Monday, February 23, 2015

Another potential blind date...

Well, here we are in February and I might have another set-up...2 for 2 months!  My friend texted me a few weeks ago about a guy she ran into (friend of her friend's husband's).  Anyway, she realized he was single and sent me a text asking if I was interested.  Mind you...this was prior to checking with the friend to see if this guy was even open to being set up. 


He's a few years younger than me, a single dad of an 11 year old girl, and a "stand up guy."  And the mother is not in the picture at all.  That is the extent of what I was told and what she actually knows about him.  Now, I've said before, that my preference would be to meet someone without kids and have our own family.  I love kids, but don't love the drama that can come with ex-spouses and stepkids...and I say that having had two stepmothers, both horrible. 


Anyway, I told my friend I would think about it - huge step out of my comfort zone - but I was definitely giving it thought.  In the mean time, I asked her if she could find out a BIT more about him...just so he and I would both know the set-up was in good faith - as in, the people setting us up sensed some common interests/traits OTHER than that we are both in our 30s and single. 


Because, really...that is just not enough.  I've gone on pretty much any and every set up thrown my way...and I think I've earned the right (especially after last month's fail) to ask WHY the person/people think we would be a potentially good match.  Heck, even dating websites' main purpose is to find common interests among people and connect them. 


When my friend texted me the other night, she said she'd met with her friend and "we decided the two of you should just go out."  Um, what?  Was I not clear?  So I confirmed with her that the guy IS open to being set up.  She then went on to say that she was wrong about the mom...and that she DOES have the daughter every other weekend.  Which, is pretty much the opposite of what she originally told me.  I realize she wasn't sure...but still.  And then I just asked, "Any reason why she/you think we would hit it off, other than we're single?  Not trying to be annoying, but that happens to me a lot." 


Her response?  "OMG, just go out with him!"  Um, ok.  I don't think I was out of line.  I went on to tell her that it's tough to do this over and over and I'd rather have a bit of comfort (for the guy, too) to know that there's a REASON we're being put together.  Doesn't mean it will work out...but it does mean that there's more of a chance.  Her response?  "I believe that, but you aren't going to find your husband by avoiding these things.  You could end up as friends and you would just have another circle of friends.  It's a win-win."


OK, that really irritated me.  First of all, I don't AVOID these things.  As I've said before, I go on practically every set-up presented to me.  And have done that for over a decade.  So, I think that statement is very unfair.  And I'm very social/out in the community, so I'm certainly not sitting at home and avoiding life.  Secondly, to be honest, I'm not looking for new friends or a new circle of friends.  I've been very fortunate to have several circles of truly fabulous friends.  And while it's always nice to make new friends, I'm really not looking to go on a date that could result in friendship/a new circle of friends.  And do you know how many times that scenario has happened in all my years of dating?  Zero. 


So, I went to bed that night feeling irritated and like I wasn't even heard.  At all.  And then started wondering if I was just crazy and if I was the one out of line.  Well, I talked to my two closest friends about it yesterday - both of whom would call me out in a minute, if they thought I was in the wrong - and they were both as irritated/frustrated as I was.  One was so angry she wanted to call this friend and give her a piece of her mind. 

I told this friend that yes, she could pass my number along to her friend, who will pass it along to this guy.  We shall see if it results in actual contact/date/anything.  And neither of us know what the other looks like, even.  In this day and age, you typically know that up front.  So this could be truly very blind. 


Due to the lack of information or checking about compatibility, I will go on the date (if it happens), but will not put up with this friend telling me I didn't give it a shot or wondering why we didn't hit it off.  I'm going into it with a "whatevs" attitude.  I will put my best foot forward (as always) on the date, but am not going to worry about it. 

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