Saturday, December 18, 2010

Ben...Part Deux?

Last night, a good friend of mine graduated from grad school. So, we went to dinner with a bunch of her family and then on to the graduation ceremony. It was so wonderful to see her complete this chapter of her life!

As we were taking pics afterward, we're gathering up the group of friends that were there. She's making sure everyone is standing next to their spouse and said something like, "Yah, are all the couples next to each other?" And there I was...on the end...a single. So I said, "And me!"

I'm not mad, but it was kinda funny. I've said it before, but I honestly don't think coupled people would be able to do some of the stuff we singles do. I think it takes a pretty strong individual to constantly be the 3rd, or in this case, 7th wheel.

I was thinking about this in the car, on my way to the bar where we were going to celebrate some more.

We were all hanging out and another friend of ours who graduated walks in...with her hubby and another guy. The guy sort of looked like her hubby, so I figured he was some 22 year old younger brother.

We weren't really formally introduced, but sort of ended up chatting and introducing ourselves. Well, we pretty much talked to each other the rest of the night. I'd say for at least a couple hours.

That is the reason for the name of this post - Ben...Part Deux. This guy's real name is the same as the last Ben I posted about. Funny, huh?

Apparently he lives near me and works at a big company in my city (where I used to work, actually).

I could tell that our other friends noticed us chatting and could sense them being all excited and giddy with joy.

We didn't exchange numbers, but I have a feeling we'll somehow be connected. I could tell he was interested and I think I showed that I was (I'm not a huge flirt, so ya never know.) The fact that we exclusively talked to one another and never went back with the group is a good sign.

THIS is how it's supposed to be. Honestly, I hope I get connected to him so we can go out, but even if we don't - this was a good thing. I needed to feel excited and/or interested in someone again.

Ben Part 1 was a good guy, and conversation was good, but there was no real spark, ya know? With this Ben (Part Deux), there was easy conversation and genuine attraction I believe. It's been sooo long since I've had any sort of excitement after a date or meeting someone.

So, no matter what, I'm taking this as a positive step that I'm allowed to be excited about someone and that I deserve it! (which I've maintained all along)

Let's just see what happens with this one!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Out of control...

So, did any of YOU overeat over the last few days? I'm not only referring to Thanksgiving, but the long weekend that followed.

All I can say, is that I have got to get things under some sort of control.

I hadn't been on the scale for a while, but finally risked it yesterday. Phew! No major damage was done. (This might be due to the 20+ mile run I did on Saturday.)

But, I have a few pounds that have taken up residence in my backside and, apparently, don't want to go anywhere. And I can prove this. My pants are all tight in ONE area and ONE area only - the BUTT! Literally, everything else on my body is the same.

We're not talking a full pants size bigger, but the super fun "in between two sizes" situation. This is even more irritating!

Ya see, my issue is not lack of committment to exercise. I am usually training for marathons, so I spend at least 6-7 hours a week working out/running. For the most part, I enjoy exercise. I feel better while and after I do it. I know it keeps me healthy, too.

My issue IS food, specifically - sweets! I love anything with sugar, chocolate, gooey goodness - you name it! And I'm not the girl that can have one little bite and be fine. No, I have to have seconds, thirds, etc. And, I really can't go a day without having sweets (yes, meaning more than one sweet).

Honestly, I bet if I quit eating sweets, I'd lose 10-15 pounds in a matter of weeks. So sad...

Now, I do have some perspective. I'm not overweight right now and I look totally fine (or whatever). But, it's not like I can get away with this forever...my butt is already ticked!

So, I have no grand plan, other than to put it out there to you all...that I need to at least try to be better!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Step-parent?

This post is more of a question to my readers...

Recently, I was made aware that someone in a local club I belong to, is interested in dating me. He's over 10 years older than me and has a daughter. I don't know him well, we've only had a few casual conversations. But, I'm also not sure that I've ever looked at him like that.

I will be frank with you, the questions/concerns that pop into my mind when I think of him are:

  • Ooh, he's in his forties.
  • Ooh, he's got a kid (and would he want more kids?)
  • Ooh, he's shorter than me.

I know, I know. I can hear all of you yelling at me, through the computer. But hey, at least I'm admitting it, right?

Here's the thing. I think we all go through stages of what we're looking for. When I was in my 20s, I wanted someone who'd never been married. Fast forward to 33, and that's not so important anymore. I just assume they've already been married and divorced. So, I could probably get over the age thing.

I've also always wanted to have my "own" family with whomever I marry. This means that I am not really looking to be a stepmother. It does not mean that I judge someone who already has children. It just means, that it does complicate things.

My dad has been married multiple times, so I've had a few stepmothers (he's still with the latest one). The thing is, being a step-parent is a bit of a no-win situation. You will never be the child's mother...and you may always be seen as a threat. The potential up side is that you could have a great relationship with each other.

I guess, coming from a broken home, I've always just wanted to have "my" family. Is that bad? Does that sound absolutely horrible?

The other issue is whether or not this guy in his forties would really want to start having more kids? I would totally understand NOT wanting more, if I already have one headed toward middle school. Again, I'm not even dating him, so I realize these are crazy thoughts.

And my last thought, about him being shorter. Well, that's just standard. When you're 5'11", you can't help but notice that. Again, I've relaxed a bit on that one...provided I'm actually attracted the guy in other ways. (While I do think he's a nice guy, I don't think I find him attractive, but again...haven't thought of him in that way.)

So...to wrap all of this up. I'm being asked if I'd consider going out with this guy. But, I've got all these stepmother concerns and what not, so I'm wondering what you, my readers think. Feel free to judge me!

I know it doesn't hurt to just go out with him...but I don't want to create an awkward situation either.

Thanksgiving...

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late) to all of my readers! I hope you all stuffed your faces and shopped 'til you dropped today.

I hosted Thanksgiving dinner for my family this year. I started the tradition a few years ago, and I think we've had some pretty good Thanksgivings (if I do say so myself). This means I do all the cooking. Yep, you read that right...I do ALL of the cooking! I had never even attempted to cook a turkey until a few years ago.

I am definitely more of a baker than a cook, but it's really fun to try and put the meal together and figure out the timing. Everything tasted pretty good and I was sufficiently stuffed!

My brother's kids are such a joy and it's always fun to spend time with them. We went online and looked at potential Christmas gifts I could get them. They are adorable!!!

I ventured out today, to try and score some Black Friday deals. I was able to get almost everything on my wish list. It was so nice to come home, check out my goodies, and then take a nap. I've spent the day just hanging around the house (eating leftovers), with no real schedule/plan. It has been, in a word, AWESOME!

It's days like today, where I really can appreciate being single. While I would love to have my own hubby and kids, I'm aware that a quiet day like today wouldn't have been possible if I had that.

I'm thankful for so many things, but just to name a few:

Health - I love to run and I honestly feel so fortunate that God has blessed me with a healthy body that CAN run. I know the gift that that is!

Nieces & Nephews - They bring a joy to my life that I can't quite express. I love my special relationship with each of them and am SO lucky to have them.

Job - In this economy, I'm lucky to have decent stability at my job (where layoffs are a regular occurrence). So, whenever I want to complain about my work, I stop myself, knowing how lucky I am.

Home - I have a roof over my head! As the weather gets colder, I appreciate this fact more and more.

Friends - I have so many wonderful friends, from all stages of my life! I feel so blessed to know each and every one of them and to know they have my back. We may not always agree, but we do always love and support one another.

Hope you all have a great long weekend!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Judgment...advice...all around bad support?

So...as per the usual, I've dissected the "Ben" situation with a few close friends (other than you, my blog readers). I always find it interesting how each of my friends react.

I don't profess to be the best advice giver, but I do believe in thinking before you speak. I also believe in putting yourself in the other person's shoes (as best you can), before giving your opinion.

Let me start by saying that I'm blessed to have a crap ton of fantastic friends. They are from various stages of my life and all of them are awesome! But, I get a bit frustrated when some of them say the things they say...

Most of my friends have never really been single. Typical story - they dated someone all through high school, then dated someone new in college, then married said someone.

I have a close friend who didn't marry until 30, so she totally gets where I'm coming from...although she met her hubby on a blind date. Here I am...on blind date #782, still not meeting my hubby. But, I digress...

Out of the friends who have never been single, I have some that give great advice and are very supportive...and others who say things that drive me batty.

A sample conversation:

Me: "Ugh, I just don't know if I'm attracted to him...not looking forward to the date."
Friend: "Hey, you can't bitch about it."
My thoughts: Um, yes, I can bitch about it. Do you know why? Because, I don't have to be excited when someone likes me and I don't necessarily like them back. Also, you're my friend...so I am allowed to bitch to you. That's how this works...
Friend: "Would you rather be home alone on a Saturday night?"
Me: "Yes, I would. I would rather be home alone (eek, the thought!) on a Saturday night, than out on a date with someone I'm not attracted to/interested in." (crazy, I know)
My thoughts: Is this friend honestly suggesting that it's better for me to go out with someone on a Saturday night, because being alone for a few hours is just too sad? Really? Um, I've been single for a while...and I am fine with being on my own. And my life is so busy right now, that a few Saturday nights IN, would be divine.

One of my friends expressed concern about me, over this "Ben" situation. I explained that there is no reason to worry...just because I wasn't interested in this guy. And then, she asked what was next. As if to say, "Well, you blew it with this guy, what's your next plan?"

Um, this will surprise my readers, I'm sure, but I'm not psychic. I have no clue "what's next." I have no idea if my future hubby is even living in the same state as me. So, I'm just doing the best I can, taking each date as it comes (and trying my darndest to be open minded).

Now, compare that to my conversation with my friend who married at 30. She informed me that I was doing the brave thing by not continuing to date someone I had no interest in. What a fantastic thing to say! Brave!!! I like that! And, I happen to agree. How easy would it be to just date someone, knowing they like you and that you can stand being around them (but nothing more)? If I were looking for that, then I suppose I could have been married years ago. But what kind of marriage would that be? And how is that fair to either person?

Here's to all of us single ladies who are looking for the RIGHT guy and not just someone we can "stand" being around! May we all continue to do the brave thing!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Date #2 with "Ben"...

OK, so last night I went out on date #2 with "Ben." Here are my thoughts.

First of all, I met him prior to the race and conversation was scarce (a little awkward). Then, whenever I ran into people I knew, I wasn't sure how to introduce this guy (that I've been on one date with). Ugh... So, we ran the race and finished maybe 10 seconds apart. Then we stayed for the pancake breakfast and sat with my married friends and her parents. Awesome!

I gotta say, usually a guy I've been on ONE date with, doesn't meet my friends prior to the second date. Right?

So, we part ways and then he picks me up last night. We eat some dinner and then head to the movie. While conversation was ok, I couldn't help but NOT feel a connection with him. Believe me, I tried my best, I swear! And I can honestly say it's not JUST the height/small thing. We have some things in common, but for whatever reason, I just don't feel a click/spark/connection/attraction...whatever you want to call it.

Here's the thing, I can tell that HE does feel said connection with me. Ugh! So, as he was dropping me off, he asked if I wanted to plan on a date the following Saturday. Um, give me a minute, please.

So I told him we could touch base this week. Well, lo and behold, he emails me at 9:47 this morning. Buddy, I get that you're interested...really, I do.

Normally, I just blow the guy off/don't respond (if it's only been a couple dates). I do that when the dates were so horrible, I was traumatized. For this guy though, he is a good guy, so I think he deserves my reply.

It's icky and no fun, but I'm going to reply to him and be honest, that there simply wasn't a connection. I feel absolutely horrible about it, but I'd feel worse going out with him again and leading him on.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Friday, November 12, 2010

'Tis the season of blind dating...

OK, so if you read this post, you know that I have put myself back on the market (mostly for blind dates/set-ups).

Here's the funny thing... For some reason, Fall is MY time for dating. Nearly every year, it never fails...all of these random set-ups/dates/potentials come my way, from out of nowhere! So, it started with the horrible Red Lobster date, and now there could be more...

A friend of mine randomly suggested this guy she works with, we'll call him "Ben." So, he & I exchanged a few emails and that went well. We agreed to meet for drinks last week. I met him downtown and we both had a beer. Shockingly, the conversation was pretty good and we got along well. Before we knew it, it was dinner time. So, we stayed and ordered some food and the conversation continued.

Five hours later...we said good night. So, it's safe to say that this date was NOT the train wreck that most of my dates usually are. We have some things in common and conversation flowed easily. We both agreed that we'd go out again sometime this weekend.

Here's the thing - I don't think I'm all that attracted to him. Ugh! The date went well enough that I would definitely go out again, just to see if anything was there, but I'm a little stressed. He's on the small side. He is more than a few inches shorter than me and just kind of skinny. I'm not a big girl, but I am 5'11", so height is an issue for me. I know some of you may judge that and say that I'm cutting out an entire population of good guys, but I can't help how I feel.

I am honestly just more comfortable with taller/bigger guys. It doesn't mean that I will write "Ben" off, but things aren't looking good. We are going out tomorrow night, dinner and a movie.

Oh yeah, we both happen to be signed up for the same road race tomorrow morning. He asked me what I was doing before the race. I said, "Um, sleeping?" So, he then asked if I'd want to meet up with him before the race.

The thing is...we're not dating (for realz) just yet. We've had ONE date. So, I guess I feel like it's a little much to meet up and apparently run with him the morning of our second date! I mean, come on! (I'm aware that I complain about being single and then when someone shows interest, I'm pushing back. But hopefully you get my meaning.) I'm saying that now we'll go out tomorrow night and not have that much to talk about, given our 5 hour first date, and the race in the morning. This is to say nothing of the fact that now I'll have to actually look in the mirror tomorrow before leaving the house for the race.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm making more of any of this than is necessary, but I'm just not good at dating. I don't think it's fun. I think it's a bit of a chore, actually. If I could meet someone and then just say, "Yes, you are the right one. Let's go get married." THAT is how I'd like to do it!

So, I'm sure tomorrow night's date will go fine, but the issue of physical attraction is still open. I can totally see myself being friends with this guy, just not sure if I can picture kissing him? Have any of you had this issue? Do you feel where I'm coming from? Am I crazy?

Another friend of mine's hubby, Facebooked me out of the blue a few days ago. He wondered if I was seeing anyone, because he has someone in mind. So, supposedly that guy is going to email me at some point?

Too funny...Fall is my season, I tell you!

Long time no type...

Hello everyone in blog world! It has been far too long since I've posted and my crazy schedule is the culprit. I've WANTED to blog, but just haven't been able to. So, here goes...

The last few months have been filled with road races, a bridal shower, a wedding, church meetings, etc. Basically, I haven't had 8 hours sleep since... Hmmm...I can't remember when. *sad face*

I finished my 8th marathon (Marine Corps Marathon) two weeks ago and it was fun. It was the biggest marathon I've ever done and I really enjoyed the whole experience. I didn't hit my time goal (grrrrr), but it was cool knowing that my brother was out there running it as well. We ran in honor of my dad, a Vietnam Vet.

My lower back flared up early on in the race, so I ran the bulk of it in quite a bit of pain. But, when you are running up a hill past a triple amputee with a hand bike. Well, you sort of suck it up and get the job done. I wasn't going to tell that guy that I was tired or in pain! God bless him!

If you've never run a marathon, there is something about the challenge that is so gratifying. I may not be happy with my time, but I still pushed through and finished. And I did it on my own. In some ways, my independence is such a positive thing. And many times, during long races, I realize that fact. I realize that I am strong, resilient, tough, and will persevere through anything!

Overall the trip was good, but there were many annoying moments (brought to you by my stepmother). Also, it was my dad & stepmom, me, and my brother, his wife, and their new baby (ADORABLE, wanted to kidnap her). Can you say "odd one out?"

OK, OK, it wasn't that bad. But, when we were walking to dinner one night, I was literally walking all by my lonesome while those two couples were hand in hand. Again, happy for them, but do people ever even think about the odd duck in the group? I'm not saying people can't be affectionate, but it was just one of those moments.

I probably sound like a cry baby, but it sort of struck me. And I wonder what coupled people would do if they weren't coupled? How would they handle it?

Other than that, I'm just trying to keep up with everything I'm committed to right now.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Another horrible blind date...

OK, so I mentioned recently that I'm going to delve back into the dating world. I didn't really have a plan, but figured I'd just be open to whatever.

A few weeks ago at church, I ran into this older guy who is always very nice to me. He means well, but is a bit off kilter. Anyway, out of nowhere, he asks if I'd be interested in a set-up. (I had not said a word about dating.) So, it was one of those moments where I was very caught off guard and didn't really feel like I could say no.

I agreed to the set-up, not knowing WHO he was setting me up with or ANYTHING about this individual. Also, Fred & his wife were going to join us. The date was set for tonight, at Red Lobster - of all places. (It should be noted that I do not like seafood and have been to Red Lobster one other time in my life.)

I walk in and this guy comes up next to me, like he knows me. Oh, it's him...it's my date. Um, let's just say, NO...heck no.

I know, I'm about to sound super snotty and judgmental, but here goes...

He was overweight and just a little hillbilly-ish for my taste. I'm guessing he's in his 40s (I'm 33). Fred arrives, without his wife, so I know the awkwardness is just beginning.

We are finally seated and conversation is a struggle. It turns out me and my date have almost zero in common. He likes to hunt, ride motorcycles, and pours cement for a living. He doesn't watch tv, so we couldn't even discuss a funny show. He also mentioned going to "movie shows." I wasn't sure what a movie show was...then realized he was talking about movies. Um...ok?

I'm dying for the date to end...when the waiter offers to get our checks. He asks how we want them. Fred says he's on his own. I'm waiting to see what my date says...and he says NOTHING. So I said, "Um, we're separate too." I got to pick up my own tab for this awful experience - BONUS!

At this point, I assume the date is nearly over...since the bills are paid. Fred then continues the discussion... UGH! Then he says he's going to leave us and let us chat for a bit. Are you KIDDING me? What body language from this evening has led you to think this guy and I will have any conversation?

So Fred leaves...and we are sitting there. To make matters worse, our waiter drops by to say he doesn't care how long we stay...he's fine with not getting another table. Thanks a lot, buddy...you're a big help.

My date couldn't have been more awkward and non-conversational. So finally I said, "ya know, we can just go..." I told him I'm sure I'll see him at church sometime and said it was nice to meet him.

Seriously...I open myself up to this again and THIS is my first experience? Really? REALLY???

The BIG Haircut!

Well, I did it. I finally did it!

This past Saturday, one of my best friends accompanied me to the salon...and the hair was CUT! We cut off 2 pony tails (12" each) and then cut about 4 more inches off the rest. So, 16" lighter feels fantastic!

When my stylist went to cut the first pony, she asked if I was ready. Honestly, I didn't even flinch. I told her to go for it! Then she said she was going to cut more and I was still fine with it. I think THAT signifies how ready for a change I was. The more she cut, the more excited I was!

The final cut turned out great and I'm loving it! First of all, I can't believe how much time my long hair took. I think the short hair takes less time to style and I feel like I no longer need to "plan ahead" for hair style time.

Bottom line...I wish I'd done it a long time ago! I'm sure I'll have it long again, but for now, I'm going to enjoy my new SASS!



The ponytails I donated to Locks of Love...


Friday, September 3, 2010

Haircut update and other ramblings...

OK, so, I've decided to get the haircut! In 2 weeks, I will no longer wear a ponytail. I will no longer feel it swinging back and forth when I run. I will no longer spend an hour straightening it. I will no longer be hot ALL the time, because of the 6 pounds of hair on my head. I will no longer feel like I have a pet, due to all the hair I shed throughout my house.

All in all, I'm pretty much ready for it. Of course, that could change if I end up hating it... But, each day I feel like it's the right decision, even if it's a major one. While I'm curious how men will respond/react to me with shorter hair, I can't keep it long "just in case." Hopefully, the right guy will like me, regardless of my hair length.

On to other news...I've been thinking lately that I need to get back into the dating game. I just realized that it's been a while since I've been on a date. At first, it was intentional. I'd been on another horrible set-up and swore them off afterward. I decided that I would no longer "put myself out there," because I'd done it too many times with crap results.

So, I haven't been on any set-ups, blind dates, online dating - NOTHIN'!

So how does one get back in the swing?

Well, I joined a free online dating service (I know, they're not great - but I'm too cheap to pay). Oh. Wow. I don't claim to be perfect, but some of the guys I've come across...

First of all, my profile clearly states my religious affiliation. And, no, I don't require that my mate share the same denomination. However, they DO need to share my belief in God. I make that pretty clear in my "bio." I point out that God and church are an important part of my life.

I have friends, and even family, who are non-believers. While I don't agree with their beliefs, it doesn't affect our relationship. But, I think in a couple, it's important to be on the same page in that area.

I'm saying all of this because at least half of the "messages" I've gotten, are from men who clearly state they are "non-religious."

If I'm reading a guy's profile, and I find him attractive/interesting, then see that he's non-religious - well, I'm probably not going to message him.

So, it sort of gets me that these guys still message me anyway. Yes, I know, I sound like a snot - I'm aware. Really, I say believe what you want. But, for me, it's important that my mate has a relationship with God.

Some of the other guys who've messaged me are just plain creepy or super old. Why does a 48 year old man message a 33 year old woman?

Also, it would help if EVERYone who dates online would use a CURRENT and ACCURATE picture of themselves. I love when a guy has 6 pictures on his profile and I come across one that's attractive. Then, the next picture is him 50 pounds heavier and looking older. Which one is he? Right now, my profile pic is with long hair, but I'm sure I'll change it to the short hair after my haircut.

So, my first foray back into the game is a fail. And, everyone I know is married...so I'm not quite sure if any set-ups are in my future.

Any suggestions from my fellow bloggers would be welcome!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

To cut or not to cut...

I feel I'm at a crossroads with my hair. I am thisclose to making a major change.

Since this blog is pretty anonymous, I won't go into great detail. But, in short, I have long, naturally curly, very thick hair.

For as long as I can remember, I've hated my hair while others say, "I'd kill for your hair," "your hair is SO pretty," "I wish I had hair like yours." While compliments are nice, they're hard to accept when you want to chop it all off!

People have even said it would be a shame to cut something that is such an asset. Well, I guess I don't really want to keep my hair long, just to please everyone who likes it. :-)

The problem is, my hair is so thick/curly, that I can't just cut it to chin length - without creating a beautiful triangle.

I'm at the point where I'm going to either leave it as is (yawn, boring!) or chop it off (super drastic).

My stylist has told me I can do short (based on my face and head size?) and several friends agree. The bonus would be that I could donate my hair to Locks of Love, which is a great charity. And, hair grows back (in my case, incredibly fast)!

A few of the cons I've been told:

1) Men don't like women with short hair
2) I'll look older

I'm not worried about con #2, since I look slightly younger than my age right now.

But, what about con #1? Is this true? I wouldn't say I've snagged a man with my long hair, so I'd hate to not cut it, just in case. I would hope that I don't have to leave my hair long, so guys will be attracted to me. But, I also don't want to make the dating world more difficult than it already is.

I'd like input from my readers. Thoughts? I've put a picture below of the style I'm thinking of doing.

Feel free to be honest, I'm looking for advice!


Friday, August 6, 2010

Still here...and a few random thoughts

Life has been pretty busy lately and I sort of let this blog go by the wayside. To anyone who reads it...SORRY!

The good news is that I prefer being busy to being bored or not having consistent plans/things to do. In addition to social (no, not dating - boo!) busy-ness, my work has been unbelievably busy and stressful. Again, in a time of recession and unemployment, I really can't complain.

So, I was irritated with someone the other day and was dying to vent to a friend or anyone who would listen. Since most of my friends are married with children, it's not always easy to catch them at a moment's notice. This is completely understandable.

But, I thought to myself...how many of the couples of the world take for granted that they have an automatic, built-in sounding board for the issues of their day? I mean, I was pretty ticked and sort of needed to talk to someone about it ASAP. Instead, I had to wait until a good friend of mine (who I talk to daily) was available to chat.

It would be so lovely to be able to talk to my spouse, not only about my day, but about life decisions. Sometimes, being single forces you to make decisions about stuff you wouldn't otherwise care about.

For example, I don't care about loan papers and other boring paperwork (yes, I know I should). But, this is exactly the type of thing where I would say, "Honey, I don't care...please go ahead and take care of it." Or, spiders. I absolutely HATE spiders...whether my hubby liked them or not, he'd be the designated spider/bug/creepy crawly thing killer! Or fixing things around the house. I wouldn't say I'm particularly handy, but I've had to LEARN to be, as a result of my single status. I would gladly hand that role over!

I suppose what I wrote above looks like I'm asking for an assistant rather than a mate, but hopefully you get my point. A partner in life is exactly that - they partner WITH you through all things (good and bad). And I would really like one of those in my life! :-)

A younger male friend of mine recently told me (with good intention) that he could see how guys could be intimidated by me. He feels my confidence and independence might intimidate them. Here's the thing, I've HAD to be independent BECAUSE I'm single. Maybe if I'd met someone early on, I wouldn't be the independent rock star (ha ha) I am now.

And being confident? I guess I don't know what to do about that one. I always try to put my best foot forward and typically, I'm pretty nervous in dating situations. So, I'm not sure how I'm faking the confidence card.

Regardless, I'll continue my independence in the absence of a fella and try to live life to the fullest.

Exhibit A: I'm hosting an 80s movie marathon day with several friends this weekend. Can't beat THAT!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Jack The Stripper

OK, this is probably one of my favorite blind date stories. One of my close friends decided to set me up with a single co-worker of hers, whom she didn't know all that well. So, we decided to do a double date with her and her husband.

Now, I’ll preface this story with the fact that I wasn’t in a super fantastic place in my life. I was in between jobs, or as I like to say, on sabbatical. So I was in a constant state of stress, financially and emotionally. I wasn’t even sure I could sit on a date knowing that the topic of jobs would come up, and I’d have to say I was currently doing nothing.

We had dinner at a local restaurant and it went fairly well. I wouldn’t say there were sparks, but as a group, we seemed to be having a good time.

We went to a local bar afterward for drinks. All of us were chatting it up, having a decent time. Then Jack proceeds to tell a wonderful story, which is how he received the namesake of this blog entry.

He was talking about being best man for his brother’s wedding. He planned the bachelor party at a local strip club. Jack said he hadn’t been to one before, so he was sort of telling it like he was embarrassed. I was already concerned that this guy was telling a strip club story on a FIRST BLIND DATE. Hello!!!

Jack said when he walked into the club a stripper grabbed him and gave him a free t-shirt. She took him to a private room in the back, where she proceeded to climb on top of him and shake her boobs in his face. He said they were really sweaty and you could tell she’d been dancing a lot that night.

The whole time he’s telling this story, I’m dying inside and I can tell my friends are too. We were ALL trying our best to change the subject or do anything to get him off the stripper story. But, none of it worked.

We all said good night and as we walked to our cars, my friend's husband said to her, “Well, he just shot himself in the foot…”

It doesn’t even matter that I’m not a “stripper” kind of gal. Had Jack and I ever actually dated, I would NEVER want to know that story. That’s a story a man can keep to himself and think about whenever he wants, but it should never be repeated.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Things married people/parents say...

I think this will just be a running title...as I'm sure I'll have more rants in the future.

So, I'm leaving work today and I get on the elevator with a male co-worker. I let out a sigh and said, "Man, I'm tired." He then makes a "PFFT" sound, sort of insinuating, "Like you even know..." I said, "Oh, I can't be tired?" He says, "You don't even know, you have no idea. I mean, kids, they'll make you sooooo tired."

Seriously? Seriously?

So I sort of let him have it. I informed him that, oh yes, I too, can be tired. Of course I joked with him, but he did unintentionally strike a nerve.

I may not have kids, but I have other life responsibilities. Such as...working out, community activities, church involvement, cleaning the house, paying the bills, etc. Oh yah, I do the housework, groceries, bill paying, etc. by MYSELF. There isn't a second person swooping in for the assist on any of those tasks.

For example, today I didn't get home until 9:30pm, due to other activities (my choice, of course).

Again, everyone is entitled to complain, married or single. But, I very much dislike when married people/parents assume that since I don't have children, I have no idea what it's like to be busy or tired. In fact, many of my married friends have told me they think I'm busier than they are. Hmmm...

And if kids make you so darn tired and all you're going to do is complain to someone who would like to have them...WHY did you have kids??? (I reserve the right to retract this statement if/when I ever have kids and want to complain.) :-)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Feeling a bit suffocated...

Is anyone else feeling a bit suffocated?

I would say 99% of my friends are married with children. At this point, 10 of those friends are expecting/just gave birth to their second or third child. Recently, I was invited to a couples shower for a distant college friend whose wife was expecting. I will admit here, that I was a bit relieved to have a conflict and not be able to attend.

It's all a bit too much for me sometimes.

Don't get me wrong. Of course I'm thrilled that my friends have found happiness and are experiencing parenthood. But, I guess I was hoping that I'd get to experience it too...along with them.

It gets a bit tiring when friends complain to me, "Marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be...kids will drive you crazy." Oh really? I'm just so sorry for you...

Meanwhile, they've had a constant companion for the last ten years while I've gone on mutliple set-ups that didn't work out.

Again, everyone has the right to complain...I get that. I guess I sometimes feel like I can't handle those specific complaints anymore.

In addition to that, I've had to attend all of these weddings and showers...by myself. I don't mind going somewhere by myself, but when the majority at that event is part of a couple...it's a bit upsetting. I don't think married/coupled people have any clue how hard it is to be a single in those situations. I think they take it for granted that they have a permanent "date" at all times. Maybe I'm wrong.

Those are my ramblings for today...

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Divorced Father of Two

I was in a Bible study, through church, that consisted of 2 couples and me. I really enjoyed these people and the fellowship time we had together. Dana told me she wanted to set me up with someone and I agreed. Her only descriptors at the outset were that he was tall and attractive. How can you go wrong with that, right?

The following week at Bible study, everyone was asking if I was ready for my big blind date. Dana decides to spring the following information on me, the day before the date. “Oh yah, he’s divorced, has two kids, and I think he’s in his mid-thirties.”

After I wiped the shock from my face, I asked her what she was thinking. You see, I was only twenty four years old at the time. Someone in their thirties with two kids wasn’t on my radar at that time. Unfortunately the date was already set for the next day, so I couldn’t really back out.

I met this man and the other two couples at Lonestar the next day. The conversation flowed well within the group. He proceeds to tell me about his daughters and I asked how old they were. Yeah, they were fourteen and twelve! Hmm, so I’d be more like an older sister, right? I could tell he was a religious man, which is a great quality. However, he told me a story that was slightly disturbing.

He had been driving home one night and strongly felt the urge to go to his sister’s trailer home and pray for her and her family. So he stood outside the trailer and walked around praying. Meanwhile, his sister is inside and scared to death because she hears someone outside her door. She proceeds to call the police, who end up coming to the house. While this guy thought the story was hilarious, which it kind of is, I found it a little off-putting. I mean, why couldn’t he have just gone into her house and told her he wanted to pray for her, rather than roam around outside?

That wasn't the only detractor for me not wanting a second date. While I do want kids someday, I really wasn't looking to be a stepmother at 24...to teenagers.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Work Set-Up

This was a setup through work. I was living and working down south after college. At one point, I was working three jobs and barely had time to sleep, let alone date. I agreed to go with an open mind.

He was a little shy, but seemed nice.

Warning: This story reflects more poorly on me than the guy.

We were making small talk as we waited to be seated. I was talking about how much kids have changed since we were kids. There just didn’t seem to be a respect for adults anymore. I was telling him I noticed this during my teaching experience in the inner city. I then made the point that many of my students had parents who were very young. Their parents had become pregnant in high school and weren’t ready. So I basically made a point of saying that it was a vicious cycle and teenage pregnancies are a huge issue.

When he started talking about his family, he mentioned his sister.

Yeah, she got pregnant at 16 and it was a big issue. I felt about one inch tall and so embarrassed. He handled it well, but I learned that you shouldn’t completely speak your mind on the first date, because you just don’t know enough about that person’s history.

We did end up going out another time, but I don't think it was meant to be.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Swearer...

This is one of those setups you WISH wouldn’t have happened. I was living with a family while studying out west. Marie was my studying to be a principal and had some classmates over one morning.

I had a horrendous cold and felt horrible. So I was working on projects for school in my pajamas. I’d type, then blow my nose, type, blow again…etc. My hair was up in some sort of knot. Seriously, I have no idea how it got that way, but there was no getting it undone. Let’s just say I looked absolutely horrible.

Marie decides to introduce me to this guy. First of all, he was short, which I’m not really into. Secondly, what girl really wants to be introduced to someone when they look and feel the way I did? He asks me if I’d like to go to dinner and Marie accepts, right in front of me. There was no getting out of this one.

I met him and a few of his friends out for dinner that night. The conversation was ok and his friends seemed fun. But then things turned when he spoke. Apparently, this guy couldn’t form a single sentence without using the F word. Here is an example, “I went to the F’ing store the other day and let me tell you, it was F’ing hot, I couldn’t F’ing believe it!”

I am a girl that rarely swears and would prefer that others don’t use inappropriate language. So this was incredibly offensive to me, not to mention, shocking. I had no idea that someone could think that it’s appropriate to speak that way on a blind date, first date, or any date, for that matter.

It became so noticeable, that even his friends gave him a hard time. At one point, one of them said, “Really, was it hot? Or was it F’ing hot?” We all laughed, but I couldn’t wait to get the heck out of there.

Needless to say, there was no second date with this guy...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Biggest frustration...

I am a single woman, in her thirties. I've never been married or even in a long-term relationship. These two sentences generally prompt people to explain to me what I should do in order to meet people. And that is probably my biggest frustration.

Most of my friends are happily married and have started their families. While I am incredibly happy for them, the majority of them were never "out there" in the single person world. So, their advice tends to fall on my rightfully deaf ears.

Here are some of the ways my married friends met their mates:

1) High School: Yes, I have a high school diploma. I was active in music, sports, and anything else they had to offer.
2) College: Yup, I went to college too! In fact, I was quite active in many social arenas in college. A wallflower I was NOT.
3) Blind Date/Set-Up: While I won't argue that I've been on more blind dates than any of you, I will say I've been on my fair share. And I've put up with a LOT of weird situations. (Yes, they will be mentioned in future blog posts soon!)
4) Through Work: Yes, I've been a paid employee since graduating college. So, I've been in numerous workplaces where "the one" could have been.
5) Church: I am a woman who regulary attends church and is fairly active in my church.

I mention these things because, if my friends met their mates this way, why do they act as if I haven't been in some of the same situations as them? Duh, I've done all of this, but it so happens that I haven't met my mate through these situations.

Think about it, if you meet your mate in college, you NEVER have to traverse the crazy world of blind dating or set-ups. Essentially, you have not been single in your adult life. Therefore, you do not KNOW what it's like out there.

I am a very outgoing person with a good sense of humor (I like to think). But, people seem to think I should be going out every night to meet people. So...am I to hit the bar scene (which I'm not a fan of) by myself on a nightly basis? That doesn't seem right.

Oh, I know, I should get online, because THAT'S where he is! Let me tell you something about online dating - I'm not a fan. I love that people can choose whether to post their picture. That isn't real life! In real life, you see someone, as they are...which is how it should be online.

So, there you have it, my biggest frustration with being single has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with people offering advice on something they haven't been through themselves. My advice is if you don't know what to say, just listen. It's likely that is what we want, more than anything.

First entry...

Hello fellow bloggers or blog followers!

I am starting this blog as a way to hopefully share my single adventures with other single people. In a world flooded with couples, it's sometimes nice to know there are others out there in the same boat as you.

If you are a married friend of mine, and you stumble upon this blog, please don't be offended by anything I say. I know any advice you have given or will give me is meant with the best intention and most importantly, with loving support!

If you are a single person reading this blog, please know that I understand where you're coming from. I've been on that bad blind date or gone to that awkward social gathering.

So, let's continue navigating singledom together...and we'll see where it takes us!