Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Another one bites the dust...

Well, another friend is getting a divorce.  This brings the grand total to 2 - in the last year or so.  And I have no clue if the other friend I've had issues with (and no longer speak to) is still pursuing divorce or trying to work it out with her husband.  I posted about this earlier this year.  And I'm still sort of in shock that 5 of my friends are either getting divorced, having troubles, or trying to work things out.  Yikes!

Anyway, this friend, let's call her UF...she confided in my earlier this year that her husband has some serious addiction issues.  While this totally shocked me, it also made sense when I thought about his behavior.  So, she's been pretty up front about their troubles.  She recently moved, due to her job, so we don't chat/get together as often.

She texted me the other night, saying we needed to talk - that things had happened.  I told her she could call any time.  I got an email from her yesterday.  The gist of the email was this - she tried to work things out with her husband...but she met someone earlier this year...tried to resist, but then fell in love with him...told her husband...tried to work things out...he still won't work on his issues...he filed for divorce.  She said she already has several friends not speaking to her because of this...and she was worried about how I would react, but wanted to tell me what was going on.  

That was quite the way to start my day/week.  Wowsa!  This is the third friend of mine who has cheated.  What is going on?  

It might surprise you how I responded to her versus how I handled the situation with this friend.  Basically, I told this friend that I'm here for her - even though I don't approve of what she did.  I told her that none of us know what we would do unless we were in someone else's shoes.  I told her that the difference between her and my friend that is no longer my friend - is that she had the guts to tell me herself (even if it was a few months after the fact).  She didn't exclude me from her life and make assumptions about what I would do.  She didn't let me find out about it from someone else.  And she didn't try to hide it from me by telling people not to tell me.  And she didn't blame me somehow for her own problems. 

My ex-friend still doesn't understand why I'm upset with her.  I'm 100% sure she thinks I'm ONLY upset with her for cheating...when it's so much more than that.  And she also thinks she has nothing to apologize to me for.  Uh uh. 

So, while I'm really sad to hear about the choice she made, I also know the load of crap she's dealt with regarding her husband's stuff.  That does NOT justify cheating.  But, I can see how she may have been at the end of her rope.  Again, doesn't justify it. 

I also offered her some unsolicited advice.  I told her it might be best if she was single for a while - even if this new guy is SO amazing.  Because really, I don't think it makes sense to be in another relationship when you aren't even finished with the one you're in. 
She took my response well and I get the feeling she felt relief that I didn't get mad at her or judge her.  Being a Christian, I find it so hard to deal with these particular situations.  On the one hand, I so strongly disagree with cheating (and have personal experience with it).  On the other hand - ALL of us make mistakes.  And it's really not my place to pass judgement.  If all of us stopped being friends with people when they made mistakes - NO ONE would have friends.  So, I'm hoping I did the right thing.  And I'm hoping that it's obvious how different her scenario and how she handled it with me was versus how my other friend handled hers.

On a side note:  I still don't understand something.  This friend described the new guy as amazing, responsible, sweet, kind, honest...  If this single guy is SO honest, what would possess him to be remotely interested in someone who is currently MARRIED?  I don't get it.  If a married male acquaintance approached me about dating/getting together - I would have ZERO interest.  Ya know why?  Because he's MARRIED.  I don't get it.  Ugh.

All of this to say that I'm still single, but my friend who isn't even divorced yet has already found someone else. 

What is going on?  WHY?  ARGHHH!

Potential set-up...that I almost never heard about

So, while I was visiting my friend, we FaceTimed her sister-in-law (whom I've met).  Anyway, I find out that she's had a guy in mind to set me up with.  This was the FIRST I'd heard of it (but my friend has known about it).

Now, I'm not trying to overreact or anything...but it escapes me why my friend hadn't ever mentioned it to me.  I asked her and she said she wasn't sure how I'd feel about it with all the other set-ups I've been on...  OK, that's true.  But she ALSO knows how much I want to meet someone, get married, and have kids (and how the kids thing is getting less and less likely).  So, why wouldn't she at least ASK me if I have any interest?  I don't understand. 

I'm not angry about it or anything, but it makes me wonder how long her sister-in-law has had this guy in mind...and whether it's even a possiblity anymore.  Now, I don't know much about him, but I would at least like to entertain the possibility.

So, rather than waiting for my friend to say something, I messaged her sister-in-law on FB and asked her about it.  We'll see if she responds and if anything comes of it. 

It's not that I expect my friend to put my love life as a priority - because #1) that is stupid; #2)  she has other things at the top of her list, understandably.  But, I guess I'm just a little irritated that she didn't even attempt to pursue it or discuss it with me.  I'm sure I'm being oversensitive and overreacting, but still. 

And yeah, this potential set-up could totally turn out to be nothing or not work out.  But, it's not like I'm loaded down with dates right now...so I guess I'd rather see if there's any potential. 

Back from vacation!

Well...I'm back from my whirlwind trip to Australia.  I got back last week and dove right back into work and my life.  I sort of forgot that jet lag would be my annoying friend for a few days.  Ugh. 

Basically, there was major turbulence on the long flight back, so I felt like crap and couldn't get any sleep.  So, I think I maybe got 4 hours sleep in one day...and then slept 4 hours the night I got back...before going to work the next morning.  Yes, I'm smart.  I know. 

Overall, the trip was fantastic!  I saw and experienced some amazing things and it's a beautiful place.  It was wonderful to spend uninterrupted time with my friend and to hang with her family.  My side trip was also fun. 

There was only one hiccup.  My carry-on bag was rejected at the gate on my flight back to Sydney.  My carry-on was totally acceptable on the WAY THERE.  Grrr.  So, I find out as the plane is taking off, that my bag will be moved to another flight...and not be available to me for about 4 hours after MY flight lands.  OMG. 

Now, I'm aware a boyfriend/spouse wouldn't have been able to magically fix this situation.  BUT...they would have been IN the situation with me.  I wouldn't have been alone. 

Let me backtrack...  The final day didn't start out well.  I had to check out of my hotel early, but then had about 3 1/2 hours before my ride to the airport would arrive.  So, I got all cute and decided to walk around and explore the city...and also find some breakfast.  Well, the hotel employee wasn't clear in her directions...so I ended up walking about 20-25 minutes in the wrong direction - in the blazing heat.  I was pouring sweat.  I then had to walk BACK to where I started and proceeded to walk another 20-25 minutes to the right part of the city.  I sat down at the first restaurant I found.  At this point, I was mad.  I was no longer cute.  I was sweaty and tired.  I estimate I probably walked about 3-4 miles in sandals that morning. 

So, when I got back to the hotel to wait for my ride, I was not in a great mood. 

OK, now we're back to the airport/luggage debacle.  I held back tears on the flight...knowing that my bag wouldn't be there.  You see, I had made arrangements with my friends to take the train into town from the airport...to save them from driving out in rush hour traffic.  But NOW, they would have to come to the airport anyway, except late at night.  So, I felt terrible about that. 

Once my flight landed, I found out that my bag woudn't get there until after 10pm.  I called/texted my friends and then fought with the baggage/airline guy.  At this point, I was crying.  No joke.  Couldn't control it. 

I took the train back to their house and then her amazing husband drove with me back to the airport to get my luggage later that night.  It was a crap day. 

And again, a guy couldn't have fixed it, but I guess I'd love to know someone is WITH me during something like that.  And then I get irritated, because I think of all of my friends who have never been single and never have to deal with this sh*t.  They just tell their husband (I'm dead serious) to take care of it or whatever. 

OK, back to the GOOD.  The trip was unbelievable!  I snorkelled at the reef and can't believe the stuff I saw.  I went whitewater rafting.  I saw some amazing Australian animals and even got to pet them.  Lots of shopping, too.  I don't even want to THINK about how much money I spent.  Oh well.  I can pay it off, right?  :-)

It is good to be back and get back into my routine.  I think I'm nearly over the jet lag and back in the swing. 

Vegas is next month!