Monday, December 23, 2013

Yep, online dating is STILL stupid...

Well, blog readers, I'm going to tell you a secret that NO ONE else knows.  I signed up on Match.com (first time on that site) for a 3 month term, last week.

And do you know how amazing I think it is? 

Um, NOT.  Not amazing at all.  These are the available men out there?  Seriously?  And before you go thinking I think I'm all that and am just too snooty to consider these choice men... 

So far, the men who have liked my pics, winked at me, or sent me a message, have done any of the following below:

  • Misspelled words in their profiles and their messages.  Things like "obsticle," rather than "obstacle."  And, I'm sorry, I know everyone makes mistakes and isn't an English major.  But, I guess I'd take a second or third pass at my online dating profile before clicking save.  I mean, this is the image you're putting out there for potential mates, right? 
  • Mail messages that say things like, "Fun plans tonight?"  OK, um, we've NEVER spoken before, online or otherwise.  So, we are not in that familiar place where you get to ask what my plans are tonight.  How about we communicate back and forth and become more than online pictures, first? 
  • Mail messages that say things like, "Hey."  Uh, ok, "Hi?"  I realize this is a nerve wracking thing, online or not.  But how does one reply to "Hey?"  Does that leave it to me to write a lengthy reply to "Hey?"  I don't know...I guess I feel like you could type more than one word, if you took the time to write me anyway.
  • Profiles without a picture.  I've spoken at length on this blog about this.  Listen, I applaud you for getting out there and taking the risk of trying online dating.  However, if you aren't confident enough to upload a picture (current) of yourself, then maybe you have some other work to do before tackling dating/relationships.  Furthermore, if you don't have a profile pic, you are delusional for expecting most people to reply/inquire about you.  Because, as I've said before, you can't hide your face/body in real life!  If I ran into you in a bar...I'd see you.  So, the whole "no pic" thing has never made any sense to me. 
  • Profiles with multiple pictures, none of which match up.  What I mean is, you see the main profile pic, and you think, "Hmm, he looks alright...let's look at his other pics!"  And then, as you scroll through his 9 pics, you see that he looks completely different in all of them.  So, which one does he look like NOW?  Um, is it a surprise?  Why wouldn't you post somewhat current pics of yourself, regardless of if you've gained weight, whatever?  One guy included a picture from 2001...and it's not like it was a pic of him in an amazing locale.  It was just a picture.  I can post my high school and college pictures, too.  But I won't.  Because, I'm pretty sure you're interested in the current version of me...whether that's thin/heavy/wrinkly/etc. 
  • The whole "he liked your photo" thing.  What IS this?  And why does it matter?  I must be pretty cynical, because this does nothing for me.  Every fricking email I get about someone liking my photo annoys me more than makes me feel good.  The people that like my photos are in their late 40s/early 50s...and don't send me any other communication.  Not that I want them to...but what is the point of liking a photo, then?  Just because?  This isn't Facebook.  It's Match. 
  • The whole "he made you a favorite" thing.  This is right along the same lines as the "like" thing.  What does it mean?  I'm his "favorite" profile to look at from time to time?  I'm his "favorite" group of pictures to look at from time to time? 
  • The whole "wink" thing.  What is this?  Is this the equivalent of a guy winking at you at the bar?  Because I'm usually creeped out by these dudes.  And now they have a forum to just "wink" whenever they feel like it?  But then make no further contact?  Because, I'm sure I'm supposed to "wink" back.
  • Dirty profile descriptions.  And apparently, they're real profiles...but these guys think their disgusting hopes for the girl they meet on here are totally appropriate.  Ewwwwwww!
Yep, I know.  I'm jaded.  I'm cynical.  I'm cranky.  But, all of that said, I still think the above are valid points/issues with this site, and online dating, in general.  I continue to be unimpressed.

The funny thing is, I think it's supposed to be a bit of an ego booster.  And, it's not that I have a big ego, but that's not what I'm on the site for.  I'm on the site to potentially find someone to date, have a relationship with, and maybe marry. 

Every time I get an email message from Match, telling me that someone either winked at, messaged me, favorited me, or liked a photo - I'm annoyed.  There's no part of me that lights up and thinks, "Oh my gosh...they think I'm pretty?," "They like my picture?," "I'm their favorite?"  In fact, I'm so annoyed after ONE week, that I honestly can't imagine THREE MONTHS of this!  OMG.

Because, again, this isn't really how it would be in the real world.  I wouldn't be getting flooded with notifications in the non-online world.  Which is what I prefer. 

When some friends of mine were going through marital troubles (still are, I think) and were nearing divorce...he joined Match (dumb, I know).  And he had the nerve to tell me and a single male friend what we were missing.  And he had the gall to explain that we should really check it out.  This guy...who was still (and still is) technically married...and had been on Match for maybe 2 weeks.  Maybe.  He was telling us how that all worked.  You know...us.  We've been single for decades.  Uh huh.  That really irritated me (and still does, a little). 

Anyway, it occurred to me why he thought it was so great.  I think this guy probably has some self esteem issues.  Because, I'm guessing he loved being highlighted on the site and getting flooded with likes, messages, etc.  It probably made him feel good...like he was attractive and quite the catch.  No wonder he raved about it.  He thought he was pretty hot stuff. 

And, while I've struggled with having good self esteem over the years, I'm pretty confident in who I am.  I don't need a bunch of random strangers telling me I'm pretty or that my profile is interesting, to make me feel good about myself.  And frankly, that's how it should be.  I shouldn't be depending on this site or any guy in the real world to make me feel pretty or good about myself. 

So, I'll stay on the site...they already have my $62, but the chances that my attitude will change are pretty slim.  And yes, I know that means I am going into it with a bad attitude.  But really, the reason I broke down and signed up was that I had a very teeny tiny itty bitty microscopic amount of hope that maybe, just maybe there would be some interesting matches.  So far, it's been duds.  All the way.    

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My sibling is still a jerk...

I saw my fantastic sibling last weekend (the one who was a jerk about Thanksgiving).  I've not initiated much contact with him and limit any conversation, if possible. 

Anyway, I went to see my nephew's hockey game, which was fun.  My sibling was talking about how they went shopping for their spouse with the kids.  And bought a lot of stuff.  My in-law said they didn't ask for a lot of stuff.  And my sibling continued, saying, "Well...we bought a lot of stuff."

At this point, I chimed in, completely joking, saying to my in-law, "Take the gifts!  I don't get any presents, ENJOY!"  And was laughing as I said it.  My in-law was fine with that...but my sibling cut in while I was talking, saying, "Wah, wah, wah...I don't get any presents.  Cry me a river."  And then, under their breath, I heard, "Christmas isn't about getting, it's about giving." 

OK, let's break this down, shall we?

  1. I was joking and it was very obvious I was joking.
  2. I absolutely NEVER complain to my sibling about my single status/not getting gifts/feeling crappy about single life.  EVER.  So, I'm not sure why they felt the need to act like I just won't shut up about it.  Like, they're just so annoyed and sick of it.
  3. My in-law asked for gifts that could be used in the house...by the family.  My sibling?  They asked for gifts specifically for them...new shirts, shorts, etc.  Now, that's fine.  But, I find it interesting that they said, "Christmas isn't about getting, it's about giving," when they asked for plenty of things for themselves. 
  4. And again, I spend pleny of $$$ on their kids, so it takes some nerve to belittle me and the fact that I don't get presents.

To sum it up, they're a jerk.  I seriously think that I'll barely survive our family Christmas (which takes place after Christmas).  I'll have to focus all of my attention on the kids.  And I'm not a huge drinker, but I have a feeling I'll be drinking a lot during those few days. 

I guess I better be GRATEFUL to them if I get a gift from them this year.  I better show my unending gratitude.

Bah humbug.

Match.com/online dating...

OK, I've been incredibly bored at work lately, so I messed around on Match yesterday.  I must have created a profile a LONG time ago, but I've never actually subscribed/paid.  So, it's pretty much been dormant. 

I updated some things, added some pics, but still didn't subscribe.  Since all of that, I have received 14 emails/notifications from Match, letting me know that someone either winked at me, made me their favorite, sent me a message, etc. 

Of course, I can't view any of those things unless I subscribe.  I'm so NOT into online dating and really hate to pay for it.  Especially when so many of my fellow bloggers have given it a fair shot and haven't had good luck. 

And, when someone whose screen name is "Brainsandbrawn4u" winks at you...that doesn't really make you want to jump on the bandwagon. 

I probably sound stuck up, but seriously, if that is the name you came up with, I don't think we'll be talking.  How does one come up with that as their name?

All of that said, I'm debating whether to subscribe for a 6 month term.  I'm very hesitant to do it.  And yes, I realize it would get more dates going than what I currently have (zero), but I've heard many nightmare stories.  And, based on what I've seen so far, I'm not impressed. 

What to do... 

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Life changer...

OK, I may have exaggerated a bit.  But my life is so pathetic lately, that at least this is something that I love. 

I recently purchased a single serve blender and it is amazing.  It was only $15, but probably the best $15 I've spent in a while. 

I do have a blender, but would never think to dig it out and make a smoothie and then clean that blender.  Annoying.  But, one that makes one serving?  Genius. 

So, I bought some low fat vanilla yogurt and frozen strawberries when I bought the blender.  I eyeballed it and the first one was amazing.  I think I've had the blender less than two weeks and have used it at least once each day, usually two.

And honestly, I've had smoothies at this local place people swear by...and I know they add a ton of sugar to theirs.  I like the ones I'm making better!  And it's frozen fruit, a little bit of low fat yogurt, ice, and water.  I mean...it's healthy!  I figured the calories and I'm guessing each one I make has maybe a little more than 100 calories.  I'm planning to add either kale or spinach as well, I've read you can't taste them in the smoothie.  

I like fruit, but usually waste a lot of money on it, because it goes bad before I can eat it.  Same thing with yogurt.  I've gone through a lot of both in this short time, which is good.  And I crave the smoothie more than another sweet/naughty snack. 

Anyway, I'm pumped that it's healthy and tastes great.  Maybe it will curb some of the sugary treats I normally lean toward.  Woohoo! 

I highly recommend getting yourself one of these.

Monday, November 25, 2013

You have GOT to be kidding me...

It's obvious I'm in a crap mood...so I apologize for all the rants.

I am SO TIRED of people doing shitty things and then seemingly being rewarded.  I'm certainly not perfect, but nothing seems to work out for me.  And I have numerous examples of people I know getting rewarded for their immoral behavior.

Exhibit A:  a friend of mine (who I've distanced myself from) has been in an unhappy marriage for a while. She married a guy who didn't want kids, and she thought he'd change his mind.  She wants kids badly.  Well, in my opinion, her husband was honest about that and it's not really his fault.  She shouldn't have expected that he'd change his mind on such a big topic.  But, I realize we all make mistakes or are naive about things.

Anyway, I found out late last year that she sexted a manager from where we work and invited him to her place, where they did the deed.  She doesn't know that I know, which leaves me in a crap position. However, she does know what I went through with my other cheater friend who lied and kept things from me...and how upset that made me.  So, when she continued to play the victim with me, knowing what she'd done, that really pissed me off.  She's not once come forward about what she did.  

Furthermore, it was rumored that she was fooling around with someone affiliated with our company.  I never perpetuated the rumor, but it was widespread.

Whenever she's texted me, I've always replied in a friendly manner, but we haven't had much contact in the last several months.

Let me fast forward to today.

I get an email from a co-worker to a few of us, asking if we should plan a baby shower for her before she moves away.

I should also say that AS I was reading this email (which my friend isn't included on), I got a text from this friend, saying, "Hello...I hope you're doing well...I miss you...would love to get together."

Um, WHAT?  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

So, I replied in shock (to the email), saying I didn't know anything.  Then I texted the co-worker and she gave me more information.  She's 27 weeks along...and the father is that guy affiliated with our company. She's moving in with him.

Let me get this straight.  She's unhappy in her marriage.  She cheats on her husband (and I think got away with it).  She has an affair, while married, with a guy tied to our company.  And then she gets pregnant and gets to end up with said guy?  I think they'll get married, once her divorce is final.

Are you kidding me?  I mean, seriously.

So, while I'm not perfect, I've not cheated on anyone, had affairs, or anything even close to that stuff.  And guess what?  I'm not remotely close to being pregnant or moving in with anyone.

I don't understand.  And I'm a believing Christian.  But right now...that faith is dwindling.  For some reason, I'm being punished.

Bad mood continues!  I hate everything.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Thanksgiving is ON

There are no exclamation points, because I'm not all that excited about it.   I spent several hours crying last week...some of them at my desk, which is the worst.  You're trying to be silent and dry up the tears so no one notices that you are basically sobbing. 

My sibling graced me with their response on Monday afternoon.  Now, if you read the last post, you'll note that they said they'd let me know by the end of the week (which would have been 11/16ish.  But nothing.  Must have really needed those extra few days to confirm this HUGE decision. 

They are coming.  So, I now get to pay for and cook a meal for someone who truly treats me like crap.  Yes, I'm glad the kids will be there, my mom, and my in-law.  But my sibling is the worst.  And now all of their emails are super nicey nice, "can we make anything and bring it?," "anything we can do to make it easier for you?" 

Um, NO.  You could treat me like a human being...let's start there.

To be honest, I still feel like total crap and have about 1% interest in the holidays this year.  I do have some perspective, and I realize that everyone has issues in their family.  I highly doubt that any family gets along perfectly, all the time.  However, I feel like it's harder to deal with stuff like this when you are single.  For example, if I were married or had a boyfriend, and my sibling said they weren't coming for Thanksgiving, I'd still be upset, but my spouse and I would probably do our own thing, which would be fine.  Again, I'd have someone in it with me.  I wouldn't be alone.

This whole "being the only single person" thing is old.  Notice I didn't say getting old.  It's just old.  I'm sick of it.  I've been sick of it.  For a while.    

At least it's nearly time for Christmas music, I do still have interest in that.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

And the amazingness that is my family continues...

Well, Thanksgiving is nearly upon us.  I look forward to this holiday for a few reasons.  First and foremost, the food.  I love gorging myself on all that Thanksgiving goodness!  YUM!  And it's always nice to see family and hear the funny stuff the kids say. 

A few years ago, I offered to host/cook Thanksgiving dinner for my family.  This includes my sibling, in-law, their kids, and my mom.  I do everything.  EVERYTHING.  And I'm fine with that.  But it is a lot of work.  We always have a good time and the kids make everything great anyway.  The day usually starts at noon...we eat around 1...and everyone leaves around 5.  So, we're talking about 5 hours, people.  5.  Hours.

Early last week, I sent an email to the family, asking about Thanksgiving and if we were doing it again this year - saying that I was happy to host/cook again.  My mom and in-law wrote back right away, saying they were coming.  The NEXT day, my sibling replied saying that they needed to discuss it and that they'd get back to me by the end of the week.

They didn't.

So, I followed up yesterday, to everyone.  My sibling replied (only to me), "Hi, sorry about that. I will shoot you something before end of the week. Trying to decide, I am very stressed here at work and can’t decide if just chilling at home might be more relaxing! Thanks for offering to host."

Um, things are SO stressful for you that you can't imagine eating a FREE meal that you contribute NOTHING/NO WORK to and hanging out on the couch for 5 hours?  Really? 

I was thisclose to replying and saying, "Don't bother to come."  Because, really, if you haven't been able to make this crucial decision in the last two weeks, I'm pretty sure you're not planning to come.

My in-law said they'd come with the kids, even if my sibling didn't.  But, they've since responded that they'll do whatever my sibling does (which I understand).  And this affects my mom, too...as she doesn't drive more than 15 miles and doesn't have a reliable car.  So, if they don't come, no one comes.  And even if it was just my mom coming, I'm not fricking going to all that work and cooking all of that food for TWO people. 

I hate everyone. 

Let me also say that my sibling sent a VERY detailed email about Christmas to the family this week.  It detailed dates, how we're doing gifts, food, who is being picked up where, who is staying in what room, etc.  So...Christmas is fricking 6+ weeks away and they're able to commit to all of that?  But Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away and they just can't decide?  Seriously?

So...here's what I'm looking at in the next 6 weeks.  I'm looking at spending Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, AND Christmas Day ALONE.  Yep.  All by myself. 

And again, it's no one's fault that I'm single and don't have any kids.  I'm not saying that people need to make sure I've got somewhere to go.  But I find it kind of cruel that family doesn't even think of that. 

I'm not the perfect sibling, but I do so much for my nieces and nephews.  I'm a very involved aunt.  I show interest in my siblings' lives.  In general, I think I'm pretty nice.  And how do I get treated in return?  Like total crap. 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Inconsiderate...

So...I have a sibling who lives out of state with their family.  And the last few years they've come home for Christmas.  Anyway, my other in-law (who lives closer to me) asked them if/when they were planning to come home.

Rather than consult me, to see when might be a convenient time for me...they booked the flights and replied to let my in-law know.  The ONLY reason I know they booked flights and the dates is because my in-law told me.  They have yet to inform me A) that they're coming back for Christmas; B) when they're coming back. 

So, apparently my schedule/availability doesn't matter.  Apparently, it's assumed that I have all the time off in the world and will just come see them when it's convenient for them.  I live an hour from my home town...so it's not like I don't have things to figure out/arrange. 

I'm not trying to be over sensitive, but I think this is incredibly inconsiderate and selfish.  It basically says, "We don't care if it's convenient for you, or even if you can come see us.  In fact, we didn't even consider you in our decision to visit."  It's also is another way of assuming that the single, childless sibling can just fit her schedule with everyone else's.  Cuz, ya know, she doesn't have a life.     

These are the same people who have virtually zero contact with me/the family throughout the year.  I do want to see their kids, but honestly, I kind of wish they weren't coming back.  So, now the precious time off I have left (that I was looking forward to) will be spent with people who could give a crap about me. 

Not to be a total downer (but I guess I am), but I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all.  More than likely, I'll be alone (again) on Christmas Day this year.  And then go home to see family. 

I think I've touched on this before...  We do a drawing for the sibling gifts.  So, I get a gift from whoever has my name.  I buy gifts for my mom and ALL of the kids.  So, I spend a decent chunk of change.  Do you know how many gifts I receive (other than from the drawing)?  (And yes, I know Christmas is not about gifts.)  Typically zero or something very small.  Neither sibling/in-law thinks to give me a gift for ALL the things I do for their kids EVERY year, as their aunt.  Not a "hey, the 'kids' wanted to get you something," or "we wanted to give you a little something - we appreciate all you do."  Nope.  Nothing.  And honestly, if I did have kids...I'd be giving my siblings/in-laws a small gift (gift card to a restaurant or something) to show my appreciation. 

A gift card (iTunes/store/whatever) takes virtually zero thought and is easy to pick up.  And if they gave one for $25-$50, that's a drop in the bucket compared to what I've spent every year in time and money over the last 10+ years.   

And it's not a competition, but especially for the kids who live closest to me, I know for a fact that I do the most for/with them, out of the aunts and uncles.  So, it's pretty obvious how much time/money I spend.

Also, last year, I took the time to put together this really cool book with a bunch of stuff of my dad's.  It took work to put it together AND money.  I surprised my siblings with this.  I think they said thank you, but not much else.  I'm not sure why I didn't just make the book for myself and NOT give them one.  

It's just another way I feel insignificant/unappreciated - by my OWN family.  Not to mention my sibling who lives an hour away can't stand me.  Honestly.  He/she is annoyed by anything I do.  And rude to me ALL the time.

So, it's early November and I'm already dreading Christmas.  Ugh.     

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Final rant for Thursday...

Again, I think I've mentioned this before.

As frustrated as I am with my single status, I don't have a great solution for it. 

Online dating?  OK, well, I've tried that and absolutely hated it.  Also, I think, to some degree, it's a bit risky/dangerous.  And, there are plenty of fellow bloggers' horror stories that keep me from doing it again. 

Set-ups/Blind dates?  OK, well, I am very vocal about being open to those.  And I've been on several.  The problem is this.  People that offer to set you up almost NEVER follow through.  I have one friend who has failed 3 times and SHE'S the one who brought each potential set-up up to ME.  And trust me, I've followed up, I've emailed, Facebook messaged, asked several friends about set-ups.  And almost always, they don't follow through.  Well, it's not like I have the guy's information, so I can contact him myself.  And if I did...that might be a bit stalkerish. 

Out and about in the world?  Hmm.  I'm a pretty social gal.  I usually have something social going on every weekend.  I'm a runner...so I'm constantly at races where there are a lot of people...including, I would think, single men.  I dress nice and put myself together well...so it's not like I'm wearing a sweatshirt, hair tied in knots, with no makeup on. 

So tell me.  WHAT should I be doing?  I'm not claiming that I'm out on different dates 3-4 times a week.  Kudos to anyone who can and does do that.  Impressive.  I think that would be too much for me, unless it was the same guy or a boyfriend.  But, I'm completely open to set-ups or meeting someone, and it's not happening.  I can't go back in time and meet the guy in high school or college.  So, I feel like the above 3 options are the most obvious.   

Grrrrrrr. 

Being checked out...

OK, so I'd like to know what the proper etiquette is when someone is checking you out.  Like, very obviously checking you out.

I'm getting my fountain pop this morning and this guy stared at me...it was obvious.  And was still staring at me as he left.  I saw him look at my car and was still staring when I got in my car. 

There are two possible responses to take this.  #1)  I've still got it.  He was checking me out.  Woohoo to me.  I'm lookin' good.  #2)  Ewwww!  He's looking at me.  Won't stop staring.  Ick.  I guess there's a #3 - The guy is repulsed and staring at you in shock.     

I usually respond via #2.  Because, I'm sorry, it's creepy when someone stares at you.  They could be the hottest guy on the planet, and still, part of you would be creeped out by the staring. 

I guess a couple of guys checked me out as I left a restaurant in Vegas (my friend told me).  Now, it's great if they found me attractive.  I guess, in some way, that's a little boost to the ego.  But the thing is, NOTHING will ever come of it.  I'm not saying I wish those guys (or the gas station guy) would run up and ask me out.  But it's a little frustrating to know that someone finds you attractive...and nothing will happen.  (I'm not in to random hook-ups with complete strangers...so that's why I say nothing will happen.)

My main point is that I wish guys weren't so obvious about it.  I mean, we all know nothing's going to happen, so can you be a bit more discreet with your staring?

Choices...

Here's another thought I've had in the last few days.  And I'm sure I've said this on my blog before, somewhere. 

When married people with kids say things like, "Our baby only woke up once last night...so that's excitement in our lives."  (wink, wink)  And then talk about how they live vicariously through me...

Here's what I want to say.  First of all, I know they're trying to be nice and probably think they're being honest, on some level.  But here's the thing.  Married people (at least the ones I know) CHOSE to get married.  They CHOSE to have children.  Those were CHOICES.  So, I don't have a ton of sympathy for you that your kids woke you up in the middle of the night or that you can't go on the trips I take.  Sorry.  You kind of knew that would happen when you decided to HAVE children. 

My current life situation (single & childless)?  Well, that's not a choice of mine.  I did not CHOOSE this.  I did not say, "Hey, I would love to be single.  And kids?  Ick.  No, I don't want any of those."  If I'd said that...then I'd be living the dream right now. 

And stay at home moms - I think what you're doing is amazing and so important.  And I know (not from experience) that it's probably one of the hardest jobs anyone could ever have.  BUT, I still don't feel a ton of sympathy for you when you say you're "stuck" in the house.  Or when others say, "I hope she can come...I feel bad that she never leaves the house."  OK, again, that was a choice.  You CHOSE to stay at home with your children...so you sort of knew you'd be committed to spending quite a bit more time at home, especially when they're young. 

Getting married, I'm told, involves some discussion about where you see your lives going and how you want to spend them together.  Deciding to have kids involves conversations about when, how you'd raise them, and if one parent should stay at home with the kids. 

Again, I'm not evil.  I'm not saying that I have zero sympathy for frustating situations my married friends encounter.  We all have frustrating situations we deal with, and people should be sympathetic.  I guess I feel like some of their complaints are about things directly related to choices they made, while my complaints about being single have little or nothing to do with the choices I've made. 

And, my guess is, that they don't spend nearly as much time envying my life as I do envying theirs.  There's no way they sit at home saying, "Gosh, don't you wish we could have her life?  No kids.  Living alone.  No family memories to make.  Home by herself on Christmas."  I mean, it's doubtful. 

But, do I sometimes (ok, often) wish I had their situation?  Yes.  Happy/solid marriage.  Healthy kids who are frustrating at times, but more often than not, bring you joy.  Family memories/traditions made together.  Yeah.  I'd like all of those things. 

So, that is one of the things that annoys me most.  I didn't choose this, but it's my situation.  And it doesn't show any signs of changing. 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

More babies...

So, I was on Facebook yesterday and happened to come across some family photos of a FB friend.  Now, I've known this guy since college...totally had a crush on him.  And we reconnected again 5 or 6 years ago.

I remember he was dating a girl (now his wife), but that things were a bit rocky.  And then we were all at a wedding and they seemed rockier.  Well...they, of course, ended up getting married.  And then they got pregnant.  And then they had a baby. 

And what do I see in the family photos?  She's pregnant with baby #2!!!!  Yippeee!

I don't begrudge them, or anyone else, that happiness.  But, it kills me that they were, at one time, on rocky ground - and now everything's worked out. 

Or someone else I know who got pregnant with baby #2, and miscarried - which is AWFUL.  And then was worried about getting pregnant again.  Well, she did.  And she's had the baby.  Yes, I'm VERY happy she was able to get pregnant again and then have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  I'm not evil. 

But, all of this to say that it seems like other people around me have a struggle...and then things still work out.  Me?  I've been struggling with this whole single/no kids thing forever.  Does it ever change?  Does it ever get better?  NO.

Not sure what I did to deserve this load of crap, but I guess it seems unfair to me.  And yes, I know life isn't fair.  But this is so fricking sucky. 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Really, married people? You're jealous of me? Really?

I'm a little sick of married people telling me how jealous they are of me and my exciting life. 

Yes, I've taken some pretty fun trips this year, with one amazing one.  I get it.  I get that they are unable to go on these trips, given the cost and the fact that they have young children. 

But, are they really living vicariously through me?  Really? 

I don't think so. 

I've heard this a lot lately.  And here's the thing.  I'm not constantly telling my married friends who have kids that I'm jealous of them.  (Yes, they're aware I want those things, but I don't constantly say it to them.) 

I know they aren't necessarily saying it to make me feel good or whatever.  But what I'd like to say back to them is, "Really?  You're jealous?  So, you want to trade places?  You'd rather be single and go on these trips (alone) than be married and have a beautiful family?" 

"Oh, ok.  You DON'T want to trade with me?  Got it." 

Because even if they are a bit jealous of my trips, I can almost 100% guarantee they do not want to trade lives with me.  They don't want to be single.  And they don't want to give up the amazing moments they've had with their kids.  Or the amazing memories they've made as a FAMILY. 

And let me just say right now that I'm aware their lives aren't perfect or without stress/issues.  I know. 

The truth is, I would trade ANY of the trips I've taken, if it meant I was married and had a family.  No trip, to me, would be worth more than having a family. 

I highly doubt my friends would trade their family lives for a trip to Australia. 

Hey married people, are you jealous of my single income and small house?  Are you jealous that I get to go through all major life decisions on my own, with no input from a spouse?  Are you jealous that I have no built in support system to help me through things?  Are you jealous that my life never changes, but yours does? 

No?  I don't get it.  Why EVER not? 

Bitter, party of one.  Yep, that's me. 

Hey World, do you HAVE to rub it in? All the time?

I guess it's been about a month since my last post.  I can't think of a good reason that I haven't posted much...other than my life hasn't been that exciting.  I did go to Vegas (for the first time) recently, which was fun. 

Anyway, back to the title of this post.  Do you ever feel like the world just can't help but rub it in that YOU are alone and that OTHERS are not?  Honestly, that's how I feel on a regular basis lately. 

It's not enough that nearly every single one of my friends is married with kids and building their dream home.  No, I have to be constantly surrounded by couples.  When I was in Australia, I saw several couples holding hands, looking all romantic.  My friend there is very happily married to her husband, so they are very affectionate (even after 10+ years).  I should also note that my friend has pretty much never been single in her life.  Ever. 

And there's a new group at church that someone volunteered me for.  I missed the first meeting, but showed up at the next one.  Guess what?  It's not a couples group...but everyone there (EXCEPT FOR ME) is married.  Fantastic.  That is great.  Wonderful. 

I went for a run yesterday in the gorgeous Fall weather.  And while I was enjoying my run, I hopped onto the trail for a bit.  I pass this young couple who are walking along...and then they start to hold hands...and then I think they even had a quick kiss.  Are you KIDDING me?  Must I be confronted with this everywhere I go?

Now, I'm not crazy.  I know it's no one's fault and these ridiculously happy, coupled people can't help themselves.  But seriously.  It is just too much to take.  They have NO idea what it is like to be in my shoes. 

And it gets to a point, where I feel excluded in most areas of my life.  My small group?  All married.  People I work with?  All married.  My friends (except for maybe one)?  All married.  New group at church?  All married. 

Another example?  I've got a group of friends from college and we go away for a weekend every year.  Anyway, every year, it's harder for me to want to go.  Because I'm the single one.  The ONLY single one.  Now, no one there makes me feel like a weirdo.  But they don't have to - I'm the odd ball.  Everyone is married, and has been married, and is showing pictures/talking about their kids and then talking about the new amazing house they're building.  Then there's me.  Um, still living in my small place, not dating anyone, certainly not married, and definitely no kids (and that prospect gets bleaker, the older I get).

And one of my friends who goes on that trip is always so sweet.  She wants me to go so badly.  And I know she's being honest when she says that she doesn't even think of it as a couple's trip.  The thing is, it's easy to not think of it that way when you and everyone else there is part of a couple (except for me).  If there were even two other people who were single, I wouldn't struggle as much with whether or not to go.  I hate that everyone else's lives change/progress every year, while mine remains the same.  (I've decided to go, by the way.  We'll see how I do.)  

It just sucks. 

And honestly, if I had zero desire to be married/have kids, none of this would be an issue.  But I do want those things.

So, I just feel like the whole "couple" thing is IN MY FACE lately, and it makes me want to scream.  It also makes me question what the frick I did to deserve this punishment?   

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Another one bites the dust...

Well, another friend is getting a divorce.  This brings the grand total to 2 - in the last year or so.  And I have no clue if the other friend I've had issues with (and no longer speak to) is still pursuing divorce or trying to work it out with her husband.  I posted about this earlier this year.  And I'm still sort of in shock that 5 of my friends are either getting divorced, having troubles, or trying to work things out.  Yikes!

Anyway, this friend, let's call her UF...she confided in my earlier this year that her husband has some serious addiction issues.  While this totally shocked me, it also made sense when I thought about his behavior.  So, she's been pretty up front about their troubles.  She recently moved, due to her job, so we don't chat/get together as often.

She texted me the other night, saying we needed to talk - that things had happened.  I told her she could call any time.  I got an email from her yesterday.  The gist of the email was this - she tried to work things out with her husband...but she met someone earlier this year...tried to resist, but then fell in love with him...told her husband...tried to work things out...he still won't work on his issues...he filed for divorce.  She said she already has several friends not speaking to her because of this...and she was worried about how I would react, but wanted to tell me what was going on.  

That was quite the way to start my day/week.  Wowsa!  This is the third friend of mine who has cheated.  What is going on?  

It might surprise you how I responded to her versus how I handled the situation with this friend.  Basically, I told this friend that I'm here for her - even though I don't approve of what she did.  I told her that none of us know what we would do unless we were in someone else's shoes.  I told her that the difference between her and my friend that is no longer my friend - is that she had the guts to tell me herself (even if it was a few months after the fact).  She didn't exclude me from her life and make assumptions about what I would do.  She didn't let me find out about it from someone else.  And she didn't try to hide it from me by telling people not to tell me.  And she didn't blame me somehow for her own problems. 

My ex-friend still doesn't understand why I'm upset with her.  I'm 100% sure she thinks I'm ONLY upset with her for cheating...when it's so much more than that.  And she also thinks she has nothing to apologize to me for.  Uh uh. 

So, while I'm really sad to hear about the choice she made, I also know the load of crap she's dealt with regarding her husband's stuff.  That does NOT justify cheating.  But, I can see how she may have been at the end of her rope.  Again, doesn't justify it. 

I also offered her some unsolicited advice.  I told her it might be best if she was single for a while - even if this new guy is SO amazing.  Because really, I don't think it makes sense to be in another relationship when you aren't even finished with the one you're in. 
She took my response well and I get the feeling she felt relief that I didn't get mad at her or judge her.  Being a Christian, I find it so hard to deal with these particular situations.  On the one hand, I so strongly disagree with cheating (and have personal experience with it).  On the other hand - ALL of us make mistakes.  And it's really not my place to pass judgement.  If all of us stopped being friends with people when they made mistakes - NO ONE would have friends.  So, I'm hoping I did the right thing.  And I'm hoping that it's obvious how different her scenario and how she handled it with me was versus how my other friend handled hers.

On a side note:  I still don't understand something.  This friend described the new guy as amazing, responsible, sweet, kind, honest...  If this single guy is SO honest, what would possess him to be remotely interested in someone who is currently MARRIED?  I don't get it.  If a married male acquaintance approached me about dating/getting together - I would have ZERO interest.  Ya know why?  Because he's MARRIED.  I don't get it.  Ugh.

All of this to say that I'm still single, but my friend who isn't even divorced yet has already found someone else. 

What is going on?  WHY?  ARGHHH!

Potential set-up...that I almost never heard about

So, while I was visiting my friend, we FaceTimed her sister-in-law (whom I've met).  Anyway, I find out that she's had a guy in mind to set me up with.  This was the FIRST I'd heard of it (but my friend has known about it).

Now, I'm not trying to overreact or anything...but it escapes me why my friend hadn't ever mentioned it to me.  I asked her and she said she wasn't sure how I'd feel about it with all the other set-ups I've been on...  OK, that's true.  But she ALSO knows how much I want to meet someone, get married, and have kids (and how the kids thing is getting less and less likely).  So, why wouldn't she at least ASK me if I have any interest?  I don't understand. 

I'm not angry about it or anything, but it makes me wonder how long her sister-in-law has had this guy in mind...and whether it's even a possiblity anymore.  Now, I don't know much about him, but I would at least like to entertain the possibility.

So, rather than waiting for my friend to say something, I messaged her sister-in-law on FB and asked her about it.  We'll see if she responds and if anything comes of it. 

It's not that I expect my friend to put my love life as a priority - because #1) that is stupid; #2)  she has other things at the top of her list, understandably.  But, I guess I'm just a little irritated that she didn't even attempt to pursue it or discuss it with me.  I'm sure I'm being oversensitive and overreacting, but still. 

And yeah, this potential set-up could totally turn out to be nothing or not work out.  But, it's not like I'm loaded down with dates right now...so I guess I'd rather see if there's any potential. 

Back from vacation!

Well...I'm back from my whirlwind trip to Australia.  I got back last week and dove right back into work and my life.  I sort of forgot that jet lag would be my annoying friend for a few days.  Ugh. 

Basically, there was major turbulence on the long flight back, so I felt like crap and couldn't get any sleep.  So, I think I maybe got 4 hours sleep in one day...and then slept 4 hours the night I got back...before going to work the next morning.  Yes, I'm smart.  I know. 

Overall, the trip was fantastic!  I saw and experienced some amazing things and it's a beautiful place.  It was wonderful to spend uninterrupted time with my friend and to hang with her family.  My side trip was also fun. 

There was only one hiccup.  My carry-on bag was rejected at the gate on my flight back to Sydney.  My carry-on was totally acceptable on the WAY THERE.  Grrr.  So, I find out as the plane is taking off, that my bag will be moved to another flight...and not be available to me for about 4 hours after MY flight lands.  OMG. 

Now, I'm aware a boyfriend/spouse wouldn't have been able to magically fix this situation.  BUT...they would have been IN the situation with me.  I wouldn't have been alone. 

Let me backtrack...  The final day didn't start out well.  I had to check out of my hotel early, but then had about 3 1/2 hours before my ride to the airport would arrive.  So, I got all cute and decided to walk around and explore the city...and also find some breakfast.  Well, the hotel employee wasn't clear in her directions...so I ended up walking about 20-25 minutes in the wrong direction - in the blazing heat.  I was pouring sweat.  I then had to walk BACK to where I started and proceeded to walk another 20-25 minutes to the right part of the city.  I sat down at the first restaurant I found.  At this point, I was mad.  I was no longer cute.  I was sweaty and tired.  I estimate I probably walked about 3-4 miles in sandals that morning. 

So, when I got back to the hotel to wait for my ride, I was not in a great mood. 

OK, now we're back to the airport/luggage debacle.  I held back tears on the flight...knowing that my bag wouldn't be there.  You see, I had made arrangements with my friends to take the train into town from the airport...to save them from driving out in rush hour traffic.  But NOW, they would have to come to the airport anyway, except late at night.  So, I felt terrible about that. 

Once my flight landed, I found out that my bag woudn't get there until after 10pm.  I called/texted my friends and then fought with the baggage/airline guy.  At this point, I was crying.  No joke.  Couldn't control it. 

I took the train back to their house and then her amazing husband drove with me back to the airport to get my luggage later that night.  It was a crap day. 

And again, a guy couldn't have fixed it, but I guess I'd love to know someone is WITH me during something like that.  And then I get irritated, because I think of all of my friends who have never been single and never have to deal with this sh*t.  They just tell their husband (I'm dead serious) to take care of it or whatever. 

OK, back to the GOOD.  The trip was unbelievable!  I snorkelled at the reef and can't believe the stuff I saw.  I went whitewater rafting.  I saw some amazing Australian animals and even got to pet them.  Lots of shopping, too.  I don't even want to THINK about how much money I spent.  Oh well.  I can pay it off, right?  :-)

It is good to be back and get back into my routine.  I think I'm nearly over the jet lag and back in the swing. 

Vegas is next month!     

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Reflections of a single girl...

Every once in a while, I take a moment and think about why I'm single.  I sometimes worry it's because of the dad I had (not fantastic).  I sometimes worry it's because I'm scared of a relationship (even though I want it).  Or I worry that I'm just no good at it. 

So, I dig back through the recesses of my mind and go through the various situations I've been involved with.  Granted, I haven't had a lot of serious relationships, but I've dated and been on many blind dates (most of them awful). 

Let's start with high school and college.  I can easily peg this one.  I was way too busy to have a boyfriend.  Oh, I wanted a boyfriend, but I can see why I wasn't approached.  I was involved in everything and busy all the time.  Don't get me wrong, I was a friendly gal, but I'm pretty sure the volume of stuff I was involved with might have been intimidating.  Add to that that I didn't truly have time to date someone...and you get your answer.  And I'm fine with that.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Now, sadly, my first real boyfriend came in my early 20s.  He was a co-worker at my summer job.  I had a HUGE crush on him instantly.  Because he was HOT!  And he was super nice and easy to talk to.  He was a couple years younger than me, too.  Anyway, as the days passed, I decided that I wanted to date him bad enough that I would ask him out.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a big deal.  I never ask guys out and the thought pretty much makes me want to vomit.  But, I really wanted to date this guy.  So, I eventually asked him out and he said yes.  We dated for probably 2 months after that.  And it was pretty smooth sailing.  We had fun.  I had some nerves, but they were the fun kind of nerves.  The kind where you are hoping he's going to call you to go out again.  And you're hoping you get to see him soon.  We even went to a friend of mine's wedding together!  He even called me "honey," which totally caught me off guard.

Another shocker, I could tell he was nervous to kiss me, but I was dying for him to do it.  So, when he dropped me off one night, I kissed him on the cheek - opening the door for him to kiss me on our next date.  And he did.   

The breakup was sort of a non-breakup.  He was supposed to meet me at my house to go to something.  Now, it was a family thing...and I was very clear that I'd love for him to come, but that I would totally understand if it was a little too much, too soon.  He committed to coming.  Well, my mom and I were ready to go and he wasn't at the house.  Ever.  When I called, his roommate said he was taking a nap.  Anyway, we eventually talked about it and I said, "If you didn't want to come, you could have just told me you didn't want to come.  Not a big deal."  And I would NOT have broken up with someone over that, seriously.  However, we sort of just faded out after that...     

I'm certainly not going to say that I made zero mistakes in that relationship, but overall, I think I was a pretty good girlfriend.  I was easy breezy, didn't hound him non-stop, or get upset about too many things.  It was easy.  And I'm sure he and I weren't meant to be.  That relationship's purpose may have been just to have a little fun over the summer - and I'm fine with that. 

But, what I took from that is that I'm capable of being IN a relationship and not being scared, nervous, or uncomfortable all the time.  It was natural.  And, by no means do I carry a torch for this guy, but I haven't really had that feeling since then.  There have been feelings close to it, but not quite.  Usually, I'm worried that the guy is going to kiss me (meaning I really don't want to kiss him). 

There was another guy, from college, who I sort of reconnected with a few years later.  I always thought he was a good guy...and very attractive.  Anyway, I emailed him and it started some back and forth.  His emails were so sweet that ALL of my friends were sure this guy was into me.  I mean, there was no misinterpreting it.  I even visited him (lives a few hours from me) when I was in town.  After a lot of emailing about whatever...NOTHING ever happened.  And that's fine.  But again, the point is that I initiated it and made the effort.  I didn't hide out and not do anything. 

Between post college and now, there have been A LOT of blind dates/setups.  And I'd say 95% were bad.  This will not surprise most of my readers, since some of you write blogs completely dedicated to the crapfest that is online dating/blind dating.

Let me also say, that it's entirely possible that I'm some other guy's "horrible blind date" story.  I'm ok with that.  Although, it's doubtful my behavior compares to what I've witnessed. 

I've had guys ask me how old I am 5 minutes into the date.  I've had guys tell me they can dance like Usher.  I've had guys brag about how they speed on the highway in their patrol car late at night.  I've had guys want to show me how they like to take their car and spin it around on the ice during the winter.  I've had guys take me to an old folks' breakfast place, for DINNER.  I've had guys not speak more than 10 words - the entire date.  I've had guys ask me out/plan a second date while we're still on our first date.  I've had guys talk about their horrible money problems - on the first date.   

And let me say, I'm very accommodating.  Even when I'm having a horrible time and I know it's not going to go any further, I'm still friendly and engaging while on the date.  This is good and bad.  It's good because I think it's the polite thing to do.  It's bad because it gives the guy the impression that you also had fun and that you'll go out with him again.  Then I'm put in the awkward position of turning the guy down when he asks for a second date.  Ugh.  So.  Awkward.

Again, not saying that I'm perfect or too good for any of these guys.  But, what I am saying is that most of my friends are shocked by the date stories I have.  None of them woud go out with these guys again, either.  So, I know I'm not crazy or "too picky."

So, when I put all of that together, I guess I feel like it's not necessarily my issue, but just an issue of me and whoever my guy is not having met yet.  Because, it's clear that I'm capable of initiating a relationship/date and keeping it.  It's clear I'm open to dates, because I've continued to go on one horrible blind date after the other. 

In a way, it puts my mind at ease.  In another way, it pi$$es me off that other people have found their mate and I haven't!     

     

Thursday, July 18, 2013

WHY are you single? I just don't get it! (Me neither.)

I had dinner with a friend last night, which was great.  She's not someone I'm super close to, but whenever we chat, we can pretty much talk for hours.  Her fiance has only met me a few times, but seems to like me as well. 
Anyway, throughout our conversation, she asked if there was anything new on the dating front.  When I told her there wasn't anything new, she was just confused.  She said, "I don't get it.  I just don't understand how you're single!"  She went on to say that her fiance has asked her numerous times, "Why is she single?  I mean, it doesn't make sense!" 
Now, this is always nice to hear, for a few reasons.
  1. It means that the person I'm putting forth in the world (which is my real self) is likeable, fun, easy to talk to, outgoing, and, in a word, NORMAL. 
  2. It means that I'm not doing anything weird/awkward when I'm with people (whether they are brand new to me or old friends).
  3. It means I'm not hideous to look at.  (Sorry, folks, but looks do matter - whether you want to admit it or not.)
  4. He's a guy.  So, from the few times he's met/talked to me, he feels I'm someone who is dateable.  I think it means more from a guy, because that's my target audience for a potential mate. 
So, that is GREAT news!  However, it still doesn't explain my current predicament of being single.  And it's not like I have a magical response when people tell me this (which happens often). 

I don't know, either! 

And please, don't think I'm trying to toot my own horn here, either.  I'm not trying to say, "I'm perfect, not a thing wrong with me...I'm amazing.  HOW am I still single?"  I certainly have my flaws, like we all do.  But, it seems, based on the number of times I've heard the question, "How are you still single?," from others, that I must be alright overall. 

She asked me about online dating, and I told her my issues with that option.  And we talked about how I'm pretty active in the community.  I'm at races ALL the time.  Wouldn't you think I'd have met another runner by now?  I can't go into a store where I live without running into/seeing at least 2 people I know.  On any given day.  It's not as if I'm a wallflower, staying in my house all day/weekend long. 

Bottom line?  I'm just as confused as anyone else as to why I'm still single.  I have no answer, other than God must be prepping a really amazing guy for me... 

Monday, July 15, 2013

Yes, I'm going on vacation by myself...

I'm taking a pretty big vacation this year (in addition to some little ones).  A friend of mine (and her family) are living in Australia for a few years.  So, I've decided to just do it and go there to visit!  I'm very excited for the trip and all that I'll get to see and do.  I'm also going to Cairns for a few days, to see the Great Barrier Reef and several other things.

Would it be great if I had a boyfriend/husband to go on this trip with me?  Of course.  Do I wish I had a spouse going with me?  Of course.  Is there a spouse going with me?  NO.

Lucky for me, anyone who asks me about the trip immediately asks one of the following questions:


  1. Who are you going with?
  2. Are you going by yourself?  
  3. Is your friend going to the reef with you?
  4. Are you going by yourself?  (I know I already mentioned this one, but it's worth repeating.)
Now, I understand that it's natural to ask who someone is going with.  But seriously, I've been bombarded with these questions/comments.  It really puts a cloud over something I'm excited about.

It also makes me feel like I'm a pathetic loser, going on this trip by myself.  I know, I know.  I'm not a loser and it's perfectly fine to vacation by yourself.  But, it still feels sucky.  Especially when I'm constantly reminded of it when someone says, "You're going by yourself?"

On the other hand, I'm sort of excited that I'll be by myself in Cairns.  I'm planning to do some really fun activities and hit some restaurants/bars at night.  Maybe I'll find myself a hot Aussie?

I'm guessing people in relationships/marriages don't even have to think about this stuff.  Meanwhile, I've planned the trip by myself, with no one to bounce ideas/rates off of.

Anyway, I'm going to choose to be excited about this once in a lifetime trip and have as much fun as I possibly can!  

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Some people are lucky...and the real world is going to suck for them.

WARNING:  This is basically a post that will allow me to vent about something that frustrates the crap out of me.

I've got a friend who has quite the charmed life.  In fact, most of my childhood friends had a charmed life, especially in comparison to mine.  (That said, I'm fully aware that MANY have had far worse childhoods than mine.)

I grew up with a single parent, moved around to multiple crappy apartments, and had a dad who didn't do much OR pay child support.  So, money wasn't abounding in our house.  My mom did the best she could, though.  But I didn't grow up going on fun/fancy vacations to wonderfully fun destinations.  I grew up in a home that was constantly worried about money.  I've been working since I was 14 years old.  And college? I worked my a$$ off to get good grades, in order to qualify for scholarships.  I then paid every DIME of it myself.  My dad may have slipped me a $20 a few times, but I was pretty much on my own.

Let's talk about my friend's life...

He is 25 years old and still living at home.  His happily married parents have provided well for he and his 26 year old brother (also still living at home).  They have paid for his entire undergraduate degree/schooling. They've paid for his car, and I suspect, his cell phone.  He then decided to go to graduate school to get his Masters.  Um, his parents are ALSO paying for that.  ALL of it.  He has no real bills...because if you're living at home, you're eating their groceries and using their utilities/cable/etc.

So, his girlfriend is going to live in Greece for nearly a year, and he's planning to go out there.  Last I talked to him, he wasn't sure how he'd get the flight.  Recently, I asked him and sort of said, "Did your parents go ahead and buy your plane ticket?"  His answer?  "Yes, it's my graduation present."  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  He sensed my impending smug comment.  I said, "Well, I think your graduation present is ALL that they've done for you thus far." He gets a little annoyed with me, and I should keep my mouth shut, I know.  But I can't help but voice my opinion!

I saw him at work today and his dad came in.  They were talking, and it sounded like they were talking about a car wash.  His dad came to his work to take his car and get it washed.  What?  Huh?  And I didn't bite my tongue, again.  So, he was annoyed that I commented.  And then he said, "His reward is that I'm a good son."  He was complaining that this place he goes charges $13.  Um, you have ZERO bills!  I think you can fricking afford a car wash and not allow your dad to get it for you!  Now, this guy is a good guy.  Mature and responsible.  However, it isn't hard to be responsible when you don't have many responsibilities, other than school and a relationship.  

I was ready to leave work today and he could tell I was antsy.  He said, "Just hold on, a few more minutes..."  I said, "Well, some of us have worked 50+ hours this week."  And then he called me a martyr, blah blah blah.  I wasn't trying to be a martyr, but he has ZERO clue what the world is like, in my opinion.  And I fear if he ever has to do things 100% on his own, he will not be prepared for it or be able to deal with it.  And that isn't my problem, I know.

And I'm not gonna lie, of course there's a part of me that is jealous of his situation.  But I honestly hope that if my parents had done for me what his have done for him, that I wouldn't even accept or entertain them purchasing my plane ticket.  Graduation present?  I'm 99.9% sure I never got a graduation present from my parents...high school OR college.

Am I crazy?  And I already know that it's not my business and I should not be making snide comments to him.  But, for some reason, my mouth just opens up!

I guess it's frustrating to watch people have a pretty charmed existence, while I've had to work my butt off for everything I have.

End rant. 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Hello again! (Also, marriages are in trouble)

Alright, it's been a few months since I've posted.  I don't really have a great reason for that, other than being busy and not really having anything to post that I felt was blog worthy. 

But, I thought I'd share what seems to be happening to many of my friends right now.  I think I told you all about my friend who cheated on her husband and they are now still figuring out what the frick they're doing...while living separately.  (Honestly?  I don't think it's going to work out.  I think they'll reconcile, have a kid at some point, then ultimately divorce.  Sorry, I'm just pretty sure that's what'll happen.) 

Anyway, in recent months, even more of my friends are going through marital troubles.  I've got a friend who desperately wants children, but married a man who was clear from the get go that he didn't want kids.  It is now a big problem.  No clue what they're going to do about it. 

Another very close friend of mine has reached a bit of a breaking point with her husband's behaviors.  So, they are going to counseling and trying to work it out, but she's definitely said that she'd be fine with divorce if he doesn't shape up.  And trust me, HE is the one at fault in that sitch.  She's been nothing but patient and accepted less than what she deserves from him. 

Yet another friend just informed me that she and her husband are getting a divorce.  It's amicable, so that's good.  But I wasn't too surprised, since she's mentioned that to me in past years.  No cheating, just couldn't seem to make it work.

And last week, a friend of mine broke the news to me that she and her husband are having some pretty serious troubles, mostly with his addiction issues.  Now, it's not as if I thought she and her husband were perfectly happy and everything was rainbows, but the news totally caught me off guard. 

So, after that lengthy convo, it occurred to me that 5 good friends of mine are going through marital troubles.  I have a lot of friends (very lucky), but I feel like 5 is a pretty high number.  YIKES! 

This has caused me to do some (more) thinking about the topic of marriage. 

#1 - Perspective.  I've said it on this blog a million times, but it's true.  I'd say for 3 out of 5 of these marriages, I thought things were pretty solid.  Never perfect, of course, but a solid relationship.  And being a single chick on the outside of that, it's easy to be a little envious.  Now, finding out that things for most of these couples weren't rosy for a while, it makes me wonder if they have ever looked at my life and been envious.  I'd venture to say yes. 

#2 - Can a marriage really last?  I'm a child of divorce, so I know first hand that marriages don't always work out.  But, I guess I'm also a little idealistic and thought that it was possible for a marriage to be solid and last (even through ups and downs). 

#3 - With my friends having so many troubles in their marriages, is it possible for me to even meet/marry someone and be happily married?  Ever? 

#4 - Or, will it bode well for me if I get married later, because I'll have been independent for a while, really know myself, and really know what I want and what I don't? 

Ultimately, the whole thing just makes me sad.  Because, no matter how envious (never in a mean way) I've been of their marriages/life situations, I wouldn't wish the troubles they're having on them.  Ugh.  And, it makes me (in some ways) realize the good things in my life.  I'm not dealing with a ton of conflict or issues in relationships, most of the time.  So, I can go about my day and go out with friends or do whatever. 

Now, of course, I'd rather be happily married with some kids nagging me, but that's not happening.  So, until then, I'm able to have a pretty full life with minimal conflict. 

Monday, April 1, 2013

Responsibility...

At what point do you have to just let someone who continuously behaves irresponsibly GO? 

Case in point.  There's a guy I work with who tends to drink more than he should when he goes out...and then proceeds to make the 45 minute drive home (he lives outside of the city). 

Now, you should know that we (his friends) have taken his keys, asked him to stop drinking/ordering drinks, offered a ride home, offered to drive his car, offered a place to crash, etc. - NUMEROUS times.

One time in particular...we were out to dinner and it was clear he should NOT drive home.  After what seemed like hours of convincing, we finally got his keys.  The plan was we would drive him to a location, and he would sleep there...then drive home in the morning.  He PROMISED us he would do this.  Well, we sent another friend to go back and see if he stayed.  He didn't.  As soon as we left him at the location, he got back in his car and drove home.

Now, there are a number of things that are bad about this.  He could get stopped by the police, and get an OWI...which would be bad on many levels, including his career.  He could get in an accident and hurt himself and/or others.  He could be killed.  Others could be killed.   

I think now is a good time for me to tell you how old this person is.  He is 30.  30.  30 years old.  I guess I would expect the above behavior from someone in their early 20s...but by 30, I would hope you would be a bit more responsible/cautious.

So, this past weekend, this guy, again, drank a bit too much.  Not crazy drunk, but probably shouldn't be driving home.  So, I guess the other guys had offered to give him a ride...and take his keys.  He told them he had to grab something from his car.  When they stepped outside, he had left. 

The guys came back in and were all worried.  Now, I'm not a horrible person.  I don't WANT anything bad to happen to him.  But I guess I also don't feel responsible for him.  If he drives home and gets stopped or in an accident, I'm not going to feel guilty.  Is that wrong?   

And they were trying to figure out how to track him down or call/text him.  Honestly?  I went ahead and left the restaurant.

If this guy is going to be so disrespectful to lie like this, I guess I'm not going to spend my time worrying about him.  Again, I feel like that makes me a bad person.  I don't care if he drinks, but pretty much everyone knows that you don't drive when you're plastered.

I guess I was kind of annoyed that everyone was trying to figure out how to chase him down, when ultimately, he made the choice to drink that much and get in his car - when he KNEW he had another option. 

End rant. 

Another dinner from hell...

So...it was another friend's birthday this past weekend, and she'd invited a group of us out to dinner.  I was hesitant to go, since I'm not feeling all that social right now, but she's one of the nicest people - so I couldn't refuse. 

Anyway, she told me my friend and his girlfriend were coming, in addition to some other co-workers of ours.  And then some other friends (whom I know) were coming. 

Well...I get there and immediately notice that it's ME and 3 other couples.  I absolutely HATE that.  I know they probably don't even notice/care, but it makes me acutely aware of my single-ness.  Ugh.  And then, the others show up...all couples.  Me and this other guy (whom I know and do not like that way, thankyouverymuch) were the ONLY single people there, among 12 people.

Side note:  my friend and his girlfriend - the PDA is unbearable.  And I say that without bias...as I'm just not a huge fan of PDA.  If I'm dating someone, of course I'm fine with holding hands or a peck.  It's the constant PDA that really gets me.  I look over and my friend's arm is around her, their fingers interlocked.  She went down to the bathroom and he asked if she wanted him to go with her.  She said no...and he still followed her down.  They were touchy feely the whole night.  I'm horrible, I know. 

Anyway... 

For starters, the girl next to me.  OMG.  She's fine, but not the most fun to talk to.  She's a bit of a bragger.  And also...can't stop talking.  Even if I had wanted to talk to anyone else at the table, I couldn't have.  Because she was constantly blabbing in my ear for the duration of the evening.  I even had my phone out, sort of purposely being a little rude...and that didn't stop her.  And the stuff she was blabbing about?  Not anything remotely interesting.  At.  All. 

So, I did make some effort to talk with others at the table.  But, I do think things with my friend are officially weird.  He had texted me "looking forward to catching up with you," and yet, we hardly spoke 2 words the entire night.  In fact, I was the one who said good night.  So, that pretty much sucks. 

To make matters worse, somehow, my single-ness became a topic of conversation/center of attention.  I promise you, I didn't say a WORD about it.  Duh.  WHY would I want to discuss that in a large group of people - none of whom I'm particularly close to?  And why didn't they talk about the other single's single-ness?  Argh! 

So, at one point, someone said, "It'll happen for you...it happened for me at 49!"  Um, is that supposed to cheer me up?  Because that just made me sad.  Like, really sad.  (And she was married twice before this guy)  One of the other girls started talking about this guy at her gym and how I should stop by and check him out.  OK, I don't belong to her gym...so, I'm supposed to stop by?  And what do I do once I'm there?  Seriously.  Then her husband pulls up one of his employees on FB, to show me a pic.  And they start asking me about him. 

OMG. So. Uncomfortable.

At this point, we were still waiting for our food.  It took forever!  My salad finally arrives and I start eating...it's after 9pm at this point.  Well, part way through, I notice a rubber band in my salad.  Now, I'm not a snob, but I do think restaurants should probably check what they're sending out.  I mean, it was pretty obvious.  So, the waiter took it back and brought me another one.  It's now 9:35...and I really don't care about eating.  So, I box it up to go.  I was still charged for the salad.  Everyone thought that it should have been comped...and I agree.  Whatever.  Annoying. 

Things wind down and we all head downstairs to leave.  Like I said, I had to say, "Goodbye A, N, and P."  And I think my friend said bye, but there was no other conversation.  And we used to text NON-STOP, talk on the phone, run together, etc.  So, that is weird. 

I left in a pretty crappy mood and kind of wanted to scream when I got in my car.  Instead, I ate a Cadbury Egg when I got home.  I'm sure that resolved something, right? 

   

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The hits just keep on comin'...

So...I had what I would call a horrible night last week.  And if I had to live through it, you, dear blog readers, have to hear about it.  :-) 

I worked all day at my job...then headed to my side job, which is usually a pretty easy thing.  But, we were super busy that night.  And it got to the point, where I was so cranky, I had zero desire to do anything but go home. 

Not so fast.  I had already committed to going to a dinner (related to this side job), right after we closed.  So...I rode along with a few friends...in the worst mood, wishing I wasn't going. 

Remember my friend?  People kept saying we should date?  Now, me, I definitely enjoy him and his friendship, but I had definite concerns about the age gap, his religious beliefs, his current career (still in school), etc.  So, I didn't really have my heart set on anything happening there.

Well, he was set up on a blind date recently...and guess what?  Things are working out perfectly.  All lovey dovey, unicorns, and rainbows.

I'm happy for him, I am.  But, when I'm being bomarded (feels that way) with pregnancy news, engagements, and now his new relationship - it's a bit much.

Anyway, about 2 seconds before going into the restaurant, I find out that he's bringing his new girlfriend, whom I've never met.  Oh, great.  Awesome.  (He confirmed to me that he was coming, but never mentioned he was bringing her - which irritates me a bit.) 

So, I'm in a horrible mood, definitely down on life, and now I have to deal with this?  Really? 

And...when we sat down, I had to sit across from him and his girlfriend.  Let's just say they are very touchy-feely, lovey-dovey, affectionate, PDA, etc.  Whoa. 

She is very friendly and outgoing, and I'm sure I will like her.  But in that moment, it was all too much to deal with.  I tried my best.

Let me insert here that I'm not upset that he's now dating someone - in the sense that I wish it were me.  I don't.  But...he dated a girl from high school, through most of his college years.  Then he was single...and he gets set up on ONE FRICKING BLIND DATE...and it's working out?  Do you know how many horrible setups I've been on?  TONS.  And how many have worked out?  ZERO.  And I'm 10 years older than he is.  I guess it feels a bit unfair to me. 

So, his girlfriend stepped away from our table for a bit and he asked how I was doing.  He's aware I'm going through some stuff right now.  So, I told him I was pretty much the same.  And his response was sort of a flippant, "I don't know what to say to you."  OMG.  I'm aware!  I'm aware you have NO CLUE what I'm going through right now.  You telling me that you don't know what to say only makes it worse.  Please don't say that.  So, I said, "I know you don't what to say..."  And he said, "What do you want me to say?"  OMG.  "Well, I don't want you to say anything." 

First of all, he KNOWS I'm going through something, so is that moment, at a dinner table with a group of people (many of whom I don't know), the best time to ask how I'm doing?  Secondly, he knows that I know he can't relate...so constantly saying, "I don't know what to say," is just horrible.  Just say, "I'm sorry you're going through this."  That's enough. 

So, I started tearing up at the table, and had to use a Kleenex to dab my eyes.  Ugh.  At one point, I excused myself to the bathroom...just to escape! 

I forgot to mention that my dinner was supposed to be paid for by the employer (drinks were on us).  So, the waitress brings me my bill and it's for the whole thing.  Great.  I've now spent $40 for this craptastic evening.  Awesome. 

My friend and his girlfriend had stepped out near the bar after dinner.  So, the owner calls my name, wanting to talk to me.  And she says, very excitedly, "So?  What did you think?"  And I was caught off guard.  "Of what?"  "Of his girlfriend?  Isn't she great?  I really like her!  I'm so happy for him!"  At this point, another female co-worker comes on the other side of me...and starts talking about them, too.  So, I'm now trapped between both of them, going ON and ON about the happy couple.  And then the owner proceeds to tell us how she was at a restaurant the week before, and saw them making out at their table...

Kill me.  Now. 

The night continued to drag on, and, eventually, we left...I was home just before 11pm.  Ugh. 

*The owner realized their mistake the next day and is going to reimburse me (and others) for their meals.  So, that's good.  Silver lining?  

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Single mom? No.

I was talking to a close friend the other night, who knows me inside and out.  And I was saying that the suck of my current situation is that I can't really change it and MAKE things happen.

She said, "Well, you could have a baby!" 

Just like that.  Like, it's the easiest thing on the planet.  Just do that.  Go have a baby. 

OH wait...  I'd have to file paperwork to adopt...come up with the money to adopt...get approved to adopt...  OR I could get artificially inseminated...come up with the money for that...pick a donor...

And once I have the baby (adopted or insemination), apparently it'll be easy to raise him/her on my own, without a spouse. 

OK.

I'm sure you sensed my sarcasm there. 

I've talked about my thoughts on this before.

I have zero desire to be a single mom.  I won't even get a dog, because I know I can't take care of it myself - I need to know someone else can help. 

I guess it really frustrates me that people act like it's the easiest thing to do - just adopt or make a baby.  I'm sorry, but it's NOT that simple!  And I'm not going to go into tens of thousands of dollars of debt, on my own, to have a baby to raise, on my own!  That just isn't appealing!

Not to mention that if I have a baby on my own, that will be a permanent reminder to me that I had to do it on my own...because I couldn't fricking meet someone to have a baby with.  Ugh.   

OK, I'm done shouting.  Just needed to get that off my chest.  Thank you. 

The height dilemma...

So, a friend mentioned to me last night that she met a potential guy for me.  I asked her about him...and then she drops this fact.  He's 5'7"! 

OK, sorry, but I am far taller than that.  And yes, I do have a thing about not dating short guys.  Notice I didn't say shorter guys, I said short guys.  I've gone out with/dated guys who were either my height or slightly shorter.  And while that isn't my preference, I can deal with it.  But 5'7"?  Seriously, I would look like a giant. 

And that is my own insecurity, I admit it.  I absolutely hated being tall as a kid, always taller than all the boys and most of the girls.  I certainly don't need to date/marry someone who will inadvertently remind me of that EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Again, not the guy's fault that he's short, but it's not really my fault that I'm tall.

After some discussion, my friend (who has no idea of the funk I'm in right now) says, "Well, that's good.  That means that you are OK with being single/not having kids, rather than dating someone shorter than you."  I don't know why, but that SO rubbed me the wrong way.  I think her intention was that it was a positive thing, but it just made me feel like crap. 

I mean, I feel like her argument is in some way stating that only short guys are left, and since I'm unwilling to date them, I must be ok with being single/childless.  Yes, I'm taking it to a bit of an extreme, I know.  But it just hit me that way. 

Another friend who was there ended up rephrasing it in a way that made me feel less like crap.  She posed it as, "You wouldn't date an alcoholic, right?"  And this is true.  No way would I date an alcoholic.  So, it made more sense to me then.

I think I took it so personally because I've been judged so many times for the height thing.  But ya know what?  If you're a short/average height woman, I bet a guy's height doesn't even occur to you.  Because most guys are probably taller than you already!  If you're a tall woman, guys are either intimidated by your height, they want someone petite/tiny, or they are turned on by your height - because they're a short guy. 

I also took it hard because of how she phrased it - "you're ok with being single/not having kids."  I mean, seriously?  I feel like that's a bit too broad of a statement.  That couldn't be farther from the truth - since I want both of those things so badly. 

The thing is...you know what you are/aren't attracted to.  I can say with 100% certainty that I've never seen a short guy and been attracted to him.  Seriously.  Slightly shorter than me, yes, I've found them attractive.  But even then, it was hard for me to get past the fact that they weren't taller than me.  But, a guy who is significantly shorter than me?  The chances of me being attracted to him are slim.  That's just the way it is.

Anyway, it was just frustrating, considering the way I'm feeling right now.   

         

Monday, March 4, 2013

Independence...

Here's a positive - I paid off my student loans last week! 

This is huge.  Because, my parents did not provide any assistance to me for college.  Nada.  Zip.  Nothing.  Nyet. 

I worked my a$$ off in high school to get good grades and be "well rounded" so that I'd qualify for any and every scholarship possible.  I then applied/auditioned for those scholarships/grants and got as many as I could.

I also worked throughout the school year/summer, to earn spending money for while I was in school.  This includes buying my own books/materials.   

Now, I'm not saying I expected my parents to put me through college.  I guess I expected that they would have maybe done SOMEthing to assist, though?  (I didn't really expect that, based on my upbringing and the lack of financial smarty-ness going on.) 

But, when you're surrounded by friends whose parents were either paying for their entire college education or a large portion of it, it's a little frustrating to be 18 and figuring it out on your own. 

I overloaded my schedule in college, so I could graduate within a somewhat normal timeframe.  I also did work study - 2 jobs - and probably worked a total of 20-25 hours a week.  And I was super involved in on campus activities.  (I was one of those kids who ran out of workstudy money and had to apply for more.) 

So, I was basically stressed all the time - and completely swamped.

My reward for all of that?  I got to pay back all the money I borrowed - with zero help from my parents!  YAY!  WOOHOO! 

So, at 22, single, I got to start making nearly $300/month payments on my loans.  Awesome. 

During the repayment, I was out of work twice, so I had to put them on hold.  And I still managed to pay them off in 13 years.  By myself. 

I keep stressing the "by myself" part, because most of my friends either had help from their parents or their spouse's additional salary.  They have NO IDEA what it's like to have to do this on your own.   

So, while I wouldn't choose having to do it this way.  I did have to do it this way.  And, hopefully, in some way, it will prepare me for something in life. 

Most importantly, it feels good to know they're DONE!  And that I can now save/spend that money as I see fit. 

By the way, no judgment on those who had their education paid for...but I do think there's a different appreciation when you foot the bill yourself.  My friends have no idea the work/stress I went through, because they didn't have to do it themselves.       

I survived...

So...the friend who announced she was pregnant with #3 last week?  I already had plans with her (and her family) and a couple other married friends, for the weekend.  It included 3 couples, their kids, one other single gal (whom I know) and myself.  (We roomed together.)   

Do you know how badly I wanted to opt out of those plans?  I mean, I just had zero desire to go.  Wallowing in my own home sounded much more appealing. 

Now, yes, I could have cancelled.  But, I'm 99% sure my friend would have known that I was cancelling due to her announcement.  And I would feel pretty bad about that. 

So, yes, I was a bit of a martyr and went anyway.  My goal was to spend as much time with the kids as possible, and avoid any "OMG, you're pregnant!" conversations around my friend...of which there were many.

I had as much fun as I could have...considering the circumstances.  I did my best to put on a happy face.  And I did ask about her pregnancy, but not very much.  And, hopefully, I didn't avoid my friend (because I do love her to pieces), but I don't think I hung around her as much as I normally would have. 

We all ate dinner in one of the hotel rooms and that was fine. 

However, when I went to sleep in my own room...I found out that my roommate is a snorer.  Like, major snoring.  And the kids had decided to sleep in our room as well (which was fine).  Her snoring kept me up for most of the night, when all I wanted to do was fricking sleep. 

My friend (the pregnant one) texted me saying I could sleep in their room, if the snoring was keeping me up.  Our rooms were adjoining, and SHE could hear the snoring in their room!  So, I moved over to the open bed in their room and tried to get some sleep.
I'd say I maybe got 3 hours sleep? 

In short, I think I paid about $80 to listen to snoring and then not even sleep in the room I paid for.  Sounds about right...

Once we woke up in the morning, my friend started asking me about online dating, if I'd ever done it.  And then was asking about my church, if they had a singles program.

Now, this girl is a seriously good friend.  And I know she's being completely honest when she says it keeps her up at night wondering why I'm still single.

However, the LAST thing I want to discuss first thing in the morning, after getting 3 hours sleep, and being in a horribly depressed mood - is my dating (or lack thereof) life. 

Conversation eventually moved to her pregnancy and I casually excused myself to put my contacts in, change, go to the bathroom...  Eventually, I was all packed up and ready to hit the road.  I was trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. 

Everyone else hung around to go the park (part of the hotel)...while I got on the road. 

I've teared up several times in the last week - which has been the suck. 

And I'm still in the rut today.  I don't want to talk to anyone.  I don't particularly want to see anyone.  And yet...I'm at work. 

A younger, male friend of mine...could tell (via text) that I wasn't in a great mood.  And when I told him why, he said, "Not sure what to say, really." 

Now, that's fine.  I don't expect him to have some magical answer.  But, for some reason, saying, "Not sure what to say, really," just sort of rubs me the wrong way.   

Keep in mind...he was recently set up on a blind date and it's all working out - rainbows and unicorns. 

How many blind dates have I been set up on?  Millions.  How many have worked out?  None.  Boo.  (Not begrudging him this new development...just frustrating that it doesn't work out for me.) 

Anyway, I'm still here.  Still feeling the suck of all of this.  And wishing I could crawl into a hole. 
 

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Seriously?

Well...sometimes, when it rains...it pours.

Within the last two weeks, I've heard of 2 engagements, 1 baby about to be born (who was born today), and a very good friend just announced she's pregnant with baby #3. 

Too.  Much.

Honestly, I'm doing fine.  It's not like I dwell on the whole marriage/baby thing every day.  And I think there were many times in my life when that was a true statement. 

But, when I am bombarded by news about engagements, weddings, and babies...all within a short time?  I sort of lose it. 

Like yesterday.  I found myself crying.  Full on crying at my desk.  And of course the friend who is pregnant with baby #3 is perfect, and somehow sensed that I might take the news hard.  So she was kind enough to send an email to me, saying it's ok if I'm mad at her.  (For the record, I am not mad at her.) 

UGH!  I hate feeling like this.  I hate that seemingly everyone else around me gets to be married (hopefully happily) and have babies.  And for some reason, I've been left behind.  And I know these are my true desires, becuse who cries at an email?  If I was truly thrilled to be single and didn't want babies, her announcement wouldn't have phased me.  I would have congratulated her and went about my day.  (I did congratulate her, by the way...but she knows me too well, and knew I was upset.)

And who wants to be the person that is upset at someone else's good news?  That's just not who I am.  But the thing is, I look at my life, and I just don't think my married friends are like, "Oh, I wish I could do what she's doing."  But, I do look at their lives and wish I could even have a taste of that.  Of course, I know their lives are far from perfect, but still.  They have a partner and they have these great kids who bring them joy (and frustration, I'm sure). 

I just can't figure out why things seem to work out for some people and not for others.  What did I do to not deserve marriage and kids? 

And, while I do feel like I have a very full life, that will never take the place of marriage and kids. 

Anyway, I just needed to vent.  Hoping today is tear free, but no guarantee on that!