Getting back in the game...

I wouldn't say I actively took myself out of the dating game, but I technically haven't been on a real date in *gasp* a few years?  I'm not necessarily embarrassed or upset by that...but that also means that I shouldn't be surprised I'm not planning a wedding right now. 

I've never been one to do the online dating thing, which I believe I've explained a few times on this blog.  Here, here, and here.

And I know that people rave about online dating and how, "You should really try it...it's great!"  But I just don't agree.  And based on the blogs I read...I'm not too convinced that it works - other than generating dates/meetings (which, I suppose, could be a good thing). 

Recently, a single male friend of mine and I were talking about online dating, and what we think about it.  And the truth is, I just can't wrap my brain around it - even after all these years. 

In real life, when a guy meets me, he doesn't see my "tag line" written on my forehead.  And he certainly doesn't see my "200 word minimum" bio written anywhere on my clothing.  He sees me.  And maybe he approaches me because of my looks or what I'm wearing or my hairstyle.  I don't know.  But, for whatever reason, he approaches me and we might have a conversation.  Now, that conversation could be short and we might instantly realize there's nothing there.  OR, that conversation could be longer and lead to setting up a date or something.

Is this too idealistic of a view to take?  Even in today's world?

I'm fully aware that online dating is THE thing and THE way to go, but have never felt comfortable in that medium.  It seems so abnormal to me and makes me uncomfortable to fill all that information out.  I mean, when I meet someone, I don't instantly know their educational background, how much they make, what industry they're in, and all of their likes/dislikes.  I feel like online dating (while a great tool to hone in on the type of guys you want) also takes some of the natural fun out of dating.  I'm also not keen on the idea of "shopping" for a guy.  Also, online dating can turn into a full time job, keeping up with the winks, messages, etc. 

Not to mention the fact that many online daters LIE about their height, body type, etc.  And they may post an older, more flattering pic, too.  Ugh.  Again, in person, you are what you are...can't hide that! 

All of this to say that I'm not sure where to start, if I want to really make dating a priority this year...as I'm about to get older and even closer to never having babies.

If I'm not into online dating (cheap OR pay sites), then what is my best bet?  I'm a very active and social person, definitely not sitting home alone on the weekends (or weeknights, for that matter).  But, most of my friends are married, so it's not like I have a crew of single ladies that I can go out with.

Any/all advice is welcome!     

Why are all the cute boys young?

So, remember when I posted about my co-worker/friend that people want me to date?  Well, nothing has happened there, which is fine.  I mean, numerous people think we should date - and not just MY friends.  I found out recently that his friends have bugged him about it or made comments to him as well. 

My gut tells me that he is not interested because he sees me as a sister type?  Or that he thinks i'm probably too old (which might be true).  I'm fine if nothing ever happens, because we are really good friends and spend quite a bit of time texting/working/running together.  Side note:  He also has recently been on a few dates with a new girl.

Anyway, my side job recently had their holiday party.  And trust me, other than the above mentioned friend, there are rarely any guys I'd consider dating.  I'm either not attracted, they're too young, or I just don't know them very well. 

So, I didn't really expect to see anyone all that interesting at the party.  Holy.  Crap.  This guy from one of our other locations came in and I about died.  Seriously.  So.  Fricking.  Attractive.  O.  M.  G. 

As picky as people might think I am, I've never really thought about how a guy dresses.  I mean, I expect them to be somewhat put together and not wear pants that are too short, but other than that...not much thought.  Well this guy?  Honestly, he was dressed perfectly.  If I could have picked what my perfect date would wear...it would have been this.  Nice, dark jeans, a button down shirt underneath a v-neck sweater. 

It was all I could do not to attack him.  I totally kept tabs on him at the party and the bars we went to later. 

Anyway, I did manage to introduce myself.  But, there wasn't a ton of contact beyond that.  Once I figured out his last name...I may or may not (don't judge!) have stalked him out on FB.  Based on my calculations...I think he's maybe 25 - at MOST! 

Dang it!  He's one of those guys that could pass for 30.  He doesn't look old or anything, but just looks mature and put together. 

I'm sure he didn't notice me at all, but boy, I noticed him!

The point of this post being - why the frick are all the cute ones so young? 

I guess the silver lining is that I still find guys attractive.  Sometimes, when I either haven't met any or have had numerous bad experiences, it's nice to be reminded that I'm capable of having the hots for a guy! 
 

Stupid things people/relatives say...

So, I'm home with family, celebrating our Christmas.  And a few of us were at my niece's bball tourney.  I'm sitting next to my brother and yawning, often.  Literally, I could NOT stop yawning.  So finally, I say, "Oh wow, I am SO tired.  Can't believe how tired I am."  My brother, who has two kids, sort of laughs at that.  He then says, "People with kids hate it when people without kids say they're tired...cuz you don't even know." 

People have made comments like this to me before...and it ticks me off every time.  It was all I could do to not explode on my brother.  Let me break down the things wrong with a statement like this.

#1)  My brother KNOWS I'd like to be married and have children of my own.  So, how about we don't make an insensitive remark about something I don't have, mmmkay? 

#2)  I'm fully aware that kids are exhausting.  I'm aware that parents, of young children, in particular, don't get much sleep.  I don't need this pointed out to me, just because I don't have kids of my own.

#3)  Hmm, is it NOT possible that I could be tired, too?  I mean, is that not within the realm of possibility?  I don't understand.  Am I not capable of being AS tired as he might be? 

#4)  I work full time, plus a part-time job, plus another side gig, plus maintain a home, car, social life, family, exercise, etc. - BY MYSELF, with ZERO help.  I guess I think I'm entitled to be a little tired?

I'm not claiming that I'm more tired than someone with kids, but I also know that some of my friends who are parents say I'm much busier than they are.  And from watching my other brother spend most of the time we were home LAYING on the floor, nearly sleeping, I feel like he seems to get more rest than I do.

Have any of you experienced a comment like this? Do you share my frustration with it?

Happy New Year!

Whoa...I haven't posted anything since the beginning of November?  How did that happen? 

I guess November and December were pretty busy...but I didn't have anything too exciting to report.  Anyway, I can't believe 2012 is over and 2013 is here? 

I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and are ready for a new year! 

My Christmas was fine, nothing too exciting.  I always take time off from work through the end of the year, which is nice.  Unfortunately, this year, I managed to somehow be busy for most of that, so it wasn't remotely relaxing.  I envisioned days of sleeping in until 10, lazing around the house, eating crap while watching something dumb on TV.  None of that really happened.  Oh well. 

I did get to see family, which was nice.  But, being single sucks a touch more around the holidays.  Since we celebrate Christmas AFTER Christmas, that means I'm home...alone...on Christmas Day.  I just think that sucks.  It's no one's fault, but it still sucks to sit there, alone, knowing others are with family, opening presents, enjoying the day.  I did better this year than last, but still. 

It's also a let down as far as presents go.  And before you say it - I'm FULLY aware that Christmas is not only about presents.  You know who SAYS stuff like that?  People who have always and still do get awesomely amazing presents EVERY year.  I guarantee if they experienced one of my Christmases...they'd change their tune. 

I, a single woman, spend a significant amount on my nieces and nephews (not to mention stuff I buy/do during the year).  And no, I am not saying I do/buy those things in order to get something in return.  However, I do think their parents could somehow acknowledge the stuff I do by giving me a nice gift or whatever.  As it turns out...each set of parents spent about $25 on me.  Mind you, I spent $35 A PIECE on their kids.  So...I guess I think they could have done more.  I'm not super angry or anything, but it does irritate me.

I think I will be spending/doing less, going forward.  That doesn't mean I won't continue the good relationship I have with the kids, but I'm just not going to spend as much.  It doesn't seem to be appreciated and I'm not rich.   

One of my best friends did give me some cool stuff - a book gift certificate to Amazon AND a heated throw blanket.  It is divine!  So, I was definitely given some nice gifts by others, which is great.

I was ready to be home and have at least one day of rest/lazy, which I did.  Now, I'm back at work and getting into the swing of 2013!

PS  I'm 99% sure I consumed 78,000 calories of sweet, sugary treats over the holiday.  Ugh.  I'm too scared to get on the scale.  The one redeeming thing is that I got some decent workouts in...but not nearly enough to compensate for what I ate! 

Politics & Facebook don't mix...

Don't worry, I'm not going to post anything about my political beliefs here.  I also don't post anything political to Facebook.  Nor do I generally "like" anything political (ads or statuses) on Facebook.  And the story I'm about to tell is exactly why.

My brother posted a status the other day.  It was completely harmless with no agenda whatsoever.  The basic point was that we should respect whoever is IN office, no matter what party we associate with.  And that he was sick of all the FB posts.  That's it.

I will admit that I "liked" the status, as did several other people.  I didn't notice, though, that several people also decided to comment on the status.  Oh, and boy did they comment!

My mom called me the other day, asking if I'd seen all the comments.  I had not.  Anyway, she was quite upset by something another relative (Dad's side of the family) said in the comments.  To be fair, what he said was completely straight out of crazy town.  But still.  So then she went on and on about how much she can't stand that family and how she's so glad she's not a part of that family and blah blah blah.

I told her I'd have to go and check out the comments and that it did sound like this relative's comment was out of line or whatever.  And then I said, "Can you please think about what you're saying when you say 'I am so glad not to be a part of that family and I can't stand them'?  Because I am a part of that family.  I have the same last name."  She instantly tried to hang up on me.  I stopped her and said, "You don't get to call and express your opinion/feelings on something and then hang up on me when I try to share mine."

Anyway, the end result was her hanging up on me.  Awesome.  And I wasn't disagreeing with her at all.  I was simply asking that she not be disrespectful of my family.  Hey, if she wants to call her best friend and rant about how horrible my family is...she can go ahead.  But, in my opinion, she should NOT be sharing those feelings with me or my siblings.  It's wrong and I'm at a point where I just won't allow it.  While I disagree with that relative's comment, I also know them to be a good person.  And, they are my FAMILY.  

So, thank you, politics and FB, for making things awkward.

"Being single sucks"

So...my friends who are potentially getting a divorce are still trying to figure that all out.  I was talking to the husband the other night.  He moved into his own apartment a few months back, until they make a decision.

He's struggling with the "single" life and sometimes I just want to SHOUT at him.  Granted, he dated her in college and got married right out of college, and is now in his 30s.  But still...

I guess it's just that he's constantly complaining about being single.  And how hard it is.  And how he doesn't have social plans.  Or, he is at the bars every night and doesn't want to be.  Or, he keeps hanging out with some of his married friends and knows he can't do that all the time.

Um, HELLO???

I know I need to have some sympathy, but it's becoming more difficult.  Seriously, man, figure this shit out.  It's just NOT that hard.

Recently, he complained about being at the bar late on a week night.  And I asked him if he ever just stays in for the night.  Ya know, read a book, watch TV, or just BE.  He said he sometimes does that, but doesn't like it.  And then he says, "Being single sucks."

Yep, he, who has been married for a number of years, says to me, who has been single for a number of years, "Being single sucks."

Thanks.

I'm not saying I've never had that thought, or that I can't empathize.  But, dear God, he's been "single" (not really, since, technically he's still married) for about 8 months.  I've been single for a lot longer.  If he's struggling at 8 months, I have concerns.

Moreover, being single does NOT suck all the time.  YOU have to make your life the best it can be - regardless of the circumstances.  Honestly, of course I wish I were in a relationship right now, or already married and having kids.  But, I'm not.

This year has been truly fantastic, and I don't think I've spent much of it lamenting my single status.  Ya know why?  I've made the EFFORT to have fun, make plans, enjoy my solo time, and just be happy.  I'm not walking around complaining all the time.

If you can't just be by yourself in your apartment, I think that's a little weird.  Who needs to be out every night of the week?  Am I missing something?  Most nights for me include a workout after work, maybe an errand, working at one of my side jobs, dinner with a friend, or going home to eat dinner and watch a little TV.  Sometimes I have actual stuff like laundry or dishes to do.  I don't think this makes me pathetic.  It's called life.  My married friends are likely doing similar things during the week.

I guess I just find it interesting that for all the advice that's constantly pushed on me about what I should do (regarding my single status), that I have to listen to complaints from someone who isn't technically even single yet.

End rant.

Such the dilemma...

A friend and I were recently emailing about my single status, and she informed me she might have some potential set-ups for me.

Unfortunately, these men are all divorced...with kids.

Before you get all worked up into a tizzy, I've discussed this issue before.  Why not discuss it again, eh?  

Let's go back to when I was less cynical, younger, and actually thought I'd be married in my early 20s.  Oh, those were the days...

Back then, it never even occurred to me that I would marry someone who had already been married before. It definitely never occurred to me that I could marry someone with children.  I mean, seriously?

Those were the idealistic days where I thought I'd meet my future husband while at college.  And we'd date there...have tons of fun...and later marry, after graduation.  I'm sure a white picket fence was somewhere in our future as well.

OK, back to reality!

Over the years, I've had to relax a bit on my expectations of the person I will marry.

Exhibit A:  Divorce no longer bothers me.  Sometimes, marriages don't work out.  Now, if the issue is that he was a big cheater face...then I'm not remotely interested.  Sorry.  Oh yeah, if you've been divorced more than once, I'm probably out.  I come from a parent with multiple marriages/divorces, no thank you.  

It was a BIG deal for me to come to terms with this possibility.  Yeah, I still may marry someone who also hasn't been married before, but I'm also allowing myself the possibility that the man I marry may have a divorce under his belt.  And that's ok.

Now, being a tall girl, I really haven't relaxed too much on the height thing.  You can call it silly or whatever, but it's just way too big a pill for me to swallow.  I am just not attracted to a guy who is short or visibly shorter than I am.  I might add, there are likely many men who aren't attracted to me, because of my height.  I get it.  I'm fine with that.

Now, the reason for this post.  Potential set-ups who already have children.  Ugh.

Let me say that I absolutely LOVE children.  I love being an aunt and my friends' kids and I are best buds.  And I really want to have kids of my own someday.

There is NOTHING wrong with being a single parent.  Or with already having kids and trying to navigate the dating world.  I can't imagine how tough that would be.  

My issue is that I just don't have a desire to be a stepmother or be in a blended family.  As I've said before, I have had stepmothers, and...ICK.  I know full well that I'd be a great stepmother to my spouse's children, but again, I just don't want to be in that position.  I don't want to deal with the ex-wife/mother (whether it's a good relationship or not).

Growing up with a broken family/home was not ideal.  While I've gotten over that, so to speak, it's still not what I want for MY family.  I just want my husband and I to create our own family.

So, I thanked my friend for her thoughtfulness and politely asked if I could have some time to consider it (while conveying that it's not likely I'm up for the set-up).  She is awesome and handled it fine.  Love her!

Anyway, this recent conversation just reminds me that I'm not quite ready to give up on creating my own family someday.  And I don't think I should have to.