Do you ever feel like things just aren't meant to "work out" for you? Like, everyone else's lives will move forward and be relatively happy...but not yours?
I took some vacation time last week and tried out for something. Now, since I'm a little anonymous, I won't go into too much detail. Let's just say I have a talent and I decided to go for it and give this a whirl.
The day before my trip, I got sick. We're talking horrible cold, neverending snot, congestion, I don't ever want to get out of bed, sick. And here I had to still get going on my "vacation."
I made the drive and felt miserable the whole time. As I'm driving, I realize the cold is taking over my voice...which is what I was going to need for this little audition. Right there, I thought, "God hates me." Because, seriously, I can't even remember the last time I was sick or had a cold. Not a clue...which means it was a long time ago.
Now, these types of things are always a long shot, but I will admit that somewhere down deep, I thought I had a shot. I waited in the lines (in the rain/cold) and got in. I auditioned. It didn't work out.
Now, while others would cry right then and there, I honestly don't think I had the energy. I felt so sick and light headed, that I was almost numb. I headed back to where I was staying.
I am now back home, still sick, and in a pretty crappy mood. Is it too much to ask for just ONE thing to go my way? And yes, I realize I'm blessed in many ways (especially on a global level). But, I'm just saying.
I've watched 99% of my friends marry and, now, have families. I've watched them progress in their jobs, go on wonderful vacations, and make exciting plans. They've done all of that while my life seems stagnant. Oh, I've gone on bad date after bad date after bad date...and have nothing to show for it (other than entertaining stories they all love).
I will be 35 next year and that is just not good. I thought my life would be so different and I'm starting to feel like THIS, is it. And THIS, is just not that great, in my opinion. I refuse to be that woman who says, "Well, I just accepted that I was single and all of a sudden life was magical."
Anyway, I'm definitely in a funk and I don't think I'll be popping out of it any time soon.
7 months ago
hey...... that was a very bad thing to happen indeed:( but by now i guess we are used to bad things. I mean c'mon living single all these time is the worst thing ever dreaded!!! But guess what it is done. Now compare all the other daily crap we have to deal with to this single tragedy, you will feel why bother having anything good!!
ReplyDeleteSucks, huh? At least you had the nerve to go through with the audition even with the yucky cold. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteJosie x
Yeah, I've been there, hated it. Hope you get a chance for another try. Sometimes I wonder.. are there any blogs out there that show the dark side of the perfect life? I always wonder.... are those lives that perfect or are there rose-colored glasses being worn? Being a romantic with a realistic view of the world can suck, big time...
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are having a rough time. And that you audition got ruined. I agree with Annie, it can suck to have a realistic view of the world. A realist knows that it's possible that they won't get the life they'd hoped. I'd almost rather be an optimist and just go through life hoping my life changes for the better soon. It's a tough spot. Hang in there!
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