Potential set-up ALERT!

As always, you, my dear readers, are the first and only people to get this news.  A friend of mine was talking to a friend of hers, about how she has a single friend, looking...  And then her friend said, "I have a friend who is also looking, but doesn't want to do the bar scene."  So, my friend asked if I was open to a blind date/set-up.  I took a few nights to sleep on it, and decided to give it a whirl.  We'll call this potential date "WV."

We did all the pre set-up things...  Saw each other's pics...know each other's ages, through our friends.  And then I gave the go ahead to pass my number along to him.

So...I expected to be getting a call at some point.  Anyway, he ended up texting me, explaining that he's a bit shy and hoped texting was ok.  Now, I'm fine with that.  I get it.  I certainly didn't want to call him first.  But, I think there's a limit to how much texting I am willing to do with someone I haven't even met face to face yet.
Since the first text, there's been a lot of communication via text.  And no phone call.  We've talked about what churches we go to, what we do for a living, what we studied in college...

I guess, I'm thinking these would all be good topics on an actual date.  In person.  By the time we go out, I'm not sure what we'll talk about.  Usually, you keep it light on a first date...and we've covered a lot of that via text. Add to that that he's shy, and I'm thinking there could be a lot of awkward pauses.

The other issue I have with all of this texting is that I don't want to be texting with someone all day long, that I DON'T EVEN KNOW.  It'd be different if we'd had one date already, and I thought there was some potential there.  The texting would be kind of fun, then.  But, at this point, neither of us know if we find the other attractive in person, if there's any chemistry, etc.  So, it's kind of a waste of both of our time, I think.

And, a lot of this texting has been during the day, when I'm working.  And it's non-stop.  Kind of annoying. I'm tempted to say, "Are you even working right now?  Because, I am."  (I know, that would be rude.)

With texting, unless you know the person, you don't really know their sense of humor/personality well enough to get some of their meaning.  So, at one point, I hadn't responded to something.  He later texts, "Didn't like my comment, huh?"  Um, no...I just didn't have a response for that, so I didn't text anything.  I hate the "Do you think he got the joke?  Do you think he's mad at what I said?  Do you think he fell asleep and that's why he's not texting back?" stuff.  It's annoying.

Also, and this is just me being snotty, he ends nearly every text with "LOL."  Even when "LOL" has nothing to do with what he's saying.  For example, "Must have fallen asleep.  LOL."  Or, "Well, good morning! LOL." Um, no.

We haven't texted since Friday morning, so I'm not sure if that means anything or not.  I'm fine if we do or don't end up going on a date, but I'd rather know sooner than later.

And yes, I'm aware that I complain about not having date opportunities and now I have one and I'm irritated with him.  HA!  But, hopefully some of you have been in this situation and can relate.  It just feels weird to spend time texting someone you've never met in person.  A little is fine...but I feel it's been too much, already.

Feel free to yell at me in the comments!

Shocker...

So, there was an event this weekend (not a dating thing, but something where I suppose one could meet singles).  I was on the fence about going, mostly because I was in no mood.  Add to that that I worked all day...and I was nearly 100% no go.  A friend convinced me to go.  And in the back of my mind, I thought, "Ya never know who you might meet at this thing.  Maybe there'll be some single guys there..."  Uh huh. 

I came from work, but I will say, I looked fine (phew).  We got there and it was a pretty small crowd that was filtering in.  And, wouldn't ya know it?  It was mostly couples in their late 40s-50s and some youngish families.  I'm not sure I saw one other single person...or at least, not one in my age range. 

So, yet again, I sort of forced myself "out there," and it was pointless.  I'm not saying that any time I go out, there should be potential guys, but come on.  How many times do I have to drag myself out and be disappointed by the lack of available fellas?

Grrr... 

How do some of these people find mates?

I was out with a friend and her husband this weekend.  We had a bit of a drive, so there was some good conversation on the way home.  We were talking about this mutual acquaintance and how frustrating/annoying she can be. 

She's a runner, a pretty good one.  But, I don't only know that from local races we've run.  I know that because she constantly brags about herself.  Like, all the time.  "I could have won that race, but I wasn't feeling well."  "I won, but didn't run as fast as I wanted to.  I could have gone faster."  "I won that race and they didn't even give out awards.  Can you believe that?"  She is so fricking competitive.   

OMG.  Yes.  We get it.  You are incredible.  Amazing, really. 

How do I know she says these things?  Well, I don't really socialize with her, at all.  But, I have gone running with her in a group and one-on-one before.  And, when you run with her, you don't talk.  You pretty much just run and listen to her go on and on and on and on and on and on about how great of an athlete she is...or that her kids are the best at this and that.  So, the run can feel incredibly long.  And painful. 

I've distanced myself from her and rarely see her that much, or run with her.  She probably hasn't caught on and would never guess my reasoning. 

Anyway, she's married, with kids.  And honestly, she has to be one of the most insecure people I know.  Anyone who brags about themselves that much, has some insecurity issues.  Big ones. 

So, let's start with my question in the title of this post.  How does someone who is incredibly insecure find a mate?  How is their insecurity attractive?  How does that draw someone in?  And, she masks her insecurity with bragging about herself.  How does THAT draw someone in?  Either way, I honestly don't understand how she (or others like her) is married.  At all.  And, from what I heard, her husband can be a prick, but still.  I don't get it.

And the thing I've always heard about myself?  "You can be intimidating."  "You're confident, which can be intimidating."  "Your height can be intimidating."  (FYI, I'm not an amazon, but I'm tall)  "You have your sh*t together, which can be intimidating."  "You're so independent, which can be intimidating." 

OMG.  So, I'm being penalized for having my sh*t together?  Are you effing kidding me?  I'm a broken record, but I DON'T GET IT. 

I'm so sorry that I come off as confident, not arrogant.  I'm sorry that I'm tall and can't really change that.  I'm so sorry that I am successful at my job and haven't made a train wreck out of my life.  I'm so sorry that I'm independent. 

Are we to believe that if we have low self esteem and feel the need to build ourselves up in front of others, that we'll look attractive to others?  I don't buy it.     

What is the "something" they're giving off/putting out there?

Have any of my single readers heard this?  You ask the question, "How have they met someone already?"  Or, "How, while they were married/in a relationship, did they meet someone?"  Or, "How have they gone from relationship to relationship, without much single time in between?" 

For me, the almost universal answer has always been some variation of, "Well, they are obviously putting something out there that attracts that."  And it's never said to me in a way that indicates that's what I should be doing.  It's almost always said in a negative way, like those people are giving off something they shouldn't be.  And that what they're doing isn't healthy. 

Now, I totally agree with that.  Because, of the people I know who've recently cheated and found a relationship during/after divorce, almost instantly...I'd say they all are unhealthy. 

But here's my question.  WHAT is it they're giving off?  I mean, how am I not, to some degree, also giving that off?  I don't get it.  It really perplexes me.  To be clear, I technically don't want to be giving that "something" off, but I'd like to know what that looks like, I guess.

And that brings me back to this question.  Why the frick are they being rewarded with a relationship when they are unhealthy and should be working on themselves?  I don't get.  I don't claim to be completely emotionally healthy, none of us are.  But, I've been told by multiple people that I'm a very well adjusted, emotionally healthy person (especially considering the life experiences I've been through).  So, here I am, a fairly healthy (and normal) woman, WANTING to find a mate, but can't.  And here these other people are, NOT healthy and pretty messed up, and they've all found mates/new mates. And...they are seemingly happy.   

I don't get it. 

 

What is the financial benefit to being single?

Well, it's that time of year.  Time to do taxes. 

Typically, I get a small refund from both Federal and State.  And my accountant has always told me that's how it should be, that I'm doing it right.  Yet everyone I know seems to get a gigantic refund.  And yes, they're all married.  Some with kids.  Some without.  What am I doing wrong? 

This year, I'm so lucky.  I get to PAY IN to Federal, for the first time EVER!  Oh, the joy.  I'm getting a small refund back from State.  So, I'm basically breaking even.  And I realize it could be worse.  I could be paying a crapload in and not break even at all. 

But still.  HOW does everyone I know get a big refund?  What the frick?  And I don't know enough about taxes, etc...but I have to think that being married has something to do with it.  And obviously, kids are deductions, so I know for sure they have something to do with it. 

Now, I don't see kids as deductions.  That's not what I'm saying.  I'm just saying that you can claim them as dependents/deductions.  And yes, I realize kids are expensive.  I'm aware. 

Here I am, a pretty hard worker, working 3 jobs...and I don't get a giant refund?  Ugh. 

With the mood I'm in, this just makes me more angry.  It's like I'm being penalized by the country/state for being single and childless.  This seems unfair.

I already support myself on one income, while many of my married friends have TWO incomes to pay the SAME bills I do.  And then additional costs for kids, yes.

Married people love to make comments to single people about their disposable income.  "Oh, you can afford to do that.  You're single."  No, I can't, actually.  I'm paying all of my bills on this one income.  And it's probably less than half of what you and your spouse bring in each year.  I don't have a spouse to discuss/plan finances with.  I'm just winging it.  Cry me a river, married people.  I don't think you're rich.  But I do think you have some financial advantages that I wish I had.       

Along those lines, let's talk about coupons.  I'm not a crazy couponer.  In fact, I rarely use them, unless I have one that came in the mail.  BUT, have you ever noticed that most coupons are "buy one get two free?"  Or something like that?  Yeah.  Cuz if I buy one 8 pack of toilet paper, I'm definitely gonna need two more of those.  Um, NO.  And really, those type of coupons are for food a lot of the time.  Food expires.  So, I can't eat that many of whatever the coupon is for...and therefore I don't get the "deal."  Or pizza coupons..."buy 2 for x amount" or "buy 1 for x (much larger) amount." 

So, you can see why I don't use a lot of coupons.

Alright, I think two bitter posts in one day is enough.  Right?  ;-)

Does anyone "get" what this feels like?

Any of my single readers ever feel like that?  Like you're the only one in your situation, surrounded by couples with kids? 

I've felt that way for a while.  Only now, I've sort of reached a very low point in my "I hate being single/childless" struggle.  And when you feel like that and no one around you is in remotely the same place...it makes you feel even more alone.  Ugh. 

Don't get me wrong, my friends are amazing.  Honestly.  When friends were handed out...I was given the best ones there are.  Seriously.  At any stage in my life, I've met wonderful friends who have been a great support system for me.  (There are always a couple of duds, unfortunately.  But ultimately, I've always felt pretty lucky to have the friends I do.)

BUT...

About 99% of my friends are married.  With kids.  And have been.  For a very long time.  Ya know who's still single?  Oh yeah.  Me.

None of my friends ever make me feel like me being single is weird.  Or that the clock is ticking for me to have kids.  But...when you're surrounded by people who are in a completely opposite situation as you, it makes you feel excluded.  Or, at least, it makes me feel excluded. 

I can't tell you how tired I am of being the 3rd wheel.  Or the 5th wheel.  Or the 7th wheel. 

And my friends invite me to stuff because they enjoy my company and know we'll have fun.  But it's still frustrating to always be the "single" in the group.

Anyway, I think people who aren't in my situation often don't know what to say or do.  Which makes sense.  And I think they honestly believe what they're saying.  But it's never anything I want to hear.

"Maybe you're a blessing to all these other kids in your life..."
"You are enough."
"God has amazing plans for you."
"It won't always be like this."

Those are a few examples.  And honestly, I can't say that I wouldn't say those things to a friend if the situation were reversed.  So, I get it. 

But let's be honest, none of those statements make you feel better.  I'm thrilled that I have so many wonderful kids in my life.  Seriously.  They are fantastic and I love them all.  But they aren't enough to make me be OK with the fact that I don't have any of my own and may never get to.  And, I'm sure that I am, indeed, enough.  But, I'm not satisfied with that.  And if they were single, would they feel the same way?  I'm a believing Christian (with currently wavering faith) and I've always thought God had great plans for me.  And I held onto that for a very long time.  But there comes a point where you think, "Does He?"  And, the same is true for "It won't always be like this."  No one knows that...but it's something to say (I understand).  I've always hoped that it wouldn't always be like this.  And yet, it is.  Ugh. 

And while my friends are a fantastic support system (only a few close friends know how low I feel right now), it's not enough.  Feeling like this and then coming home to an empty house?  Well, that does nothing to boost the spirits.  And no, my family knows nothing, other than I'm sure they know I'd like to be married/have kids.  My mom would freak out.  She worries about everything.  So, I can't talk to her about this stuff.  And my siblings probably wouldn't give a crap, if I'm being honest. 

Anyway, those are my random, rambling thoughts for today.  I know...a real pick-me-up! 

Thank goodness for my single readers who DO "get" what this feels like, to varying degrees, I'm sure!         

PDA. It's gross.

So, I went to a Super Bowl party for work.  Now, I don't care about the Super Bowl.  At all.  And, I really hate going anywhere on a Sunday night.  But...

The party itself was fine, even though people were allowed to bring spouses/significant others, so there were a lot of couples.  I realize the world isn't "out to get me" whenever I'm at a couples party, but still.  It sucks to feel like the loser who STILL doesn't have a significant other...even if no one else is thinking that. 

Most of the couples were fine, but there was one couple whose PDA was just too fricking much.  I mean, seriously.  At one point, I almost started counting the different things were doing...but quickly realized I might not be able to count that high. 

Let me list the PDA I witnessed:

• Grabbing/patting each other's butts
• Kissing on the lips
• Kissing on the cheek
• Sitting in folding chairs next to one another and the girl puts her legs over the guy's
• Arms around each other
• Nuzzling
• Close talking
• Giggling flirtatiously
• Touching

I'd like to tell you that I noticed all of this because I'm a bitter, single, old lady.  But I can't tell you that.  All I can tell you is that behavior would bother me no matter what.

Now, I'm fine with general PDA.  Ya know, the guy maybe gives his gal a quick peck on the cheek or whatever.  Or they both put their arms around each other at some point.  Obviously, that is normal.  And I'd do that with my significant other (if I had one) at a party. 

But, when it's as excessive as the list I wrote above, and constant, I think it's just over the top.  Couples that do this, in my opinion, are trying to prove something.  I'm not sure what...but they want us to know they are deliriously happy and a COUPLE.  I guess, I think, that if you're truly happy/secure in your relationship, you don't need to do all of that, IN PUBLIC.  In your private time?  GO FOR IT. 

And before you say, "Oh, but they've only been dating a couple months...," don't.  This couple has now been dating for at least a year and living together for a bit, too.  So, it's no longer a new thing.

Anyway, that was super annoying to witness and not easy to get away from.  I've asked my married friends about it and they all reacted the same way I did...so at least I know I'm not crazy.  Right?      

Another year older...

Well, I recently celebrated my birthday.  And honestly, it wasn't too great.  The thought of being ANOTHER year older, and nowhere near marriage/kids, is kind of depressing. 

I would love to cowgirl up and get a positive attitude and say "THIS is my year!  THIS is the year it's all going to happen for me!"  But, ya see, I've done that.  Numerous times.  Like, a lot.  So...

It's very difficult to keep a positive attitude when you don't see any change or positive result.  I can honestly say that I had a very positive "can do" attitude in 2012 and for parts of 2013.  I was easy breezy about going out with friends to the bar (which I'm not normally a fan of) and pretty much went on any social invitation that came my way (date or not).  And I wasn't TRYING to meet someone.  I was merely open to being social and whatever that may or may not bring.

You know what it brought?  Nothing.  Not one chance encounter with someone while I was out.  Not one date that came out of someone knowing someone that might be good for me.  Not one exciting date opportunity.  Nothing. 

Now, I'm not saying that gives me permission to be negative 24/7...but one could see why it would be hard to stay positive and hopeful. 

And the other difficult thing, is that everyone else's lives are seemingly moving forward.  Whether it's celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary, another pregnancy, building and moving into a brand new home, going on a couples' trip... 

NONE of those things are going on in my life.  Now, my life isn't completely boring.  I obviously went on some amazing trips last year.  But, I do believe those trips would have been more fun if I'd had a mate with me.  I feel like it's somewhat boring:  living in the same house, same job(s), same hobbies...  I never feel like I have something cool to report.  And I know that my married friends may not look at their stuff the same way I do, but that doesn't change how it feels to be the odd one out.

Even the friends in my life who CHEATED WHILE MARRIED are dating people.  I mean, are you kidding me?  Seriously?  I don't get that at all. 

So, I'm going to do my best to try and get a little positivity going.  I can't make any guarantees, but I will try. 

Here's to 2014 being my year???

People READ this blog? Woot!

Well, this is pretty cool. 

Ya know, you write these blog entries and you sometimes wonder if anyone actually reads them or follows it at all.  Now, lucky for me, I've "met" many of you through your supportive and helpful comments to my posts.  So, I always knew there were a few of you reading. 

But yesterday, I found out that DatingAdvice.com has named me as one of the year's "10 Best Dating Guide Blogs."  Cool! 

The rankings were published yesterday and they'll be promoting it on-site and through other social media.  If you want to see my write-up and the other blogs in the top 10, check out this link:  http://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/10-best-dating-guide-blogs.

Not a bad way to start the new year.  I guess I better step up my game and make sure I'm posting often. 

I will say, I don't know how good my dating advice is on this site, but I do my best to represent the trials and tribulations of a girl living the single life, navigating all the crap we have to go through to find our "prince." 

Thanks to all of YOU for reading and being supportive!  And thanks to DatingAdvice.com, too!