLE - and tell us, "You two didn't know this was going to happen tonight, but we did.  I love you two too much to not say something.  Life is too short.  You two are too good of friends to let something come between you.  I'm out of it after this, but you two are going to hug and move on from here."  There was a bunch of other stuff, too, but that is the basic idea of what was said. 

Yep, that happened.

I was SO stunned and angry, that I didn't know what to do or say.  Of course, SM was crying, as she always is.  I was too angry to cry.  So, it ended with us in a forced (and awkward) hug.  Then my manager stayed there making awkward chit chat with us, because it was a super awkward situation.  While the table of co-workers couldn't hear the discussion, it was obvious what was going on and super embarrassing.  Thank goodness our food came, which forced us back to the table - where I had no further discussion with SM.  As I sat down the manager's wife and another assistant manager said, "Everything ok?"  Um, no.  it's not.  I said, "Well, that was really uncomfortable."  Their response?  "It's all ok, it's fine."  Um, again, no.  It's not. 

Once I sat down, I had some tears and it was so frustrating to be sitting with a group of 15 people with tears rolling down my cheeks. 

I barely touched my food or said anything after that.  Got out of there as quickly as I could.

Still trying to figure out what their expectation is, now?  Do they think I'm going to text her and set up a time to get together?  Because I'm not.  Do they think I'm going to call her and apologize (for what, I'm not sure)?  Because I'm not.   

I'm still livid about the whole thing today and debating whether I'll send the managers a note about the various ways their "intervention" was inappropriate. 

1. This girl no longer works for our company.  So, there is no professional communication between us.
2. I have not told co-workers about our falling out.  So, there is nothing to make other employees uncomfortable about our situation.
3. It should not have been done in public, in a restaurant, in front of fellow employees.  If it was absolutely necessary, they should have scheduled it with both of us and done it at the office, in private.  But again, this was personal, not professional. 
4. They have NO IDEA what went on between SM and me.  None.  It's not their place to tell me to be ok with her and move on. 
5. They have NO IDEA what I'm personally going through right now and how SM plays into that.
6. She and I know the issue(s) between us and it is our decision whether we remain friends or not.
7. Life IS too short, but it's also too short for me to stay friends with people who are NOT good friends to me. 
8. We are ladies in our 30s; I'm pretty sure WE can figure out whether or not to be friends. 

Anyway, that happened and it's become near impossible for me to not think about it and want to scream! 

Love this!

Well, this is pretty much awesome.  Read and enjoy...

http://constantlyeffed.tumblr.com/post/72725640755/ten-things-your-single-friends-are-tired-of-hearing

I'd say it with less swearing, but she's pretty much spot on with all of it! 

Family is insensitive and still pretty sucky...yay Christmas! *sarcasm*

Let's do a Christmas with family round-up, shall we?  Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one! 

Overall, it was sucky...unfortunately.  I tried to enjoy my time with my nieces and nephews, which isn't hard to do.  They're awesome. 

My one sibling who I've complained about a lot, was fairly jerky.  They get really annoyed any time I sing...no matter what.  Now, it's not like I walk around singing in full voice ALL THE TIME (and certainly, not in front of them).  First of all, I am a singer and actually can sing.  Second of all, I don't feel the need to show off or brag about it.  Most of the time I'm singing, I'm either at home or in the car, or singing at church, in a show, or before an event.

But, they still get annoyed.  So, their classic line when I happen to sing around them is (we'll just call me Sister), "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  And then, if I happen to answer, they say, "Why don't you let them sing it then."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh my gosh, hilarious. 

So, when I was home, the kids were playing Just Dance and I was coming into the room.  I started singing along to whatever song was on.  When I say singing along, I mean it was barely audible and not AT ALL in full voice or any attention grabbing way.  It's what most people do when they sing along.  And then, they said it.  "Hey Sister, who sings this song?"  At that point, I'd pretty much had it with the whole long weekend, so I snapped at them.  "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you HATE it when I sing, so I'll just shut up.  I get it!!!!!!!"  I did.  I said that.  Honestly, I don't know if anyone else even noticed.  But they just said, "Jeez, grumpy!!!!  Blah, blah, blah..."  Whatever, I didn't really pay attention.  I like how I'm the grumpy one...when they're the one who started it.  Dear.  God.

Let's shift to my other sibling, who lives out of state.  They made a really stupid (untrue) joke about me.  Now, that's fine.  We're a sarcastic, jokey, family.  So, it was funny.  At first.  But then, the joke just kept on going and kept being brought up...enough so, that the kids were even in on it and joining in. 

I'm not someone who enjoys being picked on.  Frankly, I don't like the attention.  And yes, I love how people like to say, "They only pick on you because you react.  If you just act like it doesn't bother you, they'll stop."  Um, yeah.  I know.  Got it.  But here's the thing...I had ignored it.  And it just kept going.  Even my mom sort of joined in.  Finally, I'd had it.  And I asked them to knock it off.

See, I like to joke around, too.  But, when the person I'm joking with/about asks me to stop or it's obvious they're upset...I STOP.  And I apologize, because I then feel terrible for taking it too far.

Apparently, not everyone does this.  I called one of my best friends to vent and told her about this stupid joke.  She didn't even understand it.  Because it was SO RIDICULOUS!  Anyway, we had planned to meet the next morning for coffee.  When she arrived, she said that my sibling had messaged her on FB and asked her to tell him if I brought up the joke.  She, being the good friend she is, played dumb and told him he was a freak.

Did you catch that?  My sibling was SO caught up in their stupid joke, they felt the need to bring it up to my friend and then ask her to tell them if I mentioned it?  Are you EFFING KIDDING ME? 

So, that happened. 

Let's see, what else?  Oh yeah, online dating somehow came up and my sibling, their spouse, and my mom managed to grill me and make me cry.  (Still not sure if they realized I shed a tear.  Or if they even care.) 

My in-law's sister is really nice and so I asked how she was doing.  She's also single, so I had asked if she was still dating this guy (last time I checked, she was).  Anyway, she's not.  So, the whole online dating thing sort of came up out of that.  Now, I'm not mad about that.  And they have NO IDEA that I'm even on any online dating sites at all.  Nor do I plan to tell them.  Ever. 

So, these 3 people, NONE of whom have EVER tried/done online dating, proceeded to sort of tell me why it's good, etc.  And what I should be doing.  When I pointed out many of the things I've recently said on this blog (no, they obviously don't know about this blog, either), they basically acted like it's SO much better than that.

First of all, they've NEVER done it.  So, really, I don't think they're in a position to give me advice about it.  Second of all, my in-law's sister has been online dating for YEARS, and she's still single.  So, it's fair to say that she's no further ahead in the marriage race than I am.  At most, she's gotten more free meals than I have.  And I'm ok with that. 

So, I was saying how much I really don't like online dating, when my sibling says, "What are your other options?"  Um, what?  Did you just say that out loud?  If online dating is the LAST/ONLY option I have left, then I'm going to accept being single as my life.  Are you kidding me?

I said, "Well, there are set-ups."  To which they said, "How many of those do you go on?"  I said that I'd been on a lot.  They said, "What's a lot?"  Again, are you effing kidding me?  I don't need to justify this to YOU.  So then I said something about how it's a bit unfair that I have to go the extra step of online dating when so many I know did NOT have to do that.  That's when my mom chimes in with this nugget.  "Oprah was complaining to Dr. Phil about her weight, and how it was unfair that so many other women could eat whatever they wanted and not gain weight.  Dr. Phil told her, 'But they're not you, are they?'"  Mom continued, "It doesn't matter if others didn't have to do the work, YOU do have to do the work." 
Thanks, Mom.  Thanks a lot.  That nugget coming from my mom was priceless.  This is a woman who married someone she didn't love, then got divorced, then chose to NOT date anyone after that (bit of a man hater), and is STILL bitter about the divorce (and ex-husband, who has passed away) over 30 years later.  She's not done a ton to change or improve her life.  So, you see, it's really shitty of her to make a comment like that to me.  Someone who had a tough childhood, paid her way through many things, including college, on her own, and is quite independent.

It was after that comment that a tear or two came out of my eye.  Honest to God, no one noticed that I was even remotely upset.  Or even cared.  I ended up running upstairs and vented to the one in-law I like. 

OK, moving on to the presents.  Remember, I buy for 5 kids (and my mom) and spend probably $30+ PER KID.  And the siblings/in-laws then bought gifts for Mom and me.  Mom cleaned up, got some good stuff.  My out of state sibling/in-law gave me one gift (from the list I gave).  Total of $20 spent.  Woohoo...don't go crazy, guys!  WOW!  The in state sibling/in-law did somewhat better.  I got a couple of things from the list I gave and then a couple I didn't, but totally liked.  Total of probably $35 spent.  So, after I spent nearly $200, including schlepping a ton of stuff back from fricking Australia, I am worth about $55.  And I'm sure they were irritated to even spend that.  And honestly, it's not about the money.  It's more about the fact that the out of state sibling/in-law couldn't click on something else?  Or buy something not from the list as a nice surprise?  Nothing?  Really?  And they shipped it to the in-state sibling's house...so packing it for the flight, was not the issue.  Just thoughtlessness. 

Also, I guess my expectations of them need to be severely lowered.  Do you know how many "thank yous" I heard from the kids' parents?  None.  Not one.  Not one, "Oh my gosh, you went to Australia and thought to buy/bring back cool gifts for our kids?  That is so nice!"  Not one, "Hey, thanks for the gifts, the kids love them."  Not one, "Hey, thanks."  Nothing.  Did I thank everyone for my gifts?  Yes.  Did I thank my sibling/in-law for hosting us for several days?  Yes. 

Honestly, I don't think it's asking too much for a simple thank you.  Of course the kids said thanks to me, which is great.  But I guess it would be nice for the parents to acknowledge my generosity in some way? 

What's funny is, my 9 year old niece was probably the only one who really appreciated it.  She's a total sweetheart.  One of the gifts I gave her was a framed photo from my trip, that she had admired.  I wasn't sure how it would go over with a 9 year old (a framed photo could be considered lame/no fun).  Anyway, she opened it, and got excited.  And then she said, "You remembered we talked about this!!!"  OMG.  I could have died right then.  To her, it made her feel good that I remembered our conversation and then thought to buy a gift, including it.  Thank goodness for her!

Basically, I feel (other than time with the kids) the time I spent there was wasted.  I'd rather not have wasted my hard earned vacation time for that.  Both siblings spent time with each other, chatting, working out, joking, watching sports.  I get it.  I realize I'm the odd one out.  But really...we were hardly ever in the same room...and the only times they spoke to me were to either be mean, make fun of me, or ask me to stop singing. 

Overall, I give Christmas 2013 a SUCK level of 10, on a scale of 1 to 10.  I'm going to hope that Christmas 2014 is much better.  We'll see.          

And the amazingness that is my family continues...

Well, Thanksgiving is nearly upon us.  I look forward to this holiday for a few reasons.  First and foremost, the food.  I love gorging myself on all that Thanksgiving goodness!  YUM!  And it's always nice to see family and hear the funny stuff the kids say. 

A few years ago, I offered to host/cook Thanksgiving dinner for my family.  This includes my sibling, in-law, their kids, and my mom.  I do everything.  EVERYTHING.  And I'm fine with that.  But it is a lot of work.  We always have a good time and the kids make everything great anyway.  The day usually starts at noon...we eat around 1...and everyone leaves around 5.  So, we're talking about 5 hours, people.  5.  Hours.

Early last week, I sent an email to the family, asking about Thanksgiving and if we were doing it again this year - saying that I was happy to host/cook again.  My mom and in-law wrote back right away, saying they were coming.  The NEXT day, my sibling replied saying that they needed to discuss it and that they'd get back to me by the end of the week.

They didn't.

So, I followed up yesterday, to everyone.  My sibling replied (only to me), "Hi, sorry about that. I will shoot you something before end of the week. Trying to decide, I am very stressed here at work and can’t decide if just chilling at home might be more relaxing! Thanks for offering to host."

Um, things are SO stressful for you that you can't imagine eating a FREE meal that you contribute NOTHING/NO WORK to and hanging out on the couch for 5 hours?  Really? 

I was thisclose to replying and saying, "Don't bother to come."  Because, really, if you haven't been able to make this crucial decision in the last two weeks, I'm pretty sure you're not planning to come.

My in-law said they'd come with the kids, even if my sibling didn't.  But, they've since responded that they'll do whatever my sibling does (which I understand).  And this affects my mom, too...as she doesn't drive more than 15 miles and doesn't have a reliable car.  So, if they don't come, no one comes.  And even if it was just my mom coming, I'm not fricking going to all that work and cooking all of that food for TWO people. 

I hate everyone. 

Let me also say that my sibling sent a VERY detailed email about Christmas to the family this week.  It detailed dates, how we're doing gifts, food, who is being picked up where, who is staying in what room, etc.  So...Christmas is fricking 6+ weeks away and they're able to commit to all of that?  But Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away and they just can't decide?  Seriously?

So...here's what I'm looking at in the next 6 weeks.  I'm looking at spending Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, AND Christmas Day ALONE.  Yep.  All by myself. 

And again, it's no one's fault that I'm single and don't have any kids.  I'm not saying that people need to make sure I've got somewhere to go.  But I find it kind of cruel that family doesn't even think of that. 

I'm not the perfect sibling, but I do so much for my nieces and nephews.  I'm a very involved aunt.  I show interest in my siblings' lives.  In general, I think I'm pretty nice.  And how do I get treated in return?  Like total crap. 

Inconsiderate...

So...I have a sibling who lives out of state with their family.  And the last few years they've come home for Christmas.  Anyway, my other in-law (who lives closer to me) asked them if/when they were planning to come home.

Rather than consult me, to see when might be a convenient time for me...they booked the flights and replied to let my in-law know.  The ONLY reason I know they booked flights and the dates is because my in-law told me.  They have yet to inform me A) that they're coming back for Christmas; B) when they're coming back. 

So, apparently my schedule/availability doesn't matter.  Apparently, it's assumed that I have all the time off in the world and will just come see them when it's convenient for them.  I live an hour from my home town...so it's not like I don't have things to figure out/arrange. 

I'm not trying to be over sensitive, but I think this is incredibly inconsiderate and selfish.  It basically says, "We don't care if it's convenient for you, or even if you can come see us.  In fact, we didn't even consider you in our decision to visit."  It's also is another way of assuming that the single, childless sibling can just fit her schedule with everyone else's.  Cuz, ya know, she doesn't have a life.     

These are the same people who have virtually zero contact with me/the family throughout the year.  I do want to see their kids, but honestly, I kind of wish they weren't coming back.  So, now the precious time off I have left (that I was looking forward to) will be spent with people who could give a crap about me. 

Not to be a total downer (but I guess I am), but I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all.  More than likely, I'll be alone (again) on Christmas Day this year.  And then go home to see family. 

I think I've touched on this before...  We do a drawing for the sibling gifts.  So, I get a gift from whoever has my name.  I buy gifts for my mom and ALL of the kids.  So, I spend a decent chunk of change.  Do you know how many gifts I receive (other than from the drawing)?  (And yes, I know Christmas is not about gifts.)  Typically zero or something very small.  Neither sibling/in-law thinks to give me a gift for ALL the things I do for their kids EVERY year, as their aunt.  Not a "hey, the 'kids' wanted to get you something," or "we wanted to give you a little something - we appreciate all you do."  Nope.  Nothing.  And honestly, if I did have kids...I'd be giving my siblings/in-laws a small gift (gift card to a restaurant or something) to show my appreciation. 

A gift card (iTunes/store/whatever) takes virtually zero thought and is easy to pick up.  And if they gave one for $25-$50, that's a drop in the bucket compared to what I've spent every year in time and money over the last 10+ years.   

And it's not a competition, but especially for the kids who live closest to me, I know for a fact that I do the most for/with them, out of the aunts and uncles.  So, it's pretty obvious how much time/money I spend.

Also, last year, I took the time to put together this really cool book with a bunch of stuff of my dad's.  It took work to put it together AND money.  I surprised my siblings with this.  I think they said thank you, but not much else.  I'm not sure why I didn't just make the book for myself and NOT give them one.  

It's just another way I feel insignificant/unappreciated - by my OWN family.  Not to mention my sibling who lives an hour away can't stand me.  Honestly.  He/she is annoyed by anything I do.  And rude to me ALL the time.

So, it's early November and I'm already dreading Christmas.  Ugh.     

Yes, I'm going on vacation by myself...

I'm taking a pretty big vacation this year (in addition to some little ones).  A friend of mine (and her family) are living in Australia for a few years.  So, I've decided to just do it and go there to visit!  I'm very excited for the trip and all that I'll get to see and do.  I'm also going to Cairns for a few days, to see the Great Barrier Reef and several other things.

Would it be great if I had a boyfriend/husband to go on this trip with me?  Of course.  Do I wish I had a spouse going with me?  Of course.  Is there a spouse going with me?  NO.

Lucky for me, anyone who asks me about the trip immediately asks one of the following questions:

1. Who are you going with?
2. Are you going by yourself?  
3. Is your friend going to the reef with you?
4. Are you going by yourself?  (I know I already mentioned this one, but it's worth repeating.)

Now, I understand that it's natural to ask who someone is going with.  But seriously, I've been bombarded with these questions/comments.  It really puts a cloud over something I'm excited about.

It also makes me feel like I'm a pathetic loser, going on this trip by myself.  I know, I know.  I'm not a loser and it's perfectly fine to vacation by yourself.  But, it still feels sucky.  Especially when I'm constantly reminded of it when someone says, "You're going by yourself?"

On the other hand, I'm sort of excited that I'll be by myself in Cairns.  I'm planning to do some really fun activities and hit some restaurants/bars at night.  Maybe I'll find myself a hot Aussie?

I'm guessing people in relationships/marriages don't even have to think about this stuff.  Meanwhile, I've planned the trip by myself, with no one to bounce ideas/rates off of.

Anyway, I'm going to choose to be excited about this once in a lifetime trip and have as much fun as I possibly can!  

Rude question...

A few weeks ago, I was at the gym, getting in my treadmill run.  A former co-worker and her husband came in.  I haven't seen them in a while, so it was good to say hello.  Her husband was on the treadmill next to me and we ended up chatting for most of our run. 

While it was good to catch up on their family/life and find out what was going on, I ended up being a little annoyed.  Because, as we were talking, he asks - "Are you dating someone?" 

Seriously? 

Here's what I've decided.  THAT is a rude question to ask.  It just is.  By asking that question, you're insinuating the following:

• It's not ok to be single.  There's something wrong with you.  I mean, if you aren't DATING someone...what EVER will you do? 
• If I answer that I'm not dating someone...it's now awkward for both of us.  I am supposed to feel bad and you just get to enjoy the awkward silence.
• If I answer that I am dating someone, then you're going to ask me all sorts of details about it - and I may not really want to share that with you. 
• And then you'll probably ask if I'm going to marry this person, etc.

I don't ever ask married people how their marriages are going.  Ya know why?  It is inappropriate to ask that question.  And it would put them in a potentially awkward situation.  Why doesn't this occur to people? 
Now, I know this guy wasn't trying to be rude, and was probably just curious.  But still...he shouldn't have asked that.  And he (and his wife) know me well enough to know that I would LIKE to be dating/married/have kids.  So, asking me that - knowing that the answer might be NO - is not wise.  Because, if I were dating someone, I'm 99% certain I'd volunteer that to you. 

I had another epiphany as a result of this little situation.  THIS is exactly why single people feel bad about being single.  Don't ask my why it took me this long to figure out. 

But here's the thing.  Yes, I want to date and get married and eventually have children (sooner than later).  BUT, it's not necessarily because everyone else has that.  It's because I truly WANT those things to happen in my life.

While being single isn't my choice, it IS where I'm at right now in my life.  So, I'm trying to make the most of my life and have fun.  2012 has been fantastic so far...and that's had nothing to do with dating. 

So, when married people ask me if I'm dating or whatever - it makes ME feel like that's what I'm supposed to be doing.  When, there are tons of people in the world who CHOOSE to be single - which is great.  It puts an undue pressure on me (whether intentional or not).

If I'm dating someone seriously, believe me, I will shout it from the rooftops.  Until then, please don't ask me if I'm dating.  Thank you.   

Worst deejay EVER & a few other things...

So, I attended a wedding reception last weekend. The bride is a casual friend from work...aka, I was shocked to be invited to the reception. Another male friend of hers/mine was going, so at least I wasn't totally going to be alone.

Now, it's safe to say, this girl, her new hubby, and their friends/family were not going to be my type of crowd. And, I'm NOT judging...but it directly correlates to the number of tattoos they all have...compared to the zero I have.

I have friends with tattoos...but this was on a whole new level. It was more of a biker crowd. And again, that is fine. But I tend to not have much in common with that crowd.

People were dressed ridiculously casual for a wedding reception...but I digress.

So, my friend and I sat at a table with two other couples, who work where the bride and I work. I didn't know either couple particularly well, but well enough to chit chat. So, the one couple was newly married and I'd never formally met either of them. Literally, we JUST met that night (this is important in the coming story). We were all friendly enough, just basic chit chat.

All of us ate our meals and then talked about getting some cake. There were 3 flavors - chocolate, champagne, and red velvet. So, the newlyweds decided to try a few flavors and brought them back.

My friend and I did the same thing. I grabbed 2 pieces of red velvet and went back to the table. He grabbed 2 pieces of champagne and brought them back. Now, he grabbed me a giant piece of champagne. I was like, "What the heck? Why such a big piece?" But, whatever.

So, I ate my red velvet - it was delish - and left my champagne cake to sit for a bit. Later on, I was waiting for my friend, and bored, so I was sort of picking at the champagne cake. Please note, I was not MOWING down on it or shoving it in my face.

Mr. Newlywed Stranger Guy Whom I Don't Know & Doesn't Know Me says, "Wow, you must really like cake!" And then he and his wife proceed to laugh. I was more than irritated, but handled it well. I said, "Well, yah, this is good. And I'm a runner, so I can eat things like this." And then it got quiet. I sort of stopped eating my cake, as I was a bit self conscious. He then said, "Oh, sorry..." (Side note: this guy and his wife were not particularly thin/fit people. they weren't fat, but I'm just saying...not fit either)

Uh huh.

Here's the thing. I'm not a Sensitive Sally, I promise. But I think that's a pretty bold comment to make to a complete stranger. If I were sitting next to a 500 pound stranger, who was eating 6 pieces of cake, it still wouldn't occur to me to say something like that. Not to mention, I myself am not a large individual...so do we need to comment on whether or not I like cake?

I guess I just feel like he was a little too comfortable saying that. And most of my friends have agreed. Your thoughts?

I just want to eat my food and not be watched/bothered about it. Furthermore, I don't give a crap what you eat. Go to town! Eat UP, I say!

Anyway, on to the deejay. From the get go, this guy was AWFUL. He really liked to hear himself talk. He went on and on about the night, then gave us the schedule for the evening, then "riffed" a little more, and THEN someone gave a prayer before we lined up to eat.

As we waited for our table to get in line for food...we were subjected to the many moronic things this guy was saying. And you could tell other people were annoyed as well.

So, they start the dancing, with the first dance for the couple. Situation normal.

Then they do the father/daughter dance. No problem.

And then, then, he brings ALL the married couples to the teeny tiny dance floor. I have no problem with this...other than the tiny pathetic group left sitting at random tables. You know, the SINGLE people. GASP!

So, he talks for what seemed like 30 minutes...basically saying they were going to put music on and during the dance, couples married less than 5 years leave the dance floor, then 10, and so on. We've seen this before, right?

Usually it's done within a few minutes, no?

Well, he talked ad nauseum...about God knows what and it lasted forEVER! It took extremely long just to get to the point where you had the 4 couples who'd been married more than 50 years left...and they looked exhausted! He then walked around to each couple...asking when/how they got married. None of the couples had too much to say. It was so painful. But, he kept talking anyway!

FINALLY, that horrific display was over.

Not so fast, my friend. Not so fast.

The famous "chicken dance" was about to start and the bride grabbed me to go on the dance floor. So, I grabbed my friend - that's only fair, right? As I'm approaching the dance floor, I say (under my breath, and sarcastically), "This is so unfair." Well, the deejay heard me and proceeded to repeat what I said...into his MICROPHONE! He then proceeded to harp on me for the next 5 minutes, for no reason, in front of everyone.

I was mortified. The one thing I do NOT want, is attention on me. Especially when I'm not doing anything of note.

At this point, I'm hoping he'll leave me alone. But I don't notice that the bride has, for some reason, told him I'm a chicken dance expert (he'd asked, I guess). So, he announces my name, everyone looks at me, and he continues to say my name and point to me.

Another 5 minutes go by, him talking...blah blah blah.

Finally, we are ready to start the chicken dance. During the dance, he calls out the stuff and then tells people to look at me for direction. Honestly, I wanted to crawl into a hole. Nightmare.

Bottom line, this guy sucked. I've been to a lot of weddings, people. A LOT. Trust me when I say he is the worst deejay I've ever had the displeasure of being around.

Awful.